Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[anthrodisiac]

At least when you realize you screwed up, your NT translation software is working. To me, it's always so much worse when I just can't understand for the life of me how something bothered somebody. It happens a lot less nowadays than it did before I really started to make a concerted effort to deconstruct and learn how to speak fluent Ent, but it still crops up every once in a while and it's so frustrating. It really shows how stark a difference in brains there can be between ND and Ent, especially when all the Ents agree that what you did was really rude.

Last year, my mom was going on and on about the Telepathy Tapes (dumb thing where low-functioning auts can apparently read minds; just utter horseshit), and I told her that I found it offensive and that the "science" behind it was incredibly flawed. You think that, lived experience, having been my brother's occupational therapist when I was just a kid, taking care of low-functioning auts for other people, all that, that she'd value my opinion, given she isn't on the spectrum. No, she sat on it for a month then told me how disrespectful it was to say that in front of other people, that it made her feel stupid and that I was being close-minded. Not that I butted in or interrupted, but that I came in "hot." She didn't see how it felt offensive for me, that same "auts are superhuman" argument that others us more and makes us some freaky magical creatures rather than human. All the Ents in my family agreed that it was rude, but my ND brother didn't understand why it was a big deal, either. He didn't necessarily agree that it was offensive, but he didn't see why it was rude.

Still don't get how that's rude to point out the flaws in the "science," given that I actually knew something about the tapes, having listened to a couple rebuttals from actual scientists, not the pseudo-science people that made the podcast she was raving about. I even sent her the link to one of the podcasts where they very thoughtfully went over what was wrong about it, which she never listened to.

Ents, man

 

[Strixaluco]

To me, it's always so much worse when I just can't understand for the life of me how something bothered somebody.

The example you told... Why they can't comprehend how offensive it is is beyond me.

I have this in other ways usually - ending up in an argument without understanding how it happened. Knowing they get me wrong but can't understand why. These days my main way of avoiding this are avoiding more NT type of circles and seriously limiting social contact when getting exhausted.

 

[env789]

Still don't get how that's rude to point out the flaws in the "science," given that I actually knew something about the tapes, having listened to a couple rebuttals from actual scientists, not the pseudo-science people that made the podcast she was raving about. I even sent her the link to one of the podcasts where they very thoughtfully went over what was wrong about it, which she never listened to.

Ents, man

Yeah, that Telepathy Tapes stuff was some ableist horseshit. It was a neat little curiosity until the autism angle came up. I don't think people grasp how minimizing it is to be told the thing that makes daily life a social, emotional, and cognitive tightrope walk is "actually a superpower." They can't really understand, I know they have no frame of reference on account of the literal brain differences and all, but it's still so galling. And then you call them out, and magically somehow you're the asshole for challenging their unconscious biases. About YOUR OWN condition.

Indeed, man. Big

 

[PMarky2]

Autism is not a superpower, but it is a different way of perceiving the world. Sometimes being different can be useful; sometimes not. The superpower thing ignores how bloody difficult it can make things - especially when one has put one's foot in it past your armpit with a Normie, especially a Normie you care about. If I screw up with another ND, we usually get past it with the rough equivalent of "sorry - I goofed; none of us are normal!" No such luck with the Normies.

As I get older, and further up the occupational food chain, I am getting more and more inclined to deal with Normies on my own terms. The fact that my autism is often taken for just being "donnish" is no problem given that I am an academic, it allows me to engage with Normies on my own terms, and in situations where neither side will excessively annoy the other. If I need to unwind I tend to seek out other NDs - that way, I do not have explain - they get it. On the other hand, there are times when I just need to retreat into myself. I was diagnosed not quite a year ago, and I am still trying to get a handle on it in some ways. The real shocker is just how pervasive Autism and ADHD is in terms of how I function. It influences most things about me, including my sexuality. My deepest relationships tend to be with other NDs, but they may not be sexual in the conventional sense.

Still working on a lot of this stuff...

