Chilly’s Nighttime Radio


Hi Ren, I've been taking some time to be distant
I've been taking some time to be still
I've been taking some time to be by myself
And I've spent half my life ill
But just as sure as the tide starts turning
Just as sure as the night has dawn
Just as sure as rainfall soon runs dry
When you stand in an eye of the storm
I was made to be tested and twisted
I was made to be broken and beat
I was made by His hand, it's all part of His plan
That I stand on my own two feet
And you know me, my will is eternal
And you know me, you've met me before
Face-to-face with a beast, I will rise from the east
And I'll settle on the ocean floor
And I go by many names also
Some people know me as "hope"
Some people know me as the voice that you hear
When you loosen the noose on the rope
And you know how I know that I'll prosper?
'Cause I stand here beside you today
I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain
And I didn't once flinch or shake
Love this song, its one of my favorites! ❤️
 

Woke up with a headache
And some neck pain
Cup of coffee need the caffeine
Oh I don't know the last time
I wasn't tired
Check out in the fast lane
The lady asked if I've been
Having me a nice day
I said that I'm fine
Guess that I'm a liar
cuz
Yeah I'm fine
If "F" is for feeling overwhelmed
And "I" is for "I'm not alright"
Yeah I'm fine
If "N" is for not being able to sleep
"E" for every night
Yeah I'm fine
Finally feeling the pressure of
Keeping my feelings inside
Yeah I'm fine
Well maybe I'm not
And I just need to tell someone
I'm not alright
Do you wonder how it'd feel to
Let somebody in to finally see the real you?
Me too
I hide behind a mask
But it's getting pretty see through
Cuz I'm so tired of trying to pretend like
I can do it on my own
When in the end I'm
Sick and tired of feeling alone
I wish there was a way that
you could read my mind
When I say I'm fine because
Yeah I'm fine
If "F" is for feeling overwhelmed
And "I" is for "I'm not alright"
Yeah I'm fine
If "N" is for not being able to sleep
"E" for every night
Yeah I'm fine
Finally feeling the pressure of
Keeping my feelings inside
Yeah I'm fine
Well maybe I'm not
And I just need to tell someone
I'm not alright
Maybe I should tell someone I'm not
Oh tell someone I'm not alright
Cuz lately I'm saying I'm fine
And I know I'm lying cuz
Yeah I'm fine
If "F" is for feeling overwhelmed
And "I" is for "I'm not alright"
Yeah I'm fine
If "N" is for not being able to sleep
"E" for every night
Yeah I'm fine
Finally feeling the pressure of
Keeping my feelings inside
Yeah I'm fine
Well maybe I'm not
And I just need to tell someone
I'm not alright
 

I know the sun is out
I got a couple songs people like to talk about
And I should be happy
I know people say, "It comes and goes"
But if I'm feelin' it every day
It's more than a bad week
Will I be sad forever?
Will I be sad forever?
If my hopes and dreams all came together
Would I wake up one day feelin' all better?
Will I be sad?
Will I be sad forever?
I know that through the screen
You only see some of the surface shit I let you see
Truth is I'm breaking
I've tried everything, still got empty hands
If you think I'm faking it, I'm sorry in advance
Even when I laugh, I cry
I know it's fucking dark, but I wonder sometimes
Will I be sad forever?
Will I be sad forever?
If my hopes and dreams all came together
Would I wake up one day feelin' all better?
Will I be sad?
Will I be sad forever?
And ever, and ever
And ever, and ever
And ever, and ever
Call it a phase, call it whatever
I just wish someone would give me an answer
Will I be sad?
Will I be sad forever?
 

So I don't want to learn to
Hold you, touch you
Think that you're mine
 
It’s really Chester’s 17 second scream. I’ve been feeling it for a couple days now because of the news and what pieces of shit people can be.


Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused, but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow, somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
God
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
 
It’s really Chester’s 17 second scream. I’ve been feeling it for a couple days now because of the news and what pieces of shit people can be.


Wake in a sweat again
Another day's been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I'll never leave this place
There's no escape
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know what to take
Thought I was focused, but I'm scared
I'm not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow, somewhere
And no one cares
I'm my own worst enemy
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
God
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say?
Take this all away
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me
This has gotten soooooooo many plays for so many reasons since it came out. One of my favorites!
 
IMG_2044.jpeg


I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why, why
Why can't it be, oh, can't it be mine?
 

