Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[anthrodisiac]

Got a question for y'all.

One of my autistic MCs, lets call her Lizzy, has been staying with a friend, who told her something in confidence. Lizzy has let slip what she was told and now her friend has been challenged with the information and is understandably angry. She returns home that evening, confronts Lizzy, telling her how angry she is.
Lizzy is horrified and feels intensely guilty, later sneaking out of the house to find someplace else to stay.

Okay... here's the question, which is a general one. Is it plausible that Lizzy would feel so guilty that she would vomit, once she'd got away from the house?

I'm using this scenario in a story. Comments please

Absolutely plausible. Everyone has different reactions and vomit thresholds. People can, and do, vomit from intense anxiety or distress. They don't have to be on the spectrum. When people are in emotional shock, such as sudden trauma, grief, loss, it can trigger nausea and vomiting.

Now, if we're looking at it from a purely spectrum-plausibility lens, the level of likelihood will depends on what kind of neurospicy (never not using this term now, kudos to @PennyThompson ) she is. Which part of the spectrum, how's her emotional regulation? I could see it potentially happening if she perseverates on it and then catastrophizes so much that she disregulates, her anxiety skyrockets, and she pukes.

Better question: Does it serve the story better for her to vomit or not? It could be a good, non-explicit indicator of just how bad she feels and how much she's catastrophizing. Keep in mind that if you do it here, you'll need to watch out for other places in the story/series where she might feel the same level of guilt/anxiety and you would likely either need to have her vomit then, too, or come close to it. Or, and this is a good growth/learning angle, she feels it coming on but has learned techniques to better manage her emotional reactions.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I was sitting in the empathy bath up to my neck and couldn't be objective.

You missed a couple empathy bubbles, just behind your ear . No, no, your other ear.

 

[stickygirl]

Absolutely plausible. Everyone has different reactions and vomit thresholds. People can, and do, vomit from intense anxiety or distress. They don't have to be on the spectrum. When people are in emotional shock, such as sudden trauma, grief, loss, it can trigger nausea and vomiting.

Now, if we're looking at it from a purely spectrum-plausibility lens, the level of likelihood will depends on what kind of neurospicy (never not using this term now, kudos to @PennyThompson ) she is. Which part of the spectrum, how's her emotional regulation? I could see it potentially happening if she perseverates on it and then catastrophizes so much that she disregulates, her anxiety skyrockets, and she pukes.

Better question: Does it serve the story better for her to vomit or not? It could be a good, non-explicit indicator of just how bad she feels and how much she's catastrophizing. Keep in mind that if you do it here, you'll need to watch out for other places in the story/series where she might feel the same level of guilt/anxiety and you would likely either need to have her vomit then, too, or come close to it. Or, and this is a good growth/learning angle, she feels it coming on but has learned techniques to better manage her emotional reactions.

Good points regarding the character's 'consistency' and I was thinking about it last night on the pillow... There are other twists in the story that mean it would be easier if her reaction was not so extreme. Nevertheless her sense of guilt will be understood by the reader as much as it is my the writer! Cheers me dear
ETA
I had a couple of plot ideas I mapped out weeks ago, but the story has gone off on a slightly different tack. My mistake was not recognising that, so yesterday I was trying to stitch together two different plans that no longer fitted. It'll give me plenty to think about at work today

And now we can return viewers to our normal programs of helping other auties ( not telling Sticks how to write her story!! )

 

[PMarky2]

Good, thanks. In my own experience in such a situation, I've felt nauseous, but never actually vomited. I just wondered if it was a 'thing'. I think her initial reaction will be brain fog: functioning on auto to run away, but be unable to think straight until she's calmed down a bit.
Oh yes - she is going to have some circular thoughts over this!
I was sitting in the empathy bath up to my neck and couldn't be objective.

I am in the same boat - feeling nauseous when upset/tense is something that happens to me, but I cannot say I have ever vomited in such a situation. On the other hand, the doom loop of over analysis awaits....

