BPD.. Borderline Personalities & Relationships

[diavolo2025]

Don't be embarrassed, it's not a choice you made. Not everyone would have the patience, insight or the willingness to give chances, sure. That's usually the case if one is 'normal' too. Or sometimes they're not alright themselves either. You know about your mind and you are helping yourself get better. I hope that it keeps making you stronger and build you up. I'm sure i had a point when i started this post but its eluding me now. I'll just remind you to be kind to your yourself and be proud of your journey so far.

 

[nottee_1]

Don't be embarrassed, it's not a choice you made. Not everyone would have the patience, insight or the willingness to give chances, sure. That's usually the case if one is 'normal' too. Or sometimes they're not alright themselves either. You know about your mind and you are helping yourself get better. I hope that it keeps making you stronger and build you up. I'm sure i had a point when i started this post but its eluding me now. I'll just remind you to be kind to your yourself and be proud of your journey so far.

Thank you very much!

 

[F0XH0UND]

Don't be embarrassed, it's not a choice you made. Not everyone would have the patience, insight or the willingness to give chances, sure. That's usually the case if one is 'normal' too. Or sometimes they're not alright themselves either. You know about your mind and you are helping yourself get better. I hope that it keeps making you stronger and build you up. I'm sure i had a point when i started this post but its eluding me now. I'll just remind you to be kind to your yourself and be proud of your journey so far.

That's very much appreciated.

 

[nottee_1]

Depression; often goes with BPD. In fact, I just read on a couple articles that up to 85% of people with BPD are also depressed, some or most of the time.

As I've said, I'm a widow.. though I initially met my husband before our first date.. It was just to be introduced to each other.
But our 1st date together was actually July 4th, 1996.
We just sat in the park, drinking beers.. By the lake.
It felt natural being with him that day.

Long story short; I took his virginity that night.. BJ and intercourse..

After that, we had our ups and downs... But we were were one. I knew that if want going to be easy dating me...I didn't know I had BPD, but if been diagnosed with major depression since I was 16...

I developed a crush on another guy, the summer I met my husband. That guy turned out to be my fixation for the next 25 years.

This is a very difficult year...a very hard time of my life for the past 5 years actually.

My husband passed away, accidentally, July 6th,2021...
Yes, we had been separated from marriage since 2009. But he was my best friend until he died. He did not pass away with me there.

It wasn't like you see in the movies; I didn't get on my knees and curse God, asking Why???

I was sad.

I went into a numbness and found out;
Some friends were friends with my fixation guy I mentioned. Out of numbness, I met up with him, we hung out several times.. But it was different. Nothing sexual happened. That felt like if I did I was betraying my husband somehow.

I ended those meetups after a month, various reasons...and have not been around a man since.

You'll see on my lit start date... It is September 18th, 2021.

I was so numb, I needed to feel something... So, I turned to online promiscuity...

Everyone's celebrating the 4th of July here in the USA soon...
And I just remember my husband...

Thanks for reading

 

[F0XH0UND]

Depression; often goes with BPD. In fact, I just read on a couple articles that up to 85% of people with BPD are also depressed, some or most of the time.

As I've said, I'm a widow.. though I initially met my husband before our first date.. It was just to be introduced to each other.
But our 1st date together was actually July 4th, 1996.
We just sat in the park, drinking beers.. By the lake.
It felt natural being with him that day.

Long story short; I took his virginity that night.. BJ and intercourse..

After that, we had our ups and downs... But we were were one. I knew that if want going to be easy dating me...I didn't know I had BPD, but if been diagnosed with major depression since I was 16...

I developed a crush on another guy, the summer I met my husband. That guy turned out to be my fixation for the next 25 years.

This is a very difficult year...a very hard time of my life for the past 5 years actually.

My husband passed away, accidentally, July 6th,2021...
Yes, we had been separated from marriage since 2009. But he was my best friend until he died. He did not pass away with me there.

It wasn't like you see in the movies; I didn't get on my knees and curse God, asking Why???

I was sad.

I went into a numbness and found out;
Some friends were friends with my fixation guy I mentioned. Out of numbness, I met up with him, we hung out several times.. But it was different. Nothing sexual happened. That felt like if I did I was betraying my husband somehow.

I ended those meetups after a month, various reasons...and have not been around a man since.

You'll see on my lit start date... It is September 18th, 2021.

