Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

Anyone else have a favourite film they watch again and again? I do it for comfort: I know their lines, their expressions and can recite entire passages. It's fantasy of course, but it's predictable and that's the best part - it's like being with real people but their words don't jolt or surprise. Their voices are a comfort not a challenge.
I realised this is a thing from Fern Brady's book. An allistic person would be bored 'But I know the ending' and my bf understands my need and doesn't question it ( anymore ).

 

[stickygirl]

I got a bunch of movies that I have seen at least 10 times, probably more. Pulp Fiction, Castaway, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Lost in Translation, The Descendants. If I run across one of them on the tube, I’m in.

Yeay, I'm normal

 

[stickygirl]

I got a bunch of movies that I have seen at least 10 times, probably more. Pulp Fiction, Castaway, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Lost in Translation, The Descendants. If I run across one of them on the tube, I’m in.

The thing is you have a bunch of movies you rewatch, which is great. I have one. Like you, I've rewatched movies too and enjoy seeing some new ones ( Arrival is just amazing ), but I have one as my talisman.

It's hardly a diagnostic tool "Do you rewatch the same movie whenever you feel stressed?" but it's another thing in the bucket. When I read it today, it made me feel happy. It never felt odd to me to do it but I know other people remarked, so I have to wait until I can do it in secret, without judgement.

At least I don't break furniture or regularly punch walls as Fern does

 

[juttjaw]

The thing is you have a bunch of movies you rewatch, which is great. I have one. Like you, I've rewatched movies too and enjoy seeing some new ones ( Arrival is just amazing ), but I have one as my talisman.

It's hardly a diagnostic tool "Do you rewatch the same movie whenever you feel stressed?" but it's another thing in the bucket. When I read it today, it made me feel happy. It never felt odd to me to do it but I know other people remarked, so I have to wait until I can do it in secret, without judgement.

At least I don't break furniture or regularly punch walls as Fern does

I agree, Arrival is one of the better movies, I rewatch, time and time again. I really don't like new stuff. Not that they're bad, but I hate the unpredictably. I don't like dramas or outrageously goofy movies. Suspense? Forget it. Thriller? Nope. Give me something I've watched when I enjoyed those things. Except the movies that make me feel. I loved 'Crazy Heart'. I watched it a few weekends ago and Jeff Bridges portrayal of a bad alcoholic is spot on. I had no control over how it took hold of me. Just watching him struggle to get sober was too much. It made me feel all those things I've struggled with, for so many years, all over again. It was like I was still living that life. I broke down and had to turn it off. I'm not usually like that with fictional stories, but it happened. Also, the wife and I went to see 'A Star is Born' with Bradley Cooper and Lady GaGa.. They did such a fantastic job with the relationship, in that movie. Actually, it got so intense, the wife and I had to leave. We were both taken aback by the effect it had in us.

Thats why I stick to Documentaries.. Real life, is much less stressful, than reliving some of the worst times of your life. I don't know if I can call it PTSD, but its something..

 

[svengali_decL]

On a serious note I worry about my kid when he is adult and dealing with these things. He doesn't understand why you can't do certain things.

As a ignormal poisson, had that when stayed at friends a long time back.
Their daughter, a certain age, had social issues but also, unrestrained activities like stripping naked for shock value. She'd been told it was wrong in company, but she did it sometime every one of the three days we were staying. Took it as normal and didn't make a big deal, so she'd go get dressed after a few minutes with no apparent impact on us.
Luckily...

 

[Noor]

It would be good to talk about sex and autism. I've got no problem with sex - I love all the sensations and closeness. I also write about it and those have been received quite well and I know a couple other authors who've posted some great stories. It's not as though we can't do sex

Except NTs don’t get that we may need to get used o them first esp if they have been away a while.

 

[PapaRomantic]

@stickygirl This is an excellent thread! As a teacher and elementary principal, I had lots of experiences working with kids on the spectrum (we didn't know that word back then) and there were always challenges but also so many wonderful times learning about some really great kids. Your thread has brought some of that back. Thank you so much for sharing!

