Being autistic and random stuff

[Strixaluco]

If Gender isn't a hot topic for you, then "How Are You?"

How are we supposed to answer that everyday question?! The same Autism from the Inside vlogger tackles that stupid question - How Are You? and why we can find it so difficult to answer

That's somewhat easier here, because even neurotypical people in my culture tend to answer it at least somewhat honestly. The expectation isn't to say something extra positive.

 

[Strixaluco]

video is titled Gender Non-Conformity is Cisgender Autistic People so that was a red rag to me and I had to watch.

He talks a lot of sense, though from my POV I can see how he too is constrained by his cisgender outlook. He acknowledges this is passing 'I have no idea how other people might feel...'

Well, he also acknowledges his cis-gender outlook already in the title. I think it's ok to choose a point PT view and not to try cover everything at once.

I also find he has a point in discussing how even 100% cis-gender autistic people very often don't conform to the expectations of the said gender. I don't, either. I do look very, very feminine, and I am interested in sewing and knitting, and interior decor - but also building, mathematics, physics, and I am an engineer. Also my way of thinking is probably more male-like. I'm not that physical, but otherwise I felt more at ease with boys when I grew up. That has evened out later on, but sometimes I feel that's just because I still get many stereotypical female experiences in the world, which men just don't run into, and that adds to the feeling of having things in common with women.

 

[stickygirl]

The variations in characteristics can seem so diverse, you wonder how a recognisable pattern can emerge for a diagnosis! Of course, gender expression plays a supporting role in one's make up adding a twist, but not changing the central charms that autism brings.

People have anticipated that because I am trans that I would be a girlie girl, as if to compensate for my assigned-at-birth gender. I've seen it in other trans women and I admit it has made me question their presentation was just a phase. There's an accepted phrase 'baby-trans' when people initially come out and it takes them a while to settle down and find themselves.

I'm a roll-your-sleeves-up kind of girl and happy with science-based employment... but I scrub up okay too. I've my sister to thank for the fashion tips!

 

[stickygirl]

That's somewhat easier here, because even neurotypical people in my culture tend to answer it at least somewhat honestly. The expectation isn't to say something extra positive.

I think it was in his video he recalled a reply to How are you? as
'still clinging to the wreckage'
which tickled me.

 

[Strixaluco]

The variations in characteristics can seem so diverse, you wonder how a recognisable pattern can emerge for a diagnosis! Of course, gender expression plays a supporting role in one's make up adding a twist, but not changing the central charms that autism brings.

Maybe they can some day scan the brain to see the difference there. Because it's after all the brain that is different, and the visible traits are just that - visible traits of something that isn't in itself directly seen.

 

[PMarky2]

There is a lot of line crossing in my circle, but I think it is more a case of 19th century gender stereotypes being muted, and 'who is good at what' taking the driving seat. I love to cook, will arrange flowers if I have to, and have an unusual concern for aesthetics compared to most straight men. I also take care over my appearance - hair kept short, facial hair clipped, clean shirt, tie, shoes polished, etc.. Best Girl, Crush's sister, builds custom kitchens for a living and is outdoorsy to the point of spending 8 hours in a deer stand, but when she chooses she sheds the jeans and sweat shirt, and scrubs up real good. She is pretty too, in a very wholesome sort of a way. Crush is a girlie girl, but has an almost masculine mind - calm, clear, logical - but she is a bundle of contradictions - very opposed to co-ed schools, because they do not allow boys or girls to thrive, etc..

 

[Strixaluco]

I also take care over my appearance

This is indeed a very typical example of a current stereotype. 100 years+ earlier this wouldn't have been crossing any lines at all, as men indeed took care of their appearance.

But very many of the stereotypes are just artefacts of culture and don't hold over eras and across the globe too well.

 

[PMarky2]

This is indeed a very typical example of a current stereotype. 100 years+ earlier this wouldn't have been crossing any lines at all, as men indeed took care of their appearance.

But very many of the stereotypes are just artefacts of culture and don't hold over eras and across the globe too well.

In some respects Crush and I do belong to another age - probably that of Jane Austen, to be honest. But then I would not have Wagner's music as a consolation.

 

[Strixaluco]

In some respects Crush and I do belong to another age - probably that of Jane Austen, to be honest. But then I would not have Wagner's music as a consolation.

I tend to do cherry picking with eras.

 

[stickygirl]

In some respects Crush and I do belong to another age - probably that of Jane Austen, to be honest. But then I would not have Wagner's music as a consolation.

