Chain Story Discussion

[Todd-'o'-Vision]

re: opps

I will have mine finished Tuesday or wednesday for submission wednesday to be posted Aug 2nd

My apologies for cutting it so short, but with a bout of real life and writers block, and writers inferiority going on.

My apologies.

sorry for the hassle and procrastination

 

[Whispersecret]

Okay, I got a brainstorm, but I'm not sure if it's one of those "Geez, what a stupid idea" brainstorms, or something worthwhile.

What if the girl's parents were the ones who hired Lucas to steal the talisman in the first place? Say Dad is a retired anthropologist. He knew his daughter was raped, knows the talisman's power, has known Lucas is a thief despite Lucas's efforts to keep that a secret. So he orchestrates everything.

Or is that just too pat? Be honest. This is either a great idea or a horrible one.

 

[Weird Harold]

Or is that just too pat? Be honest. This is either a great idea or a horrible one.

I'm not sure that it's a horrible idea, but it does seem a bit contrived. I think it would lead to a major revision if you go that route to answer all of the little questions it would raise -- How does her father know all this, How did he manuipulate everyone so it comes out right, etc.

 

[JUDO]

Okay, I got a brainstorm, but I'm not sure if it's one of those "Geez, what a stupid idea" brainstorms, or something worthwhile.

What if the girl's parents were the ones who hired Lucas to steal the talisman in the first place? Say Dad is a retired anthropologist. He knew his daughter was raped, knows the talisman's power, has known Lucas is a thief despite Lucas's efforts to keep that a secret. So he orchestrates everything.

Or is that just too pat? Be honest. This is either a great idea or a horrible one.

Only a good idea if you can set up a believeable reason for not knowing who their neighbors are. In other words, the father and Lucas are in league, but do not know what each other looks like.

Then, the ultimate revelation might only appear to Lucas (if he has been in a clandestine contact with the father). You know, set up the whole thing over the phone, father doesn't know who he really is or what he looks like.

Daughter reveals "new" boyfriend, date, whatever to Dad and Lucas doesn't realize who he is until he finds something in the father's study that clues him in.

Might be too pat that they live next door to one another. Live in same building??? Live in same gated neighborhood???

thoughts.
- Judo

 

[Whispersecret]

Okay, thanks all for the input. I'm going to nix the idea of father being involved in any of it.

Oh, well, not every idea is a gem!

 

[Whispersecret]

Oh, another favor...

Could those of you who have written your chapters already please just cut and paste any brief descriptions of the talisman that you had in your story?

--physical attributes
--special things it does...like vibrate or hum or whatever

Anything that might help me connect my vision/description of the talisman with everyone else's. Sure, I could study each (LONG!) chapter and pick out those details, but I was thinking everyone is so familiar with their own particular chapter and it would be easy for you to find it.

Thanks ever so much! Being last is sort of a pain!

 

[JUDO]

Talisman descriptions

Excerpts of medallion descriptions from Talisman: Victoria Grace Tilden

1st excerpt -
"Yes sir." She untied the bow and pulled at the papers, tearing them away revealing a bright silver box with a silver clasp shaped like a cat. It had tiny little feet on the bottom as though meant for display - but to display what?

"Go on, open it." Michael prodded her.

She flipped up the clasp from the cat's paws and opened the box. Inside, wrapped in a padded red silk interior was a delicate ivory medallion bordered by a fine gold chain woven through its edge. Open mouthed and speechless, Victoria looked at the delicate craftsmanship. The chain links so tiny, she felt they might break if she touched them. The medallion itself was beautiful. Luminous in the candlelight, it almost glowed. Carefully, she picked it up and looked at it. On the face of the piece was an engraved relief of Indian origin, she was certain of it. She looked at the back - a dancing man also of Indian origin, a god - Shiva, the destroyer of the world. Flipping it back over, she realized the large-busted Indian woman on the front must be Shakti, the nurturer and Shiva's wife.

She quickly looked at Michael. "Where did you get this? Certainly, not at the dig?"

"No, no, not at the dig, no. I bought it in a market in Tanta on a research trip there. Met a most interesting man, but I knew how you loved these interesting trinkets. It's old, isn't it?"

She looked back at the medallion in her fingers and smiled. "Yes, I think so. It must be very old. I'll have to ask Professor Peltrie about…"

"Try it on, dear. Let's see how it looks about that fine neck of yours." Puffed up and proud of his company, Sir Winthrop was pushy when drunk and the evening was young.

