Delving the Psyche of Sadists

[AngelicAssassin]

Shame, repulsion, denial and self-delusion have been a major part of my life, and of many others I have known. IMHO it is a major issue for many PYL’s; many find it very difficult to accept their nature. I think, and in that I agree with AA, if I have read his comments correctly, that the right partner can be a catalyst for a PYL, making it possible for a PYL to explore depths, which would otherwise be too dangerous and also too scary. The danger always exists of course that the PYL will pass the point of no return.

Francisco.

Pretty much nailed it for me.

Chuckling ... i'm not a misogynist. i don't have a secret need to seek revenge on a female relative in the form of any female with whom i'm intimate. i enjoy the power. i enjoy the pain. i enjoy the rut. i enjoy the, "whatever it takes to get me there, i'm taking it from you."

i have a medium to medium-high pain tolerance level myself. As a feedback circuit, i use my hand when i spank most of the time for control, both mine and hers. When my palm gets to the upper end of my tolerance, i know i have to decide to push mine, and hers in the process, or to judiciously move onward. i find the unexpected benefit about that process delivers a modicum of doubt in my playmate's mind. She's never sure if i'm fucking with her head, or thinking of her safety. You see, sadism, in my mind, can work at multiple levels in multiple arenas and all at the same time.

And therein the next topic on your list comes to mind. How does the sadist stay on top of all those multiple layers? How does the puppeteer not become the marionette? And the next topic flows right onward from these questions.

Don'tcha just love it when that Gordian Knot unrolls for you to take a step into the loose coils, then snaps tight around you?

 

[rosco rathbone]

devil's advocate here: I don't personally believe that sadism is a "basic emotion" that needs no further examination. That stance releases the master from the most fundamental responsibility, as I see it.

We desire to hurt for a reason, imho. The reason may well vary from soul to soul--within certain parameters.

 

[Esclava]

I should probably stay out of this discussion, but I have questions...

<snip>You see, sadism, in my mind, can work at multiple levels in multiple arenas and all at the same time.

And therein the next topic on your list comes to mind. How does the sadist stay on top of all those multiple layers? How does the puppeteer not become the marionette?
<snip>

I believe that type of multi-tasking is a characteristic and natural ability of a strong PYL. I also believe that strong PYLs are rare – they are not the norm. IMO and experience, they are truly the exception. But the most rare of all is the strong, sadistic PYL – one whose sadism is driven by the animal inside. The animal is, seemingly, never far from the surface; always close enough that it demands you struggle with it for control.

As this site is all about exceptions, I have noticed there are a number of strong PYLs and a few strong, sadistic PYLs who have commented on this thread. A few questions to any/all of you:

• *Is taming the animal (or other motivator) that drives your sadism the ONLY thing you are concerned with in the battle to maintain control and not become the marionette?
  
  *Do you struggle with your animal daily?
  
  *Do you feel you can tame your animal?
  
  *Or does maintaining that control actually give you the freedom to explore avenues that were heretofore out of bounds for both you and your pyl?

Esclava

Edited to make the questions a list

 

[le Dragon Noir]

Lots of good stuff here..

Original question from RJ: Why, or what is it within me that finds pleasure in inflicting pain upon another?

I don't know; I've been trying for years to define it. I have discovered a few things. I don't feel that I'm inherently cruel, (and my young lady backs me up on this). To me, cruelty is inflicting pain for no particular reason. Pulling the wings of flies as it were. When I flog her, when I cut her, when I fuck her hard and fast, I have a reason. I hurt her because her need for pain is as strong as my need to give it. I do it because it feels good, to both of us. I do it because it draws us together.

I don't know what it is, but when she's laying before me, usually crying, it's as if her soul is laid bare before me. When she's totally orgasmic with pain, and begging for mercy, (usually though, she's begging for more. Go figure. ) and I give it, or make her wait. God! What a rush.

The most important thing about tearing someone apart in this manner, is putting her back together. I could not, in good conscience, leave her this way. It's the rebuilding of her psyche that binds us together, I think. The fact that she trusts me to take her there rocks my world. It's also a frightening responsibility. This is why I rarely do the "quit yer whining" form of aftercare. There's times when that's appropriate. But I find that it isn't after a mind bending soul rending scene.


From Netzach: I find that pain opens people up, the altered states of pain are, like orgasm or drunkenness great removers of inhibition.

(snip)

It does delight me when a lover becomes my own personal martyr. (snip) I hurt people to make them even more beautiful to me.