 

[stickygirl]

I agree, Arrival is one of the better movies, I rewatch, time and time again. I really don't like new stuff. Not that they're bad, but I hate the unpredictably. I don't like dramas or outrageously goofy movies. Suspense? Forget it. Thriller? Nope.

Sames. I seem to pick up other people's emotions too easily, like a chameleon. When I see people stressing out or panicking, I feel that way too and because it's internalised, there's nothing I can do to stop it. So I leave the room. Even happy, sappy movies can be too much because the embarrassment of bawling my eyes out in company, while they look at me like I'm a weirdo, is a no-no.

Give me something I've watched when I enjoyed those things. Except the movies that make me feel. I loved 'Crazy Heart'. I watched it a few weekends ago and Jeff Bridges portrayal of a bad alcoholic is spot on. I had no control over how it took hold of me. Just watching him struggle to get sober was too much. It made me feel all those things I've struggled with, for so many years, all over again. It was like I was still living that life. I broke down and had to turn it off. I'm not usually like that with fictional stories, but it happened. Also, the wife and I went to see 'A Star is Born' with Bradley Cooper and Lady GaGa.. They did such a fantastic job with the relationship, in that movie. Actually, it got so intense, the wife and I had to leave. We were both taken aback by the effect it had in us.


Thats why I stick to Documentaries.. Real life, is much less stressful, than reliving some of the worst times of your life. I don't know if I can call it PTSD, but its something..

Most documentaries are good and the BBC has a great Natural History dept, but some Indy directors feel they've got to jazz things up with shitty soundtracks or patronising commentary.

 

[stickygirl]

Except NTs don’t get that we may need to get used o them first esp if they have been away a while.

Urgh - flashback of pre-diagnosis shame. A gf arrived back before me on a Friday night after being away for a week. I'd had an awful week and I needed to be alone - like seriously. She walked in all happy to see me and I said the most awful thing. I dunno if writing it here will be therapeutic, but I just said flatly "Oh, it's you again" and her face fell.
I was home, unmasked and ready to start breaking stuff. She didn't know or understand because I wasn't diagnosed. I didn't understand why I felt the way I did or why I was this horrible person, saying mean things to someone I loved.

 

[stickygirl]

On a serious note I worry about my kid when he is adult and dealing with these things. He doesn't understand why you can't do certain things.

I watched a Temple Grandin interview, who was reflecting on how she was brought up. It may have been wrt to that 2010 film. She said that the strict discipline and rules she was given as a child helped her as an adult. I tend to agree, because as autistic people we can't navigate the NT world intuitively - we need rules and conventions on how to be normal ( even if they keep breaking the rules ).
I'd hate to be a parent of an autistic child - it must be so hard.

 

[Noor]

I watched a Temple Grandin interview, who was reflecting on how she was brought up. It may have been wrt to that 2010 film. She said that the strict discipline and rules she was given as a child helped her as an adult. I tend to agree, because as autistic people we can't navigate the NT world intuitively - we need rules and conventions on how to be normal ( even if they keep breaking the rules ).
I'd hate to be a parent of an autistic child - it must be so hard.

I found the book that she co-wrote on unwritten rules of social relationships quite helpful as well as the 4 agreements.
When I was young and through school I was taught lots of ettiquite with the thought that if I didn’t know what to do or wanted to disengaged, I could always fall back on common courtesy and etiquette.
I haven’t done it in a while, but I used to be able to go through receiving lines, with no problem, make the necessary small talk without even processing it.

 

[Noor]

I found the book that she co-wrote on unwritten rules of social relationships quite helpful as well as the 4 agreements.
When I was young and through school I was taught lots of ettiquite with the thought that if I didn’t know what to do or wanted to disengaged, I could always fall back on common courtesy and etiquette.
I haven’t done it in a while, but I used to be able to go through receiving lines, with no problem, make the necessary small talk without even processing i

I watched a Temple Grandin interview, who was reflecting on how she was brought up. It may have been wrt to that 2010 film. She said that the strict discipline and rules she was given as a child helped her as an adult. I tend to agree, because as autistic people we can't navigate the NT world intuitively - we need rules and conventions on how to be normal ( even if they keep breaking the rules ).
I'd hate to be a parent of an autistic child - it must be so hard.

