Dom/sub...what are you?

[Nicole]

How about this one?

Submission
Di


This is what submission means to me.

It's a feeling that comes from within, built upon by trust and respect..not just Respect of you by me...but Respect of me from you.
It means honor between us..communication {so important} as a two way vehicle, where neither of us are afraid to come to the other with feelings and views the other may have a problem with.

Submission means that I give to you the control over me that I need..which is decided as ''we'' not I. I would honor my Master as such, be his confidante', best friend, yet knowing that I yield to him the final say. By being my ''other'' half of me, he fills the void I have inside, just as I hope that I would fill his.

Submission means that I am confident of who I am...first and always a Lady...and then as his submissive. Being the ''best'' me I can be, for him.
It means sharing all that I am and want to be with him..just as Sharing all that he is and wants to be should be done with me.

I want him to be confident..not arrogant.......yet able to guide me and teach me...have a sense of humor about himself...and know that when I laugh..I laugh not at him ...but with him.
I'm devoutly loyal and want him to be the same.

Being his submissive means that I want him to be proud not just of me...but of ''us'' and as such when I am out..I represent not just me....but Him as well.
I can't offer anyone my submission if I'm not confident of who I am either.
I can't call him Master...and not know who he is first as a Man.

Being submissive is what I am......not what I do.

 

[Iris]

OK, one question

Sorry if this makes me sound stupid...but what is the difference, exactly, between being submissive in the bedroom and in the D/s lifestyle?

I don't consider myself in the lifestyle for several reasons. My lover is not my master. He does not instruct me what to do in the bedroom or out of it as a habit. Occasionally we'll roll play, but not often. We aren't into anything beyond light bondage. He just simply knows that most of the time I like him to take control. There are times when I'm more forward but also those times aren't often either. He does not "own" me and neither am I his slave. I can and have refused him with absolutely no hard feelings. He does not discipline or punish me, nor would I want him to.

So...what's the difference? I'm not degrading the lifestyle, just curious as how those of you in it would define its requirements, so to speak.

 

[Cheyenne]

Do the last two posts I made help anyone understand us more??

I know you found both of those to be beautiful. But in all honesty, they made me cringe. Sorry. It may be okay for others, but I wouldn't last two seconds in anything where harsh punishment was involved that I had to accept gratefully. Couldn't do it. Just isn't in me. While I was reading those two posts, I couldn't help but think of the Promise Keepers group again- the theory seems similar to me, although I'm sure they would not appreciate me comparing them to dom/sub sexual relationships! Or maybe the dom/subs wouldn't care to be compared to Promise Keepers.... still so confusing.....

p.s. I'll try to do some reading at those sites if I get a chance. Then I may understand a bit better, I think I'm still not "getting it."

 

[Problem Child]

I love subs. U-572 was one of my favorite movies, but not as realistic as Das Boot, in my opinion. And you hear a lot about the German U-boat fleet in WWII, but actually American submariners were just as good, that is after we got all the technical problems with the Mark IV torpedo straightened out.

What's a Dom?

 

[SpectreT]

Problem Child

In the words of Blue Beetle:

BWAA-HAA-HAAA-HAA!

That was awesome! A little levity *did* seem in order...

uhm, you >were< joking, right? Right!?

and to Nicole, and Cheyenne;
I can see both sides on that one.

<*PERSONAL OPINION HERE. I EXPECT NO ONE TO FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO, NOR AM I CRITICIZING THOSE WHO BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY THAN I DO. THIS IS ONLY A PERSONAL OPINION, AND NOT AN ATTACK OF ANY KIND ON ANYONE*>

(putting away megaphone)

Most of what I read in Nicole's posts, quotes from a master/slave compact, I think, brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. The purity and romance of the thoughts expressed in those lines was very powerful. However, I also have issues with the idea of punishment, outside of a game. I'm aware my own "comfort zone" is limited, but in the context of a scene or game, I'm cool with some forms of pain. But a 24/7, "owned" or "owner" thing is a little daunting to me. (dry chuckle) Course, what would you expect from a self-confessed "Switch"? The commitments I can make, I do, and those are to Family, Job, and Romantic Partner. Those are cast in stone, and can only be broken by the other party, for I never will. Stubborn Loyalty is a prime character trait of mine. Just plain Stubbornness is another one. What else would you expect from a Taurus?

