Paul_Chance
The Watcher
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2011
- Posts
- 22,525
Noor beat me to it, but let me expand a little in that same arena. Let me take it out of the relationship aspects and purely into the sexual aspects. When sexually aroused, male or female, the human body responds in certain ways - some very overt (erections, engorged nipples, wetness, etc.). So, the very first thing I would recommend is get a good book on the physiology of sexual arousal and satisfaction and seriously study it so you understand the small, subtle things that are signatures of arousal (blush response, galvanic skin response, involuntary muscle reactions, etc.). Once you have these down pat, know them, recognize them, then you start the exploration part of sexuality.
Each time you are making love to your wife, set aside your own desire to reach an orgasm for a while, and carefully watch what effect the things you are doing has on your partners body. The body never lies. I often say that women can fake orgasms and fake arousal because men are ignorant. Then, as you make love, make the concentrated effort to vary your love-making technique and observe the response. Are you gentle? Try being rough. Are you rough? Try being gentle. What does her body respond to? In my experience, every lover you take in your life is a very different person, like a musical instrument - you have to learn to play each one according to their strengths, weaknesses, desires and dislikes.
It's not rocket science, but it is science.
As for the relationship part of it - my experience has been that good sex (or bad sex or great sex) is an important component in any relationship. Once you've got the good sex part down, and you're not making mistakes because you're not paying attention, then you can do the relationship work. In my jaded experience, maybe one in ten of the lovers I've had was even capable of telling me, honestly, what they wanted in sex initially. But - every single one of them was quite willing to go - yessssssss - when I figured it out by careful observation and variation.
Good luck. This being human thing is never easy. But it is a whole hell of a lot of fun.
Each time you are making love to your wife, set aside your own desire to reach an orgasm for a while, and carefully watch what effect the things you are doing has on your partners body. The body never lies. I often say that women can fake orgasms and fake arousal because men are ignorant. Then, as you make love, make the concentrated effort to vary your love-making technique and observe the response. Are you gentle? Try being rough. Are you rough? Try being gentle. What does her body respond to? In my experience, every lover you take in your life is a very different person, like a musical instrument - you have to learn to play each one according to their strengths, weaknesses, desires and dislikes.
It's not rocket science, but it is science.
As for the relationship part of it - my experience has been that good sex (or bad sex or great sex) is an important component in any relationship. Once you've got the good sex part down, and you're not making mistakes because you're not paying attention, then you can do the relationship work. In my jaded experience, maybe one in ten of the lovers I've had was even capable of telling me, honestly, what they wanted in sex initially. But - every single one of them was quite willing to go - yessssssss - when I figured it out by careful observation and variation.
Good luck. This being human thing is never easy. But it is a whole hell of a lot of fun.
Last edited:
