BPD.. Borderline Personalities & Relationships

[F0XH0UND]

BPD and Grief

https://themighty.com/topic/borderl...g-with-death-borderline-personality-disorder/

I woke up this morning feeling optimistic.
And 5 minutes later... Rage !!!

He died 5 years ago today. If you've never experienced grief of a loved one; let me try to explain...
You feel alone even though you're surrounded by people...
You feel angry and hurt...
"Ahh they're not suffering anymore".. Perhaps.
Accidental deaths are perhaps the worst kinds. You don't see it coming..

Now imagine losing someone when you have abandonment issues already..
And your BFF dies... Or your mom, or Dad, brother, sister, wife, husband..

I've been thinking about you today because I remembered that today was the anniversary of his death. My heart is with you.

 

[nottee_1]

I've been thinking about you today because I remembered that today was the anniversary of his death. My heart is with you.

Thank you F0xh0und!!
It's evening... And the rage is gone.. The sadness is gone... And I'm me again...
Today I admitted that he wasn't the best husband... He loved me, he was very loyal to me.. But he had his own issues.. And trying to feel good cost him his life....

I appreciate your kindness

 

[nottee_1]

You know the feelings you get when you try so hard to be perfect, only to remind yourself that they've had perfection? So nothing you do or say can be like their favorite person??

I'm never going to be her...
I'm never going to be fucking easy to talk to everyday..
Why can't you feel for me like that?????

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/2LlDWKW

 

[nottee_1]

 

[nottee_1]

 

[nottee_1]

 

[nottee_1]

And today... The bad thoughts are over.

Understanding BPD is very difficult, unless you have it, or know somebody with it personally..
Yesterday I wanted me out of someone's life.
But I don't want them out of mine...
Sounds fucked up??
Welcome to BPD...

 

[BurningFloors]

And today... The bad thoughts are over.

Glad to hear that you've made it out to the other side. Hope you are doing better. You matter.

 

[nottee_1]

Glad to hear that you've made it out to the other side. Hope you are doing better. You matter.

Thank you.. what's so fucked up is that I feel like I'm important to most everyone.. But during my splits..I feel like a burden to my FP... Even though he never feels this way...
He never makes me feel less.
I make myself feel less...

 

[BurningFloors]

Thank you.. what's so fucked up is that I feel like I'm important to most everyone.. But during my splits..I feel like a burden to my FP... Even though he never feels this way...
He never makes me feel less.
I make myself feel less...

One of my favorite quotes for times like that is "Your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility." Its really not fair how our mental health twists our own views and turns them against us. All we can do is push through it and do the best we can everyday.

 

[nottee_1]

 

[nottee_1]

 

[nottee_1]

This is a big trigger for me... And I saw this and wanted to post it...
When my FP goes quiet..I assume the worse.
I think they've found someone new, or someone from their past..
And my anxiety sky rockets!!

https://imgur.com/a/APZqJ4z

 

[nottee_1]

Saw this today...
It's very true!!

https://imgur.com/a/dUAX8Hv

 

[nottee_1]

Tonight just solidified that I put other people before me... Ask very little of others, and end up being forgotten at the end of the day.

Why do I fucking try so hard mentally to be normal when it doesn't matter??

I'm so invested in people who could give a fuck.

 

[nottee_1]

https://imgur.com/a/XvpVzHF