Do you believe in magic ... in a young girl's heart?

[Sweetdreams71]

Love can be so many different things for so many different people. Kind of like the word fuck, verb noun love lust hate endearment...

 

[NuclearFairy]

I'm also reminded of a philosophical discussion I had with my SO the other day on the origin on love. It's like, why do we love? Well, if you loved someone, you were more likely to love their offspring, and therefore if something happened to them you'd raise their kids. Right? Also, humans were far less likely to be monogamous back then, so there were likely to be polycules within each tribe, that way there'd be more people to raise each others kids if something happened to just one of them. Because, the more adults that love your mom, the more adults that might love you, and so the more adults that'll keep raising you if anything ever happened to mom. Right?

But then, I also had the thought, "So why do so many people fall in love after having sex?" Well... That's actually even simpler. Eventually there came a time in our history, at different points all over the world even, where people were getting into arrange marriages, or where women were pressured or forced to be with some guy or other. And you know what makes you more likely to continue having sex? Love! So they fall in love after having sex, because our ancestors who did so had more babies, which also wraps around to if you love the parent you're more likely to care for the child.

 

[ColtonWrites]

I'm not sure. I know I fell in love with my wife very quickly, but not during our first date. I knew I wanted more after that date, and we'd definitely had a connection, but it wasn't forever yet.
We dated for about 7 months before we got engaged, got married about 2 months after that. That was 16 years ago in June. She's still the love of my life.

My stories don't tend to have insta-love, but they do feature people finding each other and making rapid connections. It doesn't always work out though.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Did you or someone choose to end them? Or did the fire go out, and the inconveniences force an ending?

I do not feel like I chose who I fell in love with or even if. Two of them were inconvenient

 

[iwatchus]

I chose to end my first marriage, because it was failing. But I was still in love with her. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. But it was the right decision. I ended it to be with my second wife, who I'm still with (and very much still in love with) 45 years later. One love was unreciprocated, so there was nothing to end, but she still has a piece of my heart as well. The fourth was was inconvenient (and probably unreciprocated), so never allowed to fully flourish. The two oldest ones have faded to some extent with the decades, but each still has a hold on me as well.

I am ultimately a romantic and I believe deeply in love. Nothing is as important to me as love.

 

[MillieDynamite]

The earth never moved for me when looking at someone. I don't fall in love with someone based on anything like that. I choose to love those I love. I believe love at first sight is physical, not emotional. Sorry, I can't in any way relate to the reality of your experience. It would be an unreal, surrealist thing if it happened to me, and would be based on hormonal responses. It totally sounds like a terrible way to fall in love. And it sounds totally one-sided most of the time for you.

I chose to end my first marriage, because it was failing. But I was still in love with her. It was the hardest decision I have ever made. But it was the right decision. I ended it to be with my second wife, who I'm still with (and very much still in love with) 45 years later. One love was unreciprocated, so there was nothing to end, but she still has a piece of my heart as well. The fourth was was inconvenient (and probably unreciprocated), so never allowed to fully flourish. The two oldest ones have faded to some extent with the decades, but each still has a hold on me as well.

I am ultimately a romantic and I believe deeply in love. Nothing is important to me as love.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Funny, I'd always figured you for a true romantic, that first glance across the room, the heart fluttering when you think it's her shadow but she's not there.

That's infatuation, usually based on physical attraction, and then our brain fills the gaps about that person with whatever we'd like to believe. I had it happen to me, but yeah, it's an illusion, and it most certainly isn't love

There's always a chance, but you're a glass half empty kind of person, so that's an impediment.

Romantic true love is like a unicorn. Everyone's heard they exist, it's just that no one has ever seen one.

I still hold on to the idea, though. Maybe it's just really, really rare.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I still hold on to the idea, though. Maybe it's just really, really rare.

Rose coloured glasses then? You miserable sod .

 

[iwatchus]

That's infatuation, usually based on physical attraction, and then our brain fills the gaps about that person with whatever we'd like to believe. I had it happen to me, but yeah, it's an illusion, and it most certainly isn't love

I will say for me that was categorically untrue. I cannot say what triggered by love at first sight, but it was not an attraction to her physical form. She was pretty and I will always believe that. But I have seen many beautiful women and had lustful thoughts about them. This was clearly different. It was something in the way she carried herself I think. I don't believe in them, but I want to say an aura. Something my subconscious pulled together about her.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Funny, I'd always figured you for a true romantic, that first glance across the room, the heart fluttering when you think it's her shadow but she's not there.

Without this concept, more than 80% of my stories are dead on arrival - which many folk might agree with, but hey, what would readers know, right?

Whether love at first sight exists or not is irrelevant because the emotions that the characters feel in that moment are completely real, even if they are believing a lie, and if you convey those emotions well enough the reader can feel them, and that's what matters.

 

[Erozetta]

Most people fall in love with their idea of a person rather than the actual person.