Commitment to a Role, however, is for me, destructive to the fun, and that's what this is about, right? As I said in bold type, that's just me. I don't expect anyone else to feel the same way I do. (If I ever find her, though, you're all invited to the wedding.) and those who find constant adventure, and above all, joy in your roles, Bravo! I'm just not wired that way.

(pulling megaphone back out)

<*THIS HAS BEEN AN OPINION OF SPECTRET. PLEASE TAKE NO OFFENSE, AS NONE WAS OFFERED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION. SPECTRET NOW YIELDS THE FLOOR TO OTHER OPINIONS. SPECTRET ALSO ENJOYS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON*>

oh, and DarlingBri.. I am enjoying the discount, as well as the monthly book credit. If I could only enjoy the paycheck as well......

And another thing, thanks for the links, definitely cool, and I may use some of that material in "coming out" to my friends; I've been nervous about letting them know about my interests.

[Edited by SpectreT on 04-09-2001 at 09:16 PM]

 

[Nicole]

Hey SpectreT, No offense was taken here.

Look I don't want people to agree with me or even understand me for that matter, what I want is to be able to enjoy what I like and not be told everytime I post something about it "Oh I don't like pain, what do you see in it?"

It's ME, I accept all of you, I accept what you do and don't like, please accept that I am not the same as you.

Cheyenne I think it's great that your going to read up on some of this BUT no matter what you read or how much you read you will never fully understand what is in my mind and heart. Just as I will never fully understand what is in your mind or heart. That is life, I accept that. I hope you enjoy what you read, but I have a feeling you won't. Just keep an open mind if you can, you'd be surprised at how many people live this lifestyle.

I like what I have decided on, if I didn't I wouldn't have decided on it, I like that I can be open about here, but it's getting to the stage now where I don't feel I can. I'm going to try my hardest to stay away from any more threads like this, but I feel I have a great place to come and speak to like minded people.

I guess I'll keep posting to the other place I go to instead, at least 95% of them are into what I'm into.

Have a good Day/night.

 

[cymbidia]

I am what I am and that's all that I am!

Now someone bring me that cane leaning in the corner...Who asked this impertinent question anyway?

Havoc
*tapping cane against side of leg*

Woohoo!
Here you go, a cane and a smile.
What more could any Dom want?

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Re: Re: Links

The Sharp edge of Love by Galen...."Arlana" used it when referring to how she dealt with people passing judgement on her "lifestyle" choice. The book wasn't all that great, but that line stuck with me. [/B]

Cool. Thanks, brazenblaze.
I just ordered it from Amazon. Don't you love the net? It's turning us all into instant gratification junkies.

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Vanilla?

I can glean the meaning from the way some of you have used it, but I would be interested if someone feels like defining it in detail.

Babes, speaking for myself and with tongue-in-cheek a bit, all any of us BDSM types mean when we refer to non-BDSM types as "vanilla" or "nilla" is this:

I'm a part of a group with defined boundaries in terms of what i do within the privacy of my intimate relationships.

Those boundaries include people who do this one kinda kinky sexual thing or this other kinda out-of-the-mainstream lifestyle thing.

This group does not, however, include people who don't approve of us and/or don't like us and/or are afraid of us and/or, most especially, think we're something somehow subhuman.

Those people, those intolerant people, those non-participating people, we call those people "vanilla" because they don't participate in the Cherry Garcia intensity of our day-to-day lives.

Besides, if we BDSM'ers group them all together and call them all "nillas", then we can see them coming at us with pitchforks and law books.

~s~
Got it?

 

[cymbidia]

Re: OK, one question

Sorry if this makes me sound stupid...but what is the difference, exactly, between being submissive in the bedroom and in the D/s lifestyle?

So...what's the difference? I'm not degrading the lifestyle, just curious as how those of you in it would define its requirements, so to speak.

Your questions are not stupid.