Jane Austen

 

[PMarky2]

Jane Austen

Yes, I was ready to escape into Persuasion or Northanger Abbey last night as I had had an uncomfortable day. Crush got called into work at the last minute, so I did not get to see her. Not only did that disrupt the routine, but I really needed to ask her opinion on a couple of things. The rules of the game really do not allow me to phone or email her randomly about my concerns because I am trying to pretend that I am not crazy about her. See sig. line for why.

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, I was ready to escape into Persuasion or Northanger Abbey last night as I had had an uncomfortable day. Crush got called into work at the last minute, so I did not get to see her. Not only did that disrupt the routine, but I really needed to ask her opinion on a couple of things. The rules of the game really do not allow me to phone or email her randomly about my concerns because I am trying to pretend that I am not crazy about her. See sig. line for why.

As distraction escapes Jane Austen's works are pretty wholesome. I'm lazy and do the same but with the 1995 version of P&P with Jennifer Ehle

 

[PMarky2]

Some of the appeal of Austen with me is the degree to which her characters are constrained by convention, and have to wait not only to admit their feelings, but also to confess them. That resonates with me. I was lazy last week and watched the 1983 BBC adaption of Mansfield Park and got very caught up in the undertow between Edmund and Fanny which is depicted very well in that version. The constraints imposed by Fanny's social position and their cousinage, and all the various entanglements that produced throw up an invisible barrier until the folly of others makes it impossible for Edmund to ignore it any longer.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

 

[PMarky2]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

Oh dear, that all sounds so familiar. Ambiguity in particular throws me for a loop.

 

[Paradox]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

I'm getting closer and closer to that self diagnosis.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

Oh dear. THIS, so much this!

Oh and for anyone going to be examined for autism - that kind of confusion about the questions may actually tell the examiner more than the answers themselves.

 

[PMarky2]

One of the major problems in our marriage is communication. My wife forgets that ambiguous communication tends to lead to things not getting done. Earlier this year she was planning a vacation - not one of my favourite things as it disrupts the routine, but I know it is important to her - and wanted me to plan transportation to/from. I had it in my head that she was taking care of it all, and did nothing. She said nothing, just got frustrated, and then decided we were not going on the trip because I was 'not interested' whereas the problem was lack of clear communication. Yes, I could have asked, 'what do you need me to do?' but it did not occur to me; neither did giving me clear instructions occur to her with the result that it went on the list the next time we had a 'spirited disagreement.'

 

[PMarky2]

My form of stimming is humming - generally pieces of music I am fond of. Anyway, whatever witch-doctor website my wife reads about autism has given her the advice, 'you need to draw the attention of your ASD child/spouse/ etc. to the fact they are stimming, and encourage them to stop.' Not a helpful piece of advice to use on a stressed out Aspie!

 

[Strixaluco]

My form of stimming is humming - generally pieces of music I am fond of. Anyway, whatever witch-doctor website my wife reads about autism has given her the advice, 'you need to draw the attention of your ASD child/spouse/ etc. to the fact they are stimming, and encourage them to stop.' Not a helpful piece of advice to use on a stressed out Aspie!

Oh dear. Sounds like ABA or something

But humming, that sounds nice!

 

[PMarky2]

Oh dear. Sounds like ABA or something

But humming, that sounds nice!

Yep - that sounds like my better half - fix it rather than live with it. Actually, one needs a little of both, IMHO. Tomorrow is another bummer Sunday as my best Autie friend has to work again.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yep - that sounds like my better half - fix it rather than live with it. Actually, one needs a little of both, IMHO. Tomorrow is another bummer Sunday as my best Autie friend has to work again.

As if everything was fixable...

 

[Strixaluco]

And as if stimming was a problem.

 

[stickygirl]

Gah - I hate having unknowns. I find them so stressful. Waiting to hear back from people, asking people for help, hoping the weather will be okay on Friday, needing an agreement with a boatyard plus I have to got to work. I guess this is what it's like having kids and another reason I won't be having any! So stressful.
I wonder if I can trick myself to sleep tonight?
Sorry - bit of a blurt but sometimes seeing your blurt written down can help!

 

[Strixaluco]

Gah - I hate having unknowns. I find them so stressful. Waiting to hear back from people, asking people for help, hoping the weather will be okay on Friday, needing an agreement with a boatyard plus I have to got to work. I guess this is what it's like having kids and another reason I won't be having any! So stressful.
I wonder if I can trick myself to sleep tonight?
Sorry - bit of a blurt but sometimes seeing your blurt written down can help!

I saw this years and years ago: "Think aloud. Who knows - you might be listening!"

Writing does it perhaps even better.