Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

Keep him focused on what he enjoys doing and if a relationship happens, it happens. That's the same as for anyone.
As for the other things you mention, they're very person specific. His ideating for marriage and children may be simply that - maybe he feels he ought to do that to fit in and prove himself? Keep being a great parent x

 

[Rainblow]

Meh - it's just an expression. I've grown up this way so I have to borrow other people's experiences and language which makes it difficult to to describe more eloquently.

One analogy that works quite well is comparing iPhone and Androids, but don't dig any deeper or else you end up talking apps and computer code and then people leap to - 'Ah, she's autistic so of course she must be a computer programmer...' and miss the point.

Without being aware of your autism can mean you are only, finally, diagnosed because of an acute situation as an adult. Most of the time you get by, but then all the pieces (traits) fall into place for a psychiatrist. There's also a gender bias, because traditional diagnostic methods were based on male traits - girls are often better at fitting in and fly under the radar.

Gender bias isn't uncommon in medicine - did you know the symptoms of a heart attack present differently between men and women? Heart disease is the most common cause of death in women.

I can only speak from my experience. If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. We're all different just like neurotypical folk, but have much in common. Hence the thread - to reach out and share.

Oh a couple of terms we hear and they rankle. We do not 'have autism' - we are autistic. A certain charitable group thinks since we 'have autism' we can be cured with bleach enemas and electrotherapy. Seriously we don't need to be mended, just understood.

Lol, is being a programmer an autistic stereotype? My son is a freelance programmer. It was only a year ago, age 28, that he accepted his diagnosis. He's been programming and hacking since he was 12. He assumed everyone knew how to program. When I told him that only .5% people in the world can code, let alone master 5 programming languages it was like a light went off in his head. He's just as proficient in chemistry as he is coding.
His acceptance of being autistic made me really happy. Before if I mentioned it he would become defensive now we joke about it. It took him realizing and accepting that he is exceptional to embrace who he really is.
I love my boy, he stays up for days, wears a bathrobe as his daily attire, often forgets to put a shirt on if he's going out, gardens at night and looks like a crazed, disheveled Jesus.

 

[stickygirl]

Yeah, pretty much, though no stereotype is definitive but can only point to probability and bell curves.

I have a bestie whom I recognised as autistic before I even had my own diagnosis, and she was really prickly about the suggestion that she might be in the spectrum. Some years later, she seems more relaxed about the idea, but so far as I know hasn't been officially diagnosed. She's my go-to to solve database problems.

It's not unusual for us to take around 18mths to adjust to our diagnosis. I get the impression it takes that long to re-evaluate every life experience you've ever had in the light of that information.

Both my family and SOs have arrived at my computer, rubbing their eyes at stupid o'clock asking 'when I'm going to bed?' Just this week I was up at 5.30am and still working on dumb-shit stuff at 11.30pm... I never considered the time.

 

[RightSized]

Keep him focused on what he enjoys doing and if a relationship happens, it happens. That's the same as for anyone.
As for the other things you mention, they're very person specific. His ideating for marriage and children may be simply that - maybe he feels he ought to do that to fit in and prove himself? Keep being a great parent x

That's very insightful. Thank you.

 

[stickygirl]

Misdiagnosis plagues the medical world that still struggles to recognise autism, especially among women. Our very own Miss Diagnosis today is Caragh McMurtry, now retired from representing the UK in Olympic rowing but instead pushing back the boundaries to ensure autistic people and athletes are understood and valued.

She spent five years on radical medication for bipolar... five years of hell she'll never get back. I understand her drive for change to save others from the same problems.

 

[stickygirl]

"I need alone time like I need air"
Gah - so relatable
What's yours?

 

[stickygirl]

 

[John Doe]

This made me smile the first time. I thought it was worth posting again

1.

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3.

4.

Do they end up making out at any point? If so, what's it from? If not, meh.

 

[stickygirl]

Do they end up making out at any point? If so, what's it from? If not, meh.