Playing kinky games in the bedroom is fun, isn't it? It's a blast, a wild ride, a thrill, and makes for a really good orgasm, too. (Little added bonus there!) You know what? "Kinky" like you're kinky can be considered a part of the BDSM lifestyle if you and he think it's so.

There's no rules, babes.

There's no governing body that passes judgment on every union and sticks some of us on high as examples to the rest, putting the rest down on the floor for the rest of us to glare at in kinkier-than-thou disdain.

I guess that if you're seeking more info and more experience in BDSM related areas, you're probably already slipping toward a BDSM lifestyle on your own.

However, "BDSM lifestyle" is a somewhat problematic concept since every single one of us lives this "lifestyle" differently and to different degrees. Additionally, some parts of your life might be more conducive to doing BDSM stuff than are others. For example, having kids sure puts a crimp in things for most of us. We have to sneak around like horny teenagers again, and that's a drag!

There are people who live a TPE (Total Power Exchange, basically 24/7 M/s arrangement) lifestyle and would look at me in wonder that my way of doing this could possibly leave me happy and fulfilled at the end of each day. There are others who think i'm a fucking freak for doing what i do with needles and hoods and all that kinda freak stuff.

It's a matter of your perceptions about your place in your relationship, babes, what you're interested in finding out about, what you feel tugging on your guts in terms of sexual need, and the direction in which you want your relationship to move.

There are no defined requirements. How can there be? There are so incredibly many varieties and fetishes and kinks clustered under the BDSM umbrella that to attempt any kind of definition of the lifestyle, much less the requirements to be included in our little club, would be folly of the highest order.

Two absolutes (and someone will tell me i'm wrong about these, too, most likely):
1. The "lifestyle" embraces all who seek deeper/more info or experiences about power exchange relationships.
2. Most who consider ourselves of this lifestyle are constantly learning more about our needs via experimentation and education.

May i add one little point of etiquette before i get the hell away from your eyes? Many subs prefer our names begin with a lower case letter. See how i've done it and brazenblaze but not Nicole? It's a matter of personal choice and is meaningful to us. We really like it when you notice that about our names and respect our choice in this small thing. Thanks! ~s~

Man! This is more lecturing than i've done in a long time and i lecture people for a living! Get me off this soapbox...

 

[WoodyViagra]

Sub/Dom

cym--

Very enlightenung narrative--I think you've demystified
many of the misperceptions alot of us have about BDSM--

The clarity and transparency with which you speak
illustrates a vastly experienced and highly intelligent
woman.

Thank you for the insights.

 

[SweetNick]

Another question dealing with the topic

First I'd really like to thank Nicole and cymbidia for your answers specifically. Thank you.


Perhaps I should make this a new thread, but first I'll ask it here first. Seeing as how there are so many into the lifestyle here, and I've gone through some of those threads, and a few others on my own, I'm still left with a nagging question that is more personal.

How does one know if they are a Dom or not? I've had an older friend who is a Dom (I'm 22) tell me I'm a more natural one than he is, only I don't know what he means, and he has a hard time articulating that one to me. His sub or whatever the correct term is, also agrees with him on this point and was actually the one who first informed me. So I guess what I'm asking is, what characteristics make one a Dom?

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Another question dealing with the topic

How does one know if they are a Dom or not? I've had an older friend who is a Dom (I'm 22) tell me I'm a more natural one than he is, only I don't know what he means, and he has a hard time articulating that one to me. His sub or whatever the correct term is, also agrees with him on this point and was actually the one who first informed me. So I guess what I'm asking is, what characteristics make one a Dom?

Okay darlin', it's late and i was just going to bed but i saw your post and got stopped in my tracks. I want to answer you as succinctly and graphically as i can, before my better judgment wakes up and won't let me say it in quite these terms.

Dominant/submissive relationships are about an exchange of erotic power.
The sub yields hers to the Dom.
The Dom wields this power for both of them, using it to provide pleasure for them both, using it to benefit them both.
Sometimes there's pain involved, sometimes not.
Sometimes there's bondage involved, sometimes not.
Sometimes there's big wicked nasty whips involved, sometimes not.

You with me so far?

