Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[PMarky2]

My favorite thing about being a fully remote worker is that I can dress for comfort. No more spending 9 hours a day in stiff chinos and a shirt with a collar that perpetually irritates my neck.

Clothes are one of those things that throw up issues for me, and I have all sorts of weird little habits like wearing t-shirts inside out because I do not like the feel of the seems against my skin. I tend to prefer stuff that is loose and breathes, which can be challenging given my occupation as the college can be a bit insistent on things like ties. When it is hot and I am on my own will go for the clothes-free option.

Socks and shoes are fun too. If I am wearing shoes I have to wear socks, but the socks must go the minute the shoes are taken off. I would rather be barefoot or wear sandals.

Sensory challenges associated with clothing get worse as my stress level gets higher.

 

[Maksvel_Buger]

I know this isn't really appropriate here, well maybe a little. I just couldn't find a better place, I'm new. Okay, point. I read the rules, and it says that distributing personal information of site users is prohibited. But I'm a user now. Can I share my personal information?

 

[env789]

Clothes are one of those things that throw up issues for me, and I have all sorts of weird little habits like wearing t-shirts inside out because I do not like the feel of the seems against my skin. I tend to prefer stuff that is loose and breathes, which can be challenging given my occupation as the college can be a bit insistent on things like ties. When it is hot and I am on my own will go for the clothes-free option.

Socks and shoes are fun too. If I am wearing shoes I have to wear socks, but the socks must go the minute the shoes are taken off. I would rather be barefoot or wear sandals.

Sensory challenges associated with clothing get worse as my stress level gets higher.

I feel you. Hate shoes, am extremely picky about socks and shirts for similar reasons (fucking seams amirite), and ties are basically violence. Ties are the thing I miss the absolute least about spending all day in court, hands down.

On socks... My relationship with them is so conflicted, because walking around barefoot in a house with kids is a sensory landmine. On the other hand, if they aren't my comfy socks, agreed they gotta go as soon as the shoes come off. I've found Smartwool and Bombas make socks that I can wear all day. Anyone else, forget it!

Here's something for the crowd - temperature. If you have to choose, are you more comfortable being a little too hot or a little too cold?

 

[anthrodisiac]

I think I lost weight during covid, but generally I'm like a bear, that fattens up for winter then I lose it again over the summer. Springtime I find myself outside, away from seats, biscuits and temptation. Talking of which - I have plants to water & weed.

I'm not a mechanic, @anthrodisiac ... I'm a technician.

I just generally associate coveralls with mechanics and engineers. Mechanic was funnier to picture, because it skews more tradmale, and the idea of a very conservative dude from the 60s wearing a baby onesie was really doing it for me

 

[PMarky2]

I feel you. Hate shoes, am extremely picky about socks and shirts for similar reasons (fucking seams amirite), and ties are basically violence. Ties are the thing I miss the absolute least about spending all day in court, hands down.

On socks... My relationship with them is so conflicted, because walking around barefoot in a house with kids is a sensory landmine. On the other hand, if they aren't my comfy socks, agreed they gotta go as soon as the shoes come off. I've found Smartwool and Bombas make socks that I can wear all day. Anyone else, forget it!

Here's something for the crowd - temperature. If you have to choose, are you more comfortable being a little too hot or a little too cold?

Seams always seem to be in the wrong place. Ties aren't too bad for me if the collar is generous, but I prefer bowties because of the shape of the back of the knot.

Slightly too cold for preference, as it is easier to do something about. I am pretty blind to the actual temperature between 40 and 65 degrees Fahrenheit. I register 70 to 80 as 'a bit warm,' 80-85 as 'hot,' and anything over 85 as 'I'm gonna die.'

 

[PMarky2]

I just generally associate coveralls with mechanics and engineers. Mechanic was funnier to picture, because it skews more tradmale, and the idea of a very conservative dude from the 60s wearing a baby onesie was really doing it for me

The image messed with my head nicely too!

 

[anthrodisiac]

I feel you. Hate shoes, am extremely picky about socks and shirts for similar reasons (fucking seams amirite), and ties are basically violence. Ties are the thing I miss the absolute least about spending all day in court, hands down.

On socks... My relationship with them is so conflicted, because walking around barefoot in a house with kids is a sensory landmine. On the other hand, if they aren't my comfy socks, agreed they gotta go as soon as the shoes come off. I've found Smartwool and Bombas make socks that I can wear all day. Anyone else, forget it!

Here's something for the crowd - temperature. If you have to choose, are you more comfortable being a little too hot or a little too cold?

It's "too cold" for me when it hits maybe low 40s? But you get me into the mid-80s and I'm done, man. If I feel even a little hot I'm so miserable. For someone who's never lived outside Southern California, I'm a freak

Meanwhile, everyone around me runs for a parka when it hits 65. I'm the happiest little dino when we're in the low-60s.

 

[stickygirl]

I know this isn't really appropriate here, well maybe a little. I just couldn't find a better place, I'm new. Okay, point. I read the rules, and it says that distributing personal information of site users is prohibited. But I'm a user now. Can I share my personal information?

Think of lit as the same as any street corner- if it’s safe for you to shout whatever it is to passing strangers then it’s safe for lit. Take care because the web is full of creeps.

 

[Maksvel_Buger]

Think of lit as the same as any street corner- if it’s safe for you to shout whatever it is to passing strangers then it’s safe for lit. Take care because the web is full of creeps.

This didn't help me clarify the situation. I might be paranoid, just a little-tiny bit.

 

[stickygirl]

This didn't help me clarify the situation. I might be paranoid, just a little-tiny bit.

