Endless Curiosity

[beachbaby179]

Wow. Loaded question today. I think any of us who are genuine run a real risk of becoming (too) attached. I have developed some real attachments here, real friendships, and several have spilled off of Lit and into real life. Even those that remain online, because of distance or circumstance, can be just as real. In fact, I would argue that I am closer to some of my online friends. I find it easier to open up to someone anonymously first, and then share personal info later. It's the introvert in me. Like going to confession (not that I actually do that anymore). Much easier behind a screen when someone is not looking you in the eyes. But the risks are real. When someone disappears, you can't just go knock on their door and check on them. You can send all the messages you want, but if they intend to disappear without an explanation, you can't stop them.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I'm sure a lot of people connect here. How does one develop feelings for someone they have never met? Not love exactly but an emotional attachment maybe? Do you tell them how you feel and risk them disappearing on you or them not reciprocating the feelings?

-The wonderful thing about online relationships is that you have to work harder to maintain them since there's no physical contact necessarily. It's easy to fall for someone's personality in that respect. My friends I make here are the same way.

-Many of them can tell that I appreciate them or that I love them although I am careful to use that word. It can be misconstrued in so many ways sometimes.

-I do get needy sometimes. It's kinda hard to admit that, but those that know me that well know I need to know they're okay.

 

[makemewet69]

I apologize for my extended absence. Family drama.

Soooo ... today's question was submitted by one of our lovely Litsters:

I'm sure a lot of people connect here. How does one develop feelings for someone they have never met? Not love exactly but an emotional attachment maybe? Do you tell them how you feel and risk them disappearing on you or them not reciprocating the feelings?

Things with myself and CJ progressed relatively fast. We PMed a few days, then emailed, and then I got Skype and we moved to that. We went from meeting here to talking on the phone to meeting in real life in a matter of weeks. It was the first time I'd ever met someone online and I was terrified. The moment he got out of his vehicle and I saw him is a moment I will never ever forget.
I knew when we first started PMing he was different and he said the same about me. I immediately was emotionally and physically connected to him and I don't think anything could've stopped that from happening. And I'm so so glad that it did happen.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

*listens empathetically from the kitchen, whilst making up some hot chocolate and ginger chewies*

well. The argument certainly could be made that I'm just really fucked up..*thinks*

Mother tragically killed when I was six.
Father died in my arms after my failed CPR when I was 30.
Husband of 20+ years essentially negated any love that was shared by saying there wasn't a day that had gone by when he couldn't have lived without me and the only reason he married me was because I was a strong woman who would put up with his shit.
Online lovers just *poof* with no rhyme or reason then *poof* back after long absences with no other explanation than "real life issues".. (sidebar...this is a bullshit reason, IMO. You're hiding something, so it's not an excuse to which I give any merit. If I'm your friend, you should be able to come to me and say something, share your grief, your stress, your happiness, your "fill in the blank" that requires an extended absence. If you choose not to, then how do I know the person I have become friends with is really who he/she says they are? Ergo== bullshit excuse to disappear.)

I know I'm off topic again, sort of, but seriously, even people online I think would make great friends, I now keep at a "Shaquile O'Neal's arm's length" away.

I get it . People die. People move on. But because of the certainty of uncertainty I don't see any reason to pretend to be something you're not.

Love me for me, all of me.
Love me passionately and possessively and unconditionally.

Give me these things, and i will reciprocate with all my heart and mind.

I understand, painfully, the fleeting nature of life and the time we have with one another. If that's not argument enough for spending the time necessary to cultivate lasting and deep relationships, as opposed to these one night stands and virtual bump 'n' grinds I see solicited around here, I honestly don't think I can convince you of anything.

*Grumbling as she steps off the soap box

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

well. The argument certainly could be made that I'm just really fucked up..*thinks*

Mother tragically killed when I was six.
Father died in my arms after my failed CPR when I was 30.
Husband of 20+ years essentially negated any love that was shared by saying there wasn't a day that had gone by when he couldn't have lived without me and the only reason he married me was because I was a strong woman who would put up with his shit.
Online lovers just *poof* with no rhyme or reason then *poof* back after long absences with no other explanation than "real life issues".. (sidebar...this is a bullshit reason, IMO. You're hiding something, so it's not an excuse to which I give any merit. If I'm your friend, you should be able to come to me and say something, share your grief, your stress, your happiness, your "fill in the blank" that requires an extended absence. If you choose not to, then how do I know the person I have become friends with is really who he/she says they are? Ergo== bullshit excuse to disappear.)

