Chilly’s Nighttime Radio


So how do I apologize
And put the tears back in your eyes
On every canvas that I paint
Is a masterpiece made of my mistakes?
 

Hi Ren, I've been taking some time to be distant
I've been taking some time to be still
I've been taking some time to be by myself
And I've spent half my life ill
But just as sure as the tide starts turning
Just as sure as the night has dawn
Just as sure as rainfall soon runs dry
When you stand in an eye of the storm
I was made to be tested and twisted
I was made to be broken and beat
I was made by His hand, it's all part of His plan
That I stand on my own two feet
And you know me, my will is eternal
And you know me, you've met me before
Face-to-face with a beast, I will rise from the east
And I'll settle on the ocean floor
And I go by many names also
Some people know me as "hope"
Some people know me as the voice that you hear
When you loosen the noose on the rope
And you know how I know that I'll prosper?
'Cause I stand here beside you today
I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain
And I didn't once flinch or shake
 

I got married at 18 to a young g military guy. The first time he hit me he punched a hole in the bathroom door after I locked myself in there. This was in the same apartment I live in now. That door is still there. I should replace the door but I haven’t. I stayed with that man because I didn’t want to disappoint my grandparents (who already hated me) by getting divorced. We ended up moving to Ft. Lewis, Wa where it just got worse. I finally left because the inevitable happened…he tried to kill me. Wrapped a phone cord around my neck and slammed me face first into a door. I managed to get away and run to a store to call a friend to get me. I passed a cop and tried to flag him down but he just drove by. My ex was in a car behind me screaming how he was going to break my fucking neck. I’m always amazed at how many people just watched, or pointed and laughed. I called my parents and had a flight home a couple days later.

What a way to start adulthood.
 

I got married at 18 to a young g military guy. The first time he hit me he punched a hole in the bathroom door after I locked myself in there. This was in the same apartment I live in now. That door is still there. I should replace the door but I haven’t. I stayed with that man because I didn’t want to disappoint my grandparents (who already hated me) by getting divorced. We ended up moving to Ft. Lewis, Wa where it just got worse. I finally left because the inevitable happened…he tried to kill me. Wrapped a phone cord around my neck and slammed me face first into a door. I managed to get away and run to a store to call a friend to get me. I passed a cop and tried to flag him down but he just drove by. My ex was in a car behind me screaming how he was going to break my fucking neck. I’m always amazed at how many people just watched, or pointed and laughed. I called my parents and had a flight home a couple days later.

What a way to start adulthood.
What... in the... OMG, chica!

I can't even... the strength you have within is gorgeous. I hope you realize that. Seriously. That wasn't a guy you married... that was a fucking insect. I can't even... My brain is trying to write in English when it's screaming in Spanish.

No se....

Fucking prick.

But you, chica? You're a fucking Queen! You can either look at that door and feel victimized or you can look at that door and laugh because you're infinitely stronger than that POS.

He isn't around the JBLM area anymore right? Because if he is.....
 
What... in the... OMG, chica!

I can't even... the strength you have within is gorgeous. I hope you realize that. Seriously. That wasn't a guy you married... that was a fucking insect. I can't even... My brain is trying to write in English when it's screaming in Spanish.

No se....

Fucking prick.

But you, chica? You're a fucking Queen! You can either look at that door and feel victimized or you can look at that door and laugh because you're infinitely stronger than that POS.

He isn't around the JBLM area anymore right? Because if he is.....
You are too sweet.

I look at that door and feel nothing. And I actually wouldn’t change that part of my life. It was crazy and horrible but it made me who I am. I was such a spoiled, helpless princess. I never had to stand on my own. I learned amazing life lessons.

He is back in his hometown in Maine. He did have the nerve to message me a few years ago and ask for money 😂😂
 
You are too sweet.

I look at that door and feel nothing. And I actually wouldn’t change that part of my life. It was crazy and horrible but it made me who I am. I was such a spoiled, helpless princess. I never had to stand on my own. I learned amazing life lessons.

He is back in his hometown in Maine. He did have the nerve to message me a few years ago and ask for money 😂😂
I got married really young. .... almost 18 at the time. Don't ask! Lol. But he is a good man. Well, he is now. Both of us were way too young and stupid and we separated for a few years, but I wouldn't change a thing. Your story, chica, just has me walking around my house wanting to flip shit and also hug you. You're a fucking legend, chica.
 

I've told you this once before, can't control me
If you try to take me down, you're gonna break
And I feel your every nothing, that you're doing for me
I'm thinking you oughta make your own way
I stand alone inside
I stand alone
You're always hiding behind your so-called goddess
So what? You don't think that we can see your face
Resurrected back before the final falling
I'll never rest until I can make my own way
I'm not afraid of fading
 

Suddenly, the lights go out
Let forever drag me down
I will fight for one last breath
I will fight until the end
And I will find the enemy within
'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin
Dear agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's gotta be?
 
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