Discreet Bi Women...
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lightsaver
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hump (day) 
lightsaver
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Why not?
Isn't that what self humping is for?
Isn't that what self humping is for?
Macy02 said:
Hi,
I saw the title of this thread and just had to respond. What Macy said sounds just like me! I am bi-curious but too chicken to do anything about it.
I have been married for 16 years and my husband knows I am bi-curious, but we don't talk about it much.
I love lesbian erotica and most of my fantasy life is FF. Do many people have "friends with benefits"? I just don't know how I would meet someone or approach someone I know to satisfy my curiosity.
Any thoughts?
Thanks
FlightyBird
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What to say...
*Warning: Impending Rant/Rambling*
I've been with my current bf for just over 2 years and he's known I'm bi pretty much from the beginning, and always seemed okay with it, except when I did anything at all to acknowledge it. He was fine with a ffm threesome until I showed attraction to the proposed third party. Even though it never ended up happening, he gets jealous when I talk about her, even in passing (she's a good friend of both me and my bf). I guess the jealousy isn't totally unfounded because I do really like this girl, and there is every indication that it's mutual. But I don't think he even knows that, because she never does anything when others are around. It's just a covert ass grab here, a stolen kiss there. I feel awful about not telling him, but at the same time, I don't think it's a big deal and he's overly sensitive to what he'd view as infidelity because of his past. I guess by his standards I'm not being faithful becuase I like what happens with her, and I'll sometimes orchestrate things in such a way that it'll happen again. I think part of the problem is that a lot of the time, I do like girls more than guys, so staying in a commited relationship with a guy is hard, but I don't want to hurt him because he's still the great person he always was.
It's hard to put all of this into words. I don't know if anyone will read this or respond or if I'm even in the right place, but I needed an anonymous place to let this out because I just don't know what to do. I apologize for any emo overtones that snuck in there. I swear I'm not usually like that ^_^
*Warning: Impending Rant/Rambling*
I've been with my current bf for just over 2 years and he's known I'm bi pretty much from the beginning, and always seemed okay with it, except when I did anything at all to acknowledge it. He was fine with a ffm threesome until I showed attraction to the proposed third party. Even though it never ended up happening, he gets jealous when I talk about her, even in passing (she's a good friend of both me and my bf). I guess the jealousy isn't totally unfounded because I do really like this girl, and there is every indication that it's mutual. But I don't think he even knows that, because she never does anything when others are around. It's just a covert ass grab here, a stolen kiss there. I feel awful about not telling him, but at the same time, I don't think it's a big deal and he's overly sensitive to what he'd view as infidelity because of his past. I guess by his standards I'm not being faithful becuase I like what happens with her, and I'll sometimes orchestrate things in such a way that it'll happen again. I think part of the problem is that a lot of the time, I do like girls more than guys, so staying in a commited relationship with a guy is hard, but I don't want to hurt him because he's still the great person he always was.
It's hard to put all of this into words. I don't know if anyone will read this or respond or if I'm even in the right place, but I needed an anonymous place to let this out because I just don't know what to do. I apologize for any emo overtones that snuck in there. I swear I'm not usually like that ^_^
Minouners
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FlightyBird said:
FlightyBird, you are not alone girl. I'm almost in the same boat as you. I've been with my bf for almost 4 years and I'm currently living with him. I would love to be able to have any sort of relationship with another woman... but it hasn't happened and if I stay with him, it might just have to stay that way. He's also very insecure when it comes to other women because he's afraid that I'll leave him for a woman and that would lessen his manly hood. Maybe your bf feels threatened the same way.
All I know, you're never alone... if you need to discuss any further, let me know. Nice to meet you!
secrets2729
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Awesome thread!
I wish I'd explored the forum a little earlier; have been reading stories for years but never touched the forum until a few days ago!
It's so wonderful to know there are so many of us out there. I've been reading a few pages trying to catch up, but thought I'd post my story. Warning, it'll probably be long and rambly!
I have been happily married to my husband for 8 years and we have two small children. Last fall I began having explicit dreams about sex with other women and would wake in the middle of the most intense orgasms. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, and not a little disconcerted. It happened several times a week. At first I was too embarrassed to tell my husband, but I finally did. He thought it was amusing and he would tease me and laugh. Finally, he flat out asked me, "do you enjoy the dreams? Are you attracted to other women?"
Once I admitted it, the dreams disappeared. (Darn, cause they were good!) But it has felt awesome to admit it to him. He thought it was great and a real turn-on and now of course he's eager to have me "explore." I'm not sure if I'm just curious and would like an experience to see what it's like or if I am really bisexual, and yes, wouldn't it be great if labels didn't matter! (Someone emailed me once with a theory that none of us are truly on any end of the spectrum between straight and gay, we are all somewhere between and therefore cannot label ourselves or others. I thought that made sense.)
Like many of you have mentioned, my family would FREAK if they found out. I was raised very strictly religious and many of my family members, esp. my parents. My husband's parents as well, as he was raised the same way. Over the past few years we have become atheists, so that could be what triggered the dreams, letting go of the anti-sex ideas built into religion. We haven't even told our families we are atheists either. But totally different topic. Even my family members who are not religious are completely homophobic and would probably disown me. My dad would tell me I was destined for hell and will burn for eternity.
On the bright side, I don't think I need to tell my family, since a) I'm married, so they aren't going to guess and b) not their business, really, and c) I live 2000 miles away from them!
I like the idea of a friend with benefits. I have a few female friends who I have great times with, but I think they would freak out (one or two probably wouldn't speak to me again) if I told them my thoughts. I'm not attracted to them that way, but I think they would imagine that I was whether I was or not. Does that make sense? (I think that's one reason for homophobia - everyone imagines they are being scoped out.)
My husband recently admitted to me that he is curious about M/M relations as well. I hate to say it, but I did not react as well as he did to my little revelation! I don't really know why now, as I am a bit intrigued by it these days. I think I was worried, insecure maybe about my own sexuality and now that I am a bit more used to the idea of me, I can get used to the idea of him.
What's great about the entire issue is that it has brought us even closer emotionally than we already were. And we've been having terrific sex. So glad I went against pretty much everyone's advice and married him! How many men would have been so understanding and accepting? (and not just eager for a threesome!)
Anyway, I apologize for my... excessive typing but just wanted to introduce myself, say hey and thank you all for your own stories!
Is there anyone else who was raised that homosexuality/bisexuality is "an abomination," to quote my mother, and had to let go of that teaching to embrace yourself as you are?
I wish I'd explored the forum a little earlier; have been reading stories for years but never touched the forum until a few days ago!
It's so wonderful to know there are so many of us out there. I've been reading a few pages trying to catch up, but thought I'd post my story. Warning, it'll probably be long and rambly!
I have been happily married to my husband for 8 years and we have two small children. Last fall I began having explicit dreams about sex with other women and would wake in the middle of the most intense orgasms. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, and not a little disconcerted. It happened several times a week. At first I was too embarrassed to tell my husband, but I finally did. He thought it was amusing and he would tease me and laugh. Finally, he flat out asked me, "do you enjoy the dreams? Are you attracted to other women?"
Once I admitted it, the dreams disappeared. (Darn, cause they were good!) But it has felt awesome to admit it to him. He thought it was great and a real turn-on and now of course he's eager to have me "explore." I'm not sure if I'm just curious and would like an experience to see what it's like or if I am really bisexual, and yes, wouldn't it be great if labels didn't matter! (Someone emailed me once with a theory that none of us are truly on any end of the spectrum between straight and gay, we are all somewhere between and therefore cannot label ourselves or others. I thought that made sense.)
Like many of you have mentioned, my family would FREAK if they found out. I was raised very strictly religious and many of my family members, esp. my parents. My husband's parents as well, as he was raised the same way. Over the past few years we have become atheists, so that could be what triggered the dreams, letting go of the anti-sex ideas built into religion. We haven't even told our families we are atheists either. But totally different topic. Even my family members who are not religious are completely homophobic and would probably disown me. My dad would tell me I was destined for hell and will burn for eternity.
On the bright side, I don't think I need to tell my family, since a) I'm married, so they aren't going to guess and b) not their business, really, and c) I live 2000 miles away from them!
I like the idea of a friend with benefits. I have a few female friends who I have great times with, but I think they would freak out (one or two probably wouldn't speak to me again) if I told them my thoughts. I'm not attracted to them that way, but I think they would imagine that I was whether I was or not. Does that make sense? (I think that's one reason for homophobia - everyone imagines they are being scoped out.)
