Daddy's Little Girl - Fourth Edition

[13Fantasies]

Hopefully. But I don't expect anyone to read my mind. My signals might be simply too weak to be noticed sometimes.

I'm sure your Dom will work to try and understand the signals better going forward though. They're important

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Hopefully. But I don't expect anyone to read my mind. My signals might be simply too weak to be noticed sometimes.

You've inspired me to start journaling again. Early in the process of healing from my abuse, I journaled at the recommendation of my therapist. It helped immensely in exploring my emotions and illuminating the red flags I should have seen in that relationship. I gradually began journaling less and less as I felt I had moved on and was healing. By my third wedding anniversary, I had stopped completely. Now I wonder how V-Day may have turned out differently if I had continued. Perhaps I would have exposed those last strands of victim guilt that ruined my plans for that weekend. It's a scary thought to consider doing the work to banish those remaining serpents of guilt and doubt that seem to have slithered into the folds of my brain, but I know it has to be done. The difference this time is that I also have a positive aspect of my life to journal about. I'm finding myself excited at the thought of putting more considered work into my marriage and my submission.

 

[Strixaluco]

You've inspired me to start journaling again. Early in the process of healing from my abuse, I journaled at the recommendation of my therapist. It helped immensely in exploring my emotions and illuminating the red flags I should have seen in that relationship. I gradually began journaling less and less as I felt I had moved on and was healing. By my third wedding anniversary, I had stopped completely. Now I wonder how V-Day may have turned out differently if I had continued. Perhaps I would have exposed those last strands of victim guilt that ruined my plans for that weekend. It's a scary thought to consider doing the work to banish those remaining serpents of guilt and doubt that seem to have slithered into the folds of my brain, but I know it has to be done. The difference this time is that I also have a positive aspect of my life to journal about. I'm finding myself excited at the thought of putting more considered work into my marriage and my submission.

I'm so happy journaling has helped you. But I think it's rather natural to stop or have long breaks in it. It can, after all, feel a bit straining sometimes too. And you don't know if it would bring something out or not. And if, when. Could be 2 decades even.

And even if there's still something unresolved, it might not be found by journaling. I suspect you might have still had the same result even if you had kept journaling all along.

 

[Strixaluco]

I struggle to recognise things in myself at times. Also journaling is the most difficult at those same times. It's kind of a bundle of getting worse at recognising things (even physical ones), analysing, communicating etc, all at once. Like becoming half-blind to myself while struggling more. Also more physical issues. Joys of autism I guess.

Anyway it's a practical challenge. My feedback /session diary entry is half-made by now, and I basically decided to suggest that we take things on the safe side now for a few weeks. It wouldn't surprise me to be this way until the dust season is over, which can easily take a month.

It will be a new experience for him. He hasn't ever had a little that isn't a sub, and now suddenly I'm like that. Just someone to take care of and pamper.

 

[13Fantasies]

I struggle to recognise things in myself at times. Also journaling is the most difficult at those same times. It's kind of a bundle of getting worse at recognising things (even physical ones), analysing, communicating etc, all at once. Like becoming half-blind to myself while struggling more. Also more physical issues. Joys of autism I guess.

Anyway it's a practical challenge. My feedback /session diary entry is half-made by now, and I basically decided to suggest that we take things on the safe side now for a few weeks. It wouldn't surprise me to be this way until the dust season is over, which can easily take a month.

It will be a new experience for him. He hasn't ever had a little that isn't a sub, and now suddenly I'm like that. Just someone to take care of and pamper.

Doms need new experiences too.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I'm so happy journaling has helped you. But I think it's rather natural to stop or have long breaks in it. It can, after all, feel a bit straining sometimes too. And you don't know if it would bring something out or not. And if, when. Could be 2 decades even.

And even if there's still something unresolved, it might not be found by journaling. I suspect you might have still had the same result even if you had kept journaling all along.

