Being autistic and random stuff

[Plasmaball]

It's why we had two kids and why I'm trying to kinda of leave things so my oldest will be ok

 

[EndCreditsPart2]

This is something I've struggled a lot with, I got a diagnosis a few years ago of being on the spectrum. I was in my mid-30s so it's something I've lived with my whole life without ever really realizing it. In terms of stuff like sex I believe it's definitely had an impact, in my younger years, in missing signals from women and so on. But otherwise, though the diagnosis explained a few things, I don't relate to masking, stimming, the #actuallyautistic hashtag, etc.

 

[stickygirl]

This is something I've struggled a lot with, I got a diagnosis a few years ago of being on the spectrum. I was in my mid-30s so it's something I've lived with my whole life without ever really realizing it. In terms of stuff like sex I believe it's definitely had an impact, in my younger years, in missing signals from women and so on. But otherwise, though the diagnosis explained a few things, I don't relate to masking, stimming, the #actuallyautistic hashtag, etc.

Thanks. I was a late diagnosis too and found it helpful to know, though it took a while to process the news. I dare say you've worked out that you probably can't compete with NT guys chatting up girls in a bar: your happy place will be somewhere quieter.
I suspect you are masking, even if you don't recognise the definition. Even NT people act differently in varied social settings. Autism is like a menu of characteristics, but we don't get to choose what ends up on our plate.
Stick to what makes you happy, whatever that is.

 

[EndCreditsPart2]

I dare say you've worked out that you probably can't compete with NT guys chatting up girls in a bar: your happy place will be somewhere quieter.

Online dating becoming popular was a blessing for me. Anyone I've ever slept with has been someone I met online.

 

[Chernosoth]

A comment about pattern recognition reminded me of The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon, a scifi novel with an autistic protagonist. It covers various aspects of autie life, such as trying to act normal enough in public and playing along with shrinks who have scripts of what they think auties should say and want. It spends a few chapters on the nuts and bolts of pattern recognition. And then it ends with the auties being (mostly) cured, so that may ruffle some feathers. The author has an autistic son.

 

[Noor]

A comment about pattern recognition reminded me of The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon, a scifi novel with an autistic protagonist. It covers various aspects of autie life, such as trying to act normal enough in public and playing along with shrinks who have scripts of what they think auties should say and want. It spends a few chapters on the nuts and bolts of pattern recognition. And then it ends with the auties being (mostly) cured, so that may ruffle some feathers. The author has an autistic son.

One of my friends’ kids who had just been diagnosed came into my kitchen and asked me if he was doing Autism right, I said well you’re diagnosed. I ask how he knew what to do, and he said he looked it up on the internet. The sad thing is that according to him, he has some serious issues but they aren’t autism, he just wanted all the appointments and tests to stop. He is a bright kid, known him since he was born, his mom has personality disorders among other things and he wants to make her happy, and he’s a mess. It’s very sad.

 

[stickygirl]

A comment about pattern recognition reminded me of The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon, a scifi novel with an autistic protagonist. It covers various aspects of autie life, such as trying to act normal enough in public and playing along with shrinks who have scripts of what they think auties should say and want. It spends a few chapters on the nuts and bolts of pattern recognition. And then it ends with the auties being (mostly) cured, so that may ruffle some feathers. The author has an autistic son.

Feathers remaining perfectly arranged and looking magnificent Nah Cherno, the cure thing is old news and touted by the likes of Autism Speaks who suggest bleach enemas on kids to cure them.

I've just read that book's synopsis and I see where's she's coming from: not advocating for cures, but opening people's eyes to the real consequences on an individual if they are imposed - surgically in this case? It's for the birds anyway. Can't see it ever happening.

Would I want a cure? I don't feel ill or broken, so I don't feel the need. I was thinking too, that if my traits were suddenly magicked away, I'd be looking over my shoulder to say 'What about them?

I feel a sense of belonging to my autistic tribe. Being diagnosed felt like coming home.

 

[stickygirl]

I watched a repeat episode of Voyager today, that featured Tuvak being NT, almost child-like after being zapped by some alien beam. He was offered the chance to be returned to being Vulcan, but hesitated, saying he enjoyed fun and making desserts. *gah* I teared up and felt his pain.

I've always felt the Star Trek Vulcan characters gave me a characterisation that made me feel valued. Clearly they're modelled on a male concept of autism, but it's better than nothing. I've never said "That would be satisfactory" in reply to a question, but the words have hovered at my lips ( Ooop mental picture of words with wings ).

Nevertheless, I think Star Trek did auties a huge favour by showing how we can integrate and be part of team beyond basic logic. Voyager also neatly demonstrates the emotional effect we have on other people, which is useful feedback. 7of9? she has a similar characterisation, as though the ultimate refinement of human beings is a cold, logical ex-Borg conundrum, troubled by her human 'frailty' but unphased by the questions it provokes.

In my case, I'm often overwhelmed by emotion, but I love it. It makes me feel alive.

Live long and prosper.

 

[Noor]

It’s not often that you see references to Star Trek here. Much appreciated.

Lots of trekkers and nerds here.

 

[stickygirl]

Maybe so but you still don’t see many references to Spock and the Vulcans.

The needs of the one outweigh the nerds of the many

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Never had an official diagnosis but I’m definitely spectrum-y. I learned to mask early. Most girls do. Being a teenager was hard. I never felt like I was “girling” properly. I was always a dork, an outsider and a loner.

My hypersensitivity is to other people’s emotions. When I’m in a crowd I feel like everyone is shouting their feelings at me. The only way I can hold onto myself and not dissolve into tears is to put up my walls and disengage.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Anyone else have a favourite film they watch again and again? I do it for comfort: I know their lines, their expressions and can recite entire passages. It's fantasy of course, but it's predictable and that's the best part - it's like being with real people but their words don't jolt or surprise. Their voices are a comfort not a challenge.
I realised this is a thing from Fern Brady's book. An allistic person would be bored 'But I know the ending' and my bf understands my need and doesn't question it ( anymore ).

For years I’d watch an episode of Futurama for comfort right before bed. (Only the original three seasons. I can’t stand the new ones.)

 

[EndCreditsPart2]

For years I’d watch an episode of Futurama for comfort right before bed. (Only the original three seasons. I can’t stand the new ones.)

Slightly off topic but I feel like I'm very halfheartedly interested in the new season. I might watch it at some point but I'm not super eager. It was fine the way it was!

 

[bellagio11]

I guess Futurama was helpful to have conversations with an autistic young man in my relationship. He was 30 at the time. We bonded, laughing during episodes. His mother thinks she is autistic now. Aren't we all.....a little? Thank you Stickygirl for starting this thread.

 

[stickygirl]

I guess Futurama was helpful to have conversations with an autistic young man in my relationship. He was 30 at the time. We bonded, laughing during episodes. His mother thinks she is autistic now. Aren't we all.....a little? Thank you Stickygirl for starting this thread.

Well, no. The idea that we’re all a bit on the spectrum isn’t very helpful. Yes, we’re all human beings and we share experiences and feelings but autistic people struggle with numerous social issues that NTs take for granted. To say that dismisses the problems we face as irrelevant.

My uncle said those words at a time I was very depressed and suicidal and shifted my opinion of him even lower ( so it's a little triggering to me! ). It’s every bit as bad as passing someone in the street and saying ‘cheer up love. Can’t be that bad.’

It’s good that you raised it and hope you’ll look at things differently

 

[stickygirl]

Never had an official diagnosis but I’m definitely spectrum-y. I learned to mask early. Most girls do. Being a teenager was hard. I never felt like I was “girling” properly. I was always a dork, an outsider and a loner.

My hypersensitivity is to other people’s emotions. When I’m in a crowd I feel like everyone is shouting their feelings at me. The only way I can hold onto myself and not dissolve into tears is to put up my walls and disengage.

Crowds are a common problem and I wonder if I’m emotional blotting paper. If I witness an argument I feel consumed by a vicarious reaction and feel so anxious.

A diagnosis gives a confirmation but nothing to stop you reading about it provided you also find tricks to cope as well

 

[stickygirl]

Talking too loud! LOUD?!

Now that I hold a mirror to my idiosyncrasies, I spot traits that are a bit autie, but typically me! I spent a couple of days with my SO on his boat, out in the wind and fresh air. Fab. The thing is when you're holding a conversation in a stiff breeze you have to talk louder. When you're sitting right next to them, you don't! My SO knows not to police me, so I was the one to say 'Why am I talking so loud?!

It's an acknowledged trait of talking louder than the immediate circumstances require - I have a cousin who does it too. He becomes suddenly self conscious of it - and embarrassed, same as me. It'll happen when you're trying to be relaxed with friends, then you realise you're acting like a dork and feel you've let yourself down. Click, click goes the anxiety meter

ETA - corrected loads of typos - tiredness last night

 

[Noor]

Talking too loud! LOUD?!

Now that I hold a mirror to my idiosyncrasies, I spot traits that are a wee bit autie but very much me! I spent a couple of days with my SO on his boat, out in the wind and fresh air. Fab. The thing is when you're holding a conversation in a stiff breeze you have to talk louder. When you're sitting next to them, you don't! My SO knows not to police me, so I was the one to say 'Why am I talking so loud?!

It's an acknowledged trait of talking louder than the immediate circumstances require - I have a cousin who does it too. He becomes suddenly self conscious of it - and embarrassed, same as me. When you're doing you're to be relaxed with friends, then you realise you acting like a dork, you feel you've let yourself down. Click, click goes the anxiety meter that day.

Also hearing someone else talking too loud freaks us out.

 

[stickygirl]

Never had an official diagnosis but I’m definitely spectrum-y. I learned to mask early. Most girls do. Being a teenager was hard. I never felt like I was “girling” properly. I was always a dork, an outsider and a loner.

My hypersensitivity is to other people’s emotions. When I’m in a crowd I feel like everyone is shouting their feelings at me. The only way I can hold onto myself and not dissolve into tears is to put up my walls and disengage.

My mother brought up my sister and me by herself - long story. I always assumed that because I didn't have a Dad around with the normal family interactions ( aka arguments ) going on at home, that when I witnessed arguments between parents at friend's houses, I was upset simply because I wasn't used to it. Maybe that was true in a way - I never learned to block other people's anger so their emotions would overwhelm me.

It isn't just anger, but any strong emotion, and so people used to say I was 'sensitive' or 'overly sensitive'.

I'm frightened of crowds and part of it is a kind of claustrophobia but it's more than that. It's more an emotional claustrophobia and I have to get away from it or implode.

Does any of that sound familiar?

 

[stickygirl]

I'm friends with an older woman, whose former marriage ended badly: deception, infidelity and worse, so she was traumatised by that. Two years later, she's dating a new guy and though it's early days, she's obviously smitten ( he's not the first guy to ask her on dates ). I don't want her to get hurt, so I told her try and be objective and figure out if he is honest and not stringing her along etc.

So that got me thinking. Can you be objective and be in love? Can my friend be analytical of her relationship one moment but feel a rush of love the next? The two seem incompatible to me.

What is love anyway and how do you know if you're in it? Why do NTs get all offended and say things like 'How can you not know if you love me? Are you saying you don't love me? Have you ever loved me?' when I can't actually be certain of what love is AND I suspect neither do they, but are deluding themselves. I've decided that love is a mix of sexual attraction and a sense of comfort.

 

[AchtungNight]

Autism is a very variable spectrum. I have it, my roommates both have it, my relatives have it, others here have it also.

 

[Noor]

I'm friends with an older woman, whose former marriage ended badly: deception, infidelity and worse, so she was traumatised by that. Two years later, she's dating a new guy and though it's early days, she's obviously smitten ( he's not the first guy to ask her on dates ). I don't want her to get hurt, so I told her try and be objective and figure out if he is honest and not stringing her along etc.

So that got me thinking. Can you be objective and be in love? Can my friend be analytical of her relationship one moment but feel a rush of love the next? The two seem incompatible to me.

What is love anyway and how do you know if you're in it? Why do NTs get all offended and say things like 'How can you not know if you love me? Are you saying you don't love me? Have you ever loved me?' when I can't actually be certain of what love is AND I suspect neither do they, but are deluding themselves. I've decided that love is a mix of sexual attraction and a sense of comfort.

My first reaction to this post was NTs say the weirdest things. Much of it is incomprehensible to outsiders and they have no idea.

 

[Noor]

My first reaction to this post was NTs say the weirdest things. Much of it is incomprehensible to outsiders and they have no idea.

I think love goes beyond sexual.

 

[enchantedmedow]

I'm not officially diagnosed, mostly because I have an intense fear of being taken away from the life I've been building for myself and placed back under any sort of "conservatorship" by my mother, and I do not see how an official diagnosis will help my situation greater than any chance of hinderance.

However I do truly believe I am autistic, and it has definitely made my life better to have a word for why I am the way I am.

I also never thought I was "girl-ing" properly, mostly because none of the girls around me ever really enjoyed my presence unless they too were not neurotypical. I have a lot of weird ticks and high sensitivies that have combined with years of abuse to form the mass of anxiety and paranoia I current reside at. all of which does not help my quest on making new acquaintances with people who do not just want to use my body in some way.

In that I also have been hypersexual for years, probably stemming from the wonderful combo of the autism and the abuse creating a perfect blend of need-seeking behaviors.

I am polyamorous, as I see much of love as a conscious choice you make over and over to choose people and to help and care for them. Of course for sexual loves that's usually started by sexual attraction in some way with me but I still end up choosing the person over and over again. of course I can choose multiple people, it is not much effort for me to do so, as long as they themselves also care for me in the same way.

Romance has always been difficult for me to understand. The line between a romantic relationship and a platonic relationship for me is supremely blurred, though there are certain actions I view as purely romantic, though I would never expect them to occur towards me. I always wondered if others felt the same way where a platonic or sexual love was easier to comprehend than romantic.

 

[EndCreditsPart2]

Love/romance is something I struggle with as a nature vs nurture thing. How much of what I experience is what was modeled for me by my parents, and how much is in my spectrum brain.