I know I'm off topic again, sort of, but seriously, even people online I think would make great friends, I now keep at a "Shaquile O'Neal's arm's length" away.

I get it . People die. People move on. But because of the certainty of uncertainty I don't see any reason to pretend to be something you're not.

Love me for me, all of me.
Love me passionately and possessively and unconditionally.

Give me these things, and i will reciprocate with all my heart and mind.

I understand, painfully, the fleeting nature of life and the time we have with one another. If that's not argument enough for spending the time necessary to cultivate lasting and deep relationships, as opposed to these one night stands and virtual bump 'n' grinds I see solicited around here, I honestly don't think I can convince you of anything.

*Grumbling as she steps off the soap box

/major girl crush

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I'm going to say something, MOSTLY to myself...

People pull shitty stunts in person all the fucking time; why would it be any different in online relationships, where there is infinitely less accountability? If we can't be brutally realistic about our expectations here, then maybe we need to get our asses off the computer and go read a book.

We have only ourselves to blame.




There. Sorry for being a bitch, everyone.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

/major girl crush

I'm going to say something, MOSTLY to myself...

People pull shitty stunts in person all the fucking time; why would it be any different in online relationships, where there is infinitely less accountability? If we can't be brutally realistic about our expectations here, then maybe we need to get our asses off the computer and go read a book.

We have only ourselves to blame.




There. Sorry for being a bitch, everyone.

(((hugs)))
I guess what I'm saying is when reaching out to someone -particularly with me in regards to the opposite sex- I anticipate there to be attachment involved. Bottom line. The problem, as I see it, is there are WAY more people nowadays who want nothing to do with "attachment" to each other. They want the quick fix, the disposable, the "this one is broken let me buy a new one instead of fixing the old"...and this mentality unfortunately spills into how they perceive relationships... As disposable and irreparable.

I want to be attached...God knows I do!. As a baby girl my heart ACHES to belong to a Daddy who can be supportive, loving, and wickedly sexual. But I'm painfully upfront. Maybe I'm unapproachable because there's really no mystery to me. I'm a WYSIWYG kind of girl. Nobody has to bring out or "develop" my inner slut.. she's already there. It's up to me to decide whether or not I trust you enough to show you that side of me.

So far, the men I've met that got that far seem to expect the slut to be right at their beckon call, whenever THEY want to see her...but heaven forbid I grab your junk in the car and say boldly "We're fucking when we get home"... That apparently throws them for a loop or worse, now you're "too" slutty, and are no longer as interesting...

 

[Inspirinious]

I'm going to say something, MOSTLY to myself...

People pull shitty stunts in person all the fucking time; why would it be any different in online relationships, where there is infinitely less accountability? If we can't be brutally realistic about our expectations here, then maybe we need to get our asses off the computer and go read a book.

We have only ourselves to blame.


There. Sorry for being a bitch, everyone.

You're NOT a bitch. And no apology needed.

You are telling the truth, maybe the harsh truth, but it is the truth.

Lit is a difficult place to make true friends. But if you are careful, the rewards can be great. I have some wonderful friends here.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

You're NOT a bitch. And no apology needed.

You are telling the truth, maybe the harsh truth, but it is the truth.

Lit is a difficult place to make true friends. But if you are careful, the rewards can be great. I have some wonderful friends here.

I do, too.

Lit is a difficult place, for those of us who are relationally-oriented, and will never be satisfied with incomplete friendships. Lit is not a dating site, though people use it as such. Part of the problem is that, regardless of whether someone wants to fully connect and attach, most people here simply aren't available to do that. Even if they wanted to. It's a recipe for disaster, and folks walk right into it every day. Real life relationships with local singles are hard enough, it's just foolish to expect to find true fulfillment with someone who doesn't meet those basic criteria. And I'm talking about platonic friends as well as lovers.