This power exchange is an emotional thing.
(Read the above again; it's the heart of the matter.)

(Disclaimer: Though there's plenty of male subs, i'm going to just refer to the sub in this, my imaginary encounter, as female, okay? Please know, however, that i wouldn't dream of excluding you msubs.)

The sub submits her *self* to her Dom. (*Self* can include her body, emotions, fears, longings, fantasies, desires, all of them stated or unstated, expressed or still being discovered.) She trusts that he will care for her *self* as she does, that he will not use his knowledge of her to hurt her, that he will be more careful of her well-being than she is. This vast reservoir of trust is THE single key quantifier of all consensual power exchange relationships. A basic responsibility most subs adhere to almost naturally is that of being emotionally open and honest to her Dom all the time. It's harder than it sounds and not as simplistic as you might think.

(Disclaimer: Though there's plenty of female Doms [known as Dommes in writing and spoken just the same as the male Doms], i'm going to refer to the Dominant in this, my imaginary encounter, as male. Please know, however, that i do not mean to exclude any of the very talented Dommes that might read this.)

The Dom accepts the self of the sub, accepts her emotions, and her trust. He holds her trust as sacred (unless he's a stupid jackass who's just calling himself a big bad Dom in order to get laid...) and goes to extraordinary lengths to not abuse the gift of her trust. This non-abuse of trust is probably his highest priority. He has additional "duties", too. He's responsible for delving into her mind and mining her fantasies and experiences to determine what she most needs. He pushes her toward new experiences ("pushes her limits", we say). This benefits both the Dom and sub and makes for an ever-richer set of shared experiences.

I really wish a Dom/me or two would chime in here. I'm way out of my comfort zone when trying to explain the way you think and why you are the way you are.

So, how do you know if you're one or the other?

Well, you might be both. There's a lot of people out there who are "switches"; sometimes sub, sometimes Dom. I cannot tell you about the kind of mindset that switches have cuz i'm not one and really don't understand the impulse that leads someone to switch. Sorry. Any switches out there care to comment on how and why you are the way you are?

Otherwise, you tend toward Dom or sub leanings, and those usually get stronger with exposure.

(Yet another disclaimer: Most people without experience and without friends in the lifestyle tend to begin as subs. Why? Well, can you really go out there, whip in hand, and find someone willing to let you practice on them? I don't think you're gonna get that lucky! It's far far far easier to find a Dom/me who will work with beginners. After awhile with a good Dom/me, you'll know which side of the fence is right for you; don't worry.)

So here's my little X-rated scenario. I hope it's useful for helping you think out which side of the dildo appeals to you. This, umm, is really aimed at women trying to decide this issue, by the way. Sorry.

Suppose you're a naked woman.

Suppose you are wearing a dildo harness with a big damn dildo sticking out in front just like every erect precum-dribbling cock on every guy you've ever been that close to. (Okay, you don't know how this would look? Go here, look, imagine, then come back. I'm not done yet. http://www.baiotta.com/straponmillenium/home.html )

Suppose your lover is lying on the bed in front of you and ***wants*** you to fuck him with that strap-on dildo. He's all lubed up, you've played with him with your fingers, he's ready to go.

Which of the following most closely fits your what your reaction might be:
A. A surge of power might soar through my veins at the thought of dominating him like that.
B. A surge of fear might freeze me immobile at the thought of possibly hurting him.
C. A feeling of conflict flows through me since i want to obey him but i also hate the thought of being so sexually aggressive.
D. A surge of incredibly intense shame and humiliation would make me run screaming from the room and straight to church.
E. I have no idea cuz i wouldn't be caught dead with a fake penis strapped onto the front of my pussy like that.

Here's another one. Which of these makes you tingle?
You and your lover have small signs of submission worked out for public situations.
A. He always kisses your hand in public as a private sign of his submission to you.
B. You always lower your eyes and nod to him deferentially in public when you greet him as a private sign of your submission to him.
C. This is fucking stupid stuff and i'm wasting my time even reading it.

One more.
A. He can only begin eating, wherever we are, after i've taken my first bite, and he only gets wine with dinner if i think he's earned it.
B. He orders for me in restaurants. I can ask for a particular menu item but i may not get it.
C. I'll eat what i want, when i want it, and no one better get in my way.

