Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

There will always be assholes who will never respect other people's boundaries and may use a hug just as a way to feel a woman's tits against their own chests. And there are many sociopaths out there who just don't give enough of a fuck about anyone else to ever give a hug. But I think there are still quite a few of us decent people out there, as well.

The problem with hugs is the offence they cause if they're declined. Take the setting when there's a merry go round of hugs among a group, but one person doesn't feel comfortable with that. It puts them is a very difficult position socially.
It happened to me recently and it felt as awkward as hell.

 

[coati]

Social hugs can sometimes be pretty shallow, or as mentioned here, presumptuous. As a man I never initiate a social hug, but I'll go along if someone else initiates and they are not getting grabby with me.

Hugs with your closest friends who are affectionate can consistently be absolutely electric! Such hugs acknowledge that we are thrilled to be with each other in that timeless zone.

But I also have close friends who are not huggers. They express love in other ways that are equally satisfying.

 

[PMarky2]

Not as a rule because most men don't assume or expect hugs. Some do though. It's a personal space and I get to decide who is welcome. I guess I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular.

You pretty much have to tell me 'I need a hug' before I would presume. I hate people getting into my personal space as my brain is shouting 'you do not have an invitation - clear off!' I tend to treat others the same way. That said, there are some folks who have a free pass and do not know it. Everyone who knows me is a bit shocked when I let my cousin hug me, but we have an unspoken closeness. Otherwise, it is my Aspie friend and her sister that have that privilege but have never used it.

 

[stickygirl]

You pretty much have to tell me 'I need a hug' before I would presume. I hate people getting into my personal space as my brain is shouting 'you do not have an invitation - clear off!' I tend to treat others the same way. That said, there are some folks who have a free pass and do not know it. Everyone who knows me is a bit shocked when I let my cousin hug me, but we have an unspoken closeness. Otherwise, it is my Aspie friend and her sister that have that privilege but have never used it.

TY - that's affirming. We have the same hug rules

 

[PMarky2]

Ta. Happy to accept cyber hugs
Also happy to accept hugs from friends but not from assuming men or people with strong perfume

Someone else who says 'Ta' -

 

[Strixaluco]

Someone else who says 'Ta' -

I find that very confusing. (English is my 3rd language and can't fathom where it comes from.)

 

[PMarky2]

I find that very confusing. (English is my 3rd language and can't fathom where it comes from.)

It is a northern English dialect word. Due to its similarity to the Danish/Norwegian 'tak'/'takk' I am tempted to think that it might be a left over from the Danish migration of the 9th/10th century.

 

[Strixaluco]

It is a northern English dialect word. Due to its similarity to the Danish/Norwegian 'tak'/'takk' I am tempted to think that it might be a left over from the Danish migration of the 9th/10th century.

Thanks! That explains it. In Swedish it's 'tack'.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks! That explains it. In Swedish it's 'tack'.

In polish I think tak means this, as in this one (indicating)
I’ve assumed that ta is simply a contraction of thanks. Children often use it when they’re learning to speak too .

 

[shewantsmore]

i have a good friend whos autistic and ive learnt so much about autism through her

 

[Rainblow]

Do you think it's possible that a 13 month old child can display autistic traits and characteristics?

 

[PMarky2]

Do you think it's possible that a 13 month old child can display autistic traits and characteristics?

Certainly possible, but it is a bit soon. IIRC, kids are often diagnosed around 3 years.

 

[Strixaluco]

Do you think it's possible that a 13 month old child can display autistic traits and characteristics?

Yes. Especially with the eye contact, that could be distinguishable so early.

 

[Rainblow]

Certainly possible, but it is a bit soon. IIRC, kids are often diagnosed around 3 years.

I'm not big on labels so I'm a little loathe to make what could be typical toddler behaviours autistic tendencies. I think I might be seeing things that I'm putting too much stock in but I'm hesitant to discredit what may be autistic traits considering his genetics. My son had a child psychologist brought in to his day care at 3 because he refused to interact with other children, avoided eye contact, didn't communicate beyond yes or no. This was in the late 1990s before high functioning autism was a go to diagnosis.

Yes. Especially with the eye contact, that could be distinguishable so early.

Not so much eye contact more ignoring his name when people want to attract his attention. He flaps his hands, shakes his head rapidly, is fascinated by how things work and prefers analyzing toys and objects before playing with them, dislikes pants and socks. All of which could be typical toddler behaviour for all I know seeing that I've only raised a neurodivergent child.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis from anyone and I hope you didn't find my question offensive, it was not my intent. I'm genuinely curious so I thought who better to ask than neurodivergent people?

 

[stickygirl]

I'm not big on labels so I'm a little loathe to make what could be typical toddler behaviours autistic tendencies. I think I might be seeing things that I'm putting too much stock in but I'm hesitant to discredit what may be autistic traits considering his genetics. My son had a child psychologist brought in to his day care at 3 because he refused to interact with other children, avoided eye contact, didn't communicate beyond yes or no. This was in the late 1990s before high functioning autism was a go to diagnosis.