Exactly. But this is why I can't do this to someone whom I don't love in some way. I've scened casually every now and again, but never with someone I didn't love and respect. Always with friends, never with strangers. If they can use the pain I inflict in some way, that's great. But without the friendship (a formof love in itself) it does nothing for me. I won't be someones sex toy like that.

When the pain removes a person's inherent inhibitions, people become more open. I don't care for that sort of immediate intimacy with a stranger. I know that when I'm doing my "thing" (whatever the thing of it at that time.) I'm also becoming more open. The person sees more of my psyche that I'm comfortable revealing to a stranger. No matter how sexy she is.



Eviktar said: Don't yah just hate it when something you read, or see, or hear, trips you over into an examination process of some aspect of your life, that you have been just fine with up till now???

Yes, because these moments usually come when I'm knee deep in real lfe and don't have the time to give a considered response!



Fransisco said: (among other things that require more thought) Sadism is a basic emotion, a need that runs high through your body.

I always considered it a personality trait or a whole soup of emotions.

To be able to function I need to feed my sadistic hunger or I get into a deep depression which removes the colour out of the world and makes me live in a black and white world. But my built in controls dictates the way I can feed my hunger. This has lead to my finding a partner that enjoys going down the same dark road I have but then instead of being sadistic she is masochistic. It is a perfect partnership in which we both fulfil our needs and hungers, we have a good symbiotic relationship. There is a lot more to it and I have been very fortunate with Catalina and there is a deep fulfilling love between us, but if there would not be the symbiotic part to our relationship then we would have no chance in hell.


Congrats on finding a partner for all that. I finally found a young lady too, who'se desires match mine.

I find that when I can't express my sadism, I have issues. Playing too hard on my baseball team. Borderline non consensual domination of the people I pull over. Wanting to play the Bad Cop in room 1 at work. Not good stuff. I don't indulge myself this way, but I feel the urge to do so. Very disturbing.



Angelic Assassin said: Is the pyl a means to an end, or the end itself when feeding the animal?


No, she's not a means to the end. I managed to abstain before I met her. I tried it that way once. When I was still single, I once hooked up with a pain slut for a night. We weren't particularly interested in each other. A mutual friend hooked us up on a blind date. Even though htere was no spark, no lust or anything between us, we both felt we needed it bad enough to use each other. It left me hollow, empty. I can't just use a girl as a mean to an ends.

Again from Angelic Assasin" How does the sadist stay on top of all those multiple layers? How does the puppeteer not become the marionette?

Very carefully! (Sorry, couldn't resist)

I don't know. I've been known to take a break mid scene because the power flow was getting too intense. Sometimes it feels like white water rafting, tryind to stay on the damn raft during the rapids. But what a ride! Control is the big issue here. Keeping your mind and body in control. It's the tight rein that you keep on yourself that keeps you from becoming the marionette.

This isn't something that I've ever thought of before, so I'm probably not saying it well. It's like describing the various muscles and nerve ifluences that keep you from falling off your bike while you're going down the road. I couldn't tell you how your inner ear controls your balance while your brain is occupied by simultaneously pedalling, steering, not getting lost and breathing works. But I manage to do it without breaking my neck.

 

[Netzach]

Why I do it?

If I don't do it physically and consensually to those brave enough to love me as I am, I will do it mentally and non-consensually to anyone stupid enough to love me as I am when I repress it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I don't personally believe that sadism is a "basic emotion" that needs no further examination.

And why i keep BWO&H on a tight leash.

Originally posted by le Dragon Noir
Very carefully! (Sorry, couldn't resist)

... Control is the big issue here. Keeping your mind and body in control. It's the tight rein that you keep on yourself that keeps you from becoming the marionette ...

i agree.

And therein lies the next topic. When you bring your A game and everything clicks, have you accomplished that feat on your own, or does your pyl have a lot to do with the success?

 

[Netzach]

There's more than one kind of click. Sometimes it's totally self absorbed and the pyl is lucky to be your pincushion and they know that's all they are and that's hot.

Sometimes it's the incredible commingling of S and m archetypical forces and the pyl is what brings out the absolute damn best in you ever.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... self absorbed ...

... commingling ...

Is there any difference in Ms Black and Scaly from one case to the next? For example, does she run freely in one context and on a short leash with a spiked collar turned inward in the other?