I'm not sure. Maybe best left to your imagination!

 

[John Doe]

I'm not sure. Maybe best left to your imagination!

Yeah, probably.

 

[stickygirl]

I found this useful channel on YT - Autism from the Inside . He's done a range of videos but his style may not suit everyone. When you're looking for a therapist or counsellor you have to be able to get on with them or else there's a hurdle of communication. I think this guy was diagnosed as an adult, so that resonates with me.
Do you have a go-to YT channel?

 

[stickygirl]

Wow - an amazing article thanks to the Guardian, and here concerning the increasingly observed comorbidity of Autism and ADHD or AuDHD as it's been coined. I admit I've posted this as a bookmark, because it's a long piece and I'm rushing. Pretty sure my rush is normal and not rooted in ADHD!

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I'm following, I have an almost adult child with severe ADHD and ASD and he hasn't even held a girl's hand. I'm nervous on his behalf for the most intimate parts of any future relationship because the "tism" is strong with this one. Interested to read what everyone has to say.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm following, I have an almost adult child with severe ADHD and ASD and he hasn't even held a girl's hand. I'm nervous on his behalf for the most intimate parts of any future relationship because the "tism" is strong with this one. Interested to read what everyone has to say.

Owch. I don't think you could provide a meaningful suggestion to a NT person, given how varied personalities are. Maybe you need to ask yourself if a relationship is what he wants or needs? He may feel he ought to have a relationship if that's an expectation he's acquired. Depends, depends.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

Owch. I don't think you could provide a meaningful suggestion to a NT person, given how varied personalities are. Maybe you need to ask yourself if a relationship is what he wants or needs? He may feel he ought to have a relationship if that's an expectation he's acquired. Depends, depends.

I meant more that I want to have a better understanding.
He's openly talked about wanting a gf and he feels like he's broken because he hasn't. I'm trying to be reassuring and supportive, hence my interest here.

 

[stickygirl]

Sorry - I'm up to speed now
The only suggestion I have is to see if there's a local autism family group you could talk to. You're not the first to go through this but I can understand how distressing it must be.

 

[butters]

this is so so sad, and wrong—fucking florida, fucking 'religion'

A time that is meant to bring awareness about those who are on the autism spectrum was canceled at a private school in Palm Beach County, Florida, leaving some parents heartbroken and full of questions.

An email from the lead pastor at Trinity Christian Academy described recognizing Autism Awareness Week as "demonic."

Gallik said she was left in tears, and she'll be pulling her kids out of the school.

"The email comes, and I feel like my heart stops beating because not once but twice he says that wearing this title of autism is demonic. And my mouth was on the floor," Gallik said. "I'm offended as a Christian because I feel that he is using the Bible for his own interpretation. And his interpretation is offensive. Not just to my son but to any child, adult afflicted with autism. Breaks my heart. It breaks my heart."

the activities planned that got stopped?

"We were supposed to have 'wear blue' for World Autism Day. We were going do tie dye for celebrate neurodiversity, all fun things that just would have had kids learning a little bit more about autism and how to speak and act with their friends who have it," Gallik said. "Miles has started saying he doesn't belong in his class, and I just tell him that God made him perfectly. And this was a plan all along, and we just have to walk in it and know he's a smart boy and everyone who meets him loves him."

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/p...p&cvid=eab4df6388d14a13cc289b173676b4c1&ei=54

 

[stickygirl]

Religions, yea. I don't think I know any autistic christians so I guess we are demonic after all... or logical.

There's humour to be found in the Bible... Here's Sara Pascoe reading out a letter

 

[Maturelickr]

Religions, yea. I don't think I know any autistic christians so I guess we are demonic after all... or logical.

