Deal with post-anal emotional issues

[James G 5]

This is a fascinating topic. I personally haven't noticed any post anal emotional issues with the two parnters who I have engaged in it with. I think primarily because both partners initiated it, (e.g. asked for it.)

I'd be interested to know the ages of the partners who had emontional issues. Having been involved somewhat in sex education over the last years, i've noticed statisctics that over the last little while that anal sex has become "popular" with adolescents and teen age girls. I've been fascinated by this trend and don't fully understand it. I know that pregnancy issues as well as maintaining their "virginity" are usually reasons sited. It's sort of interesting to see the cultural shift in this....We older people see anal as sort of for lack of a better word "Advanced" sex, or "dirty," or "special" involving trust or "forbidden", or at least something done by partners who also do vaginal sex, yet the younger generation see it completely differently...as common as oral sex.

Interesting.

That's been common in heavily Catholic countries like Italy for ages.
The "abstinence" push in the US is having all sorts of odd effects including raising STD rates. Charming stuff.

 

[James G 5]

Dude,

you keep dating women with serious emotional and intimacy issues. if it wasn't anal, it'd be blow jobs, or hand jobs, or too much sex, or you don't do the dishes.

its not the anal...its the woman. she needs some therapy, or you need to move on.

Nice post.
If you notice, this's an old thread from several years ago that someone resurrected, and I talked about one issue with one woman. So I'm not quite sure what you were talking about with the "you keep dating women with..." as you really don't know me or know anything about me
And I have moved on, I'm just always in search of understanding.

 

[jersey1982]

i never feel dirty with anal sex, but it is something far more "personal" to me than anything else (probably in order: handjob/pussy/oral/anal).

what we need when you are doing stuff like this is just the affirmation that you love us and that you are not just trying to have anal to be another guy joining the i wish i was in porno club.

 

[SpankyMcCranky]

I do really enjoy anal with my partner of 18 months, but I still have some emotional issues attached at times.

In my younger days, I was a terrible binge drinker, and slept with a lot of people. This would often include anal, and I was not always in safe situations. I have some terrible memories and also some gaps in my memory where I know terrible things happened. I've worked through a lot of this, but it still comes back often during sex. Feelings of being bad, feelings of giving everything I can give but it still not being enough, feelings of not believing I'm able to say that something hurts or I deserve to be treated nicely.

I do sometimes get flashbacks if something triggers that memory.

All that said, I can feel the physical after effects a little afterwards for a day or two, and I kinda like it in a way because I love doing it, and it's a little reminder.

 

[Noor]

I do really enjoy anal with my partner of 18 months, but I still have some emotional issues attached at times.

In my younger days, I was a terrible binge drinker, and slept with a lot of people. This would often include anal, and I was not always in safe situations. I have some terrible memories and also some gaps in my memory where I know terrible things happened. I've worked through a lot of this, but it still comes back often during sex. Feelings of being bad, feelings of giving everything I can give but it still not being enough, feelings of not believing I'm able to say that something hurts or I deserve to be treated nicely.

I do sometimes get flashbacks if something triggers that memory.

All that said, I can feel the physical after effects a little afterwards for a day or two, and I kinda like it in a way because I love doing it, and it's a little reminder.

How do you deal with the flashbacks?

 

[FrozenRose]

.....

 

[James G 5]

Can I just say how funny it is that after 5 years this comes "back from the dead" on Easter Weekend? LOL

 

[ButtAnalMan]

I don't quite look at it as who refusing anal "because of the mental aftermath?" but I do have some emotional issues that happen during and after.

I have to be in a certain space with a partner to do anal, I have to have almost complete trust, not just from the fear of being hurt but also because for me anal is very intense and I enter a completely open and raw state of mind. During and afterwards for a while I am completely vulnerable. I usually come very hard, very intensely and I get completely wiped out doing anal. I am also capable of freaking out for a moment when I enter that space. I am very independent and that kind of vulnerablity can scare me. If I do not trust my partner to understand and respect that, I will not do anal.