My husband recently admitted to me that he is curious about M/M relations as well. I hate to say it, but I did not react as well as he did to my little revelation! I don't really know why now, as I am a bit intrigued by it these days. I think I was worried, insecure maybe about my own sexuality and now that I am a bit more used to the idea of me, I can get used to the idea of him.
What's great about the entire issue is that it has brought us even closer emotionally than we already were. And we've been having terrific sex. So glad I went against pretty much everyone's advice and married him! How many men would have been so understanding and accepting? (and not just eager for a threesome!)
Anyway, I apologize for my... excessive typing but just wanted to introduce myself, say hey and thank you all for your own stories!
Is there anyone else who was raised that homosexuality/bisexuality is "an abomination," to quote my mother, and had to let go of that teaching to embrace yourself as you are?
dizzylia
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secrets2729 said:
To the first, that's a big reason I never mention my sexuality unless specifically asked. (The biggest is it's none of their business.
) I've seen it happen way too often to others, and I've experienced it myself when I've been outted by someone else. Some people can't seem to look at me in the same way, instead assuming that every joke is a come-on and that my sexuality is suddenly open to the public. I think it's mainly insecurity. In one such situation, I asked the woman if she's attracted to every man in the world. "No, of course not," she replied, sounding insulted at the question. "Then why do you assume I'm attracted to every woman?"Her response? "Are you saying I'm unattractive?" I wanted to hit her.
I don't understand those blindspots and perceptions. They seem so glaring to me.
To the second, I still struggle with that sometimes. I was raised in a strict Christian family, and while I still consider myself Christian, I've discarded many of the dogmas I was fed as a child. This one, though... it's tough. It's such a staple of the fire & brimstone side of the religion. I've read the Bible from cover to cover now, and I can rationalize my sexuality and sometimes feel comfortable with it, but I think it's the social aspect more than anything that pricks my conscience. No, I don't think I'm going to hell (except on Fridays
), but every now and then I have to revisit the question. "Is this wrong?"I don't know. That's probably not helpful, sorry.
But you're definitely not alone.-diz
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dizzylia
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Hi, FlightyBird. Welcome to the Thread.FlightyBird said:
No need to apologize for your rant. Ranting is good for the soul!
I can sympathize all too well with your situation. My ex-husband was very much like this, especially towards the end. He knew before we were married that I was bi, though at that point I'd never physically explored it. (I think in his mind, that meant I was just confused. WTFever.
) We discussed it, and by all appearances, he was okay with that. I'd promised I would never cheat on him, he promised the same, and we were content.Or not.
After we got married, it was like a huge switch had been flipped in his brain, in many areas that included this one. It started with probing questions that I sort of brushed aside. I thought he was kidding or teasing for a while, still feeling comfortable in the fact we'd discussed my bisexuality and put to rest any worries that I'd cheat on him.
After about six months, he grew downright jealous everytime I was hanging out with friends and he wasn't there at my side. We even had to leave a party early one day because I'd been sitting on a loveseat catching up with a friend I hadn't seen in five years.
It was agonizing. I have never cheated on anyone in my life, and I never will, nor get involved with someone else who's already in a relationship. It goes against everything I consider good about myself. So this downright distrust cut right to the core. I hated it. I confronted him about it. He got defensive and accused me of having a guilty conscience.
It gets worse, so I'll stop there. The main point is that he felt incredibly insecure, and as I found out long after the fact, guilty, because he was the one having an affair. My bisexuality became his excuse to accuse me, probably so he could relieve or justify his own guilt and actions.
I'm not saying your guy is cheating. But this issue will not go away. If he's insecure about it now, the only possibility of it improving is through constant communication. But my advice? Don't change yourself just to appease his insecurity. A relationship goes both ways, and if he can't accept this about you, what else won't he accept (or believe)?
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Macy02
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glad you found us
Hello everyone,
The wonderful thing about this thread is that we can share. And not feel like we are alone. I don't know if I will ever do anything about my fantasies but I feel better knowing I"m not the only one. So Thank you all for being here. And those of you who have felt like ranting.....Feel free to rant any time....we'll be here for each other.
Welcome to those new posters....glad you found us.
Macy
Hello everyone,
The wonderful thing about this thread is that we can share. And not feel like we are alone. I don't know if I will ever do anything about my fantasies but I feel better knowing I"m not the only one. So Thank you all for being here. And those of you who have felt like ranting.....Feel free to rant any time....we'll be here for each other.