Michael took the chain from the box and looked at Victoria. "May I?"

She nodded. Michael stood behind her and draped the delicate necklace over her head, laying it gently around her neck. The chain wasn't cold; it felt warm. The medallion rested in her cleavage. She felt tingly inside her stomach.

2nd excerpt -
Her nipples rose against their areola and for a moment she felt as though someone was watching her from over her left shoulder. She turned quickly. There in the light of the moon, Michael's gift, the medallion was glowing on her vanity table.

Curious, she walked to the vanity table and picked up the delicate chain and its medallion. The ivory rocked in and out of the slit of light. In the Moon's glow, the ivory seemed to catch the light and hold it as though lit by a phosphorescence from within. She smiled at the gift, put the chain over her head and tilted the mirror to admire it.

As the ivory settled between her breasts, a warmth slowly spread through her chest, neck and shoulders winding its way to her head and down her body. She closed her eyes for a moment and stretched her arms out, rolling her neck as the sensation relaxed her. It felt as though she were being massaged - such a sensuous feeling, such a comfortable feeling. She opened her eyes and saw her naked reflection staring back, but she wasn't surprised and she wasn't concerned. It was as though her Victorian manner had been silenced.

------------------------

Once-in-a-while in the text at moment's of sexual temptation, I imply that a disembodied voice speaks to the wearer, directing them to do something, encouraging a behavior that perhaps they aren't sure about.

Since it is a direct thought in their mind, I use italics to set it off from the rest of the text.

Here's an example of this use from my chapter:

example of dis-embodied voice:
Victoria felt great compassion wash over her and moved behind her friend, placing her hands on her shoulders and kneading them roughly like dough. "Goodness, you are very tight, Sarah."

Sarah sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, letting her head loll forward. She put her hands on the counter. "Oh, Miss Victoria, that feels wonderful." She could feel the warmth start at her neck and creep down her back as the younger woman massaged her.

"It's terrible, isn't it?" Victoria watched as Sarah rolled her head to one side and closed her eyes.

"What is, Miss Victoria?"

"All this waiting, waiting for the right moment as you say. Delaying what you want, waiting for the natural order to slide in alignment with one another. Waiting is terrible, horrible. I hate it." She pressed her hands more firmly into Sarah's flesh. Sarah moaned.

"Oh, you're good at this, Victoria. I love your hands."

Victoria pressed her body against the back of Sarah. Her full breasts pressed into her back. Her groin pressed into the shorter woman's buttocks. She could feel the heat coming off Sarah, coming off this beautiful, tantalizing friend.

"We shouldn't have to wait, Sarah. It's not the natural order. Human beings have needs on all levels, not only socially, monetarily and mentally, but physiological as well. There is a time for all things under the sun." Victoria looked down at her friend. Sarah was breathing deeply and steadily. The hard bumps of her nipples showed through her bodice. A sheen of sweat appeared beneath her ear. Her own breasts, pressed into her friends back, felt full and tingled with a force unknown to her. She looked at Sarah's neck, at the moisture there and wondered how it might feel, wondered how it might - taste. She bent forward, opening her mouth, extending her tongue. Yes, lick her. Lick her neck, right there, behind her ear.

Suddenly, the door swung open and two women chattering mightily about something crashed into the room. Victoria jumped up still holding Sarah. Sarah moved quickly away from her charge and began straightening her hair.

------------------

I also imply that, in general, the talisman encourages all hedonistic behavior. Victoria eats a huge meal, enjoying the tastes, texture, heady sensation of the food. She encourages others to enjoy a new sexual appetite that she can "see."


- Judo

 

[Alex De Kok]

Talisman - Lucy McFey

I avoided too much description, partly because Lucy - the Talisman wearer - was not my major character. Here's what I wrote :

“A moment please, Lucy. Your pendant; I have not seen its like before. May I examine it?”

“Of course, cousin. Here,” she said, lifting the cord over her head and handing him the medallion. As she did so she looked almost confused for a moment. Faulkner inspected the medallion closely, examining both sides, before handing it back to Lucy, with a piercing look.

“The medallion is ivory, I think, but this cord is most fascinating, for I have never seen its like before. Look, Emma, see how the cord seems woven from golden thread, but it is endless, without a fastening. These images, however, these I have seen before. Or something very like them,” he said as Lucy lifted the cord of the medallion back over her head, her breasts again seeming likely to escape their flimsy restraint as she raised her arms.