 

[stickygirl]

This made me happy

 

[anthrodisiac]

Does anybody drink really cold water? I've read it helps calm the parasympathetic nervous system (specifically cold substances against the roof of the mouth), and I know I feel less tense/anxious after I let the cold water sit in my mouth for a bit. Not sure if anyone else knows about/does this, but it's a nice, cheap, easy hack to take the edge of.

 

[Strixaluco]

Does anybody drink really cold water? I've read it helps calm the parasympathetic nervous system (specifically cold substances against the roof of the mouth), and I know I feel less tense/anxious after I let the cold water sit in my mouth for a bit. Not sure if anyone else knows about/does this, but it's a nice, cheap, easy hack to take the edge of.

Can't do it with drinking, my asthma would not appreciate it, but splashing cold water on your face is a classic trick for balancing the vagus nerve, and I can do that.

 

[stickygirl]

Forgive me if I've mentioned this before - I did search first!

We have pigeons on ( not in!! ) our roof and their cooing drives me nuts. My hearing is very good and it doesn't have an off-switch, so if I'm working at home I can't ignore the noise. I've tried noise cancelling headphones, but the best ones ( Bose ) are good but clunky - as someone sensitive to "stuff" , who wants a mechanical aid? For Xmas I bought airpods, but take it from me, their noise cancelling score compared to over-earphones is crap.

So my solution is a background sound of waves breaking on a shore on a loop. My bf isn't bothered by it and it's such a lovely noise to set a calm mood to. There are a few around but test them first. The one I use is called Ocean Waves: Sea Sound Sleeping from 2017 and is oh, 1h 32mins! There are no seagulls or other noises ( I wouldn't mind the occasional bird call )

 

[PMarky2]

Can't do it with drinking, my asthma would not appreciate it, but splashing cold water on your face is a classic trick for balancing the vagus nerve, and I can do that.

Yes, splashing cold water on my face is one I do when I need to reset in a hurry. Not this week though! Drinking really cold water would also work for me, but there is rarely any in the fridge except in the middle of summer. Our fridge is an ancient appliance that keeps on ticking so not cold water/ice thingy to go wrong.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yes, splashing cold water on my face is one I do when I need to reset in a hurry. Not this week though! Drinking really cold water would also work for me, but there is rarely any in the fridge except in the middle of summer. Our fridge is an ancient appliance that keeps on ticking so not cold water/ice thingy to go wrong.

I actually did it just this week. It's warm indoors after all.

And actually, now that it seems like the downstairs neighbours have maybe gone to bar to be noisy, I could try a reset and enjoy the silence.

 

[Noor]

Forgive me if I've mentioned this before - I did search first!

We have pigeons on ( not in!! ) our roof and their cooing drives me nuts. My hearing is very good and it doesn't have an off-switch, so if I'm working at home I can't ignore the noise. I've tried noise cancelling headphones, but the best ones ( Bose ) are good but clunky - as someone sensitive to "stuff" , who wants a mechanical aid? For Xmas I bought airpods, but take it from me, their noise cancelling score compared to over-earphones is crap.

So my solution is a background sound of waves breaking on a shore on a loop. My bf isn't bothered by it and it's such a lovely noise to set a calm mood to. There are a few around but test them first. The one I use is called Ocean Waves: Sea Sound Sleeping from 2017 and is oh, 1h 32mins! There are no seagulls or other noises ( I wouldn't mind the occasional bird call )

I use loop ear plugs and Breethe

 

[Strixaluco]

I use loop ear plugs and Breethe

Using ear plugs for 6h in a row is just too much for my ears. Especially on a day when I'm exhausted.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Yes, splashing cold water on my face is one I do when I need to reset in a hurry. Not this week though! Drinking really cold water would also work for me, but there is rarely any in the fridge except in the middle of summer. Our fridge is an ancient appliance that keeps on ticking so not cold water/ice thingy to go wrong.