Welcome to those new posters....glad you found us.
Macy
Well, it's my first post here, so I might as well take the plunge right off the bat! lol
I've always been bi. When I was a teen, I had a relationship with one of my best friends. It was fantastic. When we moved, I was heart broken.
After that, I repressed my bi side. I live in a small town, in the middle of nowhere, so I never wanted to risk being 'found out', and all suffer the ramifications that follow, in a small town. I grew up, and got married, and continued to repress. My husband is a good guy..but he is very straight laced (ironic choice of words..but it's out of a lack of a better word..lol) in the bedroom. Needless to say, he doesn't approve of my bisexuality. I'm not into the whole threesome thing. (Not that I'm opposed to them, just ain't me)
Lately though, I have felt that I have repressing a part of who I am. It has taken it's toll on me, as I feel there is no one I can open up to, and talk to about it. I'm glad I found this place, where I can finally open up and not worry about being judged!
I've always been bi. When I was a teen, I had a relationship with one of my best friends. It was fantastic. When we moved, I was heart broken.
After that, I repressed my bi side. I live in a small town, in the middle of nowhere, so I never wanted to risk being 'found out', and all suffer the ramifications that follow, in a small town. I grew up, and got married, and continued to repress. My husband is a good guy..but he is very straight laced (ironic choice of words..but it's out of a lack of a better word..lol) in the bedroom. Needless to say, he doesn't approve of my bisexuality. I'm not into the whole threesome thing. (Not that I'm opposed to them, just ain't me)
Lately though, I have felt that I have repressing a part of who I am. It has taken it's toll on me, as I feel there is no one I can open up to, and talk to about it. I'm glad I found this place, where I can finally open up and not worry about being judged!
TitilateMe
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I'm posting here because I'm like many other people here. I have been curious, but haven't ever had a relationship with another woman sexually aside from some intense necking. I have always regretted that I didn't take one particular opportunity to enjoy a night with a woman. I fantasize often about her and how she made me feel.
I'm married now, so exploring that is not something that either one of us want me to explore in the flesh now we're together. He's understanding since he's also bi with some experience when he was a teen with other guys. I'm a bit jealous that he know more about his bisexuality than I do about mine.
I hear the "Wisconsin small-town" thing loud and clear. Even the not-so-small towns in the state are very homophobic.
I'm married now, so exploring that is not something that either one of us want me to explore in the flesh now we're together. He's understanding since he's also bi with some experience when he was a teen with other guys. I'm a bit jealous that he know more about his bisexuality than I do about mine.
I hear the "Wisconsin small-town" thing loud and clear.
Even the not-so-small towns in the state are very homophobic.
JustHoney
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Minouners said:We never judge here. Feel free to share your feelings because chances are, we've either been through it or feel the same way!
Welcome and enjoy your stay!
That's also a welcome for you TitilateMe
I hope you are feeling better
angela146
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I need some help...
I am working on a "how to" for bi-curious women who want to figure out how to explore a relationship with another woman.
What I need is to have some of primarily-straight, bisexual women look it over and tell me if I am full of it or not.
I've "been there" a few times but I don't know if my experience is similar to other women's experience.
So, I am going to post it here in small pieces. Let's discuss. Please offer *constructive* feedback.
Once I have this in a form that I am comfortable with, I will post it in the "how to" category.
So, here goes:
Snippet Number 1
I need to start by saying that my experience and knowledge applies to primarily-straight women who want to have a relationship of some kind with another primarily-straight woman.
The biggest problem is that straight women, by definition, are used to forming relationships with men. (Duh). In male/female relationships, traditionally the man takes the initiative. We women usually try to attract a man and get him to make the first move.
This doesn't usually work between two straight women. If both women are trying to get the other woman to make the first move, it ain't gonna happen. Quite often, neither woman realizes that the the other woman isn't likely to take the initiative.
But, *somebody* has to take the initiative.
That means either
A. You have to take the initiative, or
B. You have to be willing to sit back and wait for another straight woman to decide to take the first step, or
C. You have to make yourself known to someone who is more experienced than you - someone who knows the "initiative" problem and knows how to seduce you and is willing to do it.
I am working on a "how to" for bi-curious women who want to figure out how to explore a relationship with another woman.