 

[stickygirl]

Urgh, yeah - superpowers
There are so many examples in recent history where NTs have mass-deluded themselves, hearing only what they want to hear. So that example you cited @anthrodisiac doesn't surprise me at all. The reason it hurts so much is that it is your family and since shooting them is illegal, you just have to deal with it. Maybe view it from above, objectively? I have an uncle who will go to his grave convinced that I will detransition one day - he will persist in keeping in touch with me and I'm too polite to do the right thing and tell him to FR off.

 

[Strixaluco]

If I screw up with another ND, we usually get past it with the rough equivalent of "sorry - I goofed; none of us are normal!" No such luck with the Normies.

Oh many NDs can be unforgiving. I've definitely lost friends over the decades.

But NTs are the ones fading out or disappearing and me wondering what even happened, because nothing seemed to happen.

 

[PMarky2]

Oh many NDs can be unforgiving. I've definitely lost friends over the decades.

But NTs are the ones fading out or disappearing and me wondering what even happened, because nothing seemed to happen.

I must have just been lucky with the NDs I have known well. Mind you, other NDs tend to be either my ride or die buddies, or on the periphery but well-regarded because our interests do not mesh.

Yeah - NTs do mysteriously fade. I think in part that is because I don't really do small talk, and they are alert to the weird in a different way to other NDs. However, I do remember reading somewhere that friendships that last more than seven years are the exception rather than the norm.

 

[PMarky2]

I hope today is better, as I was pretty close to screaming. "I am a person, not a diagnosis!" at my wife yesterday. It was a 'you do not realize how hard it is to live with an Aspie' day. Then I got a load for expressing sympathy because I did it Aspie style by saying, "yeah, I know how you feel, I have the same problem with x," which apparently constitutes "making it all about me."

On the other hand, I think I may well be in for load of shit today because I put my foot down with her about getting to bed last night because I needed to be up before 7:00am this morning, and do not function on less than six hours sleep. Last week she was giving me a load about being late for bed!

F***ing Normies!

 

[stickygirl]

It's a pity that some autistic people are such narrow-minded fuckwits, incapable of objective thought.
Sorry guys - just had an interaction elsewhere with a guy disagreeing that 'woman' is a social construct "lol" I quoted him a WHO statement "lols rofl"
I like being proved wrong, because it means I can improve myself. But some folks, asd or otherwise, just gotta hate

 

[env789]

It's a pity that some autistic people are such narrow-minded fuckwits, incapable of objective thought.
Sorry guys - just had an interaction elsewhere with a guy disagreeing that 'woman' is a social construct "lol" I quoted him a WHO statement "lols rofl"
I like being proved wrong, because it means I can improve myself. But some folks, asd or otherwise, just gotta hate

Unfortunately we're still human, so we're going to have doorknobs in our number roughly on par with population levels.

I feel you, though. I really hate it when I run into someone in any of the minority groups to which I belong who is absolutely insufferable. Like my guy, you're fucking things up for all of us with your bullshit.

 

[PMarky2]

Note to self: jetlag, tiredness, and ADHD-PI are not a good combination when trying not to lose things. So far this weekend I am down a hat ( a favourite one, too) and a walking stick (not mine, which makes it worse.) Therefore, I have found out how to fill in the bus company's lost property form - which wasn't too awful. Let's see if I can get through today without any further disasters.

I am also getting over socialized, which is knackering.

 

[liliput1]

Note to self: jetlag, tiredness, and ADHD-PI are not a good combination when trying not to lose things. So far this weekend I am down a hat ( a favourite one, too) and a walking stick (not mine, which makes it worse.) Therefore, I have found out how to fill in the bus company's lost property form - which wasn't too awful. Let's see if I can get through today without any further disasters.

I am also getting over socialized, which is knackering.

I got pretty good at making myself bribes to do hard things for a while but unfortunately most of them were food related and I need to not be food-motivated anymore.

 

[stickygirl]

I got pretty good at making myself bribes to do hard things for a while but unfortunately most of them were food related and I need to not be food-motivated anymore.

I get ice cream for having a tough day at work.

