Being autistic and random stuff

[PMarky2]

I saw my best Autie friend for the first time in four weeks yesterday. The reconnect was a little awkward, but we chattered a lot about things that matter, so we are good. It was really good timing on her part, as with us having caught the edge of Helene here, I needed a calming presence. Too much uncertainty at the moment.

 

[stickygirl]

I saw my best Autie friend for the first time in four weeks yesterday. The reconnect was a little awkward, but we chattered a lot about things that matter, so we are good. It was really good timing on her part, as with us having caught the edge of Helene here, I needed a calming presence. Too much uncertainty at the moment.

and we all love uncertainty...

 

[PMarky2]

Special treat last night - a couple of hours of my best Autie friend, who brought along one of her 'waifs and strays' to talk history, theology and culture with me. It was great! She arrived without saying 'hi' and left without saying 'bye!' which is normal enough for her. The conversation was the usual effortless double act, and we take one another's more 'out there' opinions in good part.

It is a pity I did not find her in my mid-20s (she wasn't even born then) so I could marry that woman and raise a brood of kids with her. There is a massive intellectual connection there, and we seem to really dig each other in that no matter how weird the other one is being, the first is cool with it, and knows that normal service will resume shortly. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, but we have a whole bunch of issues thrown up by her being a Normie, and not really wanting to deal with my Asperger's, but rather fix it.

Helene kind of shorted my Aspie brain out with things needing emergency repairs, and all the row and disruption. It was bad enough here on the very edge. I cannot imagine what it would have been like for those who caught it full in the face.

 

[stickygirl]

Here's a thing and I don't know for certain it's an autie thing. It ought to be imo

So I was driving along, the traffic was calm and moving nicely. The sun was shining, the roads dry. I could let my mind wander a little from what a good day I'd had to an in-brain theatrical that was pure fiction. Earlier I'd brushed off a call from someone and our last conversation had been a little prickly.

So the brain decided to come up with a fiction about what he could be calling for, including referring back to the last call but also bringing up a new topic and ... and... then I realised my heart rate had near doubled and my blood was awash with adrenaline.... over NOTHING ffs. I had a full soap-opera argument about nothing and I HATE arguments so why does my brain do it?!

I think I understand why, which is to prepare every conceivable conversation in advance so I don't get caught out by a tricky question. It's so stressful.

I'm glad you have one female friend PMarky2

 

[Strixaluco]

Here's a thing and I don't know for certain it's an autie thing. It ought to be imo

So I was driving along, the traffic was calm and moving nicely. The sun was shining, the roads dry. I could let my mind wander a little from what a good day I'd had to and in-brain theatrical that was purely fictional. Earlier I'd brushed off a call from someone and our last conversation had been a little prickly.

So the brain decided to come up with a fiction about what he could be calling for, including referring back to the last call but also bringing up a new topic and ... and... then I realised my heart rate had near doubled and my blood was awash with adrenaline.... over NOTHING ffs. I had a full soap-opera argument about nothing and I HATE arguments so why does my brain do it?!

I think I understand why, which is to prepare every conceivable conversation in advance so I don't get caught out by a tricky question. It's so stressful.

I'm glad you have one female friend PMarky2

I don't think that's an exclusively autism thing, but autistic people are more prone to such.

 

[Strixaluco]

But even the opposite can happen! We were discussing (not on Lit) about people who avoid saying a clear no and just try to get by with "maybe", "we'll see" etc. And it's utterly frustrating.

My late husband was one of of those people, big time. It made my life difficult. And now, thinking back to those moments, my mind made up a discussion where I tried to tell him it's not ok today keep me hanging on a loop like that, that it's the opposite of being nice and polite. And he got angry and defensive, yelled me that I can then always assume that he doesn't want to join me when going places etc . To which I reacted by asking if he even wants to live with me anymore - and without thinking he answered "No!" - took which I replied "Ok then. I will start selling this house tomorrow." He tried to take it back but it was too late. He accidentally admitted it, and I took him by his word.

