extremely turned on at work by....

[Nasty_Deeds]

Thank you for your question!

Yeah, I'm a Chinese, live in China, but work for an American company.

If I'm in the situation you mentioned above, i, as most of Chinese men, will definitely go forward. Even my friends or even colleagues know that, they will not think less of me, and I will not be fired unless something really really bad happens.

For a country that is supposed to be the symbol of freedom, it is amazing how many Americans are afraid of their job. It was only a few decades ago that men weren't afraid to ask female coworkers to go out.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the men in this country, it seems like most of them might as well put on a skirt and learn how to cook.

 

[thirty]

Nothing wrong with just being her friend at work. You don't know if her husband is jealous of her you don't know if she is being watched every second of the day. Maybe not by him but a friend ever see the show cheaters you just never know her husband might be the type of person who stalks her every move and she could be in danger if thinks she is doing wrong. It happens to people everyday

You could be in danger for anything you do, you can be poisoned for eating out, you can get involved a traffic accident if you drive...

 

[satindesire]

For a country that is supposed to be the symbol of freedom, it is amazing how many Americans are afraid of their job. It was only a few decades ago that men weren't afraid to ask female coworkers to go out.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the men in this country, it seems like most of them might as well put on a skirt and learn how to cook.

You spout off with ignorant, sexist, misogynistic bullshit like this and then expect people to not only listen to your advice, but actually take you seriously!?

What the fuck is wrong with you, exactly, that makes this logical in your own little special reality you've come up with for yourself?

 

[SweetErika]

You could be in danger for anything you do, you can be poisoned for eating out, you can get involved a traffic accident if you drive...

That's true, but the difference is you don't usually purposely get into traffic accidents or food poisoning. That is, unless you're doing stupid things like driving drunk or recklessly, or eating from questionable sources. In that case, it's the same thing as purposely getting involved with someone at work who's married when you know there could be serious consequences, but otherwise, it's not the same at all.

 

[thirty]

That's true, but the difference is you don't usually purposely get into traffic accidents or food poisoning. That is, unless you're doing stupid things like driving drunk or recklessly, or eating from questionable sources. In that case, it's the same thing as purposely getting involved with someone at work who's married when you know there could be serious consequences, but otherwise, it's not the same at all.

I've never been to the States, here in China, if two co-workers go out, no matter both or one of them are married or not, people tend to take it as their privacy, unless it brings troubles to the company.

What is moral? When a man and a woman are together and have good time, that's moral!

I love sex, I would not miss the chances to fuck a gorgeous woman, I know how enjoy to take her to bed and penetrate her pussy...

 

[thirty]

You spout off with ignorant, sexist, misogynistic bullshit like this and then expect people to not only listen to your advice, but actually take you seriously!?

What the fuck is wrong with you, exactly, that makes this logical in your own little special reality you've come up with for yourself?

Why were you so rude, buddy?

She just complained that some men didn't be acting like most people think they should be.

She said anything wrong?

 

[SweetErika]

I've never been to the States, here in China, if two co-workers go out, no matter both or one of them are married or not, people tend to take it as their privacy, unless it brings troubles to the company.

What is moral? When a man and a woman are together and have good time, that's moral!

I love sex, I would not miss the chances to fuck a gorgeous woman, I know how enjoy to take her to bed and penetrate her pussy...

Yes, I'm well aware of the attitudes in China. My husband works with many Chinese here and has Chinese customers.

I'm also well aware you have no problem cheating on your wife and family. You've talked about that quite a bit. Tell me, do your morals include using condoms and getting tested for sexually transmitted infections regularly, so you don't harm or kill your wife and kids?

Why were you so rude, buddy?

She just complained that some men didn't be acting like most people think they should be.

She said anything wrong?

Nasty Deeds is a man, not a woman. It's disgusting for him to go on and on about how closed-minded people on this board are, when he has a problem with men wearing skirts and cooking.

You and he sound like a great match, actually. You both like to talk about "morals" and say other people are rude. Maybe you and he should hookup if you're ever in the same country.