<snipped - not description>

“I see,” said Faulkner, nodding. “You are right, of course. There were also carvings of the local deities. Unless I am mistaken, Lucy’s pendant bears likenesses of Shakti and Shiva, the Nurturer and the Destroyer, or something much akin to them.”

“Goodness,” said Lucy, lifting her pendant so that she could look at it. “How exciting.” She smiled. “I care nothing for its origins, I just like wearing it. I feel good when I do, exciting and attractive.”

That's about it, for me. Hope it helps.

Alex

 

[jon.hayworth]

Whispersecret,
Below are the key descriptions from Dr Forman's Discoverie

Quote 1
He lifted the lid, even in the flickering candle light the carved ivory disc seemed to glow. To examine it more thoroughly he took the medallion from its nest laying it in the palm of his hand. He could see that Marlowe had not been mistaken, the design was undoubtedly not a symbol from Christendom. ‘Occidental’, Marlowe had said. For no clear reason Simon suddenly knew it originated from the Spice Islands. ‘And this gold chain must be worth a pretty penny – I have never seen the likes of it.’

Then he became aware of the heat. Like a crystal the ivory disc was alive, gently vibrating with energy and generating warmth. Simon sensed the ivory Talisman was trying to communicate with him. The figure carved on it intrigued him; at first glance it appeared to be of a woman, an occidental Venus or some unknown fertility goddess he had surmised. Then when he viewed the figure from a slightly different angle its gender appeared to change, and the figure had distinct masculine characteristics.

Quote 2
Eventually there was nothing but the mirror, a matte black mass of nothing. His mind was a blank except for the blackness and the warmth of the Talisman in his hand.

He was no longer in the room. Both time and space had lost their meaning. Before his eyes he saw a figure, the same figure that was carved on the Talisman dancing a jig before his eyes. From somewhere far away he could hear the pipes playing a discordant form of music that was foreign to his ears.



Quote 3
On the tenth night he saw the figure from the Talisman come to life before his eyes. It had transformed into a dancing girl who became a butterfly that grew and grew until it filled the room, consuming Simon. The dancing girl was Simon, and Simon was the dancing girl. Simon was the girl who danced for the priests, whoring herself chastely for the temple, in innocence enjoying sex that was free of guilt, for the innocent cannot be guilty. Giving enjoyment in return for enjoyment. Simon was aware of a feeling of warmth in his abdomen when she enjoyed an orgasm. When the delicate pink flower between the dancing girl’s legs opened, it revealed to him a glowing bud.

In a flash Simon achieved a level of understanding that surpassed the goals his imagination had set him. When with the arrival of dawn he had ritually broken the circle, Simon then wrote his cryptic notes in his usual semi-educated mishmash of Dog Latin and French.

Noxt est dies et dies est noxt. Lume est niger et niger est lume. Et vice verca ad infinitum. Homme est femme. Femme est homme. Femme cum as homme but with difference. Noxt I was a femme and homme. Did pleasure my femme. Femme pedagoge a homme.

Translated he had written, “Night is day and day is night. Light is black and black is light. And the opposite into infinity. Man is woman. Woman is man. Woman orgasms as a man does but there is a difference. This night I was both a woman and a man. I did pleasure the female. Female instructed the male.”


Quote 4
She sat with her legs wide open. Looking not at the thigh that was the ostensible object of his examination, Simon’s focus was instead on the view between her thighs. Whether by accident or design, her labia were parted, lying open like a pink butterfly resting. He recognized the shape, for it was the one he had seen in his vision the previous night and there in the middle lay the carmine jewel.

Without a second thought he touched her clitoris with his forefinger. Alice gasped when at the same time as gently applying pressure he began to move his finger in a circular motion. She was not surprised that the doctor had touched her in such a manner. Indeed she had hoped the doctor would accept her invitation.


Hope that all the above prove to be of some assistance.
jon

 

[JUDO]

Chain interrupted

NOTICE!

Our next author in the chain, karmadog, just PM'd me today to announce that his computer was hit by lightning and he had no backup! He will, as a result, be late in delivering his chapter. He estimates that he will be a week late.

This means that there will be no new chapter available to readers this Friday, August 2nd (unless, kdog pulls off a minor miracle).

