Dear X

[Aquagal]

Dear Unit:

I know you have been neglected of late. Sorry. There are only so many showers a guy can take in a week ya know? Well besides there is that scar along one side that is a reminder of what happens when you get a little too happy with the self-pleasure thing. I suppose from your perspective it is a mark of distinction. To me it is a freaking reminder of how much body wash I go through.

Now -- just settle down -- I know it is difficult (please note that I try not to use the word HARD around you) sometimes and I know it has been so long since you have been in contact with another human being that you are no longer sure you can recall what that was like.

Anyway here's the deal. I am gonna break out the Veet and get things around you all nice and smooth. Yeah -- it does make you look bigger and I know that helps your ego. See -- I do take care of you. Then we'll shower and see if we can conjure up some magic together. No, no I am absolutely NOT getting the tattoo of female genitalia on my palm. That would just be too hard to explain in social settings. You'll have to do with the undecorated approach.

Sssshhhh -- I'll be gentle this time I promise.

*Giggle*

I see you know Jill really well, and her best friend llij.

 

[littlelovedove]

Dear Unit:

I know you have been neglected of late. Sorry. There are only so many showers a guy can take in a week ya know? Well besides there is that scar along one side that is a reminder of what happens when you get a little too happy with the self-pleasure thing. I suppose from your perspective it is a mark of distinction. To me it is a freaking reminder of how much body wash I go through.

Now -- just settle down -- I know it is difficult (please note that I try not to use the word HARD around you) sometimes and I know it has been so long since you have been in contact with another human being that you are no longer sure you can recall what that was like.

Anyway here's the deal. I am gonna break out the Veet and get things around you all nice and smooth. Yeah -- it does make you look bigger and I know that helps your ego. See -- I do take care of you. Then we'll shower and see if we can conjure up some magic together. No, no I am absolutely NOT getting the tattoo of female genitalia on my palm. That would just be too hard to explain in social settings. You'll have to do with the undecorated approach.

Sssshhhh -- I'll be gentle this time I promise.

http://bestsmileys.com/lol/1.gif

Sorry, but that was too cute!

 

[sereneone4u]

Dear Unit:

I know you have been neglected of late. Sorry. There are only so many showers a guy can take in a week ya know? Well besides there is that scar along one side that is a reminder of what happens when you get a little too happy with the self-pleasure thing. I suppose from your perspective it is a mark of distinction. To me it is a freaking reminder of how much body wash I go through.

Now -- just settle down -- I know it is difficult (please note that I try not to use the word HARD around you) sometimes and I know it has been so long since you have been in contact with another human being that you are no longer sure you can recall what that was like.

Anyway here's the deal. I am gonna break out the Veet and get things around you all nice and smooth. Yeah -- it does make you look bigger and I know that helps your ego. See -- I do take care of you. Then we'll shower and see if we can conjure up some magic together. No, no I am absolutely NOT getting the tattoo of female genitalia on my palm. That would just be too hard to explain in social settings. You'll have to do with the undecorated approach.

Sssshhhh -- I'll be gentle this time I promise.

You make me smile.Thank you.

 

[o_so_wet]

Dear Unit:

I know you have been neglected of late. Sorry. There are only so many showers a guy can take in a week ya know? Well besides there is that scar along one side that is a reminder of what happens when you get a little too happy with the self-pleasure thing. I suppose from your perspective it is a mark of distinction. To me it is a freaking reminder of how much body wash I go through.

Now -- just settle down -- I know it is difficult (please note that I try not to use the word HARD around you) sometimes and I know it has been so long since you have been in contact with another human being that you are no longer sure you can recall what that was like.

Anyway here's the deal. I am gonna break out the Veet and get things around you all nice and smooth. Yeah -- it does make you look bigger and I know that helps your ego. See -- I do take care of you. Then we'll shower and see if we can conjure up some magic together. No, no I am absolutely NOT getting the tattoo of female genitalia on my palm. That would just be too hard to explain in social settings. You'll have to do with the undecorated approach.

Sssshhhh -- I'll be gentle this time I promise.

*
teehee.....I hope he feels better soon

 

[Marguerite01]

Dear Unit:

I know you have been neglected of late. Sorry. There are only so many showers a guy can take in a week ya know? Well besides there is that scar along one side that is a reminder of what happens when you get a little too happy with the self-pleasure thing. I suppose from your perspective it is a mark of distinction. To me it is a freaking reminder of how much body wash I go through.