I definitely miss having actual ice cubes. My freezer is super tiny, so no room for ice cube trays. I have a Brita filter, so I put tap water in that and stick it in the fridge. Also, I take as much ice as humanly possible home with me from work in my water bottle. Usually lasts me until I go back to work the next day.

Also, I absolutely splash cold water on my face frequently. I like having my face be a bit chilly since I naturally run hot. It's very refreshing. I hadn't considered that maybe it also helps with stress.

 

[stickygirl]

Hmm not cold water on my face, but in hot weather ( remember that? ) I find running cold water over my wrists reduces the feeling of being over-hot.

 

[Noor]

Using ear plugs for 6h in a row is just too much for my ears. Especially on a day when I'm exhausted.

I find it depends on what kind of earplugs I use. Loops have different sizes and are super comfortable, I can wear them all day and night if need be.

 

[stickygirl]

I find it depends on what kind of earplugs I use. Loops have different sizes and are super comfortable, I can wear them all day and night if need be.

Can you post a link? I've heard of a few but ...

 

[Noor]

Can you post a link? I've heard of a few but ...

Loop ear plugs

I have a couple kinds and carry them on me.

 

[Strixaluco]

I find it depends on what kind of earplugs I use. Loops have different sizes and are super comfortable, I can wear them all day and night if need be.

My ears get itchy from the contact over time, no matter how well they fit. Loops are no different in that sense, despite offering tips that are small enough for me.

 

[Noor]

My ears get itchy from the contact over time, no matter how well they fit. Loops are no different in that sense, despite offering tips that are small enough for me.

If I get them in right I can feel them. I have to wash them everyday though.

 

[PMarky2]

The headphones thing is a bit of a challenge for me, as I hate anything in or covering my ears. The nuisance at home are the many things that peep, squeak, and burble, to which a new addition is the wife's pendulum watch which helps control her ET. It makes a noise like a duck with a sore throat constantly, which I can tune out, but it is another noise I have to ignore/edit out.

 

[stickygirl]

Spends a couple of hours chatting with old friends...
then spends a week trying to recall if I caused offence or spoke too much

 

[PMarky2]

Spends a couple of hours chatting with old friends...
then spends a week trying to recall if I caused offence or spoke too much

Yep, I can relate to that. It is less of a problem with my ND friends, but it is still there.

 

[LegendInMyOwnMind]

My second son (deceased at 9) had a congenital brain defect discovered on autopsy, which led to him being diagnosed as autistic during his life. Behaviorally, he presented as mostly non-verbal, low fuctioning autistic.

Yet he could read people to a degree that would be above average for neurotypicals. I can't count how often he knew I needed a hug before I knew it myself.
And not only me, his mom of course, but once even a drunk sitting on a bench in front of a mall. He sat down next to the man and hugged him before his mom and I could intervene. The man cried rivers. He had not received simple affection for years beyond count.

It was then I knew, as a lifelong Protestant, that I had fathered a saint.I still cry for him at night sometimes. Though he's been gone since 2010.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yet he could read people to a degree that would be above average for neurotypicals.

Some autistic people are exceptionally sensitive to other people's emotions. Which can also be very uncomfortable, as it also applies to negative emotions.

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[stickygirl]

My second son (deceased at 9) had a congenital brain defect discovered on autopsy, which led to him being diagnosed as autistic during his life. Behaviorally, he presented as mostly non-verbal, low fuctioning autistic.

Yet he could read people to a degree that would be above average for neurotypicals. I can't count how often he knew I needed a hug before I knew it myself.
And not only me, his mom of course, but once even a drunk sitting on a bench in front of a mall. He sat down next to the man and hugged him before his mom and I could intervene. The man cried rivers. He had not received simple affection for years beyond count.

It was then I knew, as a lifelong Protestant, that I had fathered a saint.I still cry for him at night sometimes. Though he's been gone since 2010.

I sometimes want to hug strangers but we're taught we shouldn't. I guess your son was beautifully unrestrained in that respect. Yes, perhaps a saint and certainly a gift. Thanks for sharing