 

[Netzach]

if she wasn't always on a short leash she'd probably be out destroying marriages and kicking balls in parking lots right now.

edited to be less glib...

it's just different, I'm not going to denigrate hurting someone I don't know well and care for deeply over someone I do, or intimate that I'm liable to be kinder with one I do know and love, in fact sometimes the opposite, emotionally. It's almost like they are different sadistic impulses.

I will say that hurting the ones I love also awakens my masochistic side, there's a deeply masochistic Wagnerian aspect inherent in Romance plus violence, so there is a depth there, I will definitely grant. I feel every kick twice, once as I do it, once as I feel my loved one feel it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

if she wasn't always on a short leash she'd probably be out destroying marriages and kicking balls in parking lots right now.

Well said ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/gen007.gif

dayum ... that's going to leave a mark.

 

[MechaBlade]

My sadism is easily the most explainable and reasonable of all my fetishes. I channel my pain (...jealousy, anger, misogyny) into others. Simple.

I still have yet to completely "get" masochism.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

This is the best thread ever. More! More! I'm learning soooo much!

 

[RJMasters]

Why I do it?

If I don't do it physically and consensually to those brave enough to love me as I am, I will do it mentally and non-consensually to anyone stupid enough to love me as I am when I repress it.

So, is it more like a volcano...where if you repress it...it builds pressure as you attenpt to control all the facets of it...and if repressed long enough, it escapes...here and there...or can explode at any moment? Control over intensity is not completely there?


If that is true, then when you do find regular expression, is there a stronger level of control, allowing you to flux the level of intensity as you know you have control over it better? Or does the level of intensity just naturally ebb?

This kinda goes to the question how do your handle all the multiple layers of control?

 

[RJMasters]

The most important thing about tearing someone apart in this manner, is putting her back together. I could not, in good conscience, leave her this way. It's the rebuilding of her psyche that binds us together, I think. The fact that she trusts me to take her there rocks my world. It's also a frightening responsibility. This is why I rarely do the "quit yer whining" form of aftercare. There's times when that's appropriate. But I find that it isn't after a mind bending soul rending scene.

Yes the responsibility is frightening. I am glad you brought this up as I have mentioned that I use it to bring the person of my desire closer to me. Its interesting you use rebuilding her psyche which binds you closer together. Very similar.


But this is why I can't do this to someone whom I don't love in some way. I've scened casually every now and again, but never with someone I didn't love and respect. Always with friends, never with strangers. If they can use the pain I inflict in some way, that's great. But without the friendship (a formof love in itself) it does nothing for me. I won't be someones sex toy like that.

When the pain removes a person's inherent inhibitions, people become more open. I don't care for that sort of immediate intimacy with a stranger. I know that when I'm doing my "thing" (whatever the thing of it at that time.) I'm also becoming more open. The person sees more of my psyche that I'm comfortable revealing to a stranger. No matter how sexy she is.

This is an interesting point, because the mystery behind sadism, almost gives off that I enjoy giving pain for pain sake, so it does matter reallly the "who" as long as I get to see some blood, sweat & tears I'm happy. It is interesting you point out how there is a need of some level intamacy in order for you to have any desire to engage.


I find that when I can't express my sadism, I have issues. Playing too hard on my baseball team. Borderline non consensual domination of the people I pull over. Wanting to play the Bad Cop in room 1 at work. Not good stuff. I don't indulge myself this way, but I feel the urge to do so. Very disturbing.


See I am beginning to see a pattern here of similar comments...

"When I do not find regular expression in a controlled way, it comes out in an uncontrolled way."

Makes me think if we could just get some of these world political leaders laid, we might not have so many wars or something...(J/K) Kinda like what Netach said (if she wasn't always on a short leash she'd probably be out destroying marriages and kicking balls in parking lots right now.) Just on a more global scale

But seriously makes one wonder what is the correct approach is dealing with this. Society would say repress it as its evil and bad, which if done, only leads to uncontrolled releases. Seems to me recognizing it for what it is, and find some controlled expression is the most logical approach. Of course that leads back into AA question:

When you bring your "A" game and everything clicks, have you accomplished that feat on your own, or does your pyl have a lot to do with the success?

I would have to say based on what I am hearing is, that even though you may be able to have an "A" Game, it would seem without regular expression that "A" game may not be possible. This may differ from person to person of course, but it would seem, that the ply can have an over-all accumilative effect which may enable a sadist to
1. not be depressed
2. not waste energy with guilt and such
3. feels more in control, more powerful...more balanced.