To spell it out... don't
give your name; your address; your email address; your phone number; your date of birth either in the forums or in private messages. That ought to cover most things.
As an example, I let people know I'm autistic, I'm transgender, I'm pansexual, I'm from the UK and that's all people need to know.
I hope this helps

 

[Maksvel_Buger]

To spell it out... don't
give your name; your address; your email address; your phone number; your date of birth either in the forums or in private messages. That ought to cover most things.
As an example, I let people know I'm autistic, I'm transgender, I'm pansexual, I'm from the UK and that's all people need to know.
I hope this helps

This is already clearer, you can talk about yourself, but not in such a way that you can be identified.

 

[PMarky2]

The wife is going through one of those sessions when she sees the ND rather than me, which is somewhat distressing. She's currently going through a phase of telling me I am info dumping every time I do it, which means I feeling compelled to mask at home. I was glad to see BAF and her family yesterday. It gave me a break. She was relaxed enough to be a happy little which was lovely to see.

 

[env789]

The wife is going through one of those sessions when she sees the ND rather than me, which is somewhat distressing. She's currently going through a phase of telling me I am info dumping every time I do it, which means I feeling compelled to mask at home. I was glad to see BAF and her family yesterday. It gave me a break. She was relaxed enough to be a happy little which was lovely to see.

That's very painful to experience, needing to mask in one's own home. I went through that the first couple years after my dx. It led to a deep depression. I came out the other side of that with a lot of therapeutic and pharma assistance, and decided to just stop masking at home and let my partner deal.

It was risky, and I'm not sharing this to advocate for my method. I just couldn't see another way out short of detonating my relationship entirely. Eventually she came to accept it. I came to understand her upset. She married the masked version of me. It couldn't have been easy dealing with me working through figuring out who I actually am after 40 years of cosplaying normal (with middling success at best and at great psychological cost).

Anyway! I can empathize. Having to mask in the place that is meant to be your sanctuary is very rough. I hope you work out a way forward together.

 

[PMarky2]

That's very painful to experience, needing to mask in one's own home. I went through that the first couple years after my dx. It led to a deep depression. I came out the other side of that with a lot of therapeutic and pharma assistance, and decided to just stop masking at home and let my partner deal.

It was risky, and I'm not sharing this to advocate for my method. I just couldn't see another way out short of detonating my relationship entirely. Eventually she came to accept it. I came to understand her upset. She married the masked version of me. It couldn't have been easy dealing with me working through figuring out who I actually am after 40 years of cosplaying normal (with middling success at best and at great psychological cost).

Anyway! I can empathize. Having to mask in the place that is meant to be your sanctuary is very rough. I hope you work out a way forward together.

These things go phases. My wife married me knowing I have an indoor face and an outdoor face, but we did not know what cause that my outdoor face is my mask until I was diagnosed last year. So, for the first 25 years of our marriage I was weird not defective in her eyes. Apart from occasionally getting frustrated with me, she regarded it as simply being weird that I usually eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch, she was fine with my silences, and with the special interests until it had a name and became a disease in her eyes.

I began to strongly suspect I was some sort of ND when I noticed just how many of my friends were either level-1 ASD or ADHD. It took about a year to get diagnosed, and it was not a case of 'yeah - you are Autistic' but rather a complex mix of OCD, ASD, and ADHD, which I share with the person I call BAF.

 

[Strixaluco]

she was fine with my silences, and with the special interests until it had a name and became a disease in her eyes.

That is so backwards. Suddenly, when there's information it's not something that can be changed at will, she sounds like expecting you to. Autism isn't something to be cured, dammitm

 

[PMarky2]

That is so backwards. Suddenly, when there's information it's not something that can be changed at will, she sounds like expecting you to. Autism isn't something to be cured, dammitm

In fairness she has her own issues of the auto-immune variety that cause a different set of problems. In a sense she is trying to be helpful, but she is going about it the wrong way. I have found a big grin and a 'I think I know that!' can deflect many of her well-meant, but ill-directed comments, and it seems to be having a positive effect as I have noticed recently is that her phraseology is shifting away from 'different = wrong' towards 'different = different.' For my own part, I have learnt to ask for clarification when NT vagueness strikes which makes things more tolerable for me, though she is a bit confused as to why something like recycling has to have an allocated time slot.

 

[anthrodisiac]

In fairness she has her own issues of the auto-immune variety that cause a different set of problems. In a sense she is trying to be helpful, but she is going about it the wrong way. I have found a big grin and a 'I think I know that!' can deflect many of her well-meant, but ill-directed comments, and it seems to be having a positive effect as I have noticed recently is that her phraseology is shifting away from 'different = wrong' towards 'different = different.' For my own part, I have learnt to ask for clarification when NT vagueness strikes which makes things more tolerable for me, though she is a bit confused as to why something like recycling has to have an allocated time slot.

Might be worth a convo if you haven't had one already. Sometimes people have pre-conceived notions about autism, and the diagnosis could be causing a complete mental reframe for her, which erases a lot of the context of your life together and replaces it with something else that colors her memories differently. It's pretty common in all sorts of situations. Sometimes talking it out bluntly, starting off by making sure both of you are okay with doing so, with the understanding that the goal is to make sure both of you have a fuller understanding of the other and are trying to help answer questions or provide clarifications, coming from a place of love, is incredibly beneficial to clearing the air so you don't have to keep expending so much energy feeling like you have to hide, and she doesn't have to keep wondering about a whole bunch of things and can maybe offer you some guidance about things that would be helpful to her as well. Two-way street, you know?