Did any of this help you begin to ascertain which of these, Dom or sub, might appeal to you? BDSM is about far far more than simply sexuality or pain or bondage or trust, i assure you.

Gods, i am *tired* Hope this makes some kinda sense.

 

[SweetNick]

So, answers A is the Dom, B is the Sub, and C is the nilla world???

Ok, that helped a little, but if anyone else wants to chime in, I'd be greatly appreciative.

Thank you again, cymbidia, and I hope you had a pleasant night's sleep.

 

[Hecate]

May I ?

I have shared my opinion on this subject more times on this BB than I think anyone might want to know so I'll spare you a repetition *s* ... what I am wondering now:

Would those of you participating in this thread mind if I "adopted" some of those posts/conversation passages to add them to my web page (only the "private " opinions and those even without names if you like, not the "official" ones that were copied from other sites)? (It is related to D/s lifestyle) I thought I'd rather ask this way than mailing everybody individually - lazy me

Sorry to disturbe this interesting discussion - back to lurking again

 

[SpectreT]

Did someone ask for a switch opinion?

I think I tried to explain it before, but might have bolluxed it, so here goes again.

I am an almost nauseatingly hopeless romantic, and being given the level of trust a sub offers to a relationship is such a huge emotional and, for me anyway, intellectual rush that it can't be described. Helping someone discover themselves in such a unique and intimate way is one of two major emotional states for me, both equally euphoric.

The reverse side, I suspect you're familiar with, cym, the charge that comes from anticipation (akin to apprehension, but there's no fear) and the freedom you feel as you give your "self" (like you said, a broad topic) to someone, to share that trust, wondering what the game will be, what your Master(Mistress) will show you from within yourself. For me, I crave both. I suspect I'm more sub than dom, but the dom side of me is kind of... sharing the joy I discover when I submit, if that makes sense...

 

[LordMagicMan]

Re: Did someone ask for a switch opinion?

I think I tried to explain it before, but might have bolluxed it, so here goes again.

I am an almost nauseatingly hopeless romantic, and being given the level of trust a sub offers to a relationship is such a huge emotional and, for me anyway, intellectual rush that it can't be described. Helping someone discover themselves in such a unique and intimate way is one of two major emotional states for me, both equally euphoric.

The reverse side, I suspect you're familiar with, cym, the charge that comes from anticipation (akin to apprehension, but there's no fear) and the freedom you feel as you give your "self" (like you said, a broad topic) to someone, to share that trust, wondering what the game will be, what your Master(Mistress) will show you from within yourself. For me, I crave both. I suspect I'm more sub than dom, but the dom side of me is kind of... sharing the joy I discover when I submit, if that makes sense...

I'm pretty sure I'm this way, but I have yet to experience both sides of the spectrum.

 

[Gingersnap]

I still see those "roles" as limited

If you look at it from my perspective it seems to me that you folks are very narrow in your tastes. Indeed the whole lifestyle reminds me of some victorian nightmare. Servitude in whatever elaborate package is repugnant to me. The whole collar thing is so demeaning and it makes me as sick as when I see the iron cross. It represents the stifled voices of millions and those suffering injustice. They put collars on slaves and animals. It is this stuff that really makes it hard for me to understand where love comes in this whole relationship. If I understand what you have been saying it is more important to you guys to have these outward signs of a different flavor of sexuality a way of formalizing your choice. Part of your whole "thing". Just don't call me vanilla cause in the final analysis I think my lifestyle is a lot more varied and exciting then yours. So don't label me okay cause I don't care what games you play in your bedroom.

[Edited by Gingersnap on 04-10-2001 at 10:28 AM]

 

[WriterDom]

Re: I still see those

Part of your whole "thing". Just don't call me vanilla cause in the final analysis I think my lifestyle is a lot more varied and exciting then yours. [Edited by Gingersnap on 04-10-2001 at 10:28 AM]

how is your lifestyle more varied when you are closed to our ideas and find them repugnant?

