Crush on your characters?

[anthrodisiac]

The weird thing about having a crush on your characters is that if you put enough of yourself into your writing you get tricked into loving yourself.

Super awkward, if you're otherwise hellbent on self-loathing

Thank God I don't have a crush on my characters, then! I'd hate to ruin my perfectly good self-loathing

 

[Rambling_Chantrix]

Thank God I don't have a crush on my characters, then! I'd hate to ruin my perfectly good self-loathing

you get it

 

[Stanfield2025]

I'm also not really a crush-type person

Lucky.

 

[liliput1]

The weird thing about having a crush on your characters is that if you put enough of yourself into your writing you get tricked into loving yourself.

Super awkward, if you're otherwise hellbent on self-loathing

There's are several but at least two different things being discussed here. Self-insertion into the story usually shifts some of the focus to the other characters and the wish fulfillment of the interactions they have with the self-insert.

Then there's having a crush on people who are like you. Which could be a lot of things, including different sorts of wish-fulfillment, like attachment trauma.

 

[Rambling_Chantrix]

There's are several but at least two different things being discussed here. Self-insertion into the story usually shifts some of the focus to the other characters and the wish fulfillment of the interactions they have with the self-insert.

Then there's having a crush on people who are like you. Which could be a lot of things, including different sorts of wish-fulfillment, like attachment trauma.

Hmm. I actually meant something kinda different. You know how we 'write what we know' ? Like, everything we write has a bit of us in it. At least that's what I believe. Even if you try to write outside your experience, you're gonna be writing something based on research or fantasy you conduct. I feel like it's pretty hard to cut yourself out of your art.

So then, if you have a crush on one of your characters, per the OP, there's some degree to which you are having an emotional connection to your own art, and thus, to yourself. I don't think it has too much to do with blatant self-inserts, nor attachment trauma.

But I get if what I'm saying sounds a li'l 'woo woo' to folks.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Lucky.

Sure, dude. Sure. You sit in my brain for five minutes and tell me how lucky I am

 

[KittyOfSteele]

There's are several but at least two different things being discussed here. Self-insertion into the story usually shifts some of the focus to the other characters and the wish fulfillment of the interactions they have with the self-insert.

Then there's having a crush on people who are like you. Which could be a lot of things, including different sorts of wish-fulfillment, like attachment trauma.

All writing is autobiographical. All fiction writing is therapy. There's a reason why I cried for a few days after I finished NaNo last year: I used that to deal with a breakup that physically hurt me, like I'm not kidding, it got me physically sick on the body. And honestly, I'm glad I did that, and I'm glad I finished it, even though I wanted to change the ending I had in mind because I wanted the ending to go one way, but I planned it to go the other way, and it went that other way. And it's better that it went the other way because the story itself had actual meaning with that.

The tl;dr is this:

You either Kill Your Darling a hero, or see them yourself become the Mary Sue.

 

[Stanfield2025]

Sure, dude. Sure. You sit in my brain for five minutes and tell me how lucky I am

Fair enough, but if there was a button to turn off the impulse to be infatuated with people I barely know, I'd smash it like a YouTube video's like button. Or dislike button, I guess.

 

[liliput1]

Sure, dude. Sure. You sit in my brain for five minutes and tell me how lucky I am

I feel this reply so hard. I'd say we should compare notes but I think that might be disastrous.

 

[Stanfield2025]

All writing is autobiographical. All fiction writing is therapy. There's a reason why I cried for a few days after I finished NaNo last year: I used that to deal with a breakup that physically hurt me, like I'm not kidding, it got me physically sick on the body. And honestly, I'm glad I did that, and I'm glad I finished it, even though I wanted to change the ending I had in mind because I wanted the ending to go one way, but I planned it to go the other way, and it went that other way. And it's better that it went the other way because the story itself had actual meaning with that.

So real. And you damn near quoted one of my favorite fictional characters word for word.

"You want it to be one way, but it's the other way."

It wasn't an erotica, but one of the best stories I've written was written to deal with a friendship breakup that happened years before I wrote it. It's definitely therapy.

 

[anthrodisiac]

I feel this reply so hard. I'd say we should compare notes but I think that might be disastrous.

Let's just say I collect medical diagnoses like a '90s kid collects Pokémon cards.

