Bi people in relationships

[SecretWindow]

I'm bi (and also VERY interested in BDSM lifestyle) but my wife does not know about either thing. I know that she would not be remotely accepting of either thing and would likely be very horrified if she learned the truth. I've tried many times to express to her my feelings but every time I get started, her expressions of disgust at the topic pretty much don't give me a very good feeling about continuing.

I'd love to include her in both things but she has no interest. So I've got to find this stuff out and get my experiences behind her back. She no longer has any interest in sex at all and with my overwhelming sexual desire and interests, it's caused a huge rift in our relationship. I don't know where it's going to end up.

Basically, I have a feeling about where you're all coming from. Those who have spouses who aren't accepting.

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

I'm bi (and also VERY interested in BDSM lifestyle) but my wife does not know about either thing. I know that she would not be remotely accepting of either thing and would likely be very horrified if she learned the truth. I've tried many times to express to her my feelings but every time I get started, her expressions of disgust at the topic pretty much don't give me a very good feeling about continuing.

I'd love to include her in both things but she has no interest. So I've got to find this stuff out and get my experiences behind her back. She no longer has any interest in sex at all and with my overwhelming sexual desire and interests, it's caused a huge rift in our relationship. I don't know where it's going to end up.

Basically, I have a feeling about where you're all coming from. Those who have spouses who aren't accepting.

*hugs* That is so hard I know. I'm considering coming out with my husband very soon. I feel incredibly guilty because he adores me but I''m reaching my breaking point.

I hope you can work things out so it isn't too painful for either one of you.

Ivy

 

[alltherage]

Interesting. I'm the "opposite" in that I prefer men but want no strings attached sex with women (friendship would be nice though). I just find it fascintating how we are all "wired."

It is interesting. I am sure that some of my views where formed from experience and those experiences really do explain my view of men now. I just feel safer with women.

 

[TerriV]

Yes my husband knows I'm bi (he knew before we started dating). Yes, he's totally ok with it And no, he's not bi (I wish! lol!).

 

[limplizzard]

O K

I am married and no my wife doesn't know that I am bi. If she found out it would be DIVORCE city. This is unfair as she has had affairs with other women even after we were married, and I think she still does, I don't mind if it makes her happy.

 

[SecretWindow]

Hell yeah. Divorce city.

 

[Mikijl Dragon]

does your other-half know you're bi? Yes

Are they ok with it? Yes. When we were first married she kept asking me if I had fantasies of other men etc. Which I had but never truly come to terms with that side of my sexuality. She drew it out and eventually I did realize a side to my sexuality I had been suppressing. So yes she is ok with it. We shared a boyfriend for about a year or so.

Are they also bi? No-ish. She says she is not but lesbian porn really turns her on.. hmmm

 

[Calyph]

Yes my other half (the starter of this thread) knows I'm bi. For years I'd find myself looking at/fantasising about guys then feelng thoroughly disgusted with myself for it. Its taken me a long time to accept that part of myself, and even now I have trouble admitting to it occasionally.
Crystal, however, is totally accepting of it. She's bi too.

 

[licentiousangel]

I was alway very curious but I thought I was just growing up and that it was natural. I'm still younger but I've been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years now and I didn't come out until after him and I got together. He fully encourages it. He is straight himself but doesn't mind the idea of me having a girlfriend. As long as my relationship with her doesn't interfere with ours. But no threesomes for me. He isn't much into the threesome/girl-on-girl thing. Which is good for me because I don't like sharing my boyfriend with anyone and my girlfriend with my boyfriend. lol

 

[In_Dreams]

I told my girlfriend pretty early on that I'd often fantasised about having some sort of contact with another guy - mainly oral. She was fine with that, in fact we're now married.

However, she always used to say I was highly sexed - even before we started seeing each other, so I think she just puts it down to that. Since I first explained that side of myself to her, my feelings toward my bi-side have definitely increased. I'm not sure how she'd take it if I came right out and said, 'hey - I'm bi'.

I plan on 'giving myself away' by getting her a strap-on or sucking on her vibrator while we're doing it. See if she can put two-and-two together for herself. That way, the pressure will be off me to confess!

 

[TerriV]

If she loves you, she'll be fine with it and realize it's a part of who you are.

 

[Netzach]

Because my ex was OK with it in theory but not when it came down to me wanting to do anything about it, I proceeded pretty much unwilling to date other people who aren't bi. I found that this did help cut down on friction, plus I have trouble being attracted to men who aren't and I run into major problems with lesbian women who are challenged by my interest in men no matter how "OK" it might seem on paper. Same with SM - I don't bother trying to convert or wait up or hope that vanilla people will catch up to me, and I date at my level. Same with polyamory - you get the picture. My husband (never thought I'd acquire one of those, but I'm pleased I have!) is a bisexual bottom into open relationships and cuckolding play. The likelihood of gaining this kind of relationship is related to your willingness to keep looking for one and to be very specific about your needs early early on.

