Bringing a girl to her first orgasm?

[CelticKnotted]

But that's a whole different thing than being a victim recovering from past assault. I agree with whoever has pointed out that outside help may be needed. These are difficult things, and long processes. You've got to be very understanding of the process and very comforting and supportive for her going through it.

....

You say you don't think it's the root cause of this - maybe not, but it's a big, big contributor.

I hesitated about whether to even mention the rape because of how it would become such an overwhelming issue. But I have dealt with abuse victims before. She has obviously been affected by it, but generally speaking she seems like a very strong person and has dealt with it well. She was very messed up by it for a while, but keep in mind that this was several years ago. Since then she has gotten healthy and seems much happier. She excels in school, has an abundance of friends, and great prospects in life. She is not depressed (and I have spent time around plenty of depressed and a few bipolar people). And she has a very healthy sexual appetite.

Perhaps most importantly, I think that the fact that she had never masturbated herself, nor had she orgasmed prior to the rape is more indicative of an underlying problem than the rape.

 

[grrlongrrrl]

I love this post!

It gives me hope that its not just men who are foolish,loudmouthed,bullies.

You might want to check with the other lesbians if they actually want a person like you "out there"as one of them.

They may make an exception for you and prefer you stay in the closet with the other trolls.

I'm not a member of any "them." I am who and what I am, and I know what I know, and the OP wasn't asking a question, he was looking for ego strokes about what a stud he is and being so patient with a girl who clearly has a problem. That is a load of horse shit, and I have zero patience for assholes who post their preening camouflaged as concern for other people.

K

 

[mrtomthumb]

I'm not a member of any "them." I am who and what I am, and I know what I know, and the OP wasn't asking a question, he was looking for ego strokes about what a stud he is and being so patient with a girl who clearly has a problem. That is a load of horse shit, and I have zero patience for assholes who post their preening camouflaged as concern for other people.

K

well you said you were taking a risk of sounding like a man hating lesbian....

that is exactly what you sounded like is all.

I think a guy who admits to having problems helping his partner to achieve an orgasm is not looking to get his ego stroked.

In your reply you show that you don't even bother to pretend to care about much of anything except making someone feel bad...

as Forrest Gump once said..."and that is all i have to say about that".

 

[CiralFox]

CelicKnotted:

Even though she doesn't show that she has no problems after the rape, most girls hide it. I am a psychologist and the no-orgasm plus the rape happening are CONNECTED.

Please let her talk things through with you or with a psychologist, just someone who will listen to her. She may have been harmed because of the rape.

Rape doesn't mean forcing intimacy upon another person. Rape is about control and domination over another person. Like everyone else said on this site, DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT ever blindfold her or force her into anything that she doesn't like to do (like oral).

Also, let her plan ahead for sex. It is natural for girls to plan and prepare themselves for sex. I particularly would like to plan instead of having it happen spontaneously.

If you don't change your ideas about how she is "alright" after rape, I can assure you that she is harmed, and you said it yourself that she has "issues" or "hangups". But, her "hangups" are not the normal ones that you have said that every woman has. No. Not every woman has been raped.

Please COMMUNICATE with her.
Let her choose what she wants to do with her sex life.
You said it yourself, it's about her pleasure.
HER pleasure.

Don't be selfish and wanting this all for yourself.
She has to be mentally and physically ready to have an orgasm with you, and the way I see it, she will most likely need to have therapy before that even happens.

 

[grrlongrrrl]

Tell me, what problems did he admit to? Apart from the inexplicable failure of his girlfriend to climax under his expert ministrations?

K

well you said you were taking a risk of sounding like a man hating lesbian....

that is exactly what you sounded like is all.

I think a guy who admits to having problems helping his partner to achieve an orgasm is not looking to get his ego stroked.

In your reply you show that you don't even bother to pretend to care about much of anything except making someone feel bad...

as Forrest Gump once said..."and that is all i have to say about that".

 

[littlebabyclit]

CelticKnotted (GREAT user name, I agree with whoever said that!)...I don't know if you're coming back to this forum (and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't) but I think what up to 50% of the people here forget or it's getting lost in the discussion sometimes is that you posted a thread here looking for HELP. That, by default, shows me you are concerned about your GF or you wouldn't have posted your concerns in the first place.

I'm sorry to read that some people have pounced on you, assumed the worst about you....all that anyone SHOULD have done is carefully and helpfully given you tips on how to deal with your GF's problems.

I hope you take/took away the helpful points and blow off the arrogance and condescension of others. That is one thing I hate about the How To forum and why I read/post here so little myself anymore. There is always someone eager or greedy to pounce on someone else here who posts a problem and make them feel like total shit for not knowing something they feel should be known. What the fuck is THAT about?!? Help forum. HELP forum, y'all. People don't need "help" shoved up their asses with a pitch fork of your sarcasm and disdain. Something to think about.