As bad as I feel for Karmadog and our misfortune, we all need to notice how easily we can be destroyed, how delicate all of our efforts are.

Please, please, please backup your work. It's easy. It's fast. And even though this will never happen to you, do it anyway. If nothing else, do it for me.

Thanks and a moment of silence for all the dead bits --


- Judo

 

[Whispersecret]

First, thanks to Judo, Alex, and Jon for the quotes. Enormously helpful!!

Second, my sympathy goes to Karmadog. I thought I'd lost the beginning of my story to MS Works, but I was able to get it "translated" by my friend. I know how sickening that feeling is when you have lost something you've written.

Hey, Miss Judo, did we get that little glitch about the story listings in the Chain Story area cleared up? Also, (please don't think of me as the COMPLAINER, but...) the red type on the grey background is difficult to read.

Also, that darned Bob Peale is still winning, damn it. I saw nothing particularly original in his scene. I voted for you. Loved the horse scene.

 

[JUDO]

Hey, Miss Judo, did we get that little glitch about the story listings in the Chain Story area cleared up? Also, (please don't think of me as the COMPLAINER, but...) the red type on the grey background is difficult to read.

No, I would like to suggest to Laurel that we would add a chapter number to "Talisman" on each of the listings.

It is a bunch of work already for them and it's really too bad that we did not think of it before we began posting. As a result, it's likely that it may not happen. As you all well know, once something is posted here with mistakes, it's almost impossible to get it fixed.

But...

If we could, I would like to suggest that they look like this:

Talisman, Ch. 1: Tallus Hostilus Ursus
Talisman, Ch. 2: Dr. Forman's Discoverie
Talisman, Ch. 3: Kate Overwhelmed
Talisman, Ch. 4: Lucy McFey
Talisman, Ch. 5: Victoria Grace Tilden

...and so forth.

In this way, they would list in order somewhere besides the Intro. page. Which, by the way, I would really like to get linked somewhere other than Killermuffin's first chapter.

Thoughts?

- Judo

PS - By the way, WS, the red type turns to gold once you've followed the link and as a result is much easier to read. (hint, hint).

 

[jon.hayworth]

I'll second Judo's suggestion about adding chapter numbers.

Although at the present rate of dead bits - may they RIP - would it not be best to wait until the end, before they are numbered, just in case some author gets released from jail, recovers from their amnesia or whatever! - Maybe I am being optomistic.

jon

 

[Quint]

Judo,

Sounds like a good plan to me. Although the stories, separate as they are, hardly suffer by being taken out of order, I'm easily obsessive enough to push for numbering our chapters.

Progress report: draft is finished and in the hands of some very capable editors. I have all sorts of backup and I foresee no problem delivering on schedule. I'm still willing to help any of the remaining authors with their works.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Was there a chapter this week? I didn't see one posted.

 

[Whispersecret]

I KNOW they turn yellow! Golly.

The a link to the intro should appear in every story. People may pick up on the chain midsteam and should know where to go if they want to start at the beginning.

Update: I'm still working on mine. I got a good start and ran out of steam when it came to the sex scene. It's not as easy or as interesting writing those anymore. The characters are finally cooperating, though. I would like to finish tomorrow. REvise the next day and send it to editors. We'll see if that actually happens. My kids aren't in school, so it's hard to get as much done.

Question: Are we supposed to just name our chapter after the character who is changed by the Talisman, or can we just HAVE the name in the title? Is either acceptable?

 

[JUDO]

Was there a chapter this week? I didn't see one posted.

Karmadog

Karmadog's computer was hit by lightening and did not deliver to Laurel on July 26th. He told us a week ago that he would deliver something in about a week. And I believe that he should be good at his word even if his excuse for delivering late is pretty lame.

Todd

I don't know if Todd O'Vision has delivered his story. It was due last Friday, August 2nd for Laurel to look over. Like others before him, he did post and promise delivery recently, but I have not heard from Laurel for a status lately. With any luck, no news is good news. Todd? Earth to Todd. Did you deliver?

Flakes & the Chain

Frankly, there have been so many flakes involved in this year's chain story that I am very disappointed. I don't know that I will ever participate again without some kind of screening method available. And I have no idea what that might be.

Sorry, if that offends, but the authors all agreed to deliver in the very first post and then they didn't. Not backing up a computer has been two of the excuses. Consider that the "my dog ate it" excuse of the 21st Century. It doesn't fly.