 

[liliput1]

All writing is autobiographical. All fiction writing is therapy. There's a reason why I cried for a few days after I finished NaNo last year: I used that to deal with a breakup that physically hurt me, like I'm not kidding, it got me physically sick on the body. And honestly, I'm glad I did that, and I'm glad I finished it, even though I wanted to change the ending I had in mind because I wanted the ending to go one way, but I planned it to go the other way, and it went that other way. And it's better that it went the other way because the story itself had actual meaning with that.

The tl;dr is this:

I deleted a reply to @Rambling_Chantrix because it started going off the rails, but part of the good part is that I'll agree that even when we think we understand someone else we had to filter that understanding through our own brain, so it'll never be precisely them, it'll always be a little bit us. And if we really didn't understand them well it'll be a lot us.

But empathy will have you writing on behalf of people who are not you. I do that at work. In fact I think it's one valid interpretation of Great Artists Steal - someone had a struggle that you embrace even though it never happened to you, and explain it to someone else. It helps if you run the result past people who have experienced it though, during the review phase. But you can explain person A's problem to person C and that's several genres of literature.

I don't think I've captured that yet in fiction. But I know I'm capable of doing it.

 

[Rambling_Chantrix]

I deleted a reply to @Rambling_Chantrix because it started going off the rails, but part of the good part is that I'll agree that even when we think we understand someone else we had to filter that understanding through our own brain, so it'll never be precisely them, it'll always be a little bit us. And if we really didn't understand them well it'll be a lot us.

But empathy will have you writing on behalf of people who are not you. I do that at work. In fact I think it's one valid interpretation of Great Artists Steal - someone had a struggle that you embrace even though it never happened to you, and explain it to someone else. It helps if you run the result past people who have experienced it though, during the review phase. But you can explain person A's problem to person C and that's several genres of literature.

I don't think I've captured that yet in fiction. But I know I'm capable of doing it.

I wouldn't argue against this. I'm not out here railing against Big Empathy, heh. I've certainly made art about people very different from myself, with struggles I haven't experienced.

But also I made that art because I wanted to, ya know? It was my choice. My agency.

Putting oneself in another's shoes implies and necessitates a "oneself."

I don't doubt that there are some people in this world who have mastered emptiness to a degree that what I said above wouldn't apply to them at all. But I think it's probably pretty rare.

My original comment in this thread was a very stupid joke. "Wouldn't wanna ruin your self-loathing," like, what? If you know anything about me, I'm an outspoken proponent of self-love, confidence in art, and giving oneself the same grace we give the rest of the world (and vice versa). So yeah, stupid joke. The kernel of truth, though, I do believe in. Maybe not crushing on a character—I've never crushed on one of my characters, not in a real way, but also I'm weird about crushes, so, lol—but when you feel for your characters, when you cry for their struggles or hate their fatal flaws or cheer for their successes... it's you, it's you in there and it's you peering in and looking back out. It's projection and reflection and introspection and, hopefully, if you can like your own art and yourself, love.

<3

 

[Erozetta]

Not on the characters necessarily, but definitely on the people who inspire the characters.

But, I'm also one who crushes on the flaws over the perfections.

 

[SmilingLez]

So I'm new to fiction having done mostly boring software development writing for decades, functional specs, how to manuals, requirements documents, etc. But I decided to pen some fantasies. I was writing in the first person, so I think the emotions feel more intense. And since it was my fantasy, I created a female lead I'd have dreamed about when I was the age of the first person male lead. So it's not weird to crush on her, right?

What I didn't expect were all those butterflies in my stomach when I simply thought about the next scene and the excitement I got waiting to fire up my word processor. I was feeling the same way I felt in 12th grade crushing on that girl. At least now I didn't lose my appetite. But I can't stop thinking about her, my character, not the girl in 12th grade.

This has been triggering feelings that are just as confusing now then when I hit puberty. Imagination and the written word are powerful things.

So my question, I'm not alone in this phenonium, am I?