Now -- just settle down -- I know it is difficult (please note that I try not to use the word HARD around you) sometimes and I know it has been so long since you have been in contact with another human being that you are no longer sure you can recall what that was like.

Anyway here's the deal. I am gonna break out the Veet and get things around you all nice and smooth. Yeah -- it does make you look bigger and I know that helps your ego. See -- I do take care of you. Then we'll shower and see if we can conjure up some magic together. No, no I am absolutely NOT getting the tattoo of female genitalia on my palm. That would just be too hard to explain in social settings. You'll have to do with the undecorated approach.

Sssshhhh -- I'll be gentle this time I promise.

Another fan, made me splutter into my Horlicks.

 

[juicyfruits]

Dear Unit:

I know you have been neglected of late. Sorry. There are only so many showers a guy can take in a week ya know? Well besides there is that scar along one side that is a reminder of what happens when you get a little too happy with the self-pleasure thing. I suppose from your perspective it is a mark of distinction. To me it is a freaking reminder of how much body wash I go through.

Now -- just settle down -- I know it is difficult (please note that I try not to use the word HARD around you) sometimes and I know it has been so long since you have been in contact with another human being that you are no longer sure you can recall what that was like.

Anyway here's the deal. I am gonna break out the Veet and get things around you all nice and smooth. Yeah -- it does make you look bigger and I know that helps your ego. See -- I do take care of you. Then we'll shower and see if we can conjure up some magic together. No, no I am absolutely NOT getting the tattoo of female genitalia on my palm. That would just be too hard to explain in social settings. You'll have to do with the undecorated approach.

Sssshhhh -- I'll be gentle this time I promise.

lol made me laugh

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Dear Unit:

I know you have been neglected of late. Sorry. There are only so many showers a guy can take in a week ya know? Well besides there is that scar along one side that is a reminder of what happens when you get a little too happy with the self-pleasure thing. I suppose from your perspective it is a mark of distinction. To me it is a freaking reminder of how much body wash I go through.

Now -- just settle down -- I know it is difficult (please note that I try not to use the word HARD around you) sometimes and I know it has been so long since you have been in contact with another human being that you are no longer sure you can recall what that was like.

Anyway here's the deal. I am gonna break out the Veet and get things around you all nice and smooth. Yeah -- it does make you look bigger and I know that helps your ego. See -- I do take care of you. Then we'll shower and see if we can conjure up some magic together. No, no I am absolutely NOT getting the tattoo of female genitalia on my palm. That would just be too hard to explain in social settings. You'll have to do with the undecorated approach.

Sssshhhh -- I'll be gentle this time I promise.

Pics or it's not true

 

[fathom7]

*Giggle*

I see you know Jill really well, and her best friend llij.

We are at least acquainted with common errr interests.

http://bestsmileys.com/lol/1.gif

Sorry, but that was too cute!

So no need to be sorry. Like I've said -- I'm here to bring and share smiles. So happy to do so.

You make me smile.Thank you.

That bringing smiles around thing goes truly for you as well {{{SO4U}}}. Glad to be able to do it.

*
teehee.....I hope he feels better soon

Oh trust me he will. Nothing like the appropriate application of a bunch of Dove Body Wash to make things really -- well -- hum.

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Grocery Store,

Hey I get it, you are trying to save money. You are trying to make the shopping experience more personal for your customers. Hey I have an idea that would make it more enjoyable. Take out the millions od dollars spent on self check out stations and hire some more folks that know how to work a cash register and open up some more lanes.

Not only does it take 30 minutes to play Where's Waldo because you have moved your product around overnight, but I shouldn't have to wait 4 hours in line to buy some oatmeal and sweat tea. I don't come to the store to check myself out when i am ready to leave. I want an employee to do their job and check me out. bag my shit and say have a nice day. I want a zit faced bag boy and the obligatory handicapped kid to fight over paper or plastic while they smash my sandwich bread into crecent rolls shapes.

I don't desire to stand behind Grandma as she tries to do a self checkout. The pained expression on her face as you continuously swipes bananas over the scanner as if they have implanted microchips in them and it is just not picking them up. Watching the register scream at her because she has scanned the item but due to severe scoliosis takes 5 minutes to get the item over to the bag. That incessant bitch yelling at her that the item isn't bagged. How is that customer service. All the while the "employee" who is watching over the bank of self check out registers is too busy texting her boyfriend how much she enjoyed his sloppy pussy eating the other night and how close they came to her father catching them over and over. Hey how about you put down the fucking cell phone and help Grandma Pearl get her shit scanned before the scanner sets off her pacemaker and she shits herself.