I was so numb, I needed to feel something... So, I turned to online promiscuity...

Everyone's celebrating the 4th of July here in the USA soon...
And I just remember my husband...

Thanks for reading

Thank you for sharing. Bless you.

 

[nottee_1]

Thank you for sharing. Bless you.

Thank you

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/lY0Wvg1

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/u3367z8

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/fJW0SCk

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/8vYxr32

 

[nottee_1]

Bpd is not an organic disorder;
You aren't born with it...

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTSYnfSBe/

 

[nottee_1]

Bpd and hypersexuality;

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTS21Chg5/

 

[nottee_1]

I haven't written here in a few days.. But I guess that's good because I didn't want to just share my bad days... There's great days in my life too!!

It's difficult feeling like you're in homeostasis when you have BPD. Since we think usually in black or white..

But I'm feeling comfortable...

My mood might shift after the 4th...

My late husband passed 5 years ago, July 6th.

Talk about dealing with abandonment... After 25 years... You get that call. You're left alone, no other real family.. My 15 year old son suddenly without a dad. I became his everything... I learned that I'm strong over these last 5 years... But in many ways, I've became weaker minded.

There's remorse, for lack of a better word ...

you feel when you have feelings for another after your spouse passes..

I've learned to embrace those feelings, and not feel guilty., as much.

I accept that he's gone.

And I'm incredibly lucky for my friend... I could explain how amazing he is, but even I sometimes don't believe that a person like that exists...



So... That's my current events

 

[F0XH0UND]

I haven't written here in a few days.. But I guess that's good because I didn't want to just share my bad days... There's great days in my life too!!

It's difficult feeling like you're in homeostasis when you have BPD. Since we think usually in black or white..

But I'm feeling comfortable...

My mood might shift after the 4th...

My late husband passed 5 years ago, July 6th.

Talk about dealing with abandonment... After 25 years... You get that call. You're left alone, no other real family.. My 15 year old son suddenly without a dad. I became his everything... I learned that I'm strong over these last 5 years... But in many ways, I've became weaker minded.

There's remorse, for lack of a better word ...

you feel when you have feelings for another after your spouse passes..

I've learned to embrace those feelings, and not feel guilty., as much.

I accept that he's gone.

And I'm incredibly lucky for my friend... I could explain how amazing he is, but even I sometimes don't believe that a person like that exists...



So... That's my current events

I've been wondering when/if this thread would keep going. Thank you for sharing your story and for posting at all. That's a really hard thing to deal with. Bless you.

 

[nottee_1]

I definitely believe there's others on lit with BPD. Maybe keeping this alive will help more in the future...

 

[F0XH0UND]

I definitely believe there's others on lit with BPD. Maybe keeping this alive will help more in the future...

I hope so. I like it here. I appreciate you doing this.

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/Wp607T5

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/mfNj5JM

 

[nottee_1]

I need to learn better skills...
Fuck this BPD!!
I'm on this horrible emotional rollercoaster and ready to get off it!

 

[F0XH0UND]

I need to learn better skills...
Fuck this BPD!!
I'm on this horrible emotional rollercoaster and ready to get off it!

I'm so sorry. I know this week will be a difficult time for you. Sending you lots of love.

 

[nottee_1]

I'm so sorry. I know this week will be a difficult time for you. Sending you lots of love.

Thank you, thankfully I have a great support system

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/Ss82NXE

 

[nottee_1]

Today...I split again...
I had no intention to do it, as it came out of the blue..I think that's common for BPD.. We go from rational thinking to irrational thoughts in a heartbeat..
I feel like I have OCD and BPD and all the crazies in my head...

Do you ever get obsessed with a thought that you just can't clear your brain from?

And you try to sabotage the greatest relationship you've ever known??

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/uUwLZbK

 

[nottee_1]

BPD and Grief

https://themighty.com/topic/borderl...g-with-death-borderline-personality-disorder/

I woke up this morning feeling optimistic.
And 5 minutes later... Rage !!!

He died 5 years ago today. If you've never experienced grief of a loved one; let me try to explain...
You feel alone even though you're surrounded by people...
You feel angry and hurt...
"Ahh they're not suffering anymore".. Perhaps.
Accidental deaths are perhaps the worst kinds. You don't see it coming..

Now imagine losing someone when you have abandonment issues already..
And your BFF dies... Or your mom, or Dad, brother, sister, wife, husband..