And damn was that cathartic as anything! Even if it was totally made up. I think I finally got free from something.

 

[stickygirl]

I don't think that's an exclusively autism thing, but autistic people are more prone to such.

I've not seen it described on any YT sites. I guess there's an element of catastrophizing to it, mixed in with over-thinking.

 

[stickygirl]

But even the opposite can happen! We were discussing (not on Lit) about people who avoid saying a clear no and just try to get by with "maybe", "we'll see" etc. And it's utterly frustrating.

My late husband was one of of those people, big time. It made my life difficult. And now, thinking back to those moments, my mind made up a discussion where I tried to tell him it's not ok today keep me hanging on a loop like that, that it's the opposite of being nice and polite. And he got angry and defensive, yelled me that I can then always assume that he doesn't want to join me when going places etc . To which I reacted by asking if he even wants to live with me anymore - and without thinking he answered "No!" - took which I replied "Ok then. I will start selling this house tomorrow." He tried to take it back but it was too late. He accidentally admitted it, and I took him by his word.

And damn was that cathartic as anything! Even if it was totally made up. I think I finally got free from something.

You mean any answer is better than being left in a cloud of uncertainty? Even if the outcome may not appear to be a favourable one - that doesn't matter if it means the end to indecision? I can feel that one.

 

[Strixaluco]

You mean any answer is better than being left in a cloud of uncertainty? Even if the outcome may not appear to be a favourable one - that doesn't matter if it means the end to indecision? I can feel that one.

The final "no" will inevitably be have to said at some point anyway. HE wasn't indecisive, usually. Just avoiding clear communication on the matter.

And no knowing, or many times even having the impression that it would be "probably", meant that I couldn't do alternative plans, either. When the final "no" came it was usually FAR too late for that (doing something totally else myself, or asking someone else two come with me, or...) And in the case of, say, visiting people, it also meant that I had to be impolite and cancel late, I'd not respond in time.

Can't think of any single way how his way of saying "maybe" while meaning "no" would have been nice or polite.

 

[Strixaluco]

I've not seen it described on any YT sites. I guess there's an element of catastrophizing to it, mixed in with over-thinking.

Overthinking tends to be a big one for us. "What if?" It doesn't always mean catastrophizing, but the risk is definitely there.

It's also connected to greater risk for anxiety. Don't know how how that connection works, but the comorbodity is acknowledged.

 

[stickygirl]

I was teaching a course at the local sailing club last weekend - six people, two instructors. There was one guy, maybe in his mid 20s who caught my attention, and it only took me a few minutes to realise his was on the spectrum. He was perfectly sociable, smiled and laughed with everyone else - altogether a very polished 'mask'. But there was something in the rhythm and tone of his speech and the type of questions he asked.

I've been thinking about it since and worried I was acting like someone spotting a trans person, which to me can feel like a butterfly collector piercing an insect's body with a pin 'gotcha'. Having slept on it I think the truth is that I saw myself reflected in his characteristics. My brain was assessing 'Is that how I sound? Are those the questions I ask?' I could feel a tension in myself, a familiar self-critique of checking my mask and being mindful of my presentation.

All brains need time to process, to sleep on questions.... don't they?! I know I do because, in common with other auties I can easily be thrown by an unexpected question and it can take me a day to compile an accurate answer.

So I wanted to take the student to one side and give him a hug.... not that I ever would, for a thousand obvious reasons, but because I know that being ND in a NT world can be a lonely experience.

 

[Strixaluco]

All brains need time to process, to sleep on questions.... don't they?! I know I do because, in common with other auties I can easily be thrown by an unexpected question and it can take me a day to compile an accurate answer.

Delayed processing... At least give me 20 seconds to get my thoughts in line, without resetting the timer by saying something again, let alone asking more questions!