I don't know. I've been known to take a break mid scene because the power flow was getting too intense. Sometimes it feels like white water rafting, tryind to stay on the damn raft during the rapids. But what a ride! Control is the big issue here. Keeping your mind and body in control. It's the tight rein that you keep on yourself that keeps you from becoming the marionette.

This isn't something that I've ever thought of before, so I'm probably not saying it well. It's like describing the various muscles and nerve ifluences that keep you from falling off your bike while you're going down the road. I couldn't tell you how your inner ear controls your balance while your brain is occupied by simultaneously pedalling, steering, not getting lost and breathing works. But I manage to do it without breaking my neck.

Thank you Dragon. Great post!

 

[RJMasters]

Just sorta skipped around the edge

Even though I see the "Consequential Answer" of "why" I do it.

That still does not directly address the "why" of the deep seeded need to do it at all in the first place.

Seems two camps of thought are being presented, here...


Rosco
We desire to hurt for a reason, imho. The reason may well vary from soul to soul--within certain parameters.

Francisco
Sadism is a basic emotion, a need that runs high through your body.

I would like to discuss the possibilty, that both may be correct, or that both may be true.

I suggest that this may be "akin" to the whole "Born" ~vs~ "Learned" argument which has been applied to both Dominants and Submissives alike. Is it possible that there are actually two types of Sadists? Those born with a basic need, and those who have come to learn to survive and thrive on it.

 

[Pure]

My opinion is that the discussion is limited to a very few concepts, and even the thread title 'the psyche of sadists' sounds like it's one thing.

I can suppose a variety of 'types' of sadists, and of minds and motivations.

Taking one recent example from Mr. Dragon

I don't feel that I'm inherently cruel, (and my young lady backs me up on this). To me, cruelty is inflicting pain for no particular reason. Pulling the wings of flies as it were. When I flog her, when I cut her, when I fuck her hard and fast, I have a reason. I hurt her because her need for pain is as strong as my need to give it. I do it because it feels good, to both of us. I do it because it draws us together.

I don't know what it is, but when she's laying before me, usually crying, it's as if her soul is laid bare before me. When she's totally orgasmic with pain, and begging for mercy, (usually though, she's begging for more. Go figure. ) and I give it, or make her wait. God! What a rush.

The most important thing about tearing someone apart in this manner, is putting her back together.

Let's call this the 'I make her come,' relationship-enhancing sadism.

I can suppose the psyche 'behind' this description has a lot of the normal desires for relationship and intimacy, and has a clear agenda for making that happen in an expected fashion.

I can see many other possibilities, however.

 

[RJMasters]

My opinion is that the discussion is limited to a very few concepts, and even the thread title 'the psyche of sadists' sounds like it's one thing.

I can suppose a variety of 'types' of sadists, and of minds and motivations.

Taking one recent example from Mr. Dragon

I don't feel that I'm inherently cruel, (and my young lady backs me up on this). To me, cruelty is inflicting pain for no particular reason. Pulling the wings of flies as it were. When I flog her, when I cut her, when I fuck her hard and fast, I have a reason. I hurt her because her need for pain is as strong as my need to give it. I do it because it feels good, to both of us. I do it because it draws us together.

I don't know what it is, but when she's laying before me, usually crying, it's as if her soul is laid bare before me. When she's totally orgasmic with pain, and begging for mercy, (usually though, she's begging for more. Go figure. ) and I give it, or make her wait. God! What a rush.

The most important thing about tearing someone apart in this manner, is putting her back together.

Let's call this the 'I make her come,' relationship-enhancing sadism.

I can suppose the psyche 'behind' this description has a lot of the normal desires for relationship and intimacy, and has a clear agenda for making that happen in an expected fashion.

I can see many other possibilities, however.

Nods,

I can relate to what Dragon is saying and what your pointing out. It is interesting "for me" that a person who desires the pain, is what draws the sadist tendencies out of me. I do not battle a basic need inside me as Netzach, Fanscico, or AA has describe. But the when aroused, and there is this unbridal passion in my lovers eye that screams take me harder, use me...I mean fuck! Just like Dragon says..."What a rush!"

Though it is often for me in response to a begging need, when I hit that spot and the rush is on, my need is real enough. All I want is to feel her ass thunder under my hand and hear her scream, then watch her settle back down and lift her ass begging for another. Especially when she looks back over her shoulder with tears running down her face(mascare running) and she bites her lips...begging please I'll do anything just don't stop.