But being in love with someone as they are is certainly a thing, it's just incredibly rare.

Loving someone, however, isn't rare. It's all around us all the time and takes such little effort on our part. Loving is easy, being in love is exhausting.

I've been in love with a few people, but I've loved many.

I go into the details of my thoughts on love in a letter I posted here. It's quite literally a love letter to my friends (and my husband, but a letter just to him would be very different.)

 

[Britva415]

I had someone ask me why I feel in love. I objected to the question. I strongly believe love does not have a why, it just is.

Are you sure they weren't trying to ask what you were feeling? (More than just saying "love)

 

[pink_silk_glove]

because our ancestors who did so had more babies, which also wraps around to if you love the parent you're more likely to care for the child.

Family size is all to do with societal norms. In the past, high population was desired by kings and popes, and in many places in the third world high population is still desired by kings and popes.

1 ~ Sheer numbers is the best way for your tribe to protect itself from the hostile enemy tribe.
2 ~ Sheer numbers means more production, more money, more taxes to collect, makes kings richer and popes more influential.
3 ~ Growing your population through sex is far easier than through conquering and cultural conversion.
4 ~ Before the development of science, social ideology was dictated by religion which controlled the masses.

So church and state conspired to take away the rights of women, forcing them to pump out babies. Women cannot hold property. Women cannot be educated, etc. Women must love honor and obey. That way, for a woman to survive with no property and no education, she has to marry a man and do as he says. The product of this formula is lots and lotsa babies whom are bombarded with national pride and religion. We create a huge nation of sheep.

In modern times in the western world, population over a certain practical amount becomes a burden. We don't need sheer numbers. We have tanks and guns and bombs and nukes. Now that the women aren't needed to pump out babies, we can make them get jobs and double our economic production instead. And since science has replaced much of religion in determining our societal norms, we don't really care if people get divorced or if they live openly gay anymore. Just work and consume, work and consume. This is how we train the sheep these days. Work and consume, and sing the national anthem at the sports game. Stay dumb.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Loving is easy, being in love is exhausting.

Excellent observation. Why is this so? Because being in love is an addiction, and addiction is a spiraling endeavor to keep one energized. You choose a negative and it turns you away from positive, but the negative feels good so you choose it again and turn further away from positive, and the negative feels good but not quite as good as the first time (less fulfilling), but you try again and choose that negative and turn further away from the positive ... wash rinse repeat. The next thing that you know, you're drinking a 26er a day just to feel normal and it will only get tougher and less satisfying.

 

[Britva415]

Love is a choice. You do choose who you love, and if you're lucky, they choose you as well. Is love forever, for a lifetime, who knows? But you can choose to love, to forgive when they aren't perfect, and, again, if you are lucky, the other person makes the same choices for you. No, I don't believe in love at first sight; that's lust, and lust passes or changes. But I choose to love my wife, my son, my adoptive parents, and my adoptive siblings. I decided not to forgive my birth parents until it was too late. But you know what, I'm okay with that. They never admitted they harmed me and caused me to run away from them.

I think mostly along these lines too.

Love isn't what you feel, love is what you do. Sure, loving actions are motivated by those feelings, but, there are people who really do have those feelings and whose motivations don't match. They lie and cheat and abuse, all while insisting "but I looove you!" I don't doubt they feel something they think is love, but, their actions belie that "love."

Any argument which says "but they must not really be feeling love then" is just a No True Scotsman argument. Love isn't what you feel, it's what you do.

 

[PennyThompson]

Personally I don't believe in "love at first sight," or "soul mates," or "true love," I think there are too many failed or unhappy relationships and marriages in the world of people that were convinced that they had found their Cosmic Partner who just happened to be in the same high school graduating class or whatever.

I believe we each have compatibilities and attractions that all exist on a bunch of different axes and planes, like a complicated multi-dimensional manifold.

and I think we find people in our lives that intersect with some of those planes, and the more planes that match up, the more compatible we are with them. And when you recognize the right combination of compatibilities, it feels like attraction or love

 

[Britva415]

And then you've got The Darkness, who say that Love Is Only A Feeling

 

[Statius]

Hey @Z_TheWriter and @SamanthaBehgs, there's room for two in the corner, share and play nice

 

[Statius]

Personally I don't believe in "love at first sight," or "soul mates," or "true love," I think there are too many failed or unhappy relationships and marriages in the world of people that were convinced that they had found their Cosmic Partner who just happened to be in the same high school graduating class or whatever.

I believe we each have compatibilities and attractions that all exist on a bunch of different axes and planes, like a complicated multi-dimensional manifold.
View attachment 2578005
and I think we find people in our lives that intersect with some of those planes, and the more planes that match up, the more compatible we are with them. And when you recognize the right combination of compatibilities, it feels like attraction or love

This.

 

[PennyThompson]

And then you've got The Darkness, who say that Love Is Only A Feeling

Getting some real mixed messages from The Darkness...