Bottomline is go back to the fucking basics. Give me someone working the register. Give me a bag boy. Give me 10 lanes open at all times to make sure I don't stand in line forever. Get rid of the damn self check-out lines. Just go back to common courtesy and customer seervice.

I know it isn't going to happen. You want to know why I know it isn't going to happen? Becaus you guys don't believe in customer service. You want to know why I believe you don't know what customer service is? Because I lookd over at the line for customer service. The 7 people standing in line wanting to return their dented spam and day old cereal. Watched them stand in the customer service line forever while 1 poor woman tried to help them out while answering the phone and paging people. Yeah you people know what true customer service is. Essentially it is hiding my favorite shit, trying to fight other customers for the shortest lines and then deciding to go through the self chekout line to only stay even longer because Midge can't figure out who she is supposed to pay.

 

[sweetmoonbeam]

Dear Grocery Store,

Hey I get it, you are trying to save money. You are trying to make the shopping experience more personal for your customers. Hey I have an idea that would make it more enjoyable. Take out the millions od dollars spent on self check out stations and hire some more folks that know how to work a cash register and open up some more lanes.

Not only does it take 30 minutes to play Where's Waldo because you have moved your product around overnight, but I shouldn't have to wait 4 hours in line to buy some oatmeal and sweat tea. I don't come to the store to check myself out when i am ready to leave. I want an employee to do their job and check me out. bag my shit and say have a nice day. I want a zit faced bag boy and the obligatory handicapped kid to fight over paper or plastic while they smash my sandwich bread into crecent rolls shapes.

I don't desire to stand behind Grandma as she tries to do a self checkout. The pained expression on her face as you continuously swipes bananas over the scanner as if they have implanted microchips in them and it is just not picking them up. Watching the register scream at her because she has scanned the item but due to severe scoliosis takes 5 minutes to get the item over to the bag. That incessant bitch yelling at her that the item isn't bagged. How is that customer service. All the while the "employee" who is watching over the bank of self check out registers is too busy texting her boyfriend how much she enjoyed his sloppy pussy eating the other night and how close they came to her father catching them over and over. Hey how about you put down the fucking cell phone and help Grandma Pearl get her shit scanned before the scanner sets off her pacemaker and she shits herself.

Bottomline is go back to the fucking basics. Give me someone working the register. Give me a bag boy. Give me 10 lanes open at all times to make sure I don't stand in line forever. Get rid of the damn self check-out lines. Just go back to common courtesy and customer seervice.

I know it isn't going to happen. You want to know why I know it isn't going to happen? Becaus you guys don't believe in customer service. You want to know why I believe you don't know what customer service is? Because I lookd over at the line for customer service. The 7 people standing in line wanting to return their dented spam and day old cereal. Watched them stand in the customer service line forever while 1 poor woman tried to help them out while answering the phone and paging people. Yeah you people know what true customer service is. Essentially it is hiding my favorite shit, trying to fight other customers for the shortest lines and then deciding to go through the self chekout line to only stay even longer because Midge can't figure out who she is supposed to pay.

Let me guess. Walmart?

 

[juicyfruits]

Dear Grocery Store,

Hey I get it, you are trying to save money. You are trying to make the shopping experience more personal for your customers. Hey I have an idea that would make it more enjoyable. Take out the millions od dollars spent on self check out stations and hire some more folks that know how to work a cash register and open up some more lanes.

Not only does it take 30 minutes to play Where's Waldo because you have moved your product around overnight, but I shouldn't have to wait 4 hours in line to buy some oatmeal and sweat tea. I don't come to the store to check myself out when i am ready to leave. I want an employee to do their job and check me out. bag my shit and say have a nice day. I want a zit faced bag boy and the obligatory handicapped kid to fight over paper or plastic while they smash my sandwich bread into crecent rolls shapes.

I don't desire to stand behind Grandma as she tries to do a self checkout. The pained expression on her face as you continuously swipes bananas over the scanner as if they have implanted microchips in them and it is just not picking them up. Watching the register scream at her because she has scanned the item but due to severe scoliosis takes 5 minutes to get the item over to the bag. That incessant bitch yelling at her that the item isn't bagged. How is that customer service. All the while the "employee" who is watching over the bank of self check out registers is too busy texting her boyfriend how much she enjoyed his sloppy pussy eating the other night and how close they came to her father catching them over and over. Hey how about you put down the fucking cell phone and help Grandma Pearl get her shit scanned before the scanner sets off her pacemaker and she shits herself.