Not so much eye contact more ignoring his name when people want to attract his attention. He flaps his hands, shakes his head rapidly, is fascinated by how things work and prefers analyzing toys and objects before playing with them, dislikes pants and socks. All of which could be typical toddler behaviour for all I know seeing that I've only raised a neurodivergent child.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis from anyone and I hope you didn't find my question offensive, it was not my intent. I'm genuinely curious so I thought who better to ask than neurodivergent people?

No offence taken I’m sure and it sounds as though you have as much insight as anyone. Yes there’s a whole menu of traits that together make a profile of ‘probable’. Child shrinks are pretty good at putting together the jigsaw.
In some ways it may be easier to spot nd girls early before they pick up social skills and so hide their autism better.

 

[Strixaluco]

I agree with stickygirl

 

[PMarky2]

No offence taken I’m sure and it sounds as though you have as much insight as anyone. Yes there’s a whole menu of traits that together make a profile of ‘probable’. Child shrinks are pretty good at putting together the jigsaw.
In some ways it may be easier to spot nd girls early before they pick up social skills and so hide their autism better.

My 'favourite girl' is ND, and she hides it quite well... but there are times. Folks who have to work with her often realize there is something different about her, but they cannot put their finger on what it is because she can mask like a champ. At 24 she's had 20 years practice, and she is intelligent anyway, so the smokescreen is good. I think only another Aspie would be able to out her easily.

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

My 'favourite girl' is ND, and she hides it quite well... but there are times. Folks who have to work with her often realize there is something different about her, but they cannot put their finger on what it is because she can mask like a champ. At 24 she's had 20 years practice, and she is intelligent anyway, so the smokescreen is good. I think only another Aspie would be able to out her easily.

I can recognise an ND straight away.

 

[Strixaluco]

My 'favourite girl' is ND, and she hides it quite well... but there are times. Folks who have to work with her often realize there is something different about her, but they cannot put their finger on what it is because she can mask like a champ. At 24 she's had 20 years practice, and she is intelligent anyway, so the smokescreen is good. I think only another Aspie would be able to out her easily.

Also most people don't know what "high-functioning autism" is in practise. They have really weak grounds for recognising autistic people who aren't type Rainman, or who don't have7intellectual disability.

 

[stickygirl]

Also most people don't know what "high-functioning autism" is in practise. They have really weak grounds for recognising autistic people who aren't type Rainman, or who don't have7intellectual disability.

I saw an interview of temple grandin who challenged the idea of calling all asd folk autistic and not distinguishing Asperger's. Apart from the historical slur it made sense for the difference because people have different needs . Instead we have ‘high functioning’ which is still divisive

 

[stickygirl]

Remember? Yes I remember. I remember the shame of everything, of my childhood, the footprints of my failures that no tide has ever reached. More than waves or perfumes. The shame of not fitting in, of saying a wrong thing, of doing a wrong thing – those are my scars that have never healed. They burn today as they always have – just waiting for a moments reflection for them to return, white hot.

 

[PMarky2]

I saw an interview of temple grandin who challenged the idea of calling all asd folk autistic and not distinguishing Asperger's. Apart from the historical slur it made sense for the difference because people have different needs . Instead we have ‘high functioning’ which is still divisive

It actually makes a lot of sense to separate Autism and Aspergers given the differing needs of the two groups, though one should acknowledge that there is an overlap between the two. I cannot help but think that erasing Asperger's as a separate condition was an act of political correctness. The funny thing is that Asperger was a lot more positive about the abilities of ND people than other early researchers into the condition. Unfortunately, the medical establishment seems to have decided that he needs to be cancelled and erased because of his ambiguous record in Wartime Austria. A strange sidelight on the man is that a recent-ish article suggested that Asperger himself displayed Asperger's traits in his youth!

 

[stickygirl]

It actually makes a lot of sense to separate Autism and Aspergers given the differing needs of the two groups, though one should acknowledge that there is an overlap between the two. I cannot help but think that erasing Asperger's as a separate condition was an act of political correctness. The funny thing is that Asperger was a lot more positive about the abilities of ND people than other early researchers into the condition. Unfortunately, the medical establishment seems to have decided that he needs to be cancelled and erased because of his ambiguous record in Wartime Austria. A strange sidelight on the man is that a recent-ish article suggested that Asperger himself displayed Asperger's traits in his youth!

It was also suggested he stole the research of a Russian psychologist who visited him before stalin brought down his curtain . The Russian scientist identified all the main characteristics years before he wrote up his work. That alone is reason to drop the name

 

[coati]

Remember? Yes I remember. I remember the shame of everything, of my childhood, the footprints of my failures that no tide has ever reached. More than waves or perfumes. The shame of not fitting in, of saying a wrong thing, of doing a wrong thing – those are my scars that have never healed. They burn today as they always have – just waiting for a moments reflection for them to return, white hot.

Did you compose this?

 

[stickygirl]

Did you compose this?

I did - a while ago. It’s important to share if someone else takes comfort