Hey, you
I'm just now leaving
Can I come around later on this evening?
Or do you need time?
Yes, of course, that's fine
Hey, you
Good morning
I'm sure you're busy now, why else would you ignore me?
Or do you need space?
You can't help it if your mind has changed
So go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wondering why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?
Oh, it must be nice
To love someone who lets you break them twice
You're so blue
Are you still breathing?
Won't you tell me if you find that deeper meaning
Do you think I've gone blind?
I know it's not the truth when you say, "I'm fine"
So go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?
Oh, it must be nice
To love someone who lets you break them twice
Don't pretend that I'm the instigator
You were the one, but you were born to say goodbye
Kissed me half a decade later
That same perfume, those same sad eyes
Go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wondering why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?
Or am I?
It must be nice
To love someone who lets you break them twice
 

I didn't mean to let you in as far as you've become
Didn't plan to give my heart a place it could not run.
You showed up in my silence like a truth I couldn't fake.
A softness I've been terrified someone could ever take.
I keep pretending I'm okay, but fear lives in between.
I'm scared of how much you mean.

You touch me like you know the things I never learned to say.
Like loving me is something that won't push you far away.
And every time you hold me something breaks I can't repair.
The walls I built for safety disappear when you are there.
I'm trying not to tremble where the fragile parts convene.
I'm scared of how much you mean.

I've never trusted closeness,
never let my heart be bare.
I always ran from comfort ’cause it hurt to need someone there.
But you're the kind of tender
that my soul can't help but wear.
And it terrifies me, I swear.

I'm scared of how much you mean.
Of the way you calm my chaos like a quiet in between.
Of the way you see the hurting parts I've never shown or gleamed.
Of the way you say you staying
Like you know what loving means.
I'm scared of how much you mean.
Like love I've never seen.

You look at me so gently that it knocks me out of place.
Like you're memorizing pieces of the sadness in my face.
And somehow you don't flinch when I get scared of letting go.
You stay in all the moments where I lose control and glow.
I'm learning how to breathe again.
Where fear and hope convene.
But God, I'm scared of how much you mean.

I'm scared you'll see the damage that I hide behind my smile.
Scared the weight of loving me will break your fragile miles.
But still you choose to lean into the softest parts I fear.
Still hold the pieces gently when I fall apart right here
I love you more than anything.
And I'm scared of how much you mean.

Maybe fear just means I care.
Means you matter deep and true.
Maybe shaking in your arms is how my heart learns something new.
Maybe loving with this terror is the bravest thing I do.
Because it's all for you.

I'm scared of how much you mean.
Of the way you feel like home in places I've never been serene.
Of the way you make my broken edges soften into clean.
Of the way you hold me gently like my heart is something seen.
I'm scared of how much you mean.
But loving you feels keen.
 

Out of balance
and you fell into
the ocean again
My heart was sinking
When I saw you didn't
know how to swim
Tried to pull you out
You said just let me drown
You won't let go of all the
things that bring you down

Then I jumped
into the water darkness
covered my head
You pulled me down into the deep
I tried to give you my breath
But you didn't care
I touched your face and said
I gotta let you go
I'm running out of air

Ooooh
I can finally see
You
Don't give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I'll never know
Can't do this anymore
I'm swimming for the shore

Took off my cape
This superhero will not
save you again
You are the one
Who wears a mask
You are the one who pretends
That you don't need my help
Now I got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing
I can do
Is to save myself

Ooooh
I can finally see
You
Don't give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I'll never know
Can't do this anymore
I'm swimming for the shore

Tried to give you my breath
But I've got nothing left
Maybe the bravest thing I can do
Is to save myself

Ooooh
I can finally see
You
Don't give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I'll never know
Can't do this anymore
I'm swimming for the shore

Ooooh
I can finally see
You
Don't give a fuck about me
What was I fighting for?
I guess I'll never know
Can't do this anymore
I'm swimming for the shore
 
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Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again
So, if you love me, let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know
I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light (without your light)
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight
So, save your breath, I will not hear
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go
Oh, oh
So, break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know
If you still care, don't ever let me know
 

I've told you this once before, can't control me
If you try to take me down, you're gonna break
And I feel your every nothing, that you're doing for me
I'm thinking you oughta make your own way
I stand alone inside
I stand alone
You're always hiding behind your so-called goddess
So what? You don't think that we can see your face
Resurrected back before the final falling
I'll never rest until I can make my own way
I'm not afraid of fading
I usually have time and place memories for specific songs, but this whole album takes me back to Phoenix, 2003. I was broke. In school. Freshly dumped. Living alone at 19 away from home.

