Dear Wings

[RobDownSouth]

Dear wings,
I have met a lovely lady here on Lit and I'm going to meet her soon. Where would be the best place to rent a wood chipper?

 

[glynndah]

Dear Wings,

All these posts about wood chippers are scaring me.

Whatever happened to the classic shallow grave in the woods?

Sincerely,

the ever-curious good little witch.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Dear Wings,

All these posts about wood chippers are scaring me.

Whatever happened to the classic shallow grave in the woods?

Sincerely,

the ever-curious good little witch.

Or wearing cement shoes going over a bridge?

- Old-School Ollie In Oklahoma

 

[Wings]

I'm gonna put this here, since you'll be to busy to check here and the twitter later in the week...

Congratulations, much love and happiness to you and The Ginger.

Thank you so much my Muppet friend.

What Not Normal said.

Congratulations.

Dear Wings. I just woke up a minute ago. I'm still in bed. It's not time to get up yet.

I had a good dream about kbate. Just now. Problem is, I don't remember what my dream was about. It must have been pretty good though, because I'm smiling. To myself. In the dark. Like a dork.

Anyway, my question for you is...

What was my dream about?

Thank you.

As for your dream, Neci summed it up quite nicely below. Maybe KBate has a giant penis.

dear wings,

i have this one.

GS - you dreamed of penis. big fat penis. and hairy balls. fluffy, sagging, hairy balls.

love,

neci

 

[Wings]

Dear wings,

My name is Betty. Why don't people love me? Why do they misunderstand me?

With Love,

Betty

Dear Mischevious Alt,

I think it's obvious. You smell.

-W

Dear Wings,

Ever just be in the house on an off day and not wanna put on pants to go outside because comfortable?

- Nakey in Nutbush

Dear Zum in the Buff,

All. The. Time. Allthetime.

-W

Dear wings,
I have met a lovely man here on Lit and I'm going to meet him soon. How do I make sure that I don't end up in a wood chipper?

Dear Hopeful,

Strike first.

-W

Dear wings,
I have met a lovely lady here on Lit and I'm going to meet her soon. Where would be the best place to rent a wood chipper?

Dear Landscape-minded,

Opt for the pruning shears instead.

-W

 

[Wings]

Dear Wings,

All these posts about wood chippers are scaring me.

Whatever happened to the classic shallow grave in the woods?

Sincerely,

the ever-curious good little witch.

Dear Sparkly,

All the woods have been consumed by people needing to clean out their wood chippers.

-W

 

[glynndah]

Or wearing cement shoes going over a bridge?

- Old-School Ollie In Oklahoma

Sh! You're gonna spoil the surprise.

 

[Jennifer]

This thread is life changing (saving)!

 

[Misshotndeep]

Dear Wings,

Just stopping by for another visit. Have a good day.

 

[Eyereadtoo]

Dear Wings,

Today I had lunch with this beautiful, 27 year old blonde. Twice she went out of her way to touch and hug me and promised that we'd do it again next week, not pinky promise mind you but promised just the same. Here's my question: do you think she wants me in the biblical way?

Signed,
Confused By A Pretty Blue-Eyed Blonde That Smelled Nice

 

[Wings]

Dear Wings,

Just stopping by for another visit. Have a good day.

Dear Wings,

Today I had lunch with this beautiful, 27 year old blonde. Twice she went out of her way to touch and hug me and promised that we'd do it again next week, not pinky promise mind you but promised just the same. Here's my question: do you think she wants me in the biblical way?

Signed,
Confused By A Pretty Blue-Eyed Blonde That Smelled Nice

Dear Confused,

I don't think she wants to stone you for being a glutton and a drunkard, no. She might want to ravish your manly body. Make sweet, sweet love to your kneecaps or such.

Good luck.
-W

 

[snugglestruggle]

Dear Wings,

At what age did you become a comic geek?

What is the shelf life of gumdrops?

Is it true WW can crack walnuts between her thighs?

Signed,

Snugg

 

[Misshotndeep]

Dear Confused,

I don't think she wants to stone you for being a glutton and a drunkard, no. She might want to ravish your manly body. Make sweet, sweet love to your kneecaps or such.

Good luck.
-W

ROFL!!!!

 

[Wings]

Dear Wings,

At what age did you become a comic geek?

What is the shelf life of gumdrops?

Is it true WW can crack walnuts between her thighs?

Thanks.

Dear Curious,

Around 7 years of age.

I believe until it can start to hold up the shelf itself, like sugary screws.