Everyone Else

In the meantime, all of the other authors should still be adhering to their own individual schedules as listed in the first post of this thread.

Next up, to be delivered for Laurel's review this Friday, August 9th, is: (trumpets, please) RisiaSkye. As most of us know, RS is a very good writer and I'm sure she will not sully her reputation with any unprofessional behavior. RS, I have no worries.

Quint has been posting right along with all of us through the summer and seems committed to delivering.

Whispersecret will do a fabulous job and I'm very glad she is honoring us with a chapter.

Professionalism

I don't know how you all feel about the chain so far, but the writing has been well done. That is, those efforts that have made it to the page. But as for the authors who did not deliver, they are on my shit list.

When I enter an agreement to work with others, I consider it a professional outting. One to be taken seriously, putting forth my best efforts.

I may be the only one who feels this way and as a result, my feelings may be unwarranted.

- Judo

 

[Ulyssa]

Judo sweets...

I am sorry that I missed the opportunity to work with this year's chain. I can see by the tufts of hair which you've yanked from your head that next year's problems will fall on someone else's desk.

But let me say that evey piece of the talisman which made it on-line was well written and definately a worthwhile effort.

I take my nursing bra off to all of you! Brava!! Bravo!!

All my best, Lyssa

 

[jon.hayworth]

Judo,

I just wanted to say that I do agree with most of what you said about those who failed to deliver.

I also believed at the beginning of this venture we were entering into a contract, that demanded we delivered a piece of work written to the best of that individuals ability.

TAKE NOTE THOSE WHO HAVE LET ME DOWN I SHALL HIT EVERY STORY OF YOURS WITH HORRIBLE ONES.

Come on TODD O VISION all that we ask is your best. Please send it in.

jon

 

[karmadog]

FLAKE!!!!

Well, ok. Fair enough. But for the record, I do keep paper copies of my work, but I send them to the recycler when the story is completed. Recycling day had come, and I had nearly completed all of my revisions so I ditched the paper on this story. Before I printed out my copy, a lightning strike. It came in through the phone lines, so if you do not protect computer from that direction, I suggest you disconnect the phone jack during electrical storms.

My chapter will arrive when it arrives (Monday at the latest). My circumstances were unforeseeable and I have other, more important (read paying), commitments.

jon.hayworth said:

TAKE NOTE THOSE WHO HAVE LET ME DOWN I SHALL HIT EVERY STORY OF YOURS WITH HORRIBLE ONES.

Yes, feel free, but a new computer means another vote! (Just kidding. I don't believe in the malicious vote even for revenge.
Besides, my story is coming.)

 

[jon.hayworth]

Karmadog,

I was not thinking of you when I wrote that. I never doubted your integrity and know that any of us could be crippled by a lightening strike. Although I must tale a look at phone line protection.

The folks I was thinking of were GoddessKaren and JohnnyBoy who just sort of faded below the horizon, and left us all hanging.

I am glad that you have sorted out your problems and look forward to reading your contribution.

jon

 

[Todd-'o'-Vision]

My story was forwarded in a few days late but it is still in and pending.

apologies for the tardiness, but i guess its better than backing out under the inferiority of my writing compared to the awesome writing that has occured already

 

[JUDO]

Thanks. Kdog, I didn't mean to beat a dog when he's down. Even with all the backup I do, I would still be devestated if lightening struck my DSL. Augh! And thanks for the update.

Todd, thanks for the update. Glad to hear it and best of luck.

Lyss, I thought you'd gone, but I'm oh, so glad to see you back! Mwah! And yes, I will not be inviting tragedy to strike twice by leading another one of these. (But you knew that already)


- Judo

 

[jon.hayworth]

Todd,

I only wish that others had thought as you have. Your best is the best you can do - we can all respect that. I look forward to reading your story.

jon

 

[RisiaSkye]

Well, given how it's been going so far, I don't promise brilliance--in fact, I don't even guarantee coherence. But, I'll have punched the "submit" button on my screen by the early morning hours of Saturday at the latest. She'll have it in *plenty* of time to get it posted by the 16th.

Great work so far, everyone. Once again, coming late in the chain is crushing my self-esteem and making the writing really difficult. If I do this again next year, I'm going to insist on going early...I'm tired of feeling like the hack.

RS