I relatively recently got into Im and phone cyber sex and even within that context the same vulnerable can happen, and the couple times I have freaked, my partners were very good, understanding and reassuring, and we continued as my partners in real life have been.

Don't know if that helps. I never feel dirty.

I really looking forward to be with you, to respect your anal moments

 

[ButtAnalMan]

I guess i would be one of those women who craves anal but really can not handle it. For me, it echoes too strongly the sexual abuse i dealt with as a child. The fact that i get off from it (really, really hard usually) makes me feel even dirtier. For me, it's not about post anal issues, it's about pre, during and after. So how does one deal?

Well immense trust is needed. I have to trust that whomever is back there KNOWS me well enough that if my body says *STOP* they will hear it. I need time.

Anal sex takes me out of myself and puts me someplace that i do not want to be, but that only makes me enjoy it more (and makes me feel dirtier in the process) I believe the *maso* gets off on it...because I feel hurt and humiliated. The rest of me, when the maso goes back to her box...well the rest of me cringes.

I don't know if i will ever enjoy anal mentally without dying inside each time i do it, but i keep on trying...cuz one day, maybe i will find some one who cares enough and is TRUSTWOTHY enough, to make me forget about my past...just once. And just once would be enough for me.

Pet

I like this words:

Anal sex takes me out of myself and puts me someplace that i do not want to be, but that only makes me enjoy it more

 

[ButtAnalMan]

I don't know that I suffer any long term post issues, other then wanting to visit the bathroom for a bit (or not being able to). There was one guy who particularly enjoyed using my ass as opposed to my pussy. However, this was an older guy who was on some meds that made staying hard difficult. So, I didn't consider that there was a problem with *me.*

My issues are more during initial penitration. I love anal and orgasm pretty hard. Sometimes I tense up just as I'm entered, despite plenty of foreplay. Generally I am able to relax again, and away I go!

Licking asshole will help you relax

 

[ButtAnalMan]

I think it's kind of like sub-drop. With that extra edge of taboo (if you can have taboo in that whole rigamarole of sub/Dom, etc).

First, I understand the 'I feel dirty' feeling. The first time I had anal, it made me feel disgusting, probably because he didn't care about my pain level and health at all, and I got violently sick afterward. However, I'm past that point, and I love anal now.

Second, the insult to the vagina. Men tell me that they enjoy getting head from me immensely. They say I have a tight throat. Sometimes, I feel like my pussy might not be tight enough, but *shrug* Aside from my kegels, what can I do? Nothing. So I don't worry.

Thirdly, the sub-drop aspect of it. Anal sex, every time I've had it, has been painful. Maybe not BADLY painful, but still, there was pain. I enjoy pain, so for me, it doesn't mean badness. However, getting to my point.. pain produces adrenaline, and the physical activity of getting fucked produces endorphins, and so there's all kinds of chemical stuff going on.. it's a high... and while we're into it, we can be the most whorish people on the planet.. but when that high goes away, there's that drop, that depression... and we realized that we might have screamed dirty things, and we realize that we've acted slutty, blah blah blah, and then the social conditioning kicks in... we backlashed against decorum. We feel dirty.

That is my answer to that.

My suggestion is merely talking about it. Before you enter the bedroom, and after you leave it. Communication is key.. maybe they love the activity, but hate that it makes them scream like a bitch in heat.. maybe they dig the pain, but not the psychological 'dirty' feeling of you up their ass.. who knows.. just learn.

Totally agree that communication is the key

 

[ButtAnalMan]

I love anal, and sometimes prefer it. My bf and I often do vaginal and then move to anal, which is agood combination. I've never felt bad afterwards, although I'm sometimes physically sore. For some reason, I've never thought of anal as dirty in any way other than the practical concerns.