There's humour to be found in the Bible... Here's Sara Pascoe reading out a letter

O, just more attuned to nature and what you want/need. Bravo to your strength

 

[stickygirl]

I just had one of those ridiculous convos on whatsapp - a medium that confounds meaningful discussion and is fraught with misunderstandings. However... the brief few lines did throw light on something I've experienced and then thought "It's probably just me". If I had an ASD tutor they'd give me a D- for that thought "just me". Turns out my whatsapp friend is getting therapy for exactly the same problem, namely 'Once you've been diagnosed, your autism gets worse.'
I did not know that, but why should I be unique in the magical world of ASD to think I was the only one to have noticed that effect?!
I'd better stop as I have a visual migraine starting, which are a blast but makes typing tricky.

ETA
Now supper is done and vision returned to normal, I can explain a little more.
In the light of my ASD diagnosis it took me around 18mths to process my memories in particular. Since then I've begun to give myself permission to do what suits me, rather than squeezing myself into NT expectations.
So now, if I feel uncomfortable about going to a gathering where there will be crowds of people doing what they do, then I'll simply say 'Nope, sorry.' Before I might have felt obliged to go out of politeness. That doesn't mean I go round being blunt and rude but if it takes me two days to recover from being in that people-breathing-on-me-hellhole then too bad: I know what makes me happy and my happiness is more important than a host who won't even notice I'm not there.
I'll let myself play in a less constrained way too. If I'm on my own and feel like stimming, then I will. Previously I would have worried I was going mad or that someone might see me. I still worry a little I might be seen, but fuck em.

Coming to terms with the new version of me is an ongoing process. It hasn't taken over my life with self-adsorbed navel-gazing. Ultimately it's about being happy and carefree.

 

[coati]

Coming to terms with the new version of me is an ongoing process. It hasn't taken over my life with self-adsorbed navel-gazing. Ultimately it's about being happy and carefree.

Tell us the secret when you find "carefree", but happy is definitely the right goal. Every happy person makes the world happier.

 

[stickygirl]

Hurray! I've just read that someone else thinks that Jane Austen's character, Mr Darcy, is autistic. I've often thought she does a great job of characterising a person's awkwardness, sense of justice and his need to define people. Unfortunately the device open to him for that is class/money/breeding.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Hi
I've just stumbled across this thread and intend to have a good read through at some point.
I am waiting to be assessed (6 months and counting) so I hope it's ok to be here without being "official"

 

[stickygirl]

Hi
I've just stumbled across this thread and intend to have a good read through at some point.
I am waiting to be assessed (6 months and counting) so I hope it's ok to be here without being "official"

There's no need to be official - the badges can be expensive. My therapist pointed out the obvious to me and I went from there. I'm fortunate that I don't need specific accommodations from my employers, but being able to understand who I am and reassessing all my memories was such a weight off my shoulders.
I'd be more than happy to point you to some online resources. If nothing else, it's taught me to be more forgiving in how I regard other people with mental health issues.
The key in researching and indeed getting first hand counselling is to choose pathways that suit you and your temperament. For maybe the first time in your life, you'll be deciding what you would like and not making shapes to fit other people's expectations. Be bold!
Here's one vlogger I found recently - Mom on the Spectrum
and
Autism from the inside ( because I think he's cute )

 

[RosewoodTulip]

There's no need to be official - the badges can be expensive. My therapist pointed out the obvious to me and I went from there. I'm fortunate that I don't need specific accommodations from my employers, but being able to understand who I am and reassessing all my memories was such a weight off my shoulders.
I'd be more than happy to point you to some online resources. If nothing else, it's taught me to be more forgiving in how I regard other people with mental health issues.
The key in researching and indeed getting first hand counselling is to choose pathways that suit you and your temperament. For maybe the first time in your life, you'll be deciding what you would like and not making shapes to fit other people's expectations. Be bold!
Here's one vlogger I found recently - Mom on the Spectrum
and
Autism from the inside ( because I think he's cute )

Thank you.
Once I've slept and can string two thoughts together again I'll be back to check those out and catch up with the rest of the thread