 

[PMarky2]

I was teaching a course at the local sailing club last weekend - six people, two instructors. There was one guy, maybe in his mid 20s who caught my attention, and it only took me a few minutes to realise his was on the spectrum. He was perfectly sociable, smiled and laughed with everyone else - altogether a very polished 'mask'. But there was something in the rhythm and tone of his speech and the type of questions he asked.

I've been thinking about it since and worried I was acting like someone spotting a trans person, which to me can feel like a butterfly collector piercing an insect's body with a pin 'gotcha'. Having slept on it I think the truth is that I saw myself reflected in his characteristics. My brain was assessing 'Is that how I sound? Are those the questions I ask?' I could feel a tension in myself, a familiar self-critique of checking my mask and being mindful of my presentation.

All brains need time to process, to sleep on questions.... don't they?! I know I do because, in common with other auties I can easily be thrown by an unexpected question and it can take me a day to compile an accurate answer.

So I wanted to take the student to one side and give him a hug.... not that I ever would, for a thousand obvious reasons, but because I know that being ND in a NT world can be a lonely experience.

I can identify with most of this especially the bits about being able to spot folks who are masking, as we do, and the need for extra time when we get unexpected questions. I often suspect that some of the closeness between BAF and I is due to being two NDs in Normie world - the rest is down to the fact we dig one another. It was great to see her yesterday, though of necessity, only briefly.

 

[stickygirl]

I've mentioned characters from Star Trek before and their portrayal, intentionally I assume of autistic traits.

I watched a interesting re-run just now, where 7of9 is running simulations in the holodeck to explore her emotions. She conjures a romantic relationship with an imaginary 1st officer. Her subsequent obsession with the exploration both interferes with her normal work but also leads to a previous unknown fail-safe in her Borg systems.
Basically the Borg implants shut down if too much emotion is experienced. The ship's doctor offers a long and complicated remedy to remove the barrier to her feeling true human emotions.
"No, thank you," she replies. "I've experienced quite enough human emotion and require no more."

...wow. That was a harsh episode. We naturally feel sorry for 7of9 but I for one, empathise. Maybe we all do, when heartbroken but she felt overwhelmed by love: a loss of control. Sound familiar?

 

[PMarky2]

I often seem to shut out emotional stuff when I am awake. The coping mechanism seems to be a form of 'I'll put that on the later pile' and I try to go on with the day. As a result the unfinished business seems to come back later, and I seem to deal with emotional things best through dreams.

For example, BAF has been there a lot this week. Monday night she climbed on my lap like an anxious little girl, so I just held her while she snuggled up to me. She could not explain what was wrong, but when she was feeling better she kissed me, said thanks, and went on her way. Last night she appeared twice. The first time I was with a woman my own age and I was holding hands with her, but BAF met us and decided to tag along. She kept asking me questions and sharing ideas until she was the focus and the other woman went away. The last one was very brief. I was reading a story to the rug rats I have never had, and she came up behind me put her arms around my neck/shoulders, and kissed my bald spot saying something like, "The kids love you reading to them." Funnily enough I was reading from the book of bedtime stories my dad used to read to me when I was three.

I guess it is easier to process when other things are shut down.

 

[stickygirl]

Oh look: we're about to be become ostracised. I've enjoyed being a target so much for being trans, I may as well wear the autism badge as well.
Apparently we're under scrutiny for becoming radicalised into terrorism. Reading further reveals it comes down to a lack of support and funding in schools, but it's easier to shoot a few people when they become a threat instead trying to stop them becoming a problem in the first place.

TLDR
Long article in the Financial Times saying people on the spectrum are a threat.

 

[Strixaluco]

And how many autistic actually have higher moral code instead...

 

[stickygirl]

Saw this on a courier van today
'Not all disabilities are visible' at 4 o'clock is says autism

 

[PMarky2]

Oh look: we're about to be become ostracised. I've enjoyed being a target so much for being trans, I may as well wear the autism badge as well.
Apparently we're under scrutiny for becoming radicalised into terrorism. Reading further reveals it comes down to a lack of support and funding in schools, but it's easier to shoot a few people when they become a threat instead trying to stop them becoming a problem in the first place.