 

[Runner_3]

my ex gf was bi and I was fine with it. She told me before we started dating that she always thought about girls sexually before and more often then she had guys. She did experiment with a girl a couple times while we were dating and I was ok with it. I wasnt there any of the times but she gave me the details.

 

[lilsub4u]

does your other-half know you're bi? Are they ok with it? Are they also bi?

I didn't know I was bi until after I got together with my (now) husband, and he has always been fine with it, encouraging me to be comfortable with my sexuality. He is also bi.

1: Yes
2: Yes
3: No

Although my partner has had opposite sex sexual experiences, that doesn't make her bisexual. It makes her who she is.
I'm quite comfortable with my bisexuality and my partner knows full well that I'd never use it as an excuse to be unfaithful.
I'm a monogamous person, I have never and will never cheat on a partner. I know all too well the pain and betrayal felt when a partner cheats. I'm just not capable of causing that type of emotional pain.

 

[gingermango]

I didn't truly realize I was bi or into BDSM until after my marriage. I did know the tendencies were there. Hubby is not okay with either thing. He thinks bi people just can't make up their mind and that BDSM people are insane.

Ivy

You have my deepest sympathies - I was trapped in a relationship like that for 12-1/2 years (married for 10 of those). It was a bad situation that got worse and worse and worse. After my divorce, things got much better.

As of now, with my current wife:

Does your other-half know you're bi? Yes

Are they ok with it? Yes

Are they also bi? Yes

And boy am I glad, having lived through the previous marriage.

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

You have my deepest sympathies - I was trapped in a relationship like that for 12-1/2 years (married for 10 of those). It was a bad situation that got worse and worse and worse. After my divorce, things got much better.

As of now, with my current wife:

Does your other-half know you're bi? Yes

Are they ok with it? Yes

Are they also bi? Yes

And boy am I glad, having lived through the previous marriage.

Thank you so much. I live in hope that I can change his mind a little at a time. I'm an optimist but I won't be a fool and stay forever.

I'm so glad you are in a good marriage now.

Ivy

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

*****

 

[michaelinteas]

My husband as of last night knows I'm bi. It went well actually. It won't be easy but he is being supportive of me being myself. For a while though we will be in the process of figuring out and negotiating what it means for our relationship.

There is more to the story of course but right now I'm a bit exhausted and relieved (and sad at the look of heartbreak on his face initially).

I think we will be okay.

Ivy

I am glad to hear that all went well
And I hope it just gets better and better for you from here

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

I am glad to hear that all went well
And I hope it just gets better and better for you from here

Thank you so much. I think we have what it takes to make it work.

 

[BreeCarter]

does your other-half know you're bi? Are they ok with it? Are they also bi?

I didn't know I was bi until after I got together with my (now) husband, and he has always been fine with it, encouraging me to be comfortable with my sexuality. He is also bi.

yes, sort of, and no.

 

[TerriV]

When I came out, my boyfriend at the time was PISSED. He figured it was cuz he "wasn't doing it" for me anymore so I had to turn to girls. I mean shit, I know that's common and everything, but it wasn't like I said it to intentionally hurt him! I knew I was different so to speak, and I wasn't going to hide it! Grr insecure boyfriends! lol

 

[andyr]

To SecretWindow and limplizzard:

Ditch the bitch and make the switch.

 

[cricketbug]

does your other-half know you're bi? Are they ok with it? Are they also bi?

I never really knew I was bi until a few years ago... My other half (hubby) knows I'm bi, he's very much okay with it. I'm not going to use being bi as a result to cheat, that's not me. He's not bi, but isn't against watching bi-male porn. Plus, he's always teasing me to "find someone cute to bring home" *chuckles* One of the many reasons why we've got a solid, stable marriage and a great relationship!

 

[jcguild]

IDK what my gf thinks.

She knows it's a fantasy of mine to suck and be sucked tho. And hand jobs, mmm.

 

[jcguild]

I waited maybe a year or so after being in an MFM with my g/f and another guy we'd met before I told my g/f of my fantasies about being w/ another guy.

She listened while we laid in bed. It probly helps to tell your S/O when you're going down on them and they are extremely excited. Anyway, her response was just wondering what I would want her to be doing while she watched. I didn't tell her I'd want her to join right the fuck in and get nuts cuz she doesn't wanna do another mfm but it sounded like she'd be up for watching.

We'll see. I haven't followed up looking for a guy other than a few feeble short lived attempts online. I sure would love to perform on a guy in front of my girl tho. Mmmph! would be fun to get a guy off and stroke that power in my mouth while she watched.