BEST WISHES CelticKnotted to you and your girl. I admire you being so caring and your desire to help and pleasure your GF. People should applaud you want to stick with your girl and help her with this. Many other men wouldn't or would get fed up with her.

 

[Adrraiya]

I hesitated about whether to even mention the rape because of how it would become such an overwhelming issue. But I have dealt with abuse victims before. She has obviously been affected by it, but generally speaking she seems like a very strong person and has dealt with it well. She was very messed up by it for a while, but keep in mind that this was several years ago. Since then she has gotten healthy and seems much happier. She excels in school, has an abundance of friends, and great prospects in life. She is not depressed (and I have spent time around plenty of depressed and a few bipolar people). And she has a very healthy sexual appetite.

Perhaps most importantly, I think that the fact that she had never masturbated herself, nor had she orgasmed prior to the rape is more indicative of an underlying problem than the rape.

I wish you would consider that you ARE NOT A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL... and ARE NOT A POST-RAPE SPECIALIZED PSYCHOLOGIST

I personally am glad you mentioned the rape... because it changes EVERYTHING about what kind of advise you should be getting... please, I BEG YOU to read the post from the person below me (psychologist)....

and PLEASE COME TO SOME REALIZATION that NO MATTER WHAT YOUR EXPERIENCE IS.... IT ISN'T WITH RAPE VICTIMS (from your own admission... even abuse which is also very bad is still differing in it's effect from rape)

Why... why.... WHY won't you seriously consider that your previous experience in how to handle women is not enough to prepare you for this particular girl?

Why must you assume.... that because you are (1) naturally gifted at sex - referring to your first post (2) exposed to at least one woman who has had an abused past - referring to more recent post... that you are "right"

and WHY when you ask for help... when it differs from your assumptions (based on your previous experiences) are you discarding this advise?

A person can sustain a rape & get past it enough to have a healthy life (just as you describe) and a love of sex (just as you describe) and still have enough problems with trust to have problems with such as achieving orgasm

Why can't we women... especially those with professional expertise or rape experiences... help you to open your eyes to see this?


From my perspective.... this is one of the reasons that many people (not just the person who said she feared being seen as a man hating lesbian for giving you her open opinion)..... see you as arrogant & selfish....

I am not going to make those assumptions....
but I am going to call it as I see it....

and, as I see it... you refuse to allow yourself to step outside of your own experience base... and consider that the rape has effected her ability to orgasm....

even if that is in combination with her reluctance to masturbate

then there is oral sex.... you can not imagine... for many women... how much trust is involved in allowing a man to go down on them... is simply isn't that way for guys... so it is difficult for a guy to imagine this... then there is the higher level of sensitivity that some women have to hygiene... feeling the need to soak in the tube to ensure the highest level of cleanliness isn't uncommon for a women who is considering receiving oral sex.... generally speaking, men are not nearly as self-conscious about this... so it might be difficult for you to understand

I would say that you are maybe 1/2 or 1/4 right...

but I have known MANY, MANY women who are reluctant to masturbate (either because they don't enjoy it that much or they get frustrated when they can't get themselves off on any regular basis... often time with a root-caused based in childhood) ... even though those women are reluctant to masturbate... they are very orgasmic with a partner....

and, again... I speak from experience....

Please... rule-in... rather than rule-out... her rape history...

and encourage her to seek professional help
while you also work towards offering her a safe place to explore her sexuality

and that includes allowing her the things she asks (such as the time to prepare mentally & physically)

Hope this helps... even though I feel like I am talking to "a brick wall" (based on your side of the conversation throughout this thread)

 

[Tmmldr]

I have been seeing a girl for about four months now and thus far failed to bring her to orgasm. I have been with a number of women in the past, and I have always been able to successfully bring them to orgasm within five "sexual encounters" (oral, fingering, etc.). In fact, prior to this, every girl I've had intercourse with I've gotten off.

I certainly am not a perfect lover, but I have never had any sort of stamina problems, am passionate, dominant, and sensual. Sex has always come naturally to me, a bit like how some people are natural athletes or natural dancers.

So I'm a bit stumped with this one. She warned me before we had sex the first time that she had never gotten off before, and thus I never pressed the issue--I know that the psychological pressure of having an orgasm can be the biggest impediment to it. I just make sure she feels good and is enjoying the moment. She's told me a few times how close she has felt to it, and a couple of times has said "You're gonna make me cum!" But she never has, despite telling me that I am the best that she's ever had (she's only 22, so this might not mean much), and that she always feels satisfied when we do have sex.