Oh, I understand journaling is not a panacea, but in my viewpoint, it can't hurt. It may not resolve my remaining victim guilt issues, yet I think it may help me advance my relationship and my submission. I see my therapist in a week, so I'll discuss journaling with her. Since the V-Day incident, we've been exploring why I feel guilty for what happened to me. It's common to feel that way, particularly in a partner abuse situation. Wolfie is attending this one with me because we have realized that I'm always saying "I'm sorry" to him. They call it "apologizing for existing". She's going to give us ways he can help me realize when I'm doing it, and to gently counteract my behavior.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

 

[Strixaluco]

Wolfie is attending this one with me because we have realized that I'm always saying "I'm sorry" to him. They call it "apologizing for existing"

I've met some people who do that. Some so deep in that that they even vocalise that e.g being not ok is something that they must apologise for, and cannot think how it could be otherwise - indeed that their very existence is tolerated only in some conditions. (One in my mind hasn't even been in any serious relationship, and their family doesn't sound abusive, though definitely not the kind of supportive that they'd need.)

And it makes me incredibly sad. But I'm happy that you have Wolfie on your side. Not just supporting, but in this case being able to stop you on your tracks when you do it.

 

[Strixaluco]

I sawa recommendation for this video recently. While I might not fill the criteria for dysthymia aka slight chronic depressive state (at least not now), it hit hard. The mechanism of needing the permission from a "dominant other" for content and happiness, and thus not really being able to enjoy anything because it brings guilt. You see already how it hits close?

There are other aspects in being a little (or a sub), but I cannot exclude this being one. And I assume I have some internal work to do with it. But I also think that a good DD/lg relationship can, at best, help to reprogram the brain. To teach you that you are, in fact important as yourself, and allowed to take care of yourself and have fun and whatnot. That you don't exist just to please or serve others, though that can be fulfilling.

The video also offers insight into what internal work you should do to fix the constant guilt, whether you have help or not. And I totally assume I'll still enjoy bdsm even after healing. But maybe being carefree will be easier.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I've met some people who do that. Some so deep in that that they even vocalise that e.g being not ok is something that they must apologise for, and cannot think how it could be otherwise - indeed that their very existence is tolerated only in some conditions. (One in my mind hasn't even been in any serious relationship, and their family doesn't sound abusive, though definitely not the kind of supportive that they'd need.)

And it makes me incredibly sad. But I'm happy that you have Wolfie on your side. Not just supporting, but in this case being able to stop you on your tracks when you do it.

I think women are often conditioned to always be apologizing, as if they are an inconvenience. In my case it was a defense mechanism, and attempted to avoid confrontation. Wolfie experienced it for the first few years of our relationship, and helped me through it then. It was a challenge because he was not involved in the behaviors that brought about the conflict avoidance behavior. Now, we believe that my past conditioning has resurfaced due to the V-Day incident. We are confident we’ll get through this.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I sawa recommendation for this video recently. While I might not fill the criteria for dysthymia aka slight chronic depressive state (at least not now), it hit hard. The mechanism of needing the permission from a "dominant other" for content and happiness, and thus not really being able to enjoy anything because it brings guilt. You see already how it hits close?

There are other aspects in being a little (or a sub), but I cannot exclude this being one. And I assume I have some internal work to do with it. But I also think that a good DD/lg relationship can, at best, help to reprogram the brain. To teach you that you are, in fact important as yourself, and allowed to take care of yourself and have fun and whatnot. That you don't exist just to please or serve others, though that can be fulfilling.

I can relate to the latter part of this video where he discusses guilt! It took over my life for a while after my last relationship ended, even though I was the victim who suffered physically.
It is so easy to get things twisted in your mind, especially when you have someone who constantly berates you.

REMEMBER, WE ARE ENOUGH!!

 

[EvaLane]

I've met some people who do that. Some so deep in that that they even vocalise that e.g being not ok is something that they must apologise for, and cannot think how it could be otherwise - indeed that their very existence is tolerated only in some conditions.

I have a habit of apologizing at the most inappropriate moments - when I’m frustrated, during intimacy, even after an orgasm.

People rush to say “you don’t need to be sorry,” and while well meaning, it can shut down the emotion I was vulnerable enough to show.

A friend once told me it was okay if I needed to be sorry. That I could say it.
Dynamics rooted in softness usually don’t suit me but that meant something to me.

The mechanism of needing the permission from a "dominant other" for content and happiness, and thus not really being able to enjoy anything because it brings guilt.

And I feel like this speaks as to why I haven’t and most likely will never allow myself to fully invest in a dynamic that could affect the way I seek out happiness or validation.

Which unfortunately means I’ll never experience this:

But I also think that a good DD/lg relationship can, at best, help to reprogram the brain. To teach you that you are, in fact important as yourself, and allowed to take care of yourself and have fun and whatnot. That you don't exist just to please or serve others, though that can be fulfilling.