I am pretty sure that Diana has cracked many a nut betwixt her thighs.

-W

 

[Eyereadtoo]

Dear Confused,

I don't think she wants to stone you for being a glutton and a drunkard, no. She might want to ravish your manly body. Make sweet, sweet love to your kneecaps or such.

Good luck.
-W

I'm truly gonna have to google "make sweet, sweet love to your kneecaps." I'm not kidding, I am so intrigued.

 

[artemesia_g]

One out of five ain't bad ...

You look fantastic covered in dairy products!

 

[BoyNextDoor]

Dear BNDherover,

You should put a fully functional pub in your house. That and a kickass hot tub and you'd never need to go anywhere ever again!

-W

You are wise woman, Wings. Once completed you and the Ginger will have to visit

 

[DivineMsM]

Dear Sparkly Witch,

I'm so sorry that those are your only two choices. If he lets you fade away then he didn't deserve you.

-W

Dear Wings,

In a genius thread full of humour, this made me a little sad.

That is all.

Ms M

 

[Wings]

I'm truly gonna have to google "make sweet, sweet love to your kneecaps." I'm not kidding, I am so intrigued.

You didn't share your findings!

You are wise woman, Wings. Once completed you and the Ginger will have to visit

It's a date.

 

[Wings]

Dear Wings,

In a genius thread full of humour, this made me a little sad.

That is all.

Ms M

Dear Ms. Midler,

Some questions deserve heart, some questions deserve cheese. Everyone deserves cheese though.

Mmmm, cheese.

-W

 

[Eyereadtoo]

Dear Wings,

Every day when I sign on to these forums my heart jumps just like it did when I was a child on Christmas morn! Back then I'd tentatively tip-toe from my bedroom, through the kitchen, and peek around the corner into the den where the Christmas tree was located; all the while holding my breath in anticipation that Santa Claus had come to visit and left Great Christmas toys behind...

Oh what a feeling to see that he hadn't forgotten me!

As I grew older, I think I came to realize that Santa must have developed a bad case of alzheimer's because one year he didn't show and, contrary to what any tv commercial or Christmas song told me, it became evident that even tho I didn't shout or pout the bastard wasn't coming back to town...or, at least, to my house. Anyway, I digress; every morning I sign on to Lit. hoping to find private messages in my p.m. box only to find that there aren't any, it takes a good half a day to get over the disappointment. My questions are: why don't litster's (especially female litster's) like me enough to send me private messages? And, if you see Santa anytime this year can you give him 30 years of ass whippings from me?

Signed,

Dumb Enough To Still Be Hopeful

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Dear Wings,

So, Coulson getting his arm cut off.

and Simmons.

yeah.

- Fan Boy In Florida (With Kree Artifacts Fucking Shit Up)

 

[spacekowboy]

Dear Winged One,

What to you think of slapping a black wig on Gwendoline Christie to portray your beloved Diana?


Sincerely,
I'd Fap To That.

 

[Wings]

Dear Wings,

Every day when I sign on to these forums my heart jumps just like it did when I was a child on Christmas morn! Back then I'd tentatively tip-toe from my bedroom, through the kitchen, and peek around the corner into the den where the Christmas tree was located; all the while holding my breath in anticipation that Santa Claus had come to visit and left Great Christmas toys behind...

Oh what a feeling to see that he hadn't forgotten me!

As I grew older, I think I came to realize that Santa must have developed a bad case of alzheimer's because one year he didn't show and, contrary to what any tv commercial or Christmas song told me, it became evident that even tho I didn't shout or pout the bastard wasn't coming back to town...or, at least, to my house. Anyway, I digress; every morning I sign on to Lit. hoping to find private messages in my p.m. box only to find that there aren't any, it takes a good half a day to get over the disappointment. My questions are: why don't litster's (especially female litster's) like me enough to send me private messages? And, if you see Santa anytime this year can you give him 30 years of ass whippings from me?

Signed,

Dumb Enough To Still Be Hopeful

Dear Dum Dum Lollipop,

Most women on the GB are not prolific PM writers, have you considered making the first move?

And by first move I don't mean declaring your undying love for any board member and/or Justin Bieber.

-W

 

[Wings]

Dear Wings,

So, Coulson getting his arm cut off.

and Simmons.

yeah.

- Fan Boy In Florida (With Kree Artifacts Fucking Shit Up)

Dear Fanrific,

I know! That last scene had me gripping my imaginary pearl necklace. Simmons. Man.

-W