Being autistic and random stuff

[PMarky2]

I'm sorry you have such a poor relationship with your wife.

It is hit and miss. She has a lot of health issues and a poor relationship with much of her own family, then she got hit with my being ASD. It is a lot for someone to handle.

 

[Deadfreak]

Beautiful thread

 

[PMarky2]

I sometimes wonder just why being randomly anxious is so much part of the autistic experience. At the moment, I am worrying endlessly that my BAF might have gone off me. The rational side of my head is saying no - it is work and tiredness on her part that is the difficulty, and why we are not seeing as much of one another as we usually do. By the way, she has said as much. The irrational side of me is missing her and trying to work out what I could have done to drive her away, which is doing a 'pile on' with all the other autie stress which is swimming around in my head, and making me crazy.

 

[stickygirl]

I sometimes wonder just why being randomly anxious is so much part of the autistic experience. At the moment, I am worrying endlessly that my BAF might have gone off me. The rational side of my head is saying no - it is work and tiredness on her part that is the difficulty, and why we are not seeing as much of one another as we usually do. By the way, she has said as much. The irrational side of me is missing her and trying to work out what I could have done to drive her away, which is doing a 'pile on' with all the other autie stress which is swimming around in my head, and making me crazy.

I've been in similar mindsets. What you can't do is back-peddle hard enough to make a difference. You should give the other person space to breath and let them figure out their own head before they can consider any relationship. It's going to be counter-productive for you to attempt to portray yourself or the situation in a different light because it's not about fixing anything - it's respecting their autonomy

 

[PMarky2]

I've been in similar mindsets. What you can't do is back-peddle hard enough to make a difference. You should give the other person space to breath and let them figure out their own head before they can consider any relationship. It's going to be counter-productive for you to attempt to portray yourself or the situation in a different light because it's not about fixing anything - it's respecting their autonomy

What worries me about my over-anxious states is that might forget to respect her autonomy. Neither of us like to be "crowded." I saw her this morning, said 'hi' and asked her how she was doing, and then kept out of her way. In return got two sly looks, and a three big smiles, so we are OK.

 

[stickygirl]

...only saying

 

[PMarky2]

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...only saying

That has to go on my list of pet-peeves. My favourite people are the ones I can be happily silent with when we run out of serious stuff to talk about.

At the moment, I am trying to survive my wife watching reels on Facebook whilst the radio is on - there is far too much noise in here for me, but if I wander off there will be an inquisition.

 

[Zrosey]

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...only saying

I hope it is okay for me to respond in this thread, as far as I know I'm not autistic even if I can be pretty deeply introverted.
So I just want to say how well this hits home for me!

 

[PMarky2]

I hope it is okay for me to respond in this thread, as far as I know I'm not autistic even if I can be pretty deeply introverted.
So I just want to say how well this hits home for me!

I get just the tiniest bit fed up about being told it is 'us' (introverts, Auties, etc.) who have to change to make life easier for them. One of my wife's favourites - usually when I am tuning out to recharge - is, "I know you are not stupid, but I do wish you would make more of an effort." The temptation to say, "I have been making an effort all day. I am knackered. I just need to switch out" is all but overwhelming.

P.S. The fecking noise has started again!

 

[Zrosey]

"I have been making an effort all day. I am knackered. I just need to switch out"

 

[coati]

View attachment 2431178

...only saying

The Indigenous people in my.region think that most non-natives talk too much.

 

[PMarky2]

The Indigenous people in my.region think that most non-natives talk too much.

I grew up in a part of England which is known for being a bit taciturn. That said, we will nearly always speak when we see someone, especially someone we know, but "naa then!" or if you haven't seen them for a while 'ayup,' might be the full extent of the conversation. Small talk is rationed. You want to keep warm in winter, so opening you mouth too much when the wind is off the North Sea is not advisable. This is the opposite of those from 'darn sarf' who won't speak to you in the street, but batter you to death with small talk in the pub or at a cocktail party. I suspect the Scandinavian influence is coming into play which is still apparent in other ways, such as the local dialect, 950 years after the official end of the Viking Age.

 

[coati]

I grew up in a part of England which is known for being a bit taciturn. That said, we will nearly always speak when we see someone, especially someone we know, but "naa then!" or if you haven't seen them for a while 'ayup,' might be the full extent of the conversation. Small talk is rationed. You want to keep warm in winter, so opening you mouth too much when the wind is off the North Sea is not advisable. This is the opposite of those from 'darn sarf' who won't speak to you in the street, but batter you to death with small talk in the pub or at a cocktail party. I suspect the Scandinavian influence is coming into play which is still apparent in other ways, such as the local dialect, 950 years after the official end of the Viking Age.

