Dom/sub...what are you?

[Deborah]

I'm OK, you're OK, Gingernap. It's Roger I'm worried about. Been doing a lot of ranting lately. I think he needs some of, you know, the real thing.

Are these people who sell this BDSM stuff the same ones who sell the homes in the Everglades that come with your own boat?

 

[cymbidia]

I find your lifestyle difficult to understand because of the physical pain inflicted on one person. I am not talking about spankings here but when you start talking about whipping and branding and such...... I am comming from a totally different angle. Like it or not having the need to have someone severely(NOTE THIS WORD) humiliate you and injure you does not speak to a intact personality nor does having the need for total control.

Thank you for the calm thoughtfulness of your reply. I find your points quite interesting. You're making me think harder about my choices and needs than anyone has done in a long while.

Physical pain is a relative thing, wouldn't you say? As a professional in the medical field, surely you've seen people who faint dead away at the sight of a tetanus shot needle while others stare stoically at the ceiling while you pry bits of crashed-up car from their bodies. Some of us have higher pain thresholds than do others. I've concluded that it seems a matter of genetic hardwiring, at least in part.

Since i don't find any kind of humiliation at all erotic, i'll have to let someone else take that one. It's enough for me to point out that pain and humiliation are not the same thing nor do they always arrive together, joined at the hip. They're techniques used to meet very different needs.

Beyond that, yes, some of us eroticize pain. To some of us, a small group perhaps but existent nonetheless, the application of what's perceived as "painful" from a societal/cultural context can become exciting and wild and wet and wonderful and tremendously sexual. Almost always, this "pain" comes to us within a carefully structured setting, from one whom we trust beyond our ability to articulate that trust, and is strictly limited in terms of the type of pain applied.

We are masochists, Gingersnap, and there's lots of us around.

There are people who like their nipples squeezed very hard while they're orgasming. Might they be thought of as having some masochistic tendencies? Most "normal" people don't want anyone pinching their nipples at any time.

There are people who like a little spanking before sex sometimes, just enough to redden their bottom. For them, maybe, the slight sting of their bottom makes the lovemaking more intense. Again, are they masochists?

There are people who want and need much more. People who crave the edges, who need the thrill and wild high of flirting with real pain...but usually only with someone they trust, someone they care about, someone who gets as much satisfaction delivering them to that edge and caring for them as they walk it as the masochist gets from being there.

There are sadists in the world, and masochists, too. There're lots of us, in fact, in many varieties and shapes and colors and sizes and flavors.

What we do is between us and the one we trust. If our needs are met, if we're fulfilling our everyday obligations, paying our bills, being good neighbors, taking the dog to the vet when she needs her shots, getting the brakes on the car fixed before they get dangerous, going to PTA meetings... essentially, filling our roles as fully enfranchised members of our community, why would you think we suffer from a non-intact personality?

Leave us be.
We're happy with ourselves and our choices.
We aren't out there preaching our way is best, nor do we want anyone to be afraid to experiment in this arena if that's where their passion takes them.
We simply don't want to be pointed at like monkeys in a zoo.

The complexities of emotion between a bonded sadist and masochist are not easily understood. I know that. But what occurs between them, and not only when there's sexuality involved, it can be of infinitely tender and lifelong value. Isn't that what all of us are ultimately looking for?

So go ahead and call me narrow minded and prejudiced if you think it fits. I happen to think it fits some who have replied to my words.

No thanks. I try to stay away for emotionally loaded words and finger-pointing. It gets in the way of discussion and understanding.

I remain mystified as to why someone would choose this life. I dare say it is as individual as each of you.

You're likely right; it is different for all of us.

For me, it was never really a choice. I *am* a masochistic submissive and have been from the time my sexuality began to stir. I've tried a few non-alphabet-world relationships but found them, for me, to lack focus and intensity. In each, i yearned toward something that fit my needs better. None of them lasted very long.

The whole BDSM thing is not a choice for many of us, Gingersnap. As with being gay, with being female or male, or having blue eyes or brown, sometimes our sexuality is hardwired into us and just is what is.

Your posts are thought-provoking. Thank you for that.

 

[Madame Pandora]

I knew a guy who lived out in the Everglades.

We called him Coptic Bob. His house was on tall stilts and you could only get to him by airboat.