TLDR
Long article in the Financial Times saying people on the spectrum are a threat.

I sometimes wonder whether articles such as this are simply society projecting its hatred on to 'the other' - someone who does not fit with the current culture. To be honest, most of us just want to be left alone to be us. My big dream is a little bit countercultural, but it is not a threat to anyone except those who cannot stand non-conformists. I would like to set up on an acre or two with my BAF and us be left alone to grow much of our own food, write and draw and think, and raise our kids without a whole lot of interference. Of course, this is a dream, because I did not know I was Aspie 'til I was in my 50s, and I did not meet BAF until I was 48 (20 years too late, but oh well!)

 

[Strixaluco]

I sometimes wonder whether articles such as this are simply society projecting its hatred on to 'the other' - someone who does not fit with the current culture.

I think it's the fear for unknown.

But indeed, the more "empathic" people are, the more they also have the "us vs them" thinking.

 

[stickygirl]

I sometimes wonder whether articles such as this are simply society projecting its hatred on to 'the other' - someone who does not fit with the current culture.

I think it's the fear for unknown.

But indeed, the more "empathic" people are, the more they also have the "us vs them" thinking.

Society pathogises complex topics in order to turn them into eye-grabbing, bitesize headlines. The FT article points towards such a snap judgement 'autistic people are susceptible to being radicalised' ( despite the sources they quote not making that point ) to let the headline-grazing reader leave with the idea that people wearing explosive waistcoats are probably autistic, therefore autistic people are dangerous.
This is how the hysteria of populist political theories have mushroomed: on reduced attention spans fostered by Twitter.... Ooops personal rant!

The similarity to anti-trans rhetoric is significant. Trans people want to rape women in restrooms and steal your children; autistic people want to blow-up shopping malls and assassinate presidents. While we're on a roll: aliens are obsessed with probing your anus

 

[coati]

Given the relatively long history of our solar system, aliens have had plenty of time to probe Uranus.

 

[PMarky2]

Society pathogises complex topics in order to turn them into eye-grabbing, bitesize headlines. The FT article points towards such a snap judgement 'autistic people are susceptible to being radicalised' ( despite the sources they quote not making that point ) to let the headline-grazing reader leave with the idea that people wearing explosive waistcoats are probably autistic, therefore autistic people are dangerous.
This is how the hysteria of populist political theories have mushroomed: on reduced attention spans fostered by Twitter.... Ooops personal rant!

The similarity to anti-trans rhetoric is significant. Trans people want to rape women in restrooms and steal your children; autistic people want to blow-up shopping malls and assassinate presidents. While we're on a roll: aliens are obsessed with probing your anus

One of the side benefits of being ASD for me is that I can keep 'generalizations' well separated from 'individuals.' One of my more regular rants is about the tendency of our materialistic consumer-orientated society to dehumanize those who do not conform. Even if you do not agree with someone's mode of living, one should never forget that they are human too. One source of friction with my wife are the days when she sees the ASD more clearly than she sees me, and I am sure that is not an uncommon experience for folks on the spectrum.

 

[stickygirl]

One of the side benefits of being ASD for me is that I can keep 'generalizations' well separated from 'individuals.' One of my more regular rants is about the tendency of our materialistic consumer-orientated society to dehumanize those who do not conform. Even if you do not agree with someone's mode of living, one should never forget that they are human too. One source of friction with my wife are the days when she sees the ASD more clearly than she sees me, and I am sure that is not an uncommon experience for folks on the spectrum.

I'm sorry you have such a poor relationship with your wife.

 

[stickygirl]

Anyone else find live sports games too stressful to watch? England women vs Germany soccer. Currently 3-2 against us. I'm too scared to watch. Pathetic. I want to be able to sit and enjoy it but it's agony so I'm here instead with one eye on the score