It doesn't keep most of us from trying again, though. Hope springs eternal!

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I do, too.

Lit is a difficult place, for those of us who are relationally-oriented, and will never be satisfied with incomplete friendships. Lit is not a dating site, though people use it as such. Part of the problem is that, regardless of whether someone wants to fully connect and attach, most people here simply aren't available to do that. Even if they wanted to. It's a recipe for disaster, and folks walk right into it every day. Real life relationships with local singles are hard enough, it's just foolish to expect to find true fulfillment with someone who doesn't meet those basic criteria. And I'm talking about platonic friends as well as lovers.

It doesn't keep most of us from trying again, though. Hope springs eternal!

yep..

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

yep..

Unmet needs don't go away until they're met. Infant Care 101.

 

[ViciousTease]

A recent flare-up in Am-Pics has me thinking about people on Lit that misrepresent themselves. Some people post pictures in Am-Pics as pics of themselves, when the photos are not of them. Some people misrepresent their age, marital status, and sometimes even their sex.

What types of misrepresentations have you encountered? How do you feel about these misrepresentations? And which do you feel are the most egregious?

 

[SoulAssasin247]

A recent flare-up in Am-Pics has me thinking about people on Lit that misrepresent themselves. Some people post pictures in Am-Pics as pics of themselves, when the photos are not of them. Some people misrepresent their age, marital status, and sometimes even their sex.

What types of misrepresentations have you encountered? How do you feel about these misrepresentations? And which do you feel are the most egregious?

I am not surprised. So many here politically correct and trying to make everyone happy. If you're always agreeing with everyone's actions , your not honest or real. You can disagree respectfully and give honest opinions but, when you applaud actions you truly don't agree with you're fake as the pics some individuals post LMAO. That hypocrisy makes LIT boring, generic and fake to me. I like to hear real, honest and different personalities, not the default character on Sims. Thankfully the people I have the pleasure to speak with are unique and I enjoy every second of it.

 

[beachbaby179]

Once again, I'm out of the loop and miss all the good scandals.

I'm lucky to have met mostly really genuine people here, and made many good friends. I don't play iindiscriminately, so perhaps the fakes tire of me quickly and disappear. There was only one, who represented himself as single, but posted in the "married but looking" thread. Makes you wonder what else he lied about.

I don't understand why, on an anonymous site, you need to lie. You should be freer here to be yourself, more so than most other places. SMH.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

A recent flare-up in Am-Pics has me thinking about people on Lit that misrepresent themselves. Some people post pictures in Am-Pics as pics of themselves, when the photos are not of them. Some people misrepresent their age, marital status, and sometimes even their sex.

What types of misrepresentations have you encountered? How do you feel about these misrepresentations? And which do you feel are the most egregious?

Well the whole Ronster/imagineme2 debacle was pretty ugly.

It's sad to see on a place like Am Pics or the PG, where there is an expectation of honesty among the posters. But it's pretty commonplace on the GB and doesn't usually garner more than a snarky new thread or two. I think it's prudent to have a healthy scepticism about life in general, but it's always a shame when people set out to deceive others.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

A recent flare-up in Am-Pics has me thinking about people on Lit that misrepresent themselves. Some people post pictures in Am-Pics as pics of themselves, when the photos are not of them. Some people misrepresent their age, marital status, and sometimes even their sex.

What types of misrepresentations have you encountered? How do you feel about these misrepresentations? And which do you feel are the most egregious?

Someone I knew here formed a second account and approached me as a stranger. I did. not. appreciate. :l They didn't let it go on very long, and they weren't even approaching me in a friendly manner or in a way that would encourage me to divulge any confidences. They just approached me as some random yahoo being a dick.

They thought it was funny, I felt a bit betrayed. It was actually scary, it felt very.. stalkerish (before I knew) because he knew things about me. Our friendship suffered permanently as a consequence, but is somewhat cobbled together again. I think it sucks to misrepresent for any reason. We are all vulnerable to that here to some degree.