I’ve been following this mother and daughter from Ghana on Facebook. The daughter has autism, she’s high functioning several areas and not so others. she does some things that I do myself like, keeping her hands, always clean and singing to herself, although I do it quietly and she sings out loud. I told her mom that I always use knapkins/servettes when I eat as do my parents for that very reason. In Ghana they eat with their hands, so she needs to wipe them off with each bite. I totally get that. The daughter also wanders, which I did a lot too.
Watching this mother and daughter makes me really appreciate my parents.

 

[stickygirl]

So I started to wonder if I come to Lit for the dopamine hit. I post stuff then go into a spiral of self-doubt: did I sound bitchy/needy/weird or will someone come back and tell me I'm an idiot? Or, as happened recently, I let my inner demon loose and I do a kind of online meltdown, use BANNED words that get me censored by the Mod so that I feel my soul has been dipped in acid and I have nowhere to hide except maybe the grave, pissed on by vengeful Litsters?

Most of time things aren't as dramatic. I'll let my anger gnaw away at my insides like a parasite, waiting for the day it breaks through my empty skull and, like a Mayfly, have one day of wrathful sex in the reeds and die.

Anyway. Yeah, the dopamine hit of the little red blob by the bell icon. Oh shit - is it going to be a Like or Laugh or has someone quoted me? Quoting can go two ways of course - confirmation or assassination. If it's a quote it could be one of those dissections, where someone has torn my paragraphs of jollity apart like a chicken carcass 'What do you mean by THIS?' 'You're wrong and I hate you'.

Shit. I've got three up there right now. Pleasure or pain?

I'll be right back

ETA Well that was neutral - a simple Like and a couple of quotes that didn't send chills to my core.
PS I did put 'Random Stuff' in the thread title to cover things like this. So.

 

[Plasmaball]

I watched a Temple Grandin interview, who was reflecting on how she was brought up. It may have been wrt to that 2010 film. She said that the strict discipline and rules she was given as a child helped her as an adult. I tend to agree, because as autistic people we can't navigate the NT world intuitively - we need rules and conventions on how to be normal ( even if they keep breaking the rules ).
I'd hate to be a parent of an autistic child - it must be so hard.

The hardest part I'd he is 11 and still in diapers because he is scared to go. He's destroyed nerves back there as a result.

He doesn't understand rules all the time. I understands authority to a point. But I tell people this.

He doesn't understand the why, he understands the no, but not the why. That disconnect is an issue

 

[butters]

So I started to wonder if I come to Lit for the dopamine hit. I post stuff then go into a spiral of self-doubt: did I sound bitchy/needy/weird or will someone come back and tell me I'm an idiot? Or, as happened recently, I let my inner demon loose and I do a kind of online meltdown, use BANNED words that get me censored by the Mod so that I feel my soul has been dipped in acid and I have nowhere to hide except maybe the grave, pissed on by vengeful Litsters?

Most of time things aren't as dramatic. I'll let my anger gnaw away at my insides like a parasite, waiting for the day it breaks through my empty skull and, like a Mayfly, have one day of wrathful sex in the reeds and die.

Anyway. Yeah, the dopamine hit of the little red blob by the bell icon. Oh shit - is it going to be a Like or Laugh or has someone quoted me? Quoting can go two ways of course - confirmation or assassination. If it's a quote it could be one of those dissections, where someone has torn my paragraphs of jollity apart like a chicken carcass 'What do you mean by THIS?' 'You're wrong and I hate you'.

Shit. I've got three up there right now. Pleasure or pain?

I'll be right back

ETA Well that was neutral - a simple Like and a couple of quotes that didn't send chills to my core.
PS I did put 'Random Stuff' in the thread title to cover things like this. So.

sending you a little red blob for your daily dose

you're always worth reading and i appreciate how you make sense of a crazy world that makes little

 

[Plasmaball]

Don't be sad guys. It is what it is.

Yesterday he ran to the car because he heard dogs barking in the store next to the one we were in. It was funny.