 

[bad_dave]

Sorry if my question may have lead to the de-railment of this thread! I'm geniunily suprised by the number of people who think that this sort of thing will end in dismissal for one of the parties, I guess the USA work place is differant to over here (UK).

I don't work in an office, I work in a shop (major international chain) I met my girlfriend at work while she still had a boyfriend we fucked for a couple of weeks and then they split up and we've been together 7 years since. Althougth she has worked elsewhere for 3 years.

I've never known anyone be sacked over this sort of thing, but couple at work have created bad atmospheres and combinations of people who aren't allowed to work together, but is hardly the same thing.

 

[darwina7]

Thirty -- Whether or not in fact they both wanted it, immature people sometimes lie after the fact; therefore, if this woman has issues and is a malignant personality, she might very well revise history -- and thus an affair becomes "harrassment."

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Sorry if my question may have lead to the de-railment of this thread! I'm geniunily suprised by the number of people who think that this sort of thing will end in dismissal for one of the parties, I guess the USA work place is differant to over here (UK).

I don't work in an office, I work in a shop (major international chain) I met my girlfriend at work while she still had a boyfriend we fucked for a couple of weeks and then they split up and we've been together 7 years since. Althougth she has worked elsewhere for 3 years.

I've never known anyone be sacked over this sort of thing, but couple at work have created bad atmospheres and combinations of people who aren't allowed to work together, but is hardly the same thing.

I don't think you derailed the thread. There are just some people who post on this forum who cannot stand anyone to post an opposing viewpoint.

If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

For Thirty in China

Why were you so rude, buddy?

She just complained that some men didn't be acting like most people think they should be.

She said anything wrong?

We have so many people here in the US today that are afraid, and because they are afraid, filled with hate and anger. From frustration, they lash out at other people, especially when they can do it anonymously from behind a computer screen. It isn’t just on this web site, if you surf around the Internet, you will find that Americans are often rude and controlling.

 

[satindesire]

Why were you so rude, buddy?

She just complained that some men didn't be acting like most people think they should be.

She said anything wrong?

I'm not your buddy, thirty.

Most people aren't sexist and misogynistic like you and he are. And yes, obviously HE said something wrong, and you fucking know it, too. Misogynists like you and him KNOW when you're acting like sexist assholes.

Go back to the GB and make posts about cheating on your poor wife some more.

We have so many people here in the US today that are afraid, and because they are afraid, filled with hate and anger. From frustration, they lash out at other people, especially when they can do it anonymously from behind a computer screen. It isn’t just on this web site, if you surf around the Internet, you will find that Americans are often rude and controlling.

You know how you're acting. You're trolling on purpose. You're as transparent as fucking glass, and you know we all know you're trolling. Why put on the charade of innocence? You've been aggressive, inappropriate, you've bald-faced LIED here on multiple occasions, and you've harassed members of this site via PM all while saying WE are the ones being "rude".

I've run worse idiots out of How To than you in the past. And unless you straighten up and put on your big boy britches and start carrying yourself like a good member of How To, I will make it my personal mission to make your time on Lit a living hell, I promise.

 

[silverwhisper]

bad dave quoth:
i've never known anyone be sacked over this sort of thing, but couple at work have created bad atmospheres and combinations of people who aren't allowed to work together, but is hardly the same thing.

in the US, there's a very well-established situation where companies become legally liable if a romantic situation exists between 2 employees--esp if one reports to the other--and after the relationship sours, one accuses the other of sexual harrassment.

bailadora has worked in HR, so is probably the most knowledgeable on the subject, but nobody with 2 brain cells to rub together is somehow ignorant of this fact.

i would add "except for nasty deeds", but he fails the 2 brain cells prerequisite.

ed

 

[bailadora]

in the US, there's a very well-established situation where companies become legally liable if a romantic situation exists between 2 employees--esp if one reports to the other--and after the relationship sours, one accuses the other of sexual harrassment.

bailadora has worked in HR, so is probably the most knowledgeable on the subject, but nobody with 2 brain cells to rub together is somehow ignorant of this fact.

i would add "except for nasty deeds", but he fails the 2 brain cells prerequisite.

ed

You've summed it up fairly concisely, Ed. Not every office romance gone bad leads to sexual harassment charges, but revisionist history happens often enough that companies have very strict policies in place to protect themselves, because in some cases both the alleged harasser AND the company are named as defendants in the suit.