A previous boyfriend bought her a vibrator, but she doesn't use it, nor does she masturbate. I don't think she feels dirty about it, as she does not seem to be sexually inhibited at all, she does says that she doesn't really enjoy doing it.

The one thing that she doesn't permit, which is kind of annoying, is that she will not let me go down on her. From prior experience, I know a lot of girls need to be orally stimulated, so this might be part of the holdup.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how to solve this puzzle.

CK

First, get yourself off so that you can last a long time the 2nd time around. THEN -

Bend her over the kitchen table or a couch - the goal is to get her in a completely submissive posture, that affects the mental attitude. Blindfold or don't let her look at what you'r doing. All she feels at this time is sensation on her ass and pussy.

Fuck her, then pull out and finger her. Mix in a few light touches with your tongue. Fuck her some more.

Later tell her how incredibly sexy she was in that position. Make it one that you do often. Now you can get her off with your tongue, because she's positioned herself for it.

 

[CelticKnotted]

Follow up:

SUCCESS! Finally brought hit that elusive orgasm about three days ago! It seems that it was a matter of making her very comfortable, having sufficient stamina, and having her manually stimulate her clitoris while I am fucking her.

 

[satindesire]

Follow up:

SUCCESS! Finally brought hit that elusive orgasm about three days ago! It seems that it was a matter of making her very comfortable, having sufficient stamina, and having her manually stimulate her clitoris while I am fucking her.

Can you clarify something?

I'm wondering why she hasn't been stimulating her clitoris manually before, every other time you guys have had sex.

Since most women on the planet need some form of clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, this is extremely NORMAL for most women looking to orgasm during intercourse. Were you both unaware of the importance of the clitoris to many women's orgasm? Or too embarrassed to do it?

 

[mrtomthumb]

Can you clarify something?

I'm wondering why she hasn't been stimulating her clitoris manually before, every other time you guys have had sex.

Since most women on the planet need some form of clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, this is extremely NORMAL for most women looking to orgasm during intercourse. Were you both unaware of the importance of the clitoris to many women's orgasm? Or too embarrassed to do it?

not to get off topic...but that is one HOT AV !

if thats you...

wow!

if not..it still is a great picture...

I thought this might be ok to ask since he made her cum..

they found the little man in the boat!

crazy kids.

 

[infinity706]

not to get off topic...but that is one HOT AV !

if thats you...

wow!

if not..it still is a great picture...

I thought this might be ok to ask since he made her cum..

they found the little man in the boat!

crazy kids.

Yeah, that would be Ms Satin's famous butt. She is an ex model, afterall. Just don't hit on her unless you want her to kill you, though...

 

[mrtomthumb]

Yeah, that would be Ms Satin's famous butt. She is an ex model, afterall. Just don't hit on her unless you want her to kill you, though...

kill me for giving her a (very nice) compliment?

she is also very pretty.

not hitting on just stating the facts.

I could get all artsy fartsy about the lighting and form....

I used to be a starving artist...

it is just a really nice picture of a really nice ass.

if she must kill me ...then I should at least get to choose the way I go...

 

[satindesire]

Actually, surprisingly enough this isn't my ass personally.

It looks exactly like my ass, however, this picture is not me. I just thought it was a really beautiful picture!

And Fin is right, I don't like being hit on. I won't kill you, but I will yell at you. And over the 'net, that's sort of the same thing when it's me.

 

[mrtomthumb]

Actually, surprisingly enough this isn't my ass personally.

It looks exactly like my ass, however, this picture is not me. I just thought it was a really beautiful picture!

And Fin is right, I don't like being hit on. I won't kill you, but I will yell at you. And over the 'net, that's sort of the same thing when it's me.

well since its not your ass then I take it back...

 

[satindesire]

well since its not your ass then I take it back...

I'm sure your dancing nana will comfort you.

 

[CelticKnotted]

Can you clarify something?

I'm wondering why she hasn't been stimulating her clitoris manually before, every other time you guys have had sex.

Since most women on the planet need some form of clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, this is extremely NORMAL for most women looking to orgasm during intercourse. Were you both unaware of the importance of the clitoris to many women's orgasm? Or too embarrassed to do it?

I am aware of the importance of the clitoris to orgasm. I typically don't manually stimulate it because I have usually been able to bring a girl to g-spot orgasm successfully and if not, I bring them to orgasm orally.

If this is commonplace among women, I must have slept exclusively with aberrations because none of them have immediately done so. I have stimulated their clits on occasion just for variety (this is what happened last time), but it is not the usual way I do things.