Roof!

Nope!

 

[butters]

Don't be sad guys. It is what it is.

Yesterday he ran to the car because he heard dogs barking in the store next to the one we were in. It was funny.

Roof!

Nope!

there are some brilliant memories i have of my own autistic kid's childhood, and a lot of hard work, patience, frustration, a lack of my own understanding and his not being able to properly communicate his needs or even understand why he was the way he is. The more you both understand how he is, the easier it becomes to work through things and for them to find their own feet... even if only to a certain level, depending on what gets in their way.

as to diapers at 11:
I can't promise he'll ever do without them, given the mentioned nerve damage, but my own son (now 30) wet the bed every night till he was 12. He came home this totally peaceful, contented baby and slept through the night from day one (i had to wake him for feeding), but after 2 weeks he had the sniffles one night and that was it...like he'd been swapped overnight! He would never use a dummy (comforter) or have soft toys in his cot, and was always wanting to drink from his bottle (i'm assuming that might have been a comfort thing for him since he wasn't diabetic) and so wet the bed (at least once) a night. Every night was broken sleep, changing pjs, bedding, having to wake him 'in case' he needed to go... and i was a zombie. He must have felt like one too! He hated wetting the bed, but it wasn't till he was 12 that his body and mind seemed to sync up and he got the message he needed to pee enough to wake him up.

He wasn't diagnosed till he was almost 20, being very good at keeping in the background at school, till the second term the school would tell me he was falling behind and needed extra help, getting help in the third term, then them deciding he'd mayyyyybe caught up enough by the end of it so dropping him off their list. And starting all over again the next school year. When he reached 15 or so, that's when all manner of other problems. That's when he started skipping school, getting into drugs (to quieten his mind, he later explained to me), stealing to pay for the weed, and lots more besides. He still doesn't necessarily understand why he shouldn't do certain things (just to fit in with us 'stupid' people) but as his own knowledge of his autism grew he became better at expressing his needs, his limitations, more content—even proud—of himself, and how to understand the needs of others better, too.

Even now, he's 30, we still have issues but i know how not to react to certain things he says or does and why he's said/done them, and they don't hurt like they used to. He fluctuates between telling me in our conversations that I'm the best mum ever and what a horrible parent I am.

 

[butters]

his father (the psycho) often swore in front of the kids, but i never heard them pick up on it till one day I was watching the news and some smug-faced twat was spouting just an appalling amount of shit. I don't remember who it was. My son was 4, and sat next to me on the sofa. When the guy paused for breath, my child said in a very calm and definitive voice "What a cunt."
i don't know which was funnier, my own shock at what he said and its delivery/timing, or the fact that he was undeniably correct.

and as to not understanding the why's, plasma, i was taking him to the cinema one afternoon as a treat and as we walked along he was chatting about stuff... I asked him what he'd like to do when he grew up. He was about 9 here, i think. Without skipping a beat he replied "I want to stab a policeman." Of course I was horrified, mortified, and tried to very calmly ask him why. "I think it would be fun."

 

[Plasmaball]

there are some brilliant memories i have of my own autistic kid's childhood, and a lot of hard work, patience, frustration, a lack of my own understanding and his not being able to properly communicate his needs or even understand why he was the way he is. The more you both understand how he is, the easier it becomes to work through things and for them to find their own feet... even if only to a certain level, depending on what gets in their way.

as to diapers at 11:
I can't promise he'll ever do without them, given the mentioned nerve damage, but my own son (now 30) wet the bed every night till he was 12. He came home this totally peaceful, contented baby and slept through the night from day one (i had to wake him for feeding), but after 2 weeks he had the sniffles one night and that was it...like he'd been swapped overnight! He would never use a dummy (comforter) or have soft toys in his cot, and was always wanting to drink from his bottle (i'm assuming that might have been a comfort thing for him since he wasn't diabetic) and so wet the bed (at least once) a night. Every night was broken sleep, changing pjs, bedding, having to wake him 'in case' he needed to go... and i was a zombie. He must have felt like one too! He hated wetting the bed, but it wasn't till he was 12 that his body and mind seemed to sync up and he got the message he needed to pee enough to wake him up.