Funny. I've observed the same. A person with strong Nordic roots joined my extended family several years ago, and she is just fine with extended silences at family gatherings.

It makes it so much easier to hear bird calls and songs when we are outside.

 

[JackVettriano]

I've been thinking about starting this for a while, not as a vanity thread, but because there isn't one at Lit. So this is a first for Lit AFAIK.

Being autistic doesn't mean we like sex more or less than anyone else, but we probably think about it more, because we think about everything more. I've only said that because there are plenty of autistic forums online at reddit etc, but auties have learnt to be prime and proper and seldom mention 'a slow tendril hung from the heat of her sex, thick with lust and hungry for his hard flesh to consume her' without a Mod jumping in to censor you... even autie chat rooms are uncomfortable with sex.

I keep finding out new things about being autistic, usually through someone else's experience or remarks. Here's a couple of facts I discovered recently -

• Autistic people represent a disproportionate number of victims of sexual abuse
• Alexithymia can leave you suddenly fighting back tears because you don't understand your own emotions.

Like the internet in general, Lit gives you the opportunity of walking away from a question, thinking about it for an hour, then coming back with a well thought out answer. It can also mean you totally misunderstood a nuance in the discussion, the topic has moved on and your carefully written response was a wasted effort. My trash is full of brilliant and entirely irrelevant replies to the question I only thought I'd been asked.

TLDR
Just post stuff about autism

I'm going to add links to some resources and you're most welcome to PM me with more suggestions. I'll tidy them up as we go.

Mom on the Spectrum
- What is Neurodivergent?
a useful intro to typical traits but she doesn't suggest it is a diagnosis because having half the pieces of a jigsaw doesn't mean you can accurately describe the final scene. It may prompt you to find out more.

I really appreciate you being so open, honest and thoughtful.
Can I suggest you start another form called my trash. I would love to read it.

 

[stickygirl]

I grew up in a part of England which is known for being a bit taciturn. That said, we will nearly always speak when we see someone, especially someone we know, but "naa then!" or if you haven't seen them for a while 'ayup,' might be the full extent of the conversation. Small talk is rationed. You want to keep warm in winter, so opening you mouth too much when the wind is off the North Sea is not advisable. This is the opposite of those from 'darn sarf' who won't speak to you in the street, but batter you to death with small talk in the pub or at a cocktail party. I suspect the Scandinavian influence is coming into play which is still apparent in other ways, such as the local dialect, 950 years after the official end of the Viking Age.

Ey kin spik yearksheer, avin livd int Sheffield a wiles

I really appreciate you being so open, honest and thoughtful.
Can I suggest you start another form called my trash. I would love to read it.

If you like my asd brain dumps then my Under the Knife duology might interest you...
( first time to have used the word duology )

 

[JackVettriano]

Ey kin spik yearksheer, avin livd int Sheffield a wiles

If you like my asd brain dumps then my Under the Knife duology might interest you...
( first time to have used the word duology )

Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed every word, so detailed and so real. As a hot blooded male who loves women, I loved the passion and the desire. Wonderful, can’t wait for part two

 

[PMarky2]

Ey kin spik yearksheer, avin livd int Sheffield a wiles

If you like my asd brain dumps then my Under the Knife duology might interest you...
( first time to have used the word duology )

Sheffield-folk are sometimes referred to as 'de-da' from the way they pronounce the pronouns 'thee' and 'tha.' Being born and growing up in the very north of Lincolnshire my own dialect is closest to East Riding, but not Hull, which is something else.

Auties and sex is a minefield. I think that's why so many of us get exploited. Personally, I have to balance being quite horny with needing to feel 'safe' with my partner. As a result, I can come across as a mix of inhibited and over enthusiastic.

 

[stickygirl]

Sheffield-folk are sometimes referred to as 'de-da' from the way they pronounce the pronouns 'thee' and 'tha.' Being born and growing up in the very north of Lincolnshire my own dialect is closest to East Riding, but not Hull, which is something else.

Auties and sex is a minefield. I think that's why so many of us get exploited. Personally, I have to balance being quite horny with needing to feel 'safe' with my partner. As a result, I can come across as a mix of inhibited and over enthusiastic.

It's sounds a though we're both fascinated by accents - a classic autie trait!

Exploitation occurs because we have problems knowing where the normal boundaries for interactions lie, which is compounded by us trying to fit in and not cause offence. Our loyalty and honesty can cause us to be manipulated or groomed. It's happened to me and I suspect that it's a common occurrence. When someone says 'Come back to my apartment for Netflix and chill' and autistic person may take that literally and not realise it's an invitation to get in the sack.
Here's a mini video to summarise

 

[PMarky2]

It's sounds a though we're both fascinated by accents - a classic autie trait!

Exploitation occurs because we have problems knowing where the normal boundaries for interactions lie, which is compounded by us trying to fit in and not cause offence. Our loyalty and honesty can cause us to be manipulated or groomed. It's happened to me and I suspect that it's a common occurrence. When someone says 'Come back to my apartment for Netflix and chill' and autistic person may take that literally and not realise it's an invitation to get in the sack.
Here's a mini video to summarise

I am fascinated by a lot of slightly off the wall things. Accents is one of them; the influence of immigration patterns on religion in the area I live is another; there's a bunch of other things... and yes, I am the classic Autie trainspotter. I am currently rooting around in Scandinavian, mainly Danish, history. The wife, BAF, and I all have ancestry back there, though it seems to be mainly Norway. I sometimes wonder whether these intense interests are a way we have of quieting overactive brains by keeping them busy.

Growing up in the terrified eighties, not wanting to get the plague or any other STD, and being male, I have probably missed sexual opportunities by being Autie and not reading the signals correctly. Women my age (50s) tend to give you a 'calling-on signal' and then expect you to initiate. I imagine that I would miss that more than half the time. As my wife puts it, the only sure way to get me into bed is to say, 'fancy making love this afternoon?' or more crudely 'do ya wanna fuck?' or lay on the bed in a state of undress. Oh well!

 

[Rainblow]

I have some good news to share.
My ND son has comorbid issues, one being epilepsy. He also had a tendency to ignore any consequences his actions may have caused and was a very reactive person which has gotten him into a lot of hot water . His doctor put him on medication for his epilepsy that also works as a mood stabilizer. He was always afraid meds might interfere with his coding so would stop taking them. I'm happy to say he has found the right meds and I have my son back. I've never been happier. It's such a worry having a neuro divergent son and so many medications would dull him down. I'm not pushing meds for auties but I am ecstatic he found the right meds for his comorbid conditions that don't interfere with his autie abilities.

 

[PMarky2]

I have some good news to share.
My ND son has comorbid issues, one being epilepsy. He also had a tendency to ignore any consequences his actions may have caused and was a very reactive person which has gotten him into a lot of hot water . His doctor put him on medication for his epilepsy that also works as a mood stabilizer. He was always afraid meds might interfere with his coding so would stop taking them. I'm happy to say he has found the right meds and I have my son back. I've never been happier. It's such a worry having a neuro divergent son and so many medications would dull him down. I'm not pushing meds for auties but I am ecstatic he found the right meds for his comorbid conditions that don't interfere with his autie abilities.

That's cool. I have not had much success on that front. It sometimes occurs to me that it is the comorbidities which are the real pain-in-the-arse, (or in my case head, because my major ones are migraine and anxiety) as you have enough to cope with thanks to being ND, then you get this other shit as an added bonus - yippee! I've had some fun with the meds the doctors have prescribed to 'help' my comorbidities such as sleep disturbances, outright insomnia, anxiety, depression, etc., and yes, it is a tightrope between being too dulled down to function and getting some real relief from 'the other stuff.'

 

[stickygirl]

In the spirit of keeping things light I found this... now I've tried to link to Insta and I'm not sure it'll work, but here goes. You'll need to hit the volume/speaker icon to hear what's being said. You don't need to sign up for anything.

 

[Paradox]

I have a question for those who have been diagnosed as autistic and I'm not quite sure how to ask it, so please bear with me. When I started grad school, I had to take the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory and the administrator told me I measured almost off the chart for anger. I don't think of myself as an angry person in general, but I do have a tendency to explode when I'm frustrated. I don't know if the MMPI is used everywhere, of if it is just a U.S. thing, and I don't even know if that is one of the tools used to develop an autism diagnosis. If it is, is the anger measurement an indicator?

 

[PMarky2]

MMPI is pretty widespread in the HR world, but I cannot remember doing it as part of being screened for Autism. That does not mean it is not used, it is just that the doc testing me was more interested in behaviourial stuff.

 

[stickygirl]

I’ve not heard of it in the UK. There are some online tests but they only make a suggestion of where you might be on the spectrum. Trouble is, because we ourselves are so different it’s not possible to set a kinda bar beyond which ‘you’re autistic’ .