I'm certainly not too embarrassed. It's just that the g-spot orgasm has always been related to me to be the stronger, deeper orgasm, and the one that creates a more powerful emotional bond to the person and the act of intercourse itself. As such, I try to work away from direct clitoral stimulation as the primary source of orgasm.

 

[Lady_In_Black]

I am aware of the importance of the clitoris to orgasm. I typically don't manually stimulate it because I have usually been able to bring a girl to g-spot orgasm successfully and if not, I bring them to orgasm orally.

If this is commonplace among women, I must have slept exclusively with aberrations because none of them have immediately done so. I have stimulated their clits on occasion just for variety (this is what happened last time), but it is not the usual way I do things.

I'm certainly not too embarrassed. It's just that the g-spot orgasm has always been related to me to be the stronger, deeper orgasm, and the one that creates a more powerful emotional bond to the person and the act of intercourse itself. As such, I try to work away from direct clitoral stimulation as the primary source of orgasm.

First off, congratulations to your woman on her first orgasm. I still remember my first one. I should really of kept that hair brush for posterity! *wistful look*

Any way, in responce to this specific post, not the original issue, have you ever seen those poll for women; to see how they orgasm, worded in the simplest of terms? Such as:

I require this to orgasm:

Vaginal stimulation
Clitoral stimulation
Either of the above work
Anal stimulation
ANY of the above work

Google that shiz, man! it's informative as hell!

There are women that NEED one or the other. I can not, at all, orgasm with out something inside me to clench onto. It just doesn't work and it fucks me up if I cant get it; I turn into a sobbing, historic mess, or I get angry and rough until I get it.

As you said your lady is 22 years old, I'm going to guess that you're not too far off in age? I'm only guessing that because it's most likely, and I'm wondering, if I may, how many woman you've had sex with? It isentirely possible that you have, some how, simply had a streak of women that can come with out clit rubbin's. This does not negate the fact that some absoutly can't.

(Please note, I'm not aiming to imply that you're young and inexperience, I'm the same age as your girlfriend, for heavens sake!)

 

[mrtomthumb]

I'm sure your dancing nana will comfort you.

not as much as your kind words of encouragement....

I was hoping you were going to tell me to kiss your ass....your ass not the ass that is in that great pic.

I will go and take my dancing nana with me..

where man and emoticon can walk together in the light of day..

sorry did not mean in any way shape or form to hijack the thread.

 

[littlebabyclit]

I'm certainly not too embarrassed. It's just that the g-spot orgasm has always been related to me to be the stronger, deeper orgasm, and the one that creates a more powerful emotional bond to the person and the act of intercourse itself. As such, I try to work away from direct clitoral stimulation as the primary source of orgasm.

Congratulations for getting your girlfriend to orgasm with you and for caring about developing emotional bonds during sex. No wonder she was able to finally let go with you. Congrats to you both !

 

[CelticKnotted]

There are women that NEED one or the other. I can not, at all, orgasm with out something inside me to clench onto. It just doesn't work and it fucks me up if I cant get it; I turn into a sobbing, historic mess, or I get angry and rough until I get it.

I mean, I realize that a lot of women FEEL they need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, but most sexual preference (both psychological and physical) comes down to conditioning. While not neglecting the clit, I would rather not be overly dependent on it and would try to wean them off of clitoral stimulation and to g-spot stimulation gradually (for reasons explained above).

As to the polls you described, all polls do is describe the current state of affairs, not what they should or could be. I mean, from all reports, most men lack stamina, do not give foreplay enough attention, neglect the psychological aspect of sex, and are generally incompetent in the sack. I'd like to believe I'm in the awesome minority that have the capacity to perform well, but I think the truth is most men don't try improve their sexual abilities or have an over-inflated ego about them (I know it sounds like I do, and I am confident, but I know there is always more to learn, and each woman is different).

As you said your lady is 22 years old, I'm going to guess that you're not too far off in age? I'm only guessing that because it's most likely, and I'm wondering, if I may, how many woman you've had sex with? It isentirely possible that you have, some how, simply had a streak of women that can come with out clit rubbin's. This does not negate the fact that some absoutly can't.

(Please note, I'm not aiming to imply that you're young and inexperience, I'm the same age as your girlfriend, for heavens sake!)

I'm 25 and have had intercourse with 11 girls. I know it is not an absolute truckload, but that seems like a very long streak to have. Still, I am always happy to expand the ol' horizons!

 

[satindesire]

Not all women can orgasm from g-spot stimulation, and some of the ones who can don't feel that emotional 'rush' that you're depending on.

Remember, the clitoris is basically the female penis due to the fact that anatomically speaking, it's the same nerve endings and tissue in the fetus of the male and female babies.

Avoiding stimulating it may works well for your currently girlfriend, but you should note that it may not always be so with other women. Communication is essential, and she may or may not prefer clitoral stimulation, so you should be direct and -ask- your currently partner where she enjoys being stimulated the most. If she says her clitoris, then you should focus your attention there.

"Weaning" all girls from clitoral stimulation is exactly like a woman wanting to "wean" you from penile stimulation. It may or may not be what you want, and it may or may not be successful.

 

[Lady_In_Black]

I beg your pardon? wean them off of clitoral stimulation That is honestly the most fucked up thing I've seen you say. I'm willing to take the rest of what you had to offer as a failure to put thoughts and emotions to word in an manner that best defines them on this forum, and I'll give you that, as you stated it over and over again...

But wean them off of clitoral stimulation?! That is pompous, uneducated, and ridiculous. What is your bases of argument? Have all 11 of your sexual partners told you in no uncertain terms that they preferred that you wean them off of clitoral stimulation because deep down they didn't like it?

Wean them off of clitoral stimulation That makes no bloody sense. I don't even understand the reasoning of that. You didn't say "I prefer to do this instead" you said "no, I like to take this away" and there is no actual reason short of your limited sexual understanding of how a woman works. And not just a solitary woman, you've lumped all women's sexual desire, drive and function into one ideal from having sex with 11 women. How many women are on this planet?

And yes, 11 is no bases for "most women". It is not a majority. You have no control group.

Good god. I'm not mad at you, I'm just flat out shocked and appalled by that...I don't even have a word for it. I mean really, just as Satin said above me

""Weaning" all girls from clitoral stimulation is exactly like a woman wanting to "wean" you from penile stimulation."

And how exactly is you taking control of your girlfriends sexual desires and reactions, and then taking them from her going to make her a better sexual being? Or, for that matter, how is it supposed to empower her emotionally against being molested by another boyfriend who put his sexual agenda above that of their partnership, and above her well being?

Gah.

And before you turn this on me, I have slept with less people then you, and the only fact that I flat out know about the men I've had sex with, is that I can always stand to improve, and if they say they like something, or don't like it, I cater to them not what I think is best for them. I am not them, and will never know what is better for them, short of flat out self destructive behaviour. Behaviour you've not stated yourself as witnessing in your girlfriend.

 

[goddessoflove]

I beg your pardon? wean them off of clitoral stimulation That is honestly the most fucked up thing I've seen you say. I'm willing to take the rest of what you had to offer as a failure to put thoughts and emotions to word in an manner that best defines them on this forum, and I'll give you that, as you stated it over and over again...

But wean them off of clitoral stimulation?! That is pompous, uneducated, and ridiculous. What is your bases of argument? Have all 11 of your sexual partners told you in no uncertain terms that they preferred that you wean them off of clitoral stimulation because deep down they didn't like it?

Wean them off of clitoral stimulation That makes no bloody sense. I don't even understand the reasoning of that. You didn't say "I prefer to do this instead" you said "no, I like to take this away" and there is no actual reason short of your limited sexual understanding of how a woman works. And not just a solitary woman, you've lumped all women's sexual desire, drive and function into one ideal from having sex with 11 women. How many women are on this planet?

And yes, 11 is no bases for "most women". It is not a majority. You have no control group.

Good god. I'm not mad at you, I'm just flat out shocked and appalled by that...I don't even have a word for it. I mean really, just as Satin said above me

""Weaning" all girls from clitoral stimulation is exactly like a woman wanting to "wean" you from penile stimulation."

And how exactly is you taking control of your girlfriends sexual desires and reactions, and then taking them from her going to make her a better sexual being? Or, for that matter, how is it supposed to empower her emotionally against being molested by another boyfriend who put his sexual agenda above that of their partnership, and above her well being?

Gah.

And before you turn this on me, I have slept with less people then you, and the only fact that I flat out know about the men I've had sex with, is that I can always stand to improve, and if they say they like something, or don't like it, I cater to them not what I think is best for them. I am not them, and will never know what is better for them, short of flat out self destructive behaviour. Behaviour you've not stated yourself as witnessing in your girlfriend.

Yep. I totally lost any intesrest with the op with the "Wean them off clit stimulation". Bub don't tell me how I should cum and don't think you can wean me. I am not a farm animal.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Hmmm. If someone tried to 'wean me off clitorial stimulation' I'd probably punch them in the face.

I've had about two g spot orgasms in my life. Hell, half the time Mr and I have sex, I don't even orgasm.

And you know what? Our emotional bond is as deep and as powerful as ever.