If there is any doubt whatsoever on the part of the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission for non US folk) that the company failed to appropriately respond to allegations of harassment or to correct a hostile environment, then the company can be slapped with significant legal and financial penalties. This is why HR is so anal about documenting EVERYTHING.

For what it's worth, here in the US, a company falls under the jurisdiction of the EEOC if it has 15 or more employees (20 in cases of age discrimination) company-wide.

 

[bailadora]

There are just some people who post on this forum who cannot stand anyone to post an opposing viewpoint.

What a load of bullshit.

There have been plenty of times when HT regulars hold opposing views. The difference between us and you is the reaction to the disagreement. The very first time someone disagreed with you, you got all shirty (thanks, Cattypuss) about it and came out swinging. And you've been belligerent ever since: calling names, making sweeping generalizations about people you haven't the first clue about, sending rude PMs, revising history, outright lying and demanding people put you on ignore.

As I told you in response to the first PM you sent to me, we say what we think, not what you want to hear. As this is a discussion forum, you are certainly free to post your opinion, but others are equally as free to disagree with you. If you don't like the idea of being challenged, you have two options: don't put it out there to begin with, or exercise your ignore function. As you clearly haven't done either one, it's obvious you relish the strife.

Lit is what you make of it. Act like an asshat, you get treated like an asshat. Simple as that really.

 

[bailadora]

<snip> it seems like most of them might as well put on a skirt and learn how to cook.

[\hijack]

Mmm, now there's an image. Liam Neeson in a kilt a la Rob Roy. Scrambling eggs at the kitchen stove. Works for me.

[/hijack]

 

[thkdck4u]

I've had affairs with married women. They were all awesome. Married women who cheat are animals in bed.

That said, if you value your job, DON'T do it. Office romances never end up good. I had one of those too, and it ended OK because she was divorcing her husband, we dated, then she started dating someone else whom she eventually married.

But really nothing anyone says on her matters, it sounds like you are going to fuck this woman, and if you do just make sure it was worth it.

 

[Firefly69]

Romance in the workplace generally isn't a very good idea. Even among single people. It can cause a lot of problems and issues and if things go bad with the relationship... you may still have to work with that person.

Having said that.. I think it happens a lot more then people sometimes realize. Among single and married co-workers. Think about it... a good part of most peoples lives is spent with their co-workers, sometimes in intimate quarters. Attractions and relationships are bound to develop.

I read somewhere-- that women are quickly catching up to men when it comes to affairs-- due to women being in the workplace. When women mostly stayed home raising children and keeping house.. the opportunity was just not there for affairs like it is when going to a workplace. (although there were all the jokes about the 'milkman' and such..)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that makes it right. I'm just saying that I do think its even more common then statistics might say. I've known of several affairs and relationships in places that I've worked at-- and no one lost their job over it. It can create some uncomfortable moments as people try to figure out how to deal after its all over. And it can be really bad if it was between a boss and a subordinate. If one person had expectations of more-- there can be some pretty nasty shit that hits the fan when all is said and done.

But I have known of more then one workplace affair that weathered the storm with people remaining friends when all was said and done. I just don't think that someone automatically loses their job because of it.

I can see how it may seem that way-- and if someone has worked in HR-- they probably do come across the ones that go really sour. But the ones that just quietly end-- well--- I think theres actually more of those then there are the ones that blow up and cause big problems. JMO.

I've never been unfaithful to a man-- whether a boyfriend, or now my husband of 12 yrs. But I do understand the workplace temptation that can figure in. I've never even wanted to step out on my hubby ever-- until the temptation of a former manager of mine.

Both of us are happily married-- but there was no denying the very primal and sexual attraction that developed and even grew-- over time. We never stepped out of bounds, but I have to say-- if he would have made the offer-- I'm still-- to this day-- not sure how I would have responded. I like to think that I would have taken the high road and walked away. But I'm just not sure....