20 bucks was a lot for me then, but Godsmack was my absolute favorite band at the time, so I picked this up a soon as I could. I'd drive around in my Datsun, that was taking up what little money I could manage to save, with this album stressing the Walmart 6x9 speakers I had sitting in the storage boxes that were behind the seats.

I'd run through it 3 or 4 times driving around aimlessly. Stop somewhere for no reason, and then listen to it several more times in the way back. By the time Serenity ended for the last time, I usually felt better.
 
Here's another one that takes me back to those days.

It's a little funny listening to Jess Margera (drummer) talk about this video. Apparently they had to talk the fans into drinking with them after the show so they could shoot that part. Sort of fits the part about living for years without a life.

 
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Here's another one that takes me back to those days.

It's a little funny listening to Jess Margera (drummer) talk about this video. Apparent they had to talk the fans into driving with them after the show so they could shoot that part. Sort of fits the part about living for years without a life.

I love music that takes you to a specific time. And I don’t think I know this song but I like it!
 

I'll dance
I'll dance like a puppet on your string
I'll sing when you order me to sing
I'll ring like a desperate violin
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
You're so musical, an artist
You make a lie sound like it's true
You're unusual, creative
Oh, what I'd do to be your muse
So play me like my name is Fur Elise
Lie to me and say you'll never leave
Drown me in your twisted melodies
I'll pretend you wrote 'em all for me, me, me

I'll jump
I'll jump, if you ask, I'll say, "How high?"
I'll run like a shiver down your spine
For you, I would give you my own life
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm
You're so musical, an artist
You make a lie sound like it's true
You're unusual, creative
Oh, what I'd do to be your muse
So play me like my name is Fur Elise
Lie to me and say you'll never leave
Drown me in your twisted melodies
I'll pretend you wrote 'em all for me, me, me
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
Ah-ah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're so musical, an artist
Won't you play me like
Won't you play me like, like
Play me like my name is Fur Elise
 

I'm back at the start, falling apart in the old ways
I wish I was flawless, I'm not
Was fading away but everything fell into place
When you told me your name
Two halves of a heart hardly beating alone
But now that I've found you, I'm not letting go

Fall into me
Everyone's broken and I got this missing piece
Honestly
You fit me like no-one
You're perfectly broken for me

You've been in the dark believing your thoughts
When they tell you you're anything less than you are
But that's just not true 'cause all of the scars
And the bruises, they're what make you human
We didn't need fixing all of this time
'Cause all of your edges fit right into mine

Fall into me
Everyone's broken and I got this missing piece
Honestly
You fit me like no-one
You're perfectly broken for me

Fall into me
Everyone's broken and I got this missing piece
Honestly
You fit me like no-one
You're perfectly broken for me (for me)
For me, you fit me like no-one
You're perfectly broken for me
For me, me, you're perfectly broken for me
 

It's not simple to say
Most days I don't recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used to be
Although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl

She's imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person
And makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over
And rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

Who'll be reckless just enough
Who'll get hurt
But who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised
And gets used by a man who can't love
And then she'll get stuck
And be scared of the life that's inside her
Growing stronger each day
'Til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little
To bring back the fire in her eyes
That's been gone
But used to be mine

Used to be mine
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine
 

She's a fixer with no one to fix her
She's a lover who won't love herself
She's a heartbreak away from a horrible place
'Cause fixers never fix themselves
She's a fighter with no one beside her
In a corner alone on the ropes
She's a let down away from a terrible place
She'll fix every scar but her own
Oh, she fixes the lonely, fixes the broke
But tends to forget who needs fixin' the most
Buried in bandages, hiding the hell
'Cause fixers never fix themselves
She's a liar, a calm to the fire
Shamed when we all follow suit
She's a whisper away from a dangerous place
'Cause lies aren't a fix for the truth
Oh, she fixes the lonely, fixes the broke
But tends to forget who need fixin' the most
Packed with prescriptions, disguisin' the hell
'Cause fixers never fix themselves
She's a handful
A whole lot to handle
But worth every thorn in my side
She's a sunset away from the darkest of days
No fix for the fixer tonight
She's a sunset away from the darkest of days
No fix for the fixer tonight
 
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