Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[anthrodisiac]

At least when you realize you screwed up, your NT translation software is working. To me, it's always so much worse when I just can't understand for the life of me how something bothered somebody. It happens a lot less nowadays than it did before I really started to make a concerted effort to deconstruct and learn how to speak fluent Ent, but it still crops up every once in a while and it's so frustrating. It really shows how stark a difference in brains there can be between ND and Ent, especially when all the Ents agree that what you did was really rude.

Last year, my mom was going on and on about the Telepathy Tapes (dumb thing where low-functioning auts can apparently read minds; just utter horseshit), and I told her that I found it offensive and that the "science" behind it was incredibly flawed. You think that, lived experience, having been my brother's occupational therapist when I was just a kid, taking care of low-functioning auts for other people, all that, that she'd value my opinion, given she isn't on the spectrum. No, she sat on it for a month then told me how disrespectful it was to say that in front of other people, that it made her feel stupid and that I was being close-minded. Not that I butted in or interrupted, but that I came in "hot." She didn't see how it felt offensive for me, that same "auts are superhuman" argument that others us more and makes us some freaky magical creatures rather than human. All the Ents in my family agreed that it was rude, but my ND brother didn't understand why it was a big deal, either. He didn't necessarily agree that it was offensive, but he didn't see why it was rude.

Still don't get how that's rude to point out the flaws in the "science," given that I actually knew something about the tapes, having listened to a couple rebuttals from actual scientists, not the pseudo-science people that made the podcast she was raving about. I even sent her the link to one of the podcasts where they very thoughtfully went over what was wrong about it, which she never listened to.

Ents, man

 

[Strixaluco]

To me, it's always so much worse when I just can't understand for the life of me how something bothered somebody.

The example you told... Why they can't comprehend how offensive it is is beyond me.

I have this in other ways usually - ending up in an argument without understanding how it happened. Knowing they get me wrong but can't understand why. These days my main way of avoiding this are avoiding more NT type of circles and seriously limiting social contact when getting exhausted.

 

[env789]

Still don't get how that's rude to point out the flaws in the "science," given that I actually knew something about the tapes, having listened to a couple rebuttals from actual scientists, not the pseudo-science people that made the podcast she was raving about. I even sent her the link to one of the podcasts where they very thoughtfully went over what was wrong about it, which she never listened to.

Ents, man

Yeah, that Telepathy Tapes stuff was some ableist horseshit. It was a neat little curiosity until the autism angle came up. I don't think people grasp how minimizing it is to be told the thing that makes daily life a social, emotional, and cognitive tightrope walk is "actually a superpower." They can't really understand, I know they have no frame of reference on account of the literal brain differences and all, but it's still so galling. And then you call them out, and magically somehow you're the asshole for challenging their unconscious biases. About YOUR OWN condition.

Indeed, man. Big

 

[PMarky2]

Autism is not a superpower, but it is a different way of perceiving the world. Sometimes being different can be useful; sometimes not. The superpower thing ignores how bloody difficult it can make things - especially when one has put one's foot in it past your armpit with a Normie, especially a Normie you care about. If I screw up with another ND, we usually get past it with the rough equivalent of "sorry - I goofed; none of us are normal!" No such luck with the Normies.

As I get older, and further up the occupational food chain, I am getting more and more inclined to deal with Normies on my own terms. The fact that my autism is often taken for just being "donnish" is no problem given that I am an academic, it allows me to engage with Normies on my own terms, and in situations where neither side will excessively annoy the other. If I need to unwind I tend to seek out other NDs - that way, I do not have explain - they get it. On the other hand, there are times when I just need to retreat into myself. I was diagnosed not quite a year ago, and I am still trying to get a handle on it in some ways. The real shocker is just how pervasive Autism and ADHD is in terms of how I function. It influences most things about me, including my sexuality. My deepest relationships tend to be with other NDs, but they may not be sexual in the conventional sense.

Still working on a lot of this stuff...

 

[stickygirl]

Urgh, yeah - superpowers
There are so many examples in recent history where NTs have mass-deluded themselves, hearing only what they want to hear. So that example you cited @anthrodisiac doesn't surprise me at all. The reason it hurts so much is that it is your family and since shooting them is illegal, you just have to deal with it. Maybe view it from above, objectively? I have an uncle who will go to his grave convinced that I will detransition one day - he will persist in keeping in touch with me and I'm too polite to do the right thing and tell him to FR off.

 

[Strixaluco]

If I screw up with another ND, we usually get past it with the rough equivalent of "sorry - I goofed; none of us are normal!" No such luck with the Normies.

Oh many NDs can be unforgiving. I've definitely lost friends over the decades.

But NTs are the ones fading out or disappearing and me wondering what even happened, because nothing seemed to happen.

 

[PMarky2]

Oh many NDs can be unforgiving. I've definitely lost friends over the decades.

But NTs are the ones fading out or disappearing and me wondering what even happened, because nothing seemed to happen.

I must have just been lucky with the NDs I have known well. Mind you, other NDs tend to be either my ride or die buddies, or on the periphery but well-regarded because our interests do not mesh.

Yeah - NTs do mysteriously fade. I think in part that is because I don't really do small talk, and they are alert to the weird in a different way to other NDs. However, I do remember reading somewhere that friendships that last more than seven years are the exception rather than the norm.

 

[PMarky2]

I hope today is better, as I was pretty close to screaming. "I am a person, not a diagnosis!" at my wife yesterday. It was a 'you do not realize how hard it is to live with an Aspie' day. Then I got a load for expressing sympathy because I did it Aspie style by saying, "yeah, I know how you feel, I have the same problem with x," which apparently constitutes "making it all about me."

On the other hand, I think I may well be in for load of shit today because I put my foot down with her about getting to bed last night because I needed to be up before 7:00am this morning, and do not function on less than six hours sleep. Last week she was giving me a load about being late for bed!

F***ing Normies!