Corrupt Wish

[doormouse]

I wish people would use the door handles on glass doors when opening them. I'm getting sick of cleaning greasy hand prints.

Granted, but instead you become obsessed with germs, and like the episode of The Simpsons when Mr. Burns sees germs on everything, you spend the rest of your life spraying every other surface in sight while wearing a protective white suit.

I wish people weren't so fucking rude that when they disappeared, they had the decency to let you know where they were going - or were going, so you're not left talking to yourself!!

 

[Guest]

Granted, but instead you become obsessed with germs, and like the episode of The Simpsons when Mr. Burns sees germs on everything, you spend the rest of your life spraying every other surface in sight while wearing a protective white suit.

I wish people weren't so fucking rude that when they disappeared, they had the decency to let you know where they were going - or were going, so you're not left talking to yourself!!

Granted. But I can't think of any strings to attach to that one. Pisses me off too.

I wish I had a job I loved AND paid well.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I wish I had a job I loved AND paid well.

Granted, but you are now the Queen of England and you have to shave your legs daily and go shopping for purses and hats.

I wish there was something good on TV.

 

[Guest]

Granted, but you are now the Queen of England and you have to shave your legs daily and go shopping for purses and hats.

I wish there was something good on TV.

Looks like a penguin! You know the rest of the routine.

I wish Paul Reubens was president.

 

[Pornofan420]

I wish Paul Reubens was president.

Granted. But P.R. turns out to be a total fascist and people who don't do the Pee Wee laugh and the funny dance to Tequila get sent away for re-education. That and it's no longer illegal to jerk off at the movies and now that stickiness on the floor of the theater isn't just butter and Diet Coke.

I wish I was motivated to get off my butt and fix that damned bike tire.

 

[doormouse]

I wish I was motivated to get off my butt and fix that damned bike tire.

Granted, but you accidentally over inflate the tyre and your bike ends up looking like a penny farthing and you get laughed at everytime you ride.

I wish I was drunk

 

[cloudy]

Granted, but you accidentally over inflate the tyre and your bike ends up looking like a penny farthing and you get laughed at everytime you ride.

I wish I was drunk

Granted, but then you're afflicted with the mother of all hangovers, and swear off alcohol for the rest of your life.

I wish I could fly.

 

[minsue]

Granted, but then you're afflicted with the mother of all hangovers, and swear off alcohol for the rest of your life.

I wish I could fly.

Granted. Landing is another matter...

I wish I could sleep for a week or so.

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted. Landing is another matter...

I wish I could sleep for a week or so.

Granted, and since it's such a pitiful wish I'll make the catch be that it has to be in a gorgeous redhead's arms, anyone seen Colly lately?

I wish I could get 'Barcarolle' by Offenbach off repeat in my head. The pretty ladies keep singing it over and over and over and over....AHHHHHH! It's gorgeous and beautiful, but please make It STOP!!!

 

[Pornofan420]

I wish I could sleep for a week or so.

Granted. But oh BOY, do you have to go pee...

I wish pot were legal and regulated in the same manner as alcohol.

 

[Belegon]

Granted. But oh BOY, do you have to go pee...

I wish pot were legal and regulated in the same manner as alcohol.

Granted, but the politicians recognize an opportunity for new taxes and now it is three times as expensive.

I wish I had a bigger house.

 

[doormouse]

I wish I had a bigger house.

Granted, but your new home is made of glass and being located in a nudist colony, you are forced to walk around naked all day. (we want pics )

I wish I won lotto.

 

[Belegon]

Granted, but your new home is made of glass and being located in a nudist colony, you are forced to walk around naked all day. (we want pics )

I wish I won lotto.

After listening to that audio of yours, I'd have to be careful naked in a glass house or I'd be breaking walls...

Granted. But all you won was a free ticket for the next drawing. and in that drawing you win a free ticket. And in that drawing...

I wish I could help Door with her next "recording session".

 

[sincerely_helene]

After listening to that audio of yours, I'd have to be careful naked in a glass house or I'd be breaking walls...

Granted. But all you won was a free ticket for the next drawing. and in that drawing you win a free ticket. And in that drawing...

I wish I could help Door with her next "recording session".

Granted, but Door has caught a nasty throat virus, and Rideme_Cowgirl will be standing in for her during her prolonged absense... You become both aroused and confused, causing your head to implode.

I wish Colin Firth would run out of gas in front of my apartment building.

 

[doormouse]

I wish Colin Firth would run out of gas in front of my apartment building.

Granted, but on his way to your apartment to ask to use your phone, he gets hit by a bus and ends up in hospital with injuries that result in him never being able to maintain an erection again.

I wish Mat would send me her naughty voice file

 

[doormouse]

.

I wish Mat would send me her naughty voice file

Because I'm a girl and allowed to be indecisive, I'm changing my wish.

I wish life would just fuck off and leave me the hell alone.

 

[Guest]

Because I'm a girl and allowed to be indecisive, I'm changing my wish.

I wish life would just fuck off and leave me the hell alone.

granted
life has left you alone to yourself, however, you are left with only one set of duracells and they will not last forever so eventually you have to climb out of your hole and rejoin the living before dawn cuz yourve greedily used up those batteries.

i wish that it would rain all day and i could roll around in bed, making hot passionate SEX sex SEX...

 

[GingerV]

Granted....but you'd better hussle tomorrow cause after 39 more days of this rain, you're really gonna NEED that ark.

I wish that I was never misunderstood.

 

[Pornofan420]

Granted. You become telepathic, but only sending. You are an open book for the rest of your life as any stranger walking down the street has access to you innermost thoughts.

I iwsh I was getting head right now.

 

[Liar]

I iwsh I was getting head right now.

Granted. One chopped off horse head delivered to your bed, Godfather style.

I wish I had gotten some sleep last night.

#L

 

[Guest]

I wish I had gotten some sleep last night.

Granted, now you feel extremely masculine, wise and beyond sex. Have a good day.

I wish I were not anxiety ridden about flying (am going to and from L.A. tomw.)

Perdita

 

[sincerely_helene]

Granted, now you feel extremely masculine, wise and beyond sex. Have a good day.

I wish I were not anxiety ridden about flying (am going to and from L.A. tomw.)

Perdita

Granted, but in mid-flight, your fluffy white wings suddenly become intertwined with your pointed tail, and you are eternally stranded in purgatory... And your luggage never arrives. (not that you really need it, all floating in nothingness like that.)

I wish I hadn't said that.

P.S. You'll be fine, P.

 

[poohlive]

Granted, but then Perdita's wish is never granted, and her fear of flying is transversed to you, for breaking the code of Wish command.

Which, is in your Hanbook of Corrupt Wishing page 32, Article 4, Line 6. You've gotta read your handbook more carefully.


I wish I could teleport to anywhere I wanted.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Granted, but then Perdita's wish is never granted, and her fear of flying is transversed to you, for breaking the code of Wish command.

Which, is in your Hanbook of Corrupt Wishing page 32, Article 4, Line 6. You've gotta read your handbook more carefully.


I wish I could teleport to anywhere I wanted.

Granted, but you unwittingly choose to telport to the place where my dearest family and friends reside, and they are pretty pissed at you for for transversing my wish, so they all chuck unrippened tomatoes at your head and laugh at your untrendy fashion sense.

I wish there was no handbook.

 

[poohlive]

Granted, but then no wishes can be granted.


I wish they were ripened tomatoes.