Depression. It's a silent killer.

I recently watched a NHK channel (DirecTV) 'Today's Close-Up' 30 min documentary about depression and solitary deaths in Japan.

It was eye opening how depression can lead to isolation, living in squalor, withered motivation and drive.

Highly recommend viewing if possible.
 
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I know I can tell I’m slipping when my space becomes cluttered slovenly. It’s a little bit of a wake up call to start using the tools I’ve learned to pull myself back. It works about 2/3 of the time but that’s better not at all.

Be safe out there.
Love you.
 
I myself have major depressive disorder as well as I am not adding menopause on top of it. What fun!

I also seem to get worse in the winter time...I live on the east coast of Canada and the winters are long, dark, and cold. So pretty much as soon as christmas and new years are over and all the sparkly decorations and cheer go away you get left with 3 to 4 months of cold dark and wet slush puddles. So it flares up much worse from about November to March. I have tried multiple different antidepressants and one of them pristique made my already fairly vivid dreams even more so and I would sometimes wake up in a panic because I could see ghost images of what I was dreaming about. Kind of a shock when you go from being outside in a feild in the middle of the day to a dark room in the middle of the night..the dreams felt scary real.

But that being said I am in support of meds. I finally found one that works for me called Trintellix (i know it sounds like the name of an alien race from star trek) But..yeah I start on them usually at the end of october beginning of november and then I wean myself off by the end of march into april. I know I could just keep taking them all year round but I don't want to build up a tolerance to them so..on and off cycle works for me. My doctor is ok with this and I have done this the past 3 years so...with that and a counseler I talk to if things get really bad I am doing better.

Also for anyone who has a loved one who tries to say"well just think happy thoughts or why are you sad things are great." I get it. I had to explain to my husband thats one of the worst parts is you feel sad sometimes for no reason..the thoughts in your head yell that you suck and nothing will ever feel better and even if you have your favorite thing in the world..it does not feel good.

So I have explained to my husband ok...take a hammer and break your hand...now..go around and have people say well..have you just tried to think non broken hand thoughts? Have you tried not having a broken hand...come on if you tried harder your hand would be fine.

No..it won't you need to heal..and you need medical attention for it. Its the same as mental illness. Bad mental health is not your fault but it is your responsibility, Also for all those who say "its all in your head!" Of course its all in my head Susan where else am I going to keep my mental illness? My left ass cheek? My spleen?

But yeah..for all you guys..you have an illness that's just as valid as cancer or the flu..and i know it sucks and its hard and you don't think it will help but you can seek help and I really hope you all will eventually get to a place where you can recognize that you are a meat covered skeleton being run by a 3 pound ball of salty jello with electricity running through it....so go easy on yourself ok?

Also apologies to anyone named Susan I am sure you are amazing..I had a teacher with that name try and say that to me in high school..fuck you to that particular Susan by the way.
 
My anxiety has been thru the roof lately. I'm going on vacation and hoping it will help curb it.
I look forward to being away from work. I work with a bunch of Ageists who think you become old after a certain age. So you can only imagine that I'm ancient artifacts to them. They're always surprised when I tell them I go to concerts, amusement parks, movies, comic conventions, etc. I’m in my early 50s not dead! And I don't even think I look my age. I just don't feel that I can relate to anyone. It's so hard to meet friends around where I live either. Makes me depressed.
 
It's one of those days where the black dog is just at the periphery of my world at the minute. I can tell that I'm a little susceptible right now as my sleep cycle has gone to shit...
 
My anxiety has been thru the roof lately. I'm going on vacation and hoping it will help curb it.
I look forward to being away from work. I work with a bunch of Ageists who think you become old after a certain age. So you can only imagine that I'm ancient artifacts to them. They're always surprised when I tell them I go to concerts, amusement parks, movies, comic conventions, etc. I’m in my early 50s not dead! And I don't even think I look my age. I just don't feel that I can relate to anyone. It's so hard to meet friends around where I live either. Makes me depressed.
Funny how as soon as you get beyond 50, people think you just stop doing the stuff :)
 
Been depressed and getting darker as the day goes on. I don’t know if it’s the meds messing with my head or what, but I keep thinking about jumping from an overpass soon.

I can’t see any point in living right now.
 
It’s Monday again. I had a long, busy weekend. My rock flies out to a new place and possibility today. I’m going to miss him but I know it’s the best thing for him right now.
Be safe out there.
Love you.
 
I am so very thankful this thread exists! I've been dealing with depression and panic and anxiety disorder. This may come across as a little off, but it's comforting to see that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. For me, my panic and anxiety disorder can be rather debilitating, especially when I have to travel for work.
My very first panic attack happened while I was on a flight from Tallahassee to Detroit and we were somewhere between Atlanta and Talla. That was the longest flight I've ever experienced, because I was hyper focused on what my heart was doing. At that time I knew nothing about panic/anxiety attacks but now I can recognize them. I still have a difficult time dealing with them, because rationale get launched out the window the moment I start having one.
 
I'm a medical provider in a mid-sized city in the United States. I don't have personal knowledge of other countries or more rural areas. I recently got off work and saw this thread.

If you need immediate help, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. We are here to help you. You are not a burden, and aren't taking space away from anyone else. We don't care if you don't have insurance. Please utilize us before the alternative. We see you either way. I would prefer to get to know you.
 
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