Your stroker stroked you (aka writing for yourself first). Occasionally same thing happens to me

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I write based on people I already have crushes on (mostly)

One of my stories, SEXXY TEXXY.. was primarily about my crush and I..
So writing that story aroused me! He's my Muse

 

[HelenL]

Definitely, once, when I was working on a novel. Then I realized that I was going to have to kill her off at the end of the novel. I couldn't make myself do it, and realized that it would hurt my writing if I let the crush continue, so I managed to talk myself out of it. I abandoned the novel years ago but have avoided the situation since. Honestly I think my characters have more freedom to be interesting if I keep my distance from them.

 

[Djmac1031]

So my question, I'm not alone in this phenonium, am I?

Not at all.

My earliest stories were essentially my own personal fantasies as well. In one, I explored the fantasy of CFNM and created a female character named Jenna for my male character... essentially a fictional version of me... to masturbate in front of. With her consent of course.

It grew into a pretty long series of stories and yes, i found myself "crushing" on Jenna the more I wrote her. And my affection for her must havd shown because I got tons of feedback from readers expressing their crush on the character as well.

Obviously I understand she's a fictional character, but there were times during the writing process where she felt very "real" to me.

 

[nice90sguy]

I've always thought that calling it a "crush" is doing that feeling a disservice.

It's not that closely connected with feeling "lustful" or "horny for" someone.

To me it's usually closer to "unrequited love", and I have, do, and hopefully will continue to experience that bittersweet feeling every so often. But I'd never act on it anymore, because I'm in the much more fulfilling and challenging state of loving, rather than being "in love with", my partner.

A few of my stories, and the ones which I've enjoyed writing and re-reading most, are exactly about the transition between a "crush" and either a deeper connection, or, in some cases, disillusionment.

 

[ProvisionalJohn]

My story crush wasn't based on a RL person, rather my fantasy of someone I wished I'd met in college. But during proofreading, I realized I was graphing onto her some personality traits of my wife, whom I haven't had a crush on since the Reagan administration! Here's the interesting phenonium, all the emotions the story has released are making me start to crush on her again.

 

[OddLove]

I'm definitely one of the ones who's guilty of writing my 'Dream Partner'. Someone who is absolutely perfect in my mind. Even their flaws are things I adore and sympethize with.

But most characters I write are not people I would jive with. Not because they're bad or obnoxiously good, more so that I just don't share hobbies, opinions, and lifestyles with them. So being their friend is extremely unlikely.

 

[Duil2]

Yes, I've definitely felt that rush of anticipation before sitting down to write the next actions of a favourite fictional character. Generally, they are, on the surface, the opposite to me and behave in ways I never would and I think that's why I find them thrilling and exciting to write and certainly do fall just a little in love with them.
The best feeling I had was when someone read my story about one of these characters I 'loved' and told me they'd fallen for her too. I don't think that would have happened if I hadn't loved her first, in the creating and writing.
After thirty years of writing for my own pleasure and never daring to put my work 'out there', getting that kind of reaction to one of my creations on this site was definitely the best feeling ever.
Naturally, I love that character even more now but she had her time, and even though I still enjoy her when I re-read the stories, I can't go back to the feeling I had when I wrote them and I think that's great.
As you move on to other projects and other characters, those you once loved become like old friends you spent lots of time with, at one time, but now have drifted into the past.
A little less loved but never forgotten.

 

[anthrodisiac]

My story crush wasn't based on a RL person, rather my fantasy of someone I wished I'd met in college. But during proofreading, I realized I was graphing onto her some personality traits of my wife, whom I haven't had a crush on since the Reagan administration! Here's the interesting phenonium, all the emotions the story has released are making me start to crush on her again.

...was it Nancy?

 

[EmilyMiller]

Not at all.

My earliest stories were essentially my own personal fantasies as well. In one, I explored the fantasy of CFNM and created a female character named Jenna for my male character... essentially a fictional version of me... to masturbate in front of. With her consent of course.

It grew into a pretty long series of stories and yes, i found myself "crushing" on Jenna the more I wrote her. And my affection for her must havd shown because I got tons of feedback from readers expressing their crush on the character as well.

Obviously I understand she's a fictional character, but there were times during the writing process where she felt very "real" to me.

Which is why I appreciate you allowing me to write her

 

[ProvisionalJohn]

...was it Nancy?

I've got a kink, but not that kink. Although I can see how someone might draw that conclusion. And full disclosure, after consulting my memory I have to refine the comment. The last time I crushed on my wife was actually Bush 1, and it definately wasn't Barbara.