 

[ydahecnot]

I always assume that the women who say they are wearing something sexy are actually wearing flannel nightgowns or pajamas, so there is that assumed deception

 

[SassySheDevil]

I guess for me it depends on what that person is to me. If they are a friend, I don't like lies. I want to know the truth and know the real person. I don't want to be told that you are single, when you are not. I don't want to be told you are 30 when you are 50, I don't want to be given a fake picture because you looked better 20 years ago. For fucks sake, 20 years ago, I was a lot skinnier too! but if you are my friend, I want you to kow me for me. Not the skinnier, sexier sassy, cause what if we meet? I just met 2 more Lit friends and had I shown them a picture of me 20 years ago, they would have said "what the fuck" when I got off the plane.
Posting fake pictures in an AMpics thread just seems wrong. I say something about it, and I am automatically jealous. Why would I be jealous of fake pictures? I'll admit when I'm jealous, and that is not it. The guys defending it are pathetic to me. I'm glad she is nice, but normal, every day women go there to post pictures of themselves. That's what Amateur is. When they go there and see someone posting pics of a model/or from modeling days, that isn't amateur anymore.

 

[ViciousTease]

I guess for me it depends on what that person is to me. If they are a friend, I don't like lies. I want to know the truth and know the real person. I don't want to be told that you are single, when you are not. I don't want to be told you are 30 when you are 50, I don't want to be given a fake picture because you looked better 20 years ago. For fucks sake, 20 years ago, I was a lot skinnier too! but if you are my friend, I want you to kow me for me. Not the skinnier, sexier sassy, cause what if we meet? I just met 2 more Lit friends and had I shown them a picture of me 20 years ago, they would have said "what the fuck" when I got off the plane.
Posting fake pictures in an AMpics thread just seems wrong. I say something about it, and I am automatically jealous. Why would I be jealous of fake pictures? I'll admit when I'm jealous, and that is not it. The guys defending it are pathetic to me. I'm glad she is nice, but normal, every day women go there to post pictures of themselves. That's what Amateur is. When they go there and see someone posting pics of a model/or from modeling days, that isn't amateur anymore.

Today's question was submitted by another Litster. I went back and read the AmPics thread and I'm with you on this one. Posting pics of others on Lit is fine. There are numerous threads on every board dedicated to just that. However, the point of AmPics is to post pictures of yourself. It is not appropriate to post others there, especially if representing the images as your own through direct deception or omission. Just my two cents.

As for deceptions in general, well, I haven't dealt with much. It may be that I've been lucky or perhaps I'm just too trusting. I tend to take people at face value. What you tell me about yourself is what I will believe. In an online environment, I have no other data to pull from.

If someone lies to me here and the truth comes out, it will probably be the end of our association. Again, if all I have is your word and you've proven it to be useless, what more do we have to discuss?

If someone lies to me (particularly in the first few conversations or lies by omission) and then chooses to come clean on their own, I could probably overlook it.

1. Don't tell me you are single if you are married. I've been married, divorced, remarried, separated, reconciled ... whatever your situation, I'm sure I can handle the truth.
2. Don't tell me you are my age if you are not. Why bother? If you're younger or older, we won't discuss Ferris Beuller and Def Leopard. We can talk about other things.
3. Don't lie to me about your associations with others here. If you have a sexual relationship with some other woman and have told her that she is the only one, don't tell me otherwise. Don't tell me "it's over but she's having trouble letting go". Don't tell me it's all for show and I'm your only one. Just don't. It's beyond ridiculous. I'm entirely too old for such nonsense.

That's all for now. I may have more to add later.

 

[Tiamo15]

I used to love AM Pics. But more and more I'd uncover people posting fakes. Some recycle the same old pics every 3 months (or 30+ years!) and nobody catches on. Or I'd discover other weird shit going on. I've kept quiet on a lot of fakes that are popular in there.

All the fakes (and the more men drooling over them) eventually wore me down and discouraged me from posting there. Some men blatantly didn't care if they were fakes, they just wanted to masturbate over them. People can just go look at professional models or porn to get their fix if that's their stance. The forum is labeled Amateur Pics! Not everybody has to be model perfect to be appreciated. Some of us are just normal people with normal lives and don't work out 3 hours a day and just eat salads and tofu.

So that's mostly why I don't go to AM Pics anymore. I cringe, wondering why I ever did in the first place. But I did learn that every body can be appreciated and that made me feel good.