Bottomline is go back to the fucking basics. Give me someone working the register. Give me a bag boy. Give me 10 lanes open at all times to make sure I don't stand in line forever. Get rid of the damn self check-out lines. Just go back to common courtesy and customer seervice.

I know it isn't going to happen. You want to know why I know it isn't going to happen? Becaus you guys don't believe in customer service. You want to know why I believe you don't know what customer service is? Because I lookd over at the line for customer service. The 7 people standing in line wanting to return their dented spam and day old cereal. Watched them stand in the customer service line forever while 1 poor woman tried to help them out while answering the phone and paging people. Yeah you people know what true customer service is. Essentially it is hiding my favorite shit, trying to fight other customers for the shortest lines and then deciding to go through the self chekout line to only stay even longer because Midge can't figure out who she is supposed to pay.

we got stores here that just have those self service stuff

 

[IhateClowns]

Let me guess. Walmart?

Actually no. Although I assume the experience is 10 fold at Wally World

 

[availableslave2u]

dear left leg,
i'm tired of you hurting. i've tried heat, i've tried ice, nothing makes you happy. for that reason, i'm frustrated with you. please don't talk to me, i have nothing nice to say to you.

dear lungs,
let's clear things up. this feeling of heaviness, the demi moore voice, the wheezing and the shortness of breath are getting old. enough is enough. seriously. let's do what we have to do to clear things up.

dear to do list,
if you would somehow find a way to complete some of the things without my assistance i'd really be grateful. i'd like to sleep for a couple of hours, but i'm worried about getting things done. you really don't need me to do some of the stuff, do you?

 

[Azuldrgon]

dear left leg,
i'm tired of you hurting. i've tried heat, i've tried ice, nothing makes you happy. for that reason, i'm frustrated with you. please don't talk to me, i have nothing nice to say to you.

dear lungs,
let's clear things up. this feeling of heaviness, the demi moore voice, the wheezing and the shortness of breath are getting old. enough is enough. seriously. let's do what we have to do to clear things up.

dear to do list,
if you would somehow find a way to complete some of the things without my assistance i'd really be grateful. i'd like to sleep for a couple of hours, but i'm worried about getting things done. you really don't need me to do some of the stuff, do you?

*hugs*

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

dear UGHHHHHH whiney person
and you wonder why?????????????
count yourself lucky she didnt drown you
pouting is NOT sexy

 

[kendra1980]

dear left leg,
i'm tired of you hurting. i've tried heat, i've tried ice, nothing makes you happy. for that reason, i'm frustrated with you. please don't talk to me, i have nothing nice to say to you.

dear lungs,
let's clear things up. this feeling of heaviness, the demi moore voice, the wheezing and the shortness of breath are getting old. enough is enough. seriously. let's do what we have to do to clear things up.

dear to do list,
if you would somehow find a way to complete some of the things without my assistance i'd really be grateful. i'd like to sleep for a couple of hours, but i'm worried about getting things done. you really don't need me to do some of the stuff, do you?

Dear All of Slavey's Parts...

Behave! I have breakfast plans with her for Saturday next and they are by golly going to happen.

I'm disappointed in your lack of cooperation on all fronts, er, sides and behinds.

See you soon, and you better be on your best behavior.

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

dear lipgloss
you are just peachy

 

[Chaingun]

Dear lip balm. It's not that I'm ashamed of you; quite the opposite in fact. You keep my lips all uber smooth and pliable, perfect for smooching. It's just that you're so...vanilla.

I can't help it. I knew you were vanilla when I bought you. In fact, I'm a tad embarrassed to admit that I really like vanilla. It's been my favorite for so long. But my friends here just wouldn't understand. "Vanilla?" they'd intone derisively. "Really? You?"

And I would hang my head and try to think of a way to explain. "Yeah, it's vanilla....but you don't understand. Vanilla is what I've lived with for so long. The smell...is intoxicating to me but..."

Words would fail me. I like you; I really do. But I need more. Before I leave you, would you happen to know what flavor of lip balm goes with kinky?

It's not you; it's me. I've changed.

 

[fungatorgurl101]

Dear lip balm. It's not that I'm ashamed of you; quite the opposite in fact. You keep my lips all uber smooth and pliable, perfect for smooching. It's just that you're so...vanilla.