He wasn't diagnosed till he was almost 20, being very good at keeping in the background at school, till the second term the school would tell me he was falling behind and needed extra help, getting help in the third term, then them deciding he'd mayyyyybe caught up enough by the end of it so dropping him off their list. And starting all over again the next school year. When he reached 15 or so, that's when all manner of other problems. That's when he started skipping school, getting into drugs (to quieten his mind, he later explained to me), stealing to pay for the weed, and lots more besides. He still doesn't necessarily understand why he shouldn't do certain things (just to fit in with us 'stupid' people) but as his own knowledge of his autism grew he became better at expressing his needs, his limitations, more content—even proud—of himself, and how to understand the needs of others better, too.

Even now, he's 30, we still have issues but i know how not to react to certain things he says or does and why he's said/done them, and they don't hurt like they used to. He fluctuates between telling me in our conversations that I'm the best mum ever and what a horrible parent I am.

The problem we are running into is the clean up part. That and actually taking the time to really put all our effort into fixing the issue. Which I'm not sure if it would fix.

They work with him at school but it's still not helping fully.

I know we are starting to hit puberty and that's gonna be an issue.

 

[Plasmaball]

his father (the psycho) often swore in front of the kids, but i never heard them pick up on it till one day I was watching the news and some smug-faced twat was spouting just an appalling amount of shit. I don't remember who it was. My son was 4, and sat next to me on the sofa. When the guy paused for breath, my child said in a very calm and definitive voice "What a cunt."
i don't know which was funnier, my own shock at what he said and its delivery/timing, or the fact that he was undeniably correct.

Oh that's funny. I have a rule in my house. You can swear all you want but in public you behave. My sons friends have taken to this..its funny.

and as to not understanding the why's, plasma, i was taking him to the cinema one afternoon as a treat and as we walked along he was chatting about stuff... I asked him what he'd like to do when he grew up. He was about 9 here, i think. Without skipping a beat he replied "I want to stab a policeman." Of course I was horrified, mortified, and tried to very calmly ask him why. "I think it would be fun."

Mines non verbal so that isn't an issue for me. For me I'm more worried about a cop not grasping he is non verbal and treating him to the point I'd have to say some thing or do something.if I'm therr

 

[butters]

Oh that's funny. I have a rule in my house. You can swear all you want but in public you behave. My sons friends have taken to this..its funny.


Mines non verbal so that isn't an issue for me. For me I'm more worried about a cop not grasping he is non verbal and treating him to the point I'd have to say some thing or do something.if I'm therr

lol

totally get that! it must be a whole lot worse here in the states than in the US, but even there it can be a problem: when it was believed my son was autie but before the official confirmation, he was picked up one night close to the house and was pretty drunk. For all sorts of reasons (other things going on the cops were responding to), he was ordered to get on his knees or be tasered. Took them a while to get the message through and thankfully no tasers were deployed. SO there I am, in my nightie and dressing gown, him cuffed in the back of a cop car and me going off at him (for reasons) as the cops were smirking about the situation. They were determined to take him in and he was insisting he needed to piss. One cop said 'oh, you want to piss? Piss in the car." I put that cop in his place, first of all telling him off ("What's WRONG with you? You shouldn't be saying that to anyone, let alone him!) for even saying that and then explaining he was autistic and that he took things VERY literally, having trouble differentiating between nuances. I told the cop to take him into my house (feet away) and escort him to the bathroom or he'd be cleaning piss up from the back seat. Embarrassed cop gave up and took him in to use the bathroom as his fellow cops were laughing. Ugh, what a night. Of course there's a lot more to the story, but not things I want to go into here at the moment.

 

[stickygirl]

his father (the psycho) often swore in front of the kids, but i never heard them pick up on it till one day I was watching the news and some smug-faced twat was spouting just an appalling amount of shit. I don't remember who it was. My son was 4, and sat next to me on the sofa. When the guy paused for breath, my child said in a very calm and definitive voice "What a cunt."
i don't know which was funnier, my own shock at what he said and its delivery/timing, or the fact that he was undeniably correct.