Damn where is that fire extinguisher!!!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Nods,

I can relate to what Dragon is saying and what your pointing out. It is interesting "for me" that a person who desires the pain, is what draws the sadist tendencies out of me. I do not battle a basic need inside me as Netzach, Fanscico, or AA has describe. But the when aroused, and there is this unbridal passion in my lovers eye that screams take me harder, use me...I mean fuck! Just like Dragon says..."What a rush!"

Though it is often for me in response to a begging need, when I hit that spot and the rush is on, my need is real enough. All I want is to feel her ass thunder under my hand and hear her scream, then watch her settle back down and lift her ass begging for another. Especially when she looks back over her shoulder with tears running down her face(mascare running) and she bites her lips...begging please I'll do anything just don't stop.


Damn where is that fire extinguisher!!!

Are the sadistic tendencies not always there? My opinion is (and im just a widdle subbie chick so be nice) They are always there and that there are other things that hold them down...similar to the leash thing AA talks about. Could it be that you somewhere in your head are guilty for wanting to hurt ppl, or afraid or...well hell a million other reasons can be there and im betting are there for most sadists. The only way to open up and let your sadist out is by finding a willing victim...ermmm i mean partner. Sadists dont need masochists...masochists just make it emotionally easier for sadists to feed.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

So, is it more like a volcano...where if you repress it...it builds pressure as you attenpt to control all the facets of it...and if repressed long enough, it escapes...here and there...or can explode at any moment? Control over intensity is not completely there?

Different people handle things different ways. The closest thing i can give you is a trip to the zoo. i wish this on no one, but animals that don't adapt well to cages do one of two things:

• Go stark, raving mad.
• Go catatonic, no pun intended.

In the former, they endanger themselves, others in the same cage, and their handlers. The end result isn't pretty. They usually get put down for "humane" reasons.

In the latter, the light goes out in the animal's eyes. It breaks my heart to see one not bat an eye when an instinctual stimulus doesn't provoke a natural response. The soul/mind has left the body to die.

... then when you do find regular expression, is there a stronger level of control, allowing you to flux the level of intensity as you know you have control over it better? Or does the level of intensity just naturally ebb?

This kinda goes to the question how do your handle all the multiple layers of control?

Can't speak for others here, but it doesn't ebb for me. If you could hook me up on an oscilloscope and measure for "buildup" and "control":

• Irregular expression returns a buildup sine wave with large amplitudes. Flip the switch to control, and that wave bounces all over the place while i try to get a grip.
• The start of regular expression jacks the buildup wave off the scale, but the control wave quickly matches it step for step.
• Consisitent expression gets a buildup wave barely less than irregular expression. Flip to control and the wave marches lockstep, yet significantly lower in amplitude.

As for your follow up question before i managed to get the above out ... inquisitive, impatient bastard ... i don't question from whence "it" came. i've heard others comment "what is wrong with me" on occasion. i've read material that says you didn't get held enough as a baby, or too much, and myriad other reasons. i've read material that says PYLs tend to work at and excel in jobs where control makes the difference, others that say PYLs have no outlet for control in their day to day lives.

One could ascribe the read material to many things in the human psyche. i don't think that matters. Knowing what you want, what you need, and dealing with the consequences of getting, or not getting it matters.

 

[RJMasters]

Are the sadistic tendencies not always there? My opinion is (and im just a widdle subbie chick so be nice) They are always there and that there are other things that hold them down...similar to the leash thing AA talks about. Could it be that you somewhere in your head are guilty for wanting to hurt ppl, or afraid or...well hell a million other reasons can be there and im betting are there for most sadists. The only way to open up and let your sadist out is by finding a willing victim...ermmm i mean partner. Sadists dont need masochists...masochists just make it emotionally easier for sadists to feed.

You are probably right KC. Perhaps as I think about how my sadistic tendencies appear, I look back in retrospect and ascribe the behavior to be associated with someone who I am comfortable with.... to let them appear.

Hmmmmmm... perhaps I can relate to being afraid, shame, and guilt more so than I realise. Perhaps I am trying to accept something that is part of me, that I keep hidden for the above reasons named.

I do know this, we often talk about how D/S is two sides of a whole, and both sides are equal but different. There is nothing in this world that completes me more, than a person/sub who is willing to give her all to me as I seek to know her and myself more. That is something of great worth.

Seems some soul searching is in order...thanks KC

 

[Caitlynne]

Knowing what you want, what you need, and dealing with the consequences of getting, or not getting it matters.

Fascinating and informative thread. Thanks to each of you for your contribution.