And yes, you can be happily married and still struggle with an overwhelming attraction to someone else. Anyone who says thats not possible is lying outright or lying to themselves.

The place of business I worked at closed down due to the economy, and we don't work together anymore... but I know that there was extreme danger between us. And i believe he knew it too. We never discussed it, but it was there. (and no, I wasn't imagining it-- I know when a man looks at me with fire in his eyes...)

He was and is such a proper and devoted husband and father and I know he struggled with himself as well.

We both were doing good at keeping it professional, but I will always wonder-- to the end of my days-- what it would have been like with him.

Yet I know-- it is best that we never crossed that line. Once crossed, you can't take it back and risk losing much and hurting the ones you love.

Maybe I'm getting too far off on a tangent here (i'm good at that) but I just wanted to mention some of my outlook.

I really do think it should be avoided-- but I also know how compelling it can be. And I was always someone who really looked down on people who were unfaithful. I had a poor opinion of those who did it--- but to my surprise, I found out that I was very much capable of it.

Fortunately-- no one before or after him has ever sparked my imagination as he did. I've been able to stay true to someone I love very much. But in a corner of mind, I know that I could have done it . And given the opportunity-- very possibly would have done it.

Makes me a pretty bad person doesn't it?

 

[coastal-boy]

Sorry if my question may have lead to the de-railment of this thread! I'm geniunily suprised by the number of people who think that this sort of thing will end in dismissal for one of the parties, I guess the USA work place is differant to over here (UK).

I don't work in an office, I work in a shop (major international chain) I met my girlfriend at work while she still had a boyfriend we fucked for a couple of weeks and then they split up and we've been together 7 years since. Althougth she has worked elsewhere for 3 years.

I've never known anyone be sacked over this sort of thing, but couple at work have created bad atmospheres and combinations of people who aren't allowed to work together, but is hardly the same thing.

anti-fraternization is impossible to enforce. So most companies put harassment clauses into all employment paperwork signed the first day. All you have to do is do a quick search for any "random" company...let's take McDonalds for example...and sexual harassment. It is rare for any employment not to have a harassment clause in the US

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Office Affairs

No one can legislate or regulate people’s sexual attraction to each other: in every office or workplace, men and women have had affairs since there have been offices and workplaces. That is just the way it is!

Every office has a stud who screws half, (if not all), the women in the office, and no one ever does anything about it! You can either be the stud, or you can be the wimp who holds the stud’s pants while he fucks your wife. Even when things blow up and it becomes an issue in the office, they almost always fire the woman, and not the man. Fair: of course not, but that is just the way it is!

There is an old axiom that applies: “If you can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch”!

Maybe one day society will change, but not today.

 

[culloden]

No one can legislate or regulate people’s sexual attraction to each other: in every office or workplace, men and women have had affairs since there have been offices and workplaces. That is just the way it is!

Every office has a stud who screws half, (if not all), the women in the office, and no one ever does anything about it! You can either be the stud, or you can be the wimp who holds the stud’s pants while he fucks your wife. Even when things blow up and it becomes an issue in the office, they almost always fire the woman, and not the man. Fair: of course not, but that is just the way it is!

There is an old axiom that applies: “If you can't run with the big dogs stay on the porch”!

Maybe one day society will change, but not today.

Interesting observation. I've never seen that stud in action in 30 years of employment, but they say things are different in Texas.

 

[thirty]

I'm not your buddy, thirty.

Most people aren't sexist and misogynistic like you and he are. And yes, obviously HE said something wrong, and you fucking know it, too. Misogynists like you and him KNOW when you're acting like sexist assholes.

Go back to the GB and make posts about cheating on your poor wife some more.

I'm a sexist because I love sex? You got be kidding me!

Who made you the judge and landlord of HT?

 

[thirty]

Yes, I'm well aware of the attitudes in China. My husband works with many Chinese here and has Chinese customers.

I'm also well aware you have no problem cheating on your wife and family. You've talked about that quite a bit. Tell me, do your morals include using condoms and getting tested for sexually transmitted infections regularly, so you don't harm or kill your wife and kids?

.

You know what, Sweetie, I can count the number of sexual