Bi and married?

[tumbledown]

I have been married nearly ten years and he knew I was bi before he married me. He made it clear to me that he was only interested in a monogamous relationship. Having experienced non-monogamy and it's complications in various ways, I agreed. For me, at the stage of life we are in, it isn't a problem. It wasn't always like that in my life and relationships though.

I'm always annoyed by the assumption that a bisexual won't be able to be monogamous. There are a lot of men out there I find hot, and surely could give me experiences I'd never have with my hub, just as there are women out there I find attractive. I wouldn't jeopardize my marriage for either. As a younger woman with unsatisfied curiousities, I certainly would not have agreed to curtail my interests by being monogamous. But life and I are different now.

I've seen a lot of young couples who incorporate one or the other's bi interests and for some it worked (for a varying length of time), for some it tore them apart.

Where you are in your life as a couple really does affect how you manage this. I think when you are settled down and raising a family in a committed relationship, having multiple partners introduces an element of instability that for many couples, isn't compatible with their other obligations. Some people can manage it for awhile, a few for much longer, many can't for very long at all. You might not really know til you are there. I felt that instability when I explored this issue during my twenties, and so when I met my hub and we made a committment, we chose the monogamous path.

That's just what works for us. I know that it would not have been that way, could not have, when I was first discovering my sexuality and was compelled to act on it. It was rather a two edged sword, I knew my explorations could be detrimental to a relationship, but I also knew that for my partner to ask me to supress my sexuality would at that time have been the death knell for our relationship. I was kind of stuck, but had to know and had to learn.

 

[beetlebum]

i'm far from starting a family but i've been married for almost a year. i'm bisexual and my wife isn't, yet she does not mind me being attracted to other guys because she knows i wouldn't dare risk our relationship over an experience i've already had a number of times before... although my concern on this matter is that i know that there are other bisexual people both men and women, who might not have had the chance to experience it and/or became bisexual after their marriage. it perplexes me, because at least i can fathom what it's like and choose to stay monogamous... so i really don't know what to say in a situation like that, would it be right or wrong to engage in a genuinely fond desire to experience love from a same gender person? to me, it seems like a gray idea, neither black nor white, neither wrong nor right.

 

[sxxyboy1000]

Replying

That's totally considerate of you. I think that making a choice one way or the other is great. Of course there's people out here that don't quite know which way to swing (literally) but if everybody takes the same calm measured approach as you do then we'll all get there eventually. Unless of course some of us just like being sexual predators and don't give a flying f**k what anybody says........