I'd agree with the comment above, in the end all that matters is knowing who you are and dealing with the consequences of your actions. This (IMHO) is the essence of what life is all about.

~ Cait

 

[RJMasters]

Different people handle things different ways. The closest thing i can give you is a trip to the zoo. i wish this on no one, but animals that don't adapt well to cages do one of two things:

• Go stark, raving mad.
• Go catatonic, no pun intended.

In the former, they endanger themselves, others in the same cage, and their handlers. The end result isn't pretty. They usually get put down for "humane" reasons.

In the latter, the light goes out in the animal's eyes. It breaks my heart to see one not bat an eye when an instinctual stimulus doesn't provoke a natural response. The soul/mind has left the body to die.Can't speak for others here, but it doesn't ebb for me. If you could hook me up on an oscilloscope and measure for "buildup" and "control":

• Irregular expression returns a buildup sine wave with large amplitudes. Flip the switch to control, and that wave bounces all over the place while i try to get a grip.
• The start of regular expression jacks the buildup wave off the scale, but the control wave quickly matches it step for step.
• Consisitent expression gets a buildup wave barely less than irregular expression. Flip to control and the wave marches lockstep, yet significantly lower in amplitude.

As for your follow up question before i managed to get the above out ... inquisitive, impatient bastard ... i don't question from whence "it" came. i've heard others comment "what is wrong with me" on occasion. i've read material that says you didn't get held enough as a baby, or too much, and myriad other reasons. i've read material that says PYLs tend to work at and excel in jobs where control makes the difference, others that say PYLs have no outlet for control in their day to day lives.

One could ascribe the read material to many things in the human psyche. i don't think that matters. Knowing what you want, what you need, and dealing with the consequences of getting, or not getting it matters.

inquisitive, impatient bastard

 

[le Dragon Noir]

And why i keep BWO&H on a tight leash.i agree.

And therein lies the next topic. When you bring your A game and everything clicks, have you accomplished that feat on your own, or does your pyl have a lot to do with the success?

Depends on the scene. I had a fabuluos scene a few weeks ago, when she'd screwed up. She hated it, fought me every step of the way. In this instance, I brought my A game, and clicked majorly. But I had no help from her end.

But other times, a lot of it depends on her mindset, where she is mentally and emotionally.

 

[le Dragon Noir]

My opinion is that the discussion is limited to a very few concepts, and even the thread title 'the psyche of sadists' sounds like it's one thing.

I can suppose a variety of 'types' of sadists, and of minds and motivations.

Taking one recent example from Mr. Dragon

I don't feel that I'm inherently cruel, (and my young lady backs me up on this). To me, cruelty is inflicting pain for no particular reason. Pulling the wings of flies as it were. When I flog her, when I cut her, when I fuck her hard and fast, I have a reason. I hurt her because her need for pain is as strong as my need to give it. I do it because it feels good, to both of us. I do it because it draws us together.

I don't know what it is, but when she's laying before me, usually crying, it's as if her soul is laid bare before me. When she's totally orgasmic with pain, and begging for mercy, (usually though, she's begging for more. Go figure. ) and I give it, or make her wait. God! What a rush.

The most important thing about tearing someone apart in this manner, is putting her back together.

Let's call this the 'I make her come,' relationship-enhancing sadism.

I can suppose the psyche 'behind' this description has a lot of the normal desires for relationship and intimacy, and has a clear agenda for making that happen in an expected fashion.

I can see many other possibilities, however.

Sometimes, yes. It is about getting her off too. Other times, it's all about me, baby, so suck it up get on with it!

 

[le Dragon Noir]

Are the sadistic tendencies not always there? My opinion is (and im just a widdle subbie chick so be nice) They are always there and that there are other things that hold them down...similar to the leash thing AA talks about. Could it be that you somewhere in your head are guilty for wanting to hurt ppl, or afraid or...well hell a million other reasons can be there and im betting are there for most sadists. The only way to open up and let your sadist out is by finding a willing victim...ermmm i mean partner. Sadists dont need masochists...masochists just make it emotionally easier for sadists to feed.

Yes, they're always there, bubbling under the surface waiting to break free. I don't feel guilty about my tendencies, I've worked through it years ago. I think it's something that every sadist has to confront within themselves sometimes.

As for needing masochists, I'd say some of us do. I don't want to cross the line over to psychopathic behaviour. Some sadists can control the urge through fantasy but others need a body. A willing body is the best. An unwilling body, used to soothe the urge is a crime. If I ever had an unwilling victim, then I'd have guilt issues again.