I can't help it. I knew you were vanilla when I bought you. In fact, I'm a tad embarrassed to admit that I really like vanilla. It's been my favorite for so long. But my friends here just wouldn't understand. "Vanilla?" they'd intone derisively. "Really? You?"

And I would hang my head and try to think of a way to explain. "Yeah, it's vanilla....but you don't understand. Vanilla is what I've lived with for so long. The smell...is intoxicating to me but..."

Words would fail me. I like you; I really do. But I need more. Before I leave you, would you happen to know what flavor of lip balm goes with kinky?

It's not you; it's me. I've changed.

GO to cracker barrel get the Burts Bees Peppermint one just as good and maybe a lil more manly PLUS according to cosmo you can do kinky things with peppermint cause if you blow on it it tingles things nicely

 

[Chaingun]

GO to cracker barrel get the Burts Bees Peppermint one just as good and maybe a lil more manly PLUS according to cosmo you can do kinky things with peppermint cause if you blow on it it tingles things nicely

I was actually thinking about taking on two at the same time for the kinkiness factor. Maybe Black Cherry and Peppermint.

I could never remain true to only one from here on out.

 

[Marguerite01]

Dear X
I've struggled with myself for so many years, with my body and my looks I was always so uncomfortable.

How is it that I've doubted myself for so much of my life, but when you told me the simple words "you're gorgeous", I let myself believe you so easily.

Even if you said it without thinking and have probably said it to many girls before, in that moment, I felt butterflies I never knew existed.

We rebel against perfection because we don't see perfection. Perfection is neither uniqueness nor individualism nor coherence; it implies uniformity and invariability and conformity. I don't see perfection in balance. Symmetry is anything but perfection. Perfection is ultimately boring. The differences are what captivate.

We complement each other in ways you'll never know.

Yours,
Aiming for gorgeous.

 

[sweetmoonbeam]

Dear X
I've struggled with myself for so many years, with my body and my looks I was always so uncomfortable.

How is it that I've doubted myself for so much of my life, but when you told me the simple words "you're gorgeous", I let myself believe you so easily.

Even if you said it without thinking and have probably said it to many girls before, in that moment, I felt butterflies I never knew existed.

We rebel against perfection because we don't see perfection. Perfection is neither uniqueness nor individualism nor coherence; it implies uniformity and invariability and conformity. I don't see perfection in balance. Symmetry is anything but perfection. Perfection is ultimately boring. The differences are what captivate.

We complement each other in ways you'll never know.

Yours,
Aiming for gorgeous.

Right on sister.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Dear Jeans,

I was complaining about you the other day. You are too big for me, way too big. I can pull you off without unbuttoning or unzipping you, yet I've kept you around because well, I can't really buy new ones to replace you. That changed just a few minutes ago. . .

I sat down and you ripped. How the hell do jeans that are so big I can "pants" myself rip at the ass? My ass is big, but not big enough to fill your cottony goodness. I don't get it. Did you want to be tossed in the trash? It's going to happen as soon as I have to get up and go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go downstairs and change because no one in this house wants to see my pink panties and my white ass cheeks.

I think you just like knowing I am now down to two pair of jeans and I'm going to have to buy myself another pair in a few weeks. I know you've been talking to my other jeans. I've seen the signs of weakness in their denim strands. Damn you!

From a chilly ass Lister.

 

[Chaingun]

Dear X
I've struggled with myself for so many years, with my body and my looks I was always so uncomfortable.

How is it that I've doubted myself for so much of my life, but when you told me the simple words "you're gorgeous", I let myself believe you so easily.

Even if you said it without thinking and have probably said it to many girls before, in that moment, I felt butterflies I never knew existed.

We rebel against perfection because we don't see perfection. Perfection is neither uniqueness nor individualism nor coherence; it implies uniformity and invariability and conformity. I don't see perfection in balance. Symmetry is anything but perfection. Perfection is ultimately boring. The differences are what captivate.

We complement each other in ways you'll never know.

Yours,
Aiming for gorgeous.

Such wonderful words. I'm glad for you that someone special is making you feel that way.

I'll be smiling for the rest of the night.

 

[kendra1980]

Dear chocolate in the candy drawer,

Please stop shouting my name. I know you are in there, and yes, I want and miss you too. I have determined that before a certain day when I have to have lots of photos taken, you and I will have to part ways.

I love you

You know that


Now hush.