 

[SpectreT]

Re: I still see those

If you look at it from my perspective it seems to me that you folks are very narrow in your tastes. Indeed the whole lifestyle reminds me of some victorian nightmare. Servitude in whatever elaborate package is repugnant to me. The whole collar thing is so demeaning and it makes me as sick as when I see the iron cross. It represents the stifled voices of millions and those suffering injustice. They put collars on slaves and animals. It is this stuff that really makes it hard for me to understand where love comes in this whole relationship. If I understand what you have been saying it is more important to you guys to have these outward signs of a different flavor of sexuality a way of formalizing your choice. Part of your whole "thing". Just don't call me vanilla cause in the final analysis I think my lifestyle is a lot more varied and exciting then yours. So don't label me okay cause I don't care what games you play in your bedroom.

[Edited by Gingersnap on 04-10-2001 at 10:28 AM]

Uhm, Has Gingersnap been reading the same posts I have? or even the ones I've made?

Sure labels and pigeonholes exist, everywhere you look. even in the mirror. some of these are emotionally charged, others are not.

Examples:
Man
Woman
Black
White
Asian
<group of slang terms censored by myself in order to avoid a Kid_Rock_1 level of flame-war>
Vanilla
Dom
Sub (sorry, cym, but I feel the role has enough respect to earn a capital letter)
Switch
Redhead
Skinhead
Punk
Slacker
Freak
Geek
Wierdo
Sicko
(And I've heard more than a few of those applied to me in my time)

And, as to love; while not >necessary< to other forms of sexual play, it, and respect, and trust >are< essential to BDSM play, at least as I understand it.

Collars are symbols, and trust, commitment, and submission are among the things that a collar symbolizes. That's why I'm unlikely to wear one; I'm not one side or the other, I enjoyed both "roles" when I played, and roles are only as limiting as your imagination (or sub, whichever is stricter).

<*ONCE AGAIN, THESE ARE ONLY THE OPINIONS OF SPECTRET, A RELATIVE NOVICE, BUT ONE WITH STRONG OPINIONS, AND A KNOWLEDGE THAT SPECTRET SPEAKS ONLY FOR HIMSELF, AND USUALLY IN THE THIRD PERSON WHEN MAKING ANNOUNCEMENTS*>

Sorry if you feel this is a flame Gingersnap, I merely felt a little insulted by your post and had to respond.

 

[SpectreT]

re: Sub vs. sub

Maybe, if I truly respect the role, I should give it the lowercase it desires?

Upper, respect, no wait disrespect? uhm... lower case=respect? Oh, man, Dom Paradox.. Head ready to explode....

>splorch<

 

[Madame Pandora]

Okay, it just goes to show you that if a thread lasts long enough I can’t help but to respond (“Something New and Different” being the exception).

Sexually, I am USUALLY a submissive - this doesn’t mean I haven’t thrown my boyfriend down and fucked his brains out on occasion – but, by and large, he Tarzan, me Jane and that’s the way both of us like it.

The Dom/Sub subculture has fascinated me since I’ve begun to be aware of it because I had a very narrow view before I began to try and understand it. There are many subtle nuances that don’t appear on the surface.

Like anything, there are going to be the fringe psychos and the tame posers, but, from what I’ve seen and what I’ve read, the community as a whole makes its own sort of sense.

I could never take part in anything like this long term. Sure, it would be fun to experiment with, but I’ve always believed if you need anything really elaborate to make sex enjoyable every time you have it - you’re doing something wrong. This is NOT to pass judgment on anyone; it is just what works for ME.

I can see the appeal of mild spankings, or being tied up. I can see the appeal of setting an occasional “scene,” but for the life of me I do not understand the infliction of extreme pain, nor the continual adherence to any one given sexual scenario/role/style.

I am sure that Doms and Subs are as different as the rest of us vanilla folks. They probably mix things up and have as much joy and complication in their interactions. Frankly, it must be pretty damn interesting to push your own personal boundaries and share that with an intimate partner.

Personally, a lot of the stuff involved intimidates me beyond my personal limits.

BUT I do see the appeal of complete surrender to another individual, if even for a small duration of time.