I wanted a rose emoji Like but you'll just have to use this

Oh that's funny. I have a rule in my house. You can swear all you want but in public you behave. My sons friends have taken to this..its funny.


Mines non verbal so that isn't an issue for me. For me I'm more worried about a cop not grasping he is non verbal and treating him to the point I'd have to say some thing or do something.if I'm therr

I have a neighbour with a boy about the same age, non-verbal. He's a sweet kid just now, but, yeah... puberty beckons.

In that book I think I mentioned by Fern Brady, she cites a number of instances where the police misinterpreted someone having a meltdown and killed them. As she said, from the outside it looks like rage, but an autistic meltdown is an explosion of emotional energy that they can no longer contain. It isn't directed at anyone, it's just internal combustion.

Like most things autistic, we can all relate to meltdowns ( because we're all human beings, not aliens ) but most of us either never reach that crisis point and/or having means to defuse it early.
I've had a few shutdowns, but not since I was diagnosed.
Fern Brady was also using weed and various other drugs to either knock her out or wake her up. She manages to avoid them all now. Weed is a two edged sword.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

Anyone else have a favourite film they watch again and again? I do it for comfort: I know their lines, their expressions and can recite entire passages. It's fantasy of course, but it's predictable and that's the best part - it's like being with real people but their words don't jolt or surprise. Their voices are a comfort not a challenge.
I realised this is a thing from Fern Brady's book. An allistic person would be bored 'But I know the ending' and my bf understands my need and doesn't question it ( anymore ).

Yes, and thank you for reminding me that I'm past due to rewatch The Outlaw Josey Wales. So I cued it up.


JW - "Seems like we can't trust the white man."

LW - "You bet we can't."


Words of iron for the soul . . . .

 

[Plasmaball]

I wanted a rose emoji Like but you'll just have to use this

I have a neighbour with a boy about the same age, non-verbal. He's a sweet kid just now, but, yeah... puberty beckons.

In that book I think I mentioned by Fern Brady, she cites a number of instances where the police misinterpreted someone having a meltdown and killed them. As she said, from the outside it looks like rage, but an autistic meltdown is an explosion of emotional energy that they can no longer contain. It isn't directed at anyone, it's just internal combustion.

Like most things autistic, we can all relate to meltdowns ( because we're all human beings, not aliens ) but most of us either never reach that crisis point and/or having means to defuse it early.
I've had a few shutdowns, but not since I was diagnosed.
Fern Brady was also using weed and various other drugs to either knock her out or wake her up. She manages to avoid them all now. Weed is a two edged sword.

I had a video of a cop not killing a kid but just tackling and I think taking an autistic kid. The cop not understanding for the exact reasons you stated .

The times mine melt down that badly we have to escort him to the car or home.

 

[Plasmaball]

lol

totally get that! it must be a whole lot worse here in the states than in the US, but even there it can be a problem: when it was believed my son was autie but before the official confirmation, he was picked up one night close to the house and was pretty drunk. For all sorts of reasons (other things going on the cops were responding to), he was ordered to get on his knees or be tasered. Took them a while to get the message through and thankfully no tasers were deployed. SO there I am, in my nightie and dressing gown, him cuffed in the back of a cop car and me going off at him (for reasons) as the cops were smirking about the situation. They were determined to take him in and he was insisting he needed to piss. One cop said 'oh, you want to piss? Piss in the car." I put that cop in his place, first of all telling him off ("What's WRONG with you? You shouldn't be saying that to anyone, let alone him!) for even saying that and then explaining he was autistic and that he took things VERY literally, having trouble differentiating between nuances. I told the cop to take him into my house (feet away) and escort him to the bathroom or he'd be cleaning piss up from the back seat. Embarrassed cop gave up and took him in to use the bathroom as his fellow cops were laughing. Ugh, what a night. Of course there's a lot more to the story, but not things I want to go into here at the moment.

It can be. I worry about when and as he gets older how people will treat him. People can be mean, and then I think about what happens when we are gone if he out lives us.