I think he is lucky

 

[MrsMellowCake]

I crave it, I absolutely adore it but there are a few issues after for me too. Personally, I've slept with my fair share of people, but can count on a few fingers of one hand the amount I've done anal with. It's a massive trust issue, I never let anyone in there if we don't have that absolute, unspoken bond, the kind where they know how I'm feeling without me having to say anything. It's infinitely more intense for me, and one of the few ways I am guaranteed an orgasm, as such afterwards my emotions are very raw, very much at the surface and I tend to blurt out things that I shouldn't so I tend to clam up so I don't freak my partners out. I've proposed marriage, cried, all kinds of things post-anal so for me, it's better if I don't communicate for a while. Just let me have a power nap and everything will be alright.

 

[Noor]

I crave it, I absolutely adore it but there are a few issues after for me too. Personally, I've slept with my fair share of people, but can count on a few fingers of one hand the amount I've done anal with. It's a massive trust issue, I never let anyone in there if we don't have that absolute, unspoken bond, the kind where they know how I'm feeling without me having to say anything. It's infinitely more intense for me, and one of the few ways I am guaranteed an orgasm, as such afterwards my emotions are very raw, very much at the surface and I tend to blurt out things that I shouldn't so I tend to clam up so I don't freak my partners out. I've proposed marriage, cried, all kinds of things post-anal so for me, it's better if I don't communicate for a while. Just let me have a power nap and everything will be alright.

Ditto here, except I have never proposed marriage, lol! I usually am just very quiet afterwards, the line between vulnerability and ecstasy is almost non-existent.

 

[Noor]

I really looking forward to be with you, to respect your anal moments

Wow, I wrote that a long, long time ago...

 

[ButtAnalMan]

Wow, I wrote that a long, long time ago...

So, you still have the same mind?

 

[Eilan]

Someone needs a new schtick.

 

[Noor]

So, you still have the same mind?

I suppose I do what part of my mind did you like?

 

[KarenM411]

I guess i would be one of those women who craves anal but really can not handle it. For me, it echoes too strongly the sexual abuse i dealt with as a child. The fact that i get off from it (really, really hard usually) makes me feel even dirtier. For me, it's not about post anal issues, it's about pre, during and after. So how does one deal?

This pretty much sums up my thoughts, i go through periods where i really enjoy and really don't enjoy for various similar reason.

 

[ButtAnalMan]

I suppose I do what part of my mind did you like?

How you love to be fucked in asshole

 

[hwwannabe]

When I first started experimenting with anal, I felt kind of guilty afterward because I liked it. Nothing so extreme as some other reactions on here. Eventually I got over it because I'm the only one who gets to decide what's taboo for myself, and what's just plain HOT!

 

[Noor]

How you love to be fucked in asshole

I don't remember saying that

 

[James G 5]

I don't remember saying that

Hi Noor, nice to see you're still around.
I don't come around the Lit forums much and most of the folks I knew are gone.

 

[Noor]

Hi Noor, nice to see you're still around.
I don't come around the Lit forums much and most of the folks I knew are gone.

Hi! Its been a long time, nice to see you too. same here...

 

[lynn-23]

I jsut saw this thread, I know its very old so I dont know if anyone is still interested in it or not. But I found it interesting. My husband and I occasionally do anal, it can be wonderful. But there are times I have a bit or emotional issue after. Anal, for me, is so very very intense. There is a part of anal sex that is almost like rape in a way. While I completely enjoy him inside me, there is no question that there is a bit of pain and certainly there is a dominance aspect to it. When he is inside me, its so intense that often I am almost paralyzed. So I am clearly totally submissive to him at that point. When we are done sometimes i need to go to the bathroom, but sometimes i just lay there and recover. And as my thoughts return to normal I sometimes feel like i have been "taken" or "violated." This is when it is so important that he show me his tender side. I need him to just very softly hold me or touch me and kiss me and whisper that he loves me. Sort of a reassurance, a reconnection. He is the only man i let do anal with me, and I am so very grateful for that. I think had i done it wiht just a bf, like in college, i would have felt humiliated afterwards and embarassed. It is a very very personal act that I can only share with my husband because we really are so totally in love. I know this is a bit rambling, sorry. But I hope that guys understand that for some women (not all clearly) anal sex can be a bit emotionally....whats the word.....draining. Both before, and especially after the sex, please remind her that you love her AND that you respect her.