I doubt I'm ADHD because I'm pretty good at doing things - hell, I even had a shower and did my legs this morning!! There's a Temple Grandin lecture where she bangs on about discipline and how autie kids need to be taught boundaries. My mother was like that. I know she loves me, but she never took any shit from me and the washing up would stay in the sink if it was my turn. Weird thing is, I like washing up now and I think about her when I'm doing it.... but then other people are really bad at washing up, so I'd rather make sure I do it.

Dunno if you can be both ADHD and OCD - it sounds like a recipe for self destruct. If I feel an urge to tidy other people's mess I guess that makes me something.

 

[liliput1]

I get ice cream for having a tough day at work.

I doubt I'm ADHD because I'm pretty good at doing things - hell, I even had a shower and did my legs this morning!! There's a Temple Grandin lecture where she bangs on about discipline and how autie kids need to be taught boundaries. My mother was like that. I know she loves me, but she never took any shit from me and the washing up would stay in the sink if it was my turn. Weird thing is, I like washing up now and I think about her when I'm doing it.... but then other people are really bad at washing up, so I'd rather make sure I do it.

Dunno if you can be both ADHD and OCD - it sounds like a recipe for self destruct. If I feel an urge to tidy other people's mess I guess that makes me something.

I have a lot of my shit on lockdown at work. I have a lot of rules that some see as a bit OCD but when an emergency happens everyone sees the method instead of the madness.

People dealing with a work emergency on too little sleep or in the middle of a deadline, their brains are working a lot like an ADHD brain. The difference between a good day and a terrible one is narrower for us, IME. Anything we put in place to deal with our bad days helps others on the worst ones.

But meanwhile I haven’t seen the entirety of my bedroom floor at once for a year or two.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I definitely had tiny meltdown yesterday, and one of my least favorite things is having to go back and recognize I handled something poorly, then sheepishly apologize to the person in question. I'm glad I did, though. I try very hard to stay professional and cordial, or silly, and not bring all the shit banging around my head, but I was having a very off day yesterday, and my normally very high tolerance was basically burnt out a few minutes after I woke up.

Yep, such is autie life.

 

[epicstretch]

I've been thinking about starting this for a while, not as a vanity thread, but because there isn't one at Lit. So this is a first for Lit AFAIK.

Being autistic doesn't mean we like sex more or less than anyone else, but we probably think about it more, because we think about everything more. There are plenty of autistic forums - there are dozens on Reddit alone, but because auties have had to learn to behave and be prime and proper, they seldom get a chance to say 'a slow tendril hung from the heat of her sex, thick with lust and hungry for his hard flesh to consume her' without a Mod jumping in to censor you... autie chat rooms are uncomfortable with sex.

I keep finding out new things about being autistic, usually through someone else's experience or remarks. Here's a couple of facts I discovered recently -

• Autistic people represent a disproportionate number of victims of sexual abuse
• Alexithymia can leave you suddenly fighting back tears because you don't understand your own emotions.

Like any chat room, Lit provides the opportunity of walking away from a question, thinking about it for an hour, then coming back with a thoughtful answer. It can also mean you totally misunderstood the nuances in the discussion, the topic has moved on and your carefully written response was a wasted effort. My trash is full of brilliant and entirely irrelevant replies to the question I only thought I'd been asked.

TLDR
Just post stuff about autism

ETA
Since I edited the title October 2025 to include ADHD, I should mention that AFAIK I'm not adhd but since it is frequently comorbid with autism it makes sense to include it... There's been such a lot of cynicism from the allistic world that people suddenly "need" labels, then here I am as the OP saying "Nope. I'm not adhd" Happy now?

I'm going to add links to some resources and you're most welcome to PM me with more suggestions. I'll tidy them up as we go.