What I need is to have some of primarily-straight, bisexual women look it over and tell me if I am full of it or not.
I've "been there" a few times but I don't know if my experience is similar to other women's experience.
So, I am going to post it here in small pieces. Let's discuss. Please offer *constructive* feedback.
Once I have this in a form that I am comfortable with, I will post it in the "how to" category.
So, here goes:
Snippet Number 1
I need to start by saying that my experience and knowledge applies to primarily-straight women who want to have a relationship of some kind with another primarily-straight woman.
The biggest problem is that straight women, by definition, are used to forming relationships with men. (Duh). In male/female relationships, traditionally the man takes the initiative. We women usually try to attract a man and get him to make the first move.
This doesn't usually work between two straight women. If both women are trying to get the other woman to make the first move, it ain't gonna happen. Quite often, neither woman realizes that the the other woman isn't likely to take the initiative.
But, *somebody* has to take the initiative.
That means either
A. You have to take the initiative, or
B. You have to be willing to sit back and wait for another straight woman to decide to take the first step, or
C. You have to make yourself known to someone who is more experienced than you - someone who knows the "initiative" problem and knows how to seduce you and is willing to do it.
Minouners
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Hey Angelaangela146 said:
Well... this is just my input on it. But I must say that although it is true that some woman wait for the man to take the initiative, things are different now. Where I'm from it's about half and half.
To give you an example, I've never waited around for someone to notice me. If I want something, I try to get it. I'm pretty stubborn about it too. So it all depends on the woman but I don't think that's the worse of the problems for a primarily-straight woman.
If you need more explanation. Let me know.
angela146
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I guess my central question is, what do we tell the various women who have posted on this thread, the ones who are scared shitless about making first contact?Minouners said:
Women who aren't afraid of taking initiative don't need a "how-to" (at least they don't need this particular how-to). It's the ones who *are* hesitant that I'm trying to address.
BTW: what would you say are the worst problems for a primarily-straight woman? I'm guessing that fear of being outed would be one and dealing with husband's/boyfriend's jealousy would be another.
Jealousy is a major issue for any kind of polyamory. I actually have an article in the works on the subject, but that's one that I don't really need help with.
fifteeneleven
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Eroticfiresoul
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Just a thought
I know that straight women are use to waiting on the man to approach. Im married and i check out women all the time. If i am interested i will just take the intitative because i know how women are and someone has to do it. My problem is the women i go after are lesbians only. They do not want to date a girl with a husband and because two bi-curious females will not get the same great experience if neither one knows what they are doing or where they are going. I feel you need an experienced woman (with a strap on lol) to let you have a great woman on woman experience. So maybe you should write the how to on women to women relationships in general. And let me know how to get a lesbian or an experienced woman lover when i am happily married.
I know that straight women are use to waiting on the man to approach. Im married and i check out women all the time. If i am interested i will just take the intitative because i know how women are and someone has to do it. My problem is the women i go after are lesbians only. They do not want to date a girl with a husband and because two bi-curious females will not get the same great experience if neither one knows what they are doing or where they are going. I feel you need an experienced woman (with a strap on lol) to let you have a great woman on woman experience. So maybe you should write the how to on women to women relationships in general. And let me know how to get a lesbian or an experienced woman lover when i am happily married.
Minouners
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Hmmmm good question... I guess for starters, they'd have to work on their being shy about it and try to be a bit more open minded. If they are too caught up on what people think about them, it'll never work. They will never be comfortable enough to enjoy the experience. It'll be a lot of hype to just come crashing down.angela146 said:
Also, if their husbands/bf's jealousy would be an issue... they obviously don't have respect for their women.
Maybe I'm way off, maybe I'm not... just bouncing ideas here.
"I "Like" what you ladys have to say!"
I stopped by to "see" what this "thread" is All About, and I find it "really interesting!"I've been married for "a long time" to say the least,happily at that. So, I'm sitting here "peeking" in on what you've have to say.My hubby and I are both very open with each other about everything.We've no problems with "MY" interests,hee.hee.
I stopped by to "see" what this "thread" is All About, and I find it "really interesting!"I've been married for "a long time" to say the least,happily at that. So, I'm sitting here "peeking" in on what you've have to say.My hubby and I are both very open with each other about everything.We've no problems with "MY" interests,hee.hee.
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