I don’t know who said it, but I remember a quote along the lines of “One can only be independent by choosing the right people to depend upon.” Sexually and emotionally this is certainly true. Unless you’re a pillar of stone, you have other people in your life to fulfill your needs – part of which is the joy in fulfilling theirs.

BDSM provides (from what I see) specific roles for sexual “need fulfillment.” It is a comfort zone of trust which must be amazing for those who find a dynamic between them. I don’t see any correlation to abuse or slavery. Quite the contrary, when you read the literature, the word “consent” is very deliberately used over and over. In addition to that, of the people I spoke to who are “in the lifestyle” they seemed able to discuss their choice very articulately and freely. They BOLDLY choose their lifestyle. And, much as you may want to liken it to slavery or abuse, they are people making a personal choice and not victims.

Are their similarities? Sure. The infliction of physical pain, for one. But there are similarities between a soldier killing in war, and a cold-blooded murderer taking out a school (the taking of human life). Do the similarities make the classifications of individual the same? No. Intent is key, as is the specifics of the situation.

For me, it would never hold up. To be honest, it just seems like too much work. Too many rules to keep straight. I don’t see the spontaneity in it that I enjoy in my own sex life. It reads a lot like a hobby taken overboard. I could play dress up in it, but I couldn’t wear it everyday. Just the way it strikes me. I could, however, be 100% wrong.

But, I don’t see anything wrong with it as a lifestyle choice. I just know it couldn’t be mine.

MP

 

[cymbidia]

Re: re: Sub vs. sub

Maybe, if I truly respect the role, I should give it the lowercase it desires?

Upper, respect, no wait disrespect? uhm... lower case=respect? Oh, man, Dom Paradox.. Head ready to explode....

>splorch<

~snickering~
There's plenty of people on both sides of the flogger, Specter, who feel strongly one way or the other about the capitalization issue. I have a personal preference for the lowercase but have willingly gone to caps when in a place and with a group who thought caps strongly desirable. There's a couple of MSN BB groups i've been involved with somewhat casually for years who are decidedly Caps-For-Subs oriented, for example.

Unless you're in a place where one way or the other is the custom, the caps issue is not about respect. (Well, okay. You gotta always capitalize the Doms' names and their title. *That's* definitely about respect.)

For me, the caps/no caps issue is simply a small personal statement of how i see myself within the larger BDSM framework. Since i'm certain that my little def isn't even close to universal, i'm pretty sure that we all go through our days thinking and feeling differently about this whole caps subject anyway.

No wonder the nillas are confused about us. We can't even figure us out!

(Ummm, Gingersnap? I'm sure your sex life is incredibly satisfying and fantastically complete. To us, however, you're a nilla, babes, and a bewilderingly hostile one at that. I regret that my descriptors offend you.)

 

[cymbidia]

But, I don’t see anything wrong with it as a lifestyle choice. I just know it couldn’t be mine.

Bravo for open-minded, accepting people!

I'm sure everyone already knows this, but in "Pecan Sandies", MP wrote an incredibly detailed and accurate story of the emotions and implements that might be involved in a new, and newly physical, D/s relationship. I was totally blown away when i found out she wasn't in the lifestyle. She understands more about us than some of us do.

If you haven't yet read MP's story, do yourself a favor...
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=10068

 

[cymbidia]

Re: May I ?

I have shared my opinion on this subject more times on this BB than I think anyone might want to know so I'll spare you a repetition *s* ... what I am wondering now:

Would those of you participating in this thread mind if I "adopted" some of those posts/conversation passages to add them to my web page (only the "private " opinions and those even without names if you like, not the "official" ones that were copied from other sites)? (It is related to D/s lifestyle) I thought I'd rather ask this way than mailing everybody individually - lazy me

As you're aware, Hecate, some of us are new here and haven't had much exposure to your views. However, i understand that it gets boring to talk about the same stuff over and over; eventually one must simply put an end to such posts and move on to more interesting pastures.

For my part, as i told you elsewhere, please feel free to adopt whatever you wish of mine. I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but i'd be honored to have even one of my sentiments on your site. You've done a beautiful job with it and your integrity shows on each page.