He didn’t sell homes, but grew "exotic" plants underneath his own house (where they would be protected from the scorching Florida sun and ... um ... helicopter pilot's line of vision).

If you were lucky enough to know a guy who knew a guy you could buy the things that grew on the other side of the areca palms.

Boy, do I miss that old man....

MP

 

[Deborah]

Hey Dave (Madame Pandora), I hope you dialed 10-10-220 when you did the phone sex thing with Coptic Bob. He's dead now, right? (talk about BDSM)

 

[Madame Pandora]

Dev,

You always take the worst opinion of me. Some of them survive.

MP ;-)

 

[Gingersnap]

Cym thank you for your reply. Interesting and thank you for the insight into your beliefs.

Debs, Roger loves to stir the pot, you know that well. He is much like yourself and laughs gleefully when all are storming about stamping their feet. He will shortly be getting all he can handle and then some. In fact it will be unlikely you will hear from either of us for a while if we have even a smidgen of luck. In the meantime I will see what I can do to calm him down. HEH HEE HEE EH HEH!

 

[Nicole]

Since i don't find any kind of humiliation at all erotic, i'll have to let someone else take that one. It's enough for me to point out that pain and humiliation are not the same thing nor do they always arrive together, joined at the hip. They're techniques used to meet very different needs.

Call me stupid, but isn't being placed in the corner after a spanking a "Form" of humiliation? I don't honestly know if you do this sort of "play" but to me "Corner time" is a form of humiliation, that either may or may not turn me on. Although I personally hate this, I know that it is part of a D/s or S/m or even BDSM relationship. Please note these are just my thought's.

Beyond that, yes, some of us eroticize pain. To some of us, a small group perhaps but existent nonetheless, the application of what's perceived as "painful" from a societal/cultural context can become exciting and wild and wet and wonderful and tremendously sexual. Almost always, this "pain" comes to us within a carefully structured setting, from one whom we trust beyond our ability to articulate that trust, and is strictly limited in terms of the type of pain applied.

I agree 100% on this, "Pain" or as better said by Song "sensation" is so erotic to me. It's the ultimate "handover" of my being, to do this I MUST trust the person I'm with, and to tell the absolute truth I wouldn't hand that over to just anyone.

We are masochists, Gingersnap, and there's lots of us around.

More than most people would truly realise, because a lot of masochists submissives don't talk about this ... Gee I wonder why?

There are people who like their nipples squeezed very hard while they're orgasming. Might they be thought of as having some masochistic tendencies? Most "normal" people don't want anyone pinching their nipples at any time.

There are people who like a little spanking before sex sometimes, just enough to redden their bottom. For them, maybe, the slight sting of their bottom makes the lovemaking more intense. Again, are they masochists?

Extremly good point, and one that most people should think about.

Leave us be.
We're happy with ourselves and our choices.
We aren't out there preaching our way is best, nor do we want anyone to be afraid to experiment in this arena if that's where their passion takes them.
We simply don't want to be pointed at like monkeys in a zoo.

Again another reason why we don't always talk about our lifestyles. I've said this so many times, I'm human, please don't treat me any differently due to the fact that I like to be controlled. My partner does what he needs to do for ME, I've asked him to do that, I gave myself over to him ... What's the problem?

The complexities of emotion between a bonded sadist and masochist are not easily understood. I know that. But what occurs between them, and not only when there's sexuality involved, it can be of infinitely tender and lifelong value. Isn't that what all of us are ultimately looking for?

I think this is where the problem lies, people don't seem to want to understand that bond cym. Just as I don't understand women wanting to be equal with their man, but I don't put them down for choosing that.

For me, it was never really a choice. I *am* a masochistic submissive and have been from the time my sexuality began to stir. I've tried a few non-alphabet-world relationships but found them, for me, to lack focus and intensity. In each, i yearned toward something that fit my needs better. None of them lasted very long.

The whole BDSM thing is not a choice for many of us, Gingersnap. As with being gay, with being female or male, or having blue eyes or brown, sometimes our sexuality is hardwired into us and just is what is.

Yes me too, and although I never really understood that until recently, I've learnt to look back on past relationships that haven't worked and understand why now. I shouldn't and quite frankly DON'T feel I should have to explain why I am the way I am. I'm happy being this way, and for the first time in my life I've accepted me and opened up enough to talk about it.

I knew this thread wouldn't stay on track too much longer and wanted to get all this out while I had the oppotunity.