 

[Britva415]

Getting some real mixed messages from The Darkness...

I know! Right?

 

[Erozetta]

Excellent observation. Why is this so? Because being in love is an addiction, and addiction is a spiraling endeavor to keep one energized. You choose a negative and it turns you away from positive, but the negative feels good so you choose it again and turn further away from positive, and the negative feels good but not quite as good as the first time (less fulfilling), but you try again and choose that negative and turn further away from the positive ... wash rinse repeat. The next thing that you know, you're drinking a 26er a day just to feel normal and it will only get tougher and less satisfying.

Some snippets of my letter that go along this line of loving someone being akin to an addiction:

Love means different things to different people. To me, it means I can't picture my life being better by you not being in it. It means you've made a positive impact on me. It means that, even if it looks and sounds like I'm fighting you on some aspect of improving my life, I hear you, I understand what you're saying and trying to do, and I deeply appreciate you pushing me toward betterment

I hate that I love so easily. I hate that I grew up in a way where love was used against me and made it hard for me to express the simpleness of the words without fear of misinterpretation, or ridicule, or being told to prove it. Because I will prove it.

I've accidentally said it in weak moments, and every time it has turned into "prove it." And I do. I love them, but they don't love me because they willingly break me to make me show that "I love you" aren't just empty words to me. And I can't not love them once I decide I love them. There's not an on/off switch I can flip when they hurt me. So, I try not to say it. If I don't say it, there's nothing to prove, it just is.

My actions say it, though. But most people don't ever realize that. Without the words they just see my actions as a nicety. Me being kind.

I read tens of thousands of your words because I love you. I bake you cookies because I love you. I cook for you because I love you. I correct your inaccuracies because I love you. I take on your mistakes because I love you. I listen to you talk about things I have no interest in because I love you. I learn about your interests because I love you.

It hurts.

Physically, it's like a knot in my stomach twists until I can't breathe. How can you speak if you can't breathe? How can you be honest with someone you're terrified of losing?

I wish I didn't love so easily. All I want is friends I can turn to when I need help without fear of pushing them away. Friends I can laugh with and smile with and tell them I love them without them taking it the wrong way.

 

[Statius]

What do I know? I was enraptured the third time I saw my now wife. Not the first or second time, the third. Over the years we've been together and the divorces we've witnessed and all the break ups we've seen, I only can say one thing for sure.

You choose everyday to be with that person. You choose their happiness and well being, you choose their comfort and joy. With a monogamous couple, you both have to make that choice. There are times you don't like each other, there are times you both will annoy each other, but both keep making those choices for the other. It's not a sacrifice of your own well being, there is no sacrifice made if BOTH parties make that choice. Everyday.

The relationship ends the day one party stops making that choice, and only then. That's the only time a sacrifice is made. When one stops making that choice and the other continues to make that choice.

 

[Z_TheWriter]

Hey @Z_TheWriter and @SamanthaBehgs, there's room for two in the corner, share and play nice

Alright mom...

** whispers at @SamanthaBehgs **
You wanna sneak away and jump in puddles? We can see who can ruin their clothes the most before she catches us.

 

[THBGato]

I always fell in love really easily. Sometimes that scared girls off very quickly. I'm sure that on some of those occasions I was in love with the idea of being in love, of being special to that person in a way that nobody else was, rather than the person herself. But other times, it was the real thing, and those women will always have a place in my heart. (My wife understands this, and it's the same for her. Neither of us gets jealous when we talk about our exes fondly, and we do so in front of our children. I think that's an important message for them to hear: breaking up with somebody doesn't have to be bitter nor do it have to tarnish the fond memories of the good times.) But I'm not sure I believe in love at first sight. Attraction, yes, and that could lead to love, for sure, but not the real thing in the instant.

With my wife, I was lucky. It took me ages to realise she liked me like that. Then once we did start seeing each other, I convinced myself that I was just a rebound for her, just a bit of fun, an experiment even. (She is over a decade older than me, and at the time owned her own house and car, while working in a very prestigious role for a well-known broadcaster; I was a penniless post-grad with a broken down Ford I couldn't afford to fix, sleeping on my sofa because my broke ex-girlfriend was living in my bedroom.) So I assumed nothing would come of it, and that I should just enjoy the ride, and I tried my hardest not to fall in love with her. That gave us enough time to get to know each other for me not to scare her off.

That was nearly two decades and many countries ago, and now we enjoy grossing our children (and their friends) out by snogging in front of them like teenagers. He he!

I'm well-aware love is both a chemical response and a social construct. I don't care. I admire her, desire her, feel incredibly proud of her, enjoy spending time with her, in a way I never felt with anyone before. We barely argue: the last big row we had - which our children delight in bringing up - was over the definition of pathetic fallacy (she was right, I was wrong). Sex life still going strong.

It's love. It's a love that grew over weeks and months and deepens all the time.

Yeah. And that's all I have to say about that.