As for lying about age, marital status, sex... If you're posting naked pictures of yourself in AM Pics, I can understand why you would protect yourself by not disclosing personal information. I purposely was very vague about myself and I'd chuckle hearing people's fantasies about who I really was and did for a living. I didn't originally come here to find friends, but that happened anyway.

So then I had the dilemma, what to do about the Playground friends I care about and wanted to get to know better? I don't want to tell everyone who I am right away so they can proceed to stalk me or share that information publicly (happened in the past when I was more trusting and naive). So I slowly get to know them and see if they can be trusted.

If you start posting in the Personals, genuinely trying to find that special someone, then let them know fairly soon. I like to talk on cam so people could make their own judgments on my age and sex, but only when it gets to personal phone conversations do I disclose more of who I am.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Someone I knew here formed a second account and approached me as a stranger. I did. not. appreciate. :l They didn't let it go on very long, and they weren't even approaching me in a friendly manner or in a way that would encourage me to divulge any confidences. They just approached me as some random yahoo being a dick.

They thought it was funny, I felt a bit betrayed. It was actually scary, it felt very.. stalkerish (before I knew) because he knew things about me. Our friendship suffered permanently as a consequence, but is somewhat cobbled together again. I think it sucks to misrepresent for any reason. We are all vulnerable to that here to some degree.

Ugh, this reminds me of something similar I experienced with a Lit-ex when I was a noob. He left, then returned with a new name and approached elli (who also knew him) and I on a thread, behaving in a manner that was much too familiar for someone we'd never seen before. It was creepy and freaked us both out. I messaged him to ask if it had been him and he lied and told me no. Shortly after, I came across a voice thing he had posted on the GB and it confirmed my suspicions. He'd come back and made himself at home on a different board, hoping he wouldn't be caught. We'd been close when he had been here before, I was hurt that he felt like he had to lie to me. As CnC said of her experience, it did permanent damage to our friendship. It was hard to see him go from someone I admired and cared for to someone I couldn't trust. Sucked major balls.

 

[SassySheDevil]

3. Don't lie to me about your associations with others here. If you have a sexual relationship with some other woman and have told her that she is the only one, don't tell me otherwise. Don't tell me "it's over but she's having trouble letting go". Don't tell me it's all for show and I'm your only one. Just don't. It's beyond ridiculous. I'm entirely too old for such nonsense.

This is such a big one for me too. It has happened way too many times and as soon as you tell me we should talk in PM only. That's a big red flag. I already have enough "Friends" who want to keep me secret in some way. I don't want to be a secret.

 

[playdohsa]

I used to love AM Pics. But more and more I'd uncover people posting fakes. Some recycle the same old pics every 3 months (or 30+ years!) and nobody catches on. Or I'd discover other weird shit going on. I've kept quiet on a lot of fakes that are popular in there.

All the fakes (and the more men drooling over them) eventually wore me down and discouraged me from posting there. Some men blatantly didn't care if they were fakes, they just wanted to masturbate over them. People can just go look at professional models or porn to get their fix if that's their stance. The forum is labeled Amateur Pics! Not everybody has to be model perfect to be appreciated. Some of us are just normal people with normal lives and don't work out 3 hours a day and just eat salads and tofu.

I used to hang out of a premium amateur site a long time ago, then I heard it got hacked. I see pics from there floating all over forums like AM Pics, and just roll my eyes. Been around long enough now not to trust anyone too fast.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Here's my famous line, you might think I am an asshole but at least , I am honest and real.

It's true it's dam true.

 

[emsway]

I completely understand omitting information, such as where you live, or what you do for a living, to protect your identity. But I don't understand lying and making stuff up about yourself. Lying to me about your age or marital status will end the friendship. Period. I'll always wonder if you are lying about anything else.

People create new accounts on Lit all the time, for various reasons. But pretending to be a completely different person to people you had been close to under your previous name is just chicken shit. And hurtful.

I find it sad that some people post pictures of others as themselves. I would think that it would be a hollow feeling, receiving compliments based on someone else's pictures.

As for the creeps who create a false identity from the ground up. Just gross. There's no reason to do that that isn't a shady one.