Mom on the Spectrum
What is Neurodivergent? a useful intro to typical traits that may prompt you to find out more.
Autism from the Inside
Why socialising can be painful explaining the accepted rules of socialising and how sometimes we find them difficult.
What Women With Autism Want You to Know interviewed women offer insightful thoughts on being autistic

The Autistic Quotient Test a score over 30 suggests you might be ASDsy, but I saw a talk by its main contributor and I thought he was a dick. Only saying. Just my view

Finally, since we're on an erotica site, I've written some stories where the MC is autistic
Under the Knife ( 2 chapters )
Under the Skin ( 5 chapters )

Wow great post as a counselor I come across these root causes a lot

 

[PMarky2]

I got pretty good at making myself bribes to do hard things for a while but unfortunately most of them were food related and I need to not be food-motivated anymore.

Unfortunately, my bribes tend to be of the 'when I get this finished I can have a beer' variety, so it is not a technique to be used often for me. I just have to 'game the system' develop little habits to help me remember.

 

[stickygirl]

The Pitt
This popped up on YT and I started watching with some scepticism. Then I really wanted to see more but on the UK it’s only on a subscription we don’t have
Bummer

 

[Bramblethorn]

The Pitt
This popped up on YT and I started watching with some scepticism. Then I really wanted to see more but on the UK it’s only on a subscription we don’t have
Bummer

My partner loves that, specifically the autistic characters (both played by autistic actors IIRC). I'm not much of a TV watcher but I can see the appeal.

 

[stickygirl]

My partner loves that, specifically the autistic characters (both played by autistic actors IIRC). I'm not much of a TV watcher but I can see the appeal.

I think I’ve seen all the TV I want to - it’s all repeats now or hate-show crap. We would cancel our TV licence ( quaint UK shackle from the 1950s ) but having seen the Stasi way it is enforced “prove to us you’re not watching ANYTHING!” we shied away from it. I sure wish they’d defund the BBC…
Sorry - off topic rant!

 

[liliput1]

I think I’ve seen all the TV I want to - it’s all repeats now or hate-show crap. We would cancel our TV licence ( quaint UK shackle from the 1950s ) but having seen the Stasi way it is enforced “prove to us you’re not watching ANYTHING!” we shied away from it. I sure wish they’d defund the BBC…
Sorry - off topic rant!

There's some good stuff out there but I feel mixed emotions suggesting new binge material to others.

 

[stickygirl]

There's some good stuff out there but I feel mixed emotions suggesting new binge material to others.

I’ve still got a shelf of Robert MacFarlane and Joanne Harris to get through!
I’m very cynical about most series, but Patience on UK Ch4 was decent ( easy to watch and ASD )

PS I promise not to judge you on your recommendations ( much )

 

[FataMorgana]

I think I’ve seen all the TV I want to - it’s all repeats now or hate-show crap. We would cancel our TV licence ( quaint UK shackle from the 1950s ) but having seen the Stasi way it is enforced “prove to us you’re not watching ANYTHING!” we shied away from it. I sure wish they’d defund the BBC…
Sorry - off topic rant!

Telly is wank. I mainly watch YouTube now. That drama about raping taxi driver was good though; Believe Me. I never knew one of his victims was Carrie Johnson.

 

[stickygirl]

Listening to my neighbours in the garden ( it’s like 32c ) outside and they’re laughing so much that it sounds false. Nothing is that funny for that long. I don’t think it’s drugs. Maybe it’s a parenting skill/ It’s not just them - I notice this a lot.

Just me being weird? Anyone else?!
I’ll water the plants after dark. We’re off sailing tomorrow for a couple of yippee days.

 

[Strixaluco]

Listening to my neighbours in the garden ( it’s like 32c ) outside and they’re laughing so much that it sounds false. Nothing is that funny for that long. I don’t think it’s drugs. Maybe it’s a parenting skill/ It’s not just them - I notice this a lot.

Just me being weird? Anyone else?!
I’ll water the plants after dark. We’re off sailing tomorrow for a couple of yippee days.

Laughing spells happen sometimes too. And other people may add fuel to the fire. But NTs also seem to laugh for social reasons.

I'm going home again tonight. Meaning a 7am noise wakeup, demolition right behind my wall. Can't be avoided, I need to spread out my activities a little and not try to do everything tomorrow.