But I’ve done a lot of self work and it’s been fulfilling in a way that keeps me secure in my choices. I’m really thankful I’ve always had the person I needed most looking after me, which is me.

Thank you everyone for these discussions, I usually just lurk but figured why not. Happy Monday

 

[Utmale48]

I have a habit of apologizing at the most inappropriate moments - when I’m frustrated, during intimacy, even after an orgasm.

People rush to say “you don’t need to be sorry,” and while well meaning, it can shut down the emotion I was vulnerable enough to show.

A friend once told me it was okay if I needed to be sorry. That I could say it.
Dynamics rooted in softness usually don’t suit me but that meant something to me.



And I feel like this speaks as to why I haven’t and most likely will never allow myself to fully invest in a dynamic that could affect the way I seek out happiness or validation.

Which unfortunately means I’ll never experience this:



But I’ve done a lot of self work and it’s been fulfilling in a way that keeps me secure in my choices. I’m really thankful I’ve always had the person I needed most looking after me, which is me.

Thank you everyone for these discussions, I usually just lurk but figured why not. Happy Monday

It’s good that you’re secure with you. That says a lot about the work you have done

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I have a habit of apologizing at the most inappropriate moments - when I’m frustrated, during intimacy, even after an orgasm.

People rush to say “you don’t need to be sorry,” and while well meaning, it can shut down the emotion I was vulnerable enough to show.

A friend once told me it was okay if I needed to be sorry. That I could say it.
Dynamics rooted in softness usually don’t suit me but that meant something to me.



And I feel like this speaks as to why I haven’t and most likely will never allow myself to fully invest in a dynamic that could affect the way I seek out happiness or validation.

Which unfortunately means I’ll never experience this:



But I’ve done a lot of self work and it’s been fulfilling in a way that keeps me secure in my choices. I’m really thankful I’ve always had the person I needed most looking after me, which is me.

Thank you everyone for these discussions, I usually just lurk but figured why not. Happy Monday

Loving ourselves is so important yet can be so difficult. And it’s scary how quickly someone else can destroy that feeling. (Been there, done that, got it T-shirt). Good on you for doing the work!

 

[Strixaluco]

And I totally assume I'll still enjoy bdsm even after healing.

Eh. Today I got a harsh reminder how I'm not a little just because it's nice to submit, but how I really need to be taken care of sometimes.

And even if I'd heal certain biases in my mind, the need to be taken care of will not disappear. Not just because it's easier to relax when someone else tells us what to do, but because sometimes I just cease to function properly.

 

[cascadiabound]

Eh. Today I got a harsh reminder how I'm not a little just because it's nice to submit, but how I really need to be taken care of sometimes.

And even if I'd heal certain biases in my mind, the need to be taken care of will not disappear. Not just because it's easier to relax when someone else tells us what to do, but because sometimes I just cease to function properly.

I hope you got that reminder from your D and that while *harsh* it was also constructive feedback to remind you that being fully you (including or maybe particularly) demands that you need to be taken care of, tended to, etc. When that happens enough and when you especially need it you are more able to be you, more healthy, more functional, more happy.
Hugs

 

[Strixaluco]

I hope you got that reminder from your D and that while *harsh* it was also constructive feedback to remind you that being fully you (including or maybe particularly) demands that you need to be taken care of, tended to, etc. When that happens enough and when you especially need it you are more able to be you, more healthy, more functional, more happy.
Hugs

Unfortunately the reminder was done by my body + spring and thereafter my mind. Nothing constructive about it, I just hit a brickwall. There are times when I don't feel like a functioning human being at all despite theoretically being ablebodied. (keeping myself from adding some very sarcastic remarks)

My D was the one saving at least the evening - the day had already gone very sour.

 

[cascadiabound]

Unfortunately the reminder was done by my body + spring and thereafter my mind. Nothing constructive about it, I just hit a brickwall. There are times when I don't feel like a functioning human being at all despite theoretically being ablebodied. (keeping myself from adding some very sarcastic remarks)

My D was the one saving at least the evening - the day had already gone very sour.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

My D was the one saving at least the evening - the day had already gone very sour.

I’m happy that you have him to help

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

 

[dreamyjane]

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I can relate. Thank you for sharing