Thanks for everyone's input, I finally feel comfortable enough to talk to all of you about this too, and I didn't think that day would ever come.

cym, blazenbraze, SpectreT and Song, your posts have helped me along the way, Thank-you.

Gingersnap, you know I loves ya babe, and I want to say I respect everyone of your posts, I like that people are different, and you are that sweet M&M, you sexy chocolately thing you Now go lick Alex's boot's will ya

MP, I'm just wondering if your Dad has been let out of the Doghouse yet ... I Laughed so hard at that

Okay sorry this post was so long, and I'm going to try to stay away from this thread now. Take Care everyone.

 

[Deborah]

I thought this thread was right on track lately. Some of you people proselytize about BDSM exactly like Todd does about religion.

Hey Snapper, bend the Scot scot over, lift up his kilt and give him one for me.

 

[alexander tzara]

I'm Gonna Proselytize Ya, Baby...

Hey, Gingerhottie - no fair, babe! You're not playing this properly. I said, "Get back on this lead and lick my boots!" You're supposed to say, "Yes, master!" That's what it says to do in the manual.

ALEX......

That was the closest thing to a polite post I've seen from Gingersnap in this thread.

Don't worry, Spectre. I'm just exploring my DOMINANT side in a safe environment. (I've hidden, Miss Snappy's strappy and I'm wearing a couple extra layers of underwear.)
Oi, Debz - when I said, "Why not write a story about Jocks?" I meant Scotlanders not Ice Hockey players.

(Stand back - dangerous explosion imminent)

 

[Deborah]

Alexander, I hate to bring this up when you are so close to American Pie, but I think I am in love with you. Must be the accent.

 

[alexander tzara]

Gulp! Not quite the dangerous explosion I was expecting. Have you been downing your tequilla slammers with Nephilim Semen and Spanish Fly chasers again, Sveet Dvora?

 

[Deborah]

Never mind, Alexander. I just got a message from Svedish_Chef professing his undying love for me. I'm not saying he makes a better bitch than you but at least he can cook.

 

[alexander tzara]

I heard that's how you like them, Debz - barefoot and pregnant.

 

[Deborah]

Yeah, but he always insists on being the girl. Is that BDSM? Oh shit, I'll have to go read this whole fucking thread again. And take notes.

 

[SpectreT]

This is the Kind of thing.....

This BDSM spiel is the biggest load of shit I've seen since "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch.

This is what I meant by "denigrating us". For crying out loud, I'm starting to understand some of Ginger's issues, I worked with volunteer Fire Department Rescue for a brief time, and saw some stuff that caused me to re-examine the possibility of a medical career. I'm >way< too squeamish to even look at another road wreck, let alone try and put someone back together from one, or be the guy to look them in the eye and tell them they're meat when we move that Blazer off of them. (shudder) Happened off my shift, thank God. I just got to hear about it later. I can't imagine what Ginger must have seen, but it can't have been fun.

I don't mind hearing other opinions, I just don't like being insulted; especially without anything backing up an insult, just a blanket "load of shit" statement, or an "everglades salesman" wisecrack. Hell, this whole line with Gingersnap has done for me just what I asked her to do: Consider another viewpoint, think about something from another angle.

That said, I just as "alphbet scene" as before; I'm still wired the same way, but now I >understand< Ginger's antipathy somewhat better. I prefer discussions to childish insults, so please keep the insults to yourselves. If you have any opinions, or foundings for them, feel free to share them; that's the fun of these threads, but save the name calling for the playground.

 

[alexander tzara]

'Venus In Furs' by The Velvet Underground
('The Velvet Underground & Nico', Polydor)

Shiny shiny shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girl-child in the dark
Comes in bells, your servant don't forsake him
Strike dear Mistress and cure his heart

Downy sins of streetlight fancies
Chase the costumes she shall wear
Ermine furs adorn imperious
Severin Severin awaits you there

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Kiss the boot of shiny shiny leather
Shiny leather in the dark
Tongue the thongs, the belt that does await you
Strike dear Mistress and cure his heart

Severin Severin speak so slightly
Severin down on your bended knees
Taste the whip and love not given lightly
Taste the whip, now bleed for me

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Shiny shiny shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girl-child in the dark
Severin your servant comes in bells,
Please don't forsake him
Strike dear Mistress and cure his heart