Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

Thank you.
Once I've slept and can string two thoughts together again I'll be back to check those out and catch up with the rest of the thread

Sorry - I realise I was a bit blurty. I guess that's a thing!
Remember this is your show. You get to decide.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Sorry - I realise I was a bit blurty. I guess that's a thing!
Remember this is your show. You get to decide.

Oh no problem. I want ALL the info and I'll be back to inhale it.

It's more clues to try and make sense of the world and how I've been struggling to figure it out

 

[stickygirl]

The thread title says '...and other random stuff'. Genius provision if I must say so myself, because no one else will.

Other random stuff must include OCD and a movie, Turtles All The Way Down. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I've read the book and like all John Green's novels, I found myself stumbling between crying and laughter throughout. I swear my copy of The Fault in Our Stars is blotched with my tears, quite enough for someone to gather the DNA and clone me (which would be a mistake).

Back to Turtles... Here's a delightful chat with John Green talking about the condition and how it has impacted his life. If you know only the stereotypes of OCD, or even if you live with the condition yourself, this will feel like a big comfort hug.

 

[PMarky2]

This is a thread I could have fun with. I have always been 'a little weird,' but only recently discovered that I'm on the mild end of ASD. I'd have to say that ASD is both a positive and a negative experience. On the one hand, it gives me the skills and the focus that I need to do my job, but socially, I am a bit of a disaster. I hate parties, loud noise, multiple conversations, and lots of people. As a result, I have been known get quietly and solidly drunk to shut down the overload.

Other problems: Bright lights, loud repetitive noises, any sort of chaotic noise stress me. I hate most artificial scents and there should be a special place in hades for those who splash Fabuloso all over the place. I am currently wondering whether I should complain about the new cleaning contractor in the department using it. It really gets to me. Having to sit in my office with all the windows open in 20F weather is not good. I've not been much given to stimming since I got into my teens, though I will start pacing, or tidying up, or go for a long walk when I start to overload. I do need significant slices of time alone to decompress, and not have to worry about what other folks are thinking.

The area in which my Autism really seems to show up is my need for rules in order to be able to function. My days tend to run on a rigid agenda, and get very upset when the usual routine is upset at short notice, though full meltdowns are rare. My wife finds my rigidity and love of routine very irritating, though on the up-side, she usually knows where I will be. Travelling is a weird one for me. I find it stressful, I think most people to, but it is a lot easier for me if I am using a scheduled service - train or flying - rather than driving.

As someone who is a Christian, I find the moronic attitudes of some 'Christian' groups towards things like ASD extremely irritating. My own religious environment is well away from the fever swamps of Dispensationalism, the Holiness Movement, and Pentecostalism, so I have not run into those attitude much myself. I've just had to deal with the normal 'NTs-do-not-get-it' stuff in Church just I have had to deal with it everywhere else over the years.

I only really got clued into the fact I might be ASD about three or four years ago when I struck up a friendship with a young woman who is also on the spectrum. Besides shared interests, there were a lot of 'you too?!' moments about likes/dislikes, what makes us crazy, going down rabbit holes, and all that. For a while we became very, very close, so much so that my wife, who is NT, got quite upset because she thought we were having 'an emotional affair.' We try and keep it between the lines now, but sometimes it is hard as she is someone with whom I do not have to conform to NT norms.

On the whole, diagnosis was a 'ah - ok - that explains that' experience. For example, it explains why just functioning can be so bloody exhausting for me. In a sense, even the wife was relieved as she now has a label for what she is dealing with, and she finds that useful as she can now use her scientific background to read up on how to deal with the weirdo she is married to. That said, it does not stop us driving one another crazy from time-to-time, but we both understand that in a very real sense we do not think alike, and that helps us both to cope.

 

[stickygirl]

This is a thread I could have fun with. I have always been 'a little weird,' but only recently discovered that I'm on the mild end of ASD. I'd have to say that ASD is both a positive and a negative experience. On the one hand, it gives me the skills and the focus that I need to do my job, but socially, I am a bit of a disaster. I hate parties, loud noise, multiple conversations, and lots of people. As a result, I have been known get quietly and solidly drunk to shut down the overload.

Other problems: Bright lights, loud repetitive noises, any sort of chaotic noise stress me. I hate most artificial scents and there should be a special place in hades for those who splash Fabuloso all over the place. I am currently wondering whether I should complain about the new cleaning contractor in the department using it. It really gets to me. Having to sit in my office with all the windows open in 20F weather is not good. I've not been much given to stimming since I got into my teens, though I will start pacing, or tidying up, or go for a long walk when I start to overload. I do need significant slices of time alone to decompress, and not have to worry about what other folks are thinking.

The area in which my Autism really seems to show up is my need for rules in order to be able to function. My days tend to run on a rigid agenda, and get very upset when the usual routine is upset at short notice, though full meltdowns are rare. My wife finds my rigidity and love of routine very irritating, though on the up-side, she usually knows where I will be. Travelling is a weird one for me. I find it stressful, I think most people to, but it is a lot easier for me if I am using a scheduled service - train or flying - rather than driving.

As someone who is a Christian, I find the moronic attitudes of some 'Christian' groups towards things like ASD extremely irritating. My own religious environment is well away from the fever swamps of Dispensationalism, the Holiness Movement, and Pentecostalism, so I have not run into those attitude much myself. I've just had to deal with the normal 'NTs-do-not-get-it' stuff in Church just I have had to deal with it everywhere else over the years.

I only really got clued into the fact I might be ASD about three or four years ago when I struck up a friendship with a young woman who is also on the spectrum. Besides shared interests, there were a lot of 'you too?!' moments about likes/dislikes, what makes us crazy, going down rabbit holes, and all that. For a while we became very, very close, so much so that my wife, who is NT, got quite upset because she thought we were having 'an emotional affair.' We try and keep it between the lines now, but sometimes it is hard as she is someone with whom I do not have to conform to NT norms.

On the whole, diagnosis was a 'ah - ok - that explains that' experience. For example, it explains why just functioning can be so bloody exhausting for me. In a sense, even the wife was relieved as she now has a label for what she is dealing with, and she finds that useful as she can now use her scientific background to read up on how to deal with the weirdo she is married to. That said, it does not stop us driving one another crazy from time-to-time, but we both understand that in a very real sense we do not think alike, and that helps us both to cope.

Yup, yup
Same, same
I have a bf who already knew a little about ASD and is a scientist like me, so we take a pragmatic approach to our relationship and wrinkles that my quirkiness throws up. Like he bought a s/h car but they must have cleaned the interior with men's aftershave - I call the Rep car because it smells like an insurance salesman.

I can sometimes cope with changes to a plan, but not if I'm tired. If an overall plan for a w/e is 'be flexible to change' then I'm okay... In fact "embrace change" is one of my life memes. Maybe you could try to view change in a different light... but it's usually when people and not circumstance force change that I get stroppy.

Interesting that you're religious. I'm not at all.

Yes, losing 'best mates' who understand you unconditionally is tough. I think NTs folk have best mates too though... it doesn't always have to end up in bed, but of course often does.

Feel free to post here. Lots of people lurk and it may help them to read about NDs and autism from a grass roots level.

 

[Strixaluco]

problem, namely 'Once you've been diagnosed, your autism gets worse.'

I don't call it a problem, just a phenomena. And it happens with self diagnosis, too.

It's actually quite logical. You start to notice tendencies and traits you had been unaware of. And while before you were probably masking all you could, now you do less of it. Even the subconscious one that has been masking autism from yourself.

I was only vaguely aware how for example sensory stimulation is exhausting. Got home and pretty much dropped on the bench in hey foyer, as the exhaustion washed over me. Now I can feel it creeping already along the way, and it makes me irritated at the stimuli that do it, because I am aware of it all.

I've known for some 18 months now. My life has changed with that knowledge - for the better, as the challenges were always there anyway, now I just know what I'm dealing with so I have more tools to survive.

I'll come back for the relationship & sexual side of it when i have more time (this thread looks nice!), but I have to say that's the one area I can't complain about... And somehow the bdsm scene is full of ND's. Like, almost packed full. The overrepresentation is overwhelming.

 

[PMarky2]

Yup, yup
Same, same
I have a bf who already knew a little about ASD and is a scientist like me, so we take a pragmatic approach to our relationship and wrinkles that my quirkiness throws up. Like he bought a s/h car but they must have cleaned the interior with men's aftershave - I call the Rep car because it smells like an insurance salesman.

I can sometimes cope with changes to a plan, but not if I'm tired. If an overall plan for a w/e is 'be flexible to change' then I'm okay... In fact "embrace change" is one of my life memes. Maybe you could try to view change in a different light... but it's usually when people and not circumstance force change that I get stroppy.

Interesting that you're religious. I'm not at all.

Yes, losing 'best mates' who understand you unconditionally is tough. I think NTs folk have best mates too though... it doesn't always have to end up in bed, but of course often does.

Feel free to post here. Lots of people lurk and it may help them to read about NDs and autism from a grass roots level.

My Autie best mate is still around. We see one another nearly every week, but we are more careful these days. I think we both realized we needed to cool it as we were talking about subjects like raising kids, and how many she would like, etc.. We discovered we were on the same page there too. We tend to stick to safer subjects these days, but still tend to gravitate together. Having to cool it has not been all bad as I've struck up a friendship with her very practical younger sister who presents as NT, but is as obsessive and perfectionist about the things she is interested in as her sister and I are. However, she is the one I usually end up in the kitchen with when events get too peoply.

ASDs and religion tends to be an all-or-nothing proposition. I suspect that like so many other things we are either into it or we are not. I've always been vaguely religious, and discovered that I found Christianity fascinating and intellectually satisfying. On the other hand I need to steer clear of crazy liberals, fundamentalists, Liberty University types, and anyone else whose religion is mainly emotional. The structure helps me enormously. I'm an Early Modern History specialist, so I got hooked on the Reformation era debates.

Big yep on the tiredness and stress levels making a big difference to how flexible I will be thing. If I am on the bottom 15% of my battery - forget it!

 

[Strixaluco]

Big yep on the tiredness and stress levels making a big difference to how flexible I will be thing. If I am on the bottom 15% of my battery - forget it!

There's even a concept flexible mode vs safe mode. I don't think it's official, might be made up by Mom on the Spectrum (her YouTube channel is good), but it's a practical one.

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

 

[stickygirl]

There's even a concept flexible mode vs safe mode. I don't think it's official, might be made up by Mom on the Spectrum (her YouTube channel is good), but it's a practical one.

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

I follow Mom on the Spectrum

 

[Strixaluco]

I follow Mom on the Spectrum

I'm still in the phase where I keep coming across "oh this is related too!* She has helped with many of those.

 

[EndCreditsPart2]

There's even a concept flexible mode vs safe mode. I don't think it's official, might be made up by Mom on the Spectrum (her YouTube channel is good), but it's a practical one.

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

What a coincidence, I was planning on asking my therapist about this today.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm still in the phase where I keep coming across "oh this is related too!* She has helped with many of those.

After a lifetime of accepting other people's version of normality, the joy and validation of hearing the views of someone like you is a real buzz. I'd simply accepted that everyone felt and thought the same as me, but no one else thought to talk about it.
I'm glad you're still enjoying the process

 

[Strixaluco]

After a lifetime of accepting other people's version of normality, the joy and validation of hearing the views of someone like you is a real buzz. I'd simply accepted that everyone felt and thought the same as me, but no one else thought to talk about it.
I'm glad you're still enjoying the process

I've also had a lot of this classic "so you mean other people don't do this???"

 

[PMarky2]

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

I'm convinced flexible mode is three to five times the battery load of safe mode.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm convinced flexible mode is three to five times the battery load of safe mode.

In safe mode, if you have the possibility to indulge in special interests, it may even be like rest.

 

[Strixaluco]

And that is why having at least some part special interest in your job is a very good idea.

 

[PMarky2]

And that is why having at least some part special interest in your job is a very good idea.

Definitely. I love teaching early modern history and a couple of theology courses which key into my special interests, though I think it is more sharing what I have discovered that I enjoy than teaching. I now have enough seniority that I don't have to teach the courses which leave me an unmotivated mess. I used to cop for a couple of American history courses that bored the living shit out of me I found uninteresting.

BFOTS/Crush is trying to turn her special talent into a business but periodically has to go and work retail when there is a cash crunch. She is so happy when she can ditch the retail for a while and go back to concentrating on what really fires her up.

 

[PMarky2]

I had to go away for a week to take care of some family stuff, so now I am having difficulty adjusting back to 'home.' Being on my own in a fairly tidy environment where I could follow my routine, go hiking when I needed to de-stress, and not have to worry about unscheduled interruptions was pure bliss. Jetlag has left me tired, and that just makes my NT wife's 'randomness' harder to cope with because I am trying to cling to routine while I recover from the trip. I am probably driving her up the walls as much as she is driving me.

The other thing that is disturbing my tranquility is that although I picked that she is very judgmental/Miss Suburbia 1968 about folks who are on the Spectrum a long time ago, it has begun to bother me quite a lot recently mainly because I am picking up on it more than I used to.

Update 6/9/24: Finally over the jet lag and starting to cope. Been a rough 'reentry' this time.

 

[stickygirl]

Fucking anxiety!!
I've been in 'fight or flight mode' for about 4 days, because something is coming up that requires my brain to juggle with different outcomes/scenarios/possibilities. I understand why I'm doing it, but it's exhausting. Hopefully at the weekend the whole event will be passed and one of the million alternative outcomes will have taken shape.
It's not even anything to be stressed about - actually a theoretically fun event, but fuck.
No wonder auties die early - burnt out wrecks.

 

[Strixaluco]

Fucking anxiety!!
I've been in 'fight or flight mode' for about 4 days, because something is coming up that requires my brain to juggle with different outcomes/scenarios/possibilities. I understand why I'm doing it, but it's exhausting. Hopefully at the weekend the whole event will be passed and one of the million alternative outcomes will have taken shape.
It's not even anything to be stressed about - actually a theoretically fun event, but fuck.
No wonder auties die early - burnt out wrecks.

*hugs* (if those are OK for you)

 

[stickygirl]

*hugs* (if those are OK for you)

Ta. Happy to accept cyber hugs
Also happy to accept hugs from friends but not from assuming men or people with strong perfume

 

[stickygirl]

Is that a problem with men? I never hug anyone.

Not as a rule because most men don't assume or expect hugs. Some do though. It's a personal space and I get to decide who is welcome. I guess I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm different, I like going to balls. Aka being very close to even men I don't know.

But it doesn't mean I'll accept just any hug at whatever occasion.

 

[SmokingFap]

Not as a rule because most men don't assume or expect hugs. Some do though. It's a personal space and I get to decide who is welcome. I guess I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular.

I think men have been conditioned to never initiate a hug, outside of family or significant other and really close friends. I do find the acceptance and popularity of the "bro hug" to be rather enlightened. It gives guys the freedom to express themselves without coming off as gay, if they're not, or don't want to appear to be. I have been known to hug female co-workers, if I considered them friends, and a couple times I've hugged women I wasn't all that familiar with who were just in desperate need of a hug, a show of empathy and support in a bad moment.

 

[SmokingFap]

You sound very sensible and aware about it. Many people are not.

There will always be assholes who will never respect other people's boundaries and may use a hug just as a way to feel a woman's tits against their own chests. And there are many sociopaths out there who just don't give enough of a fuck about anyone else to ever give a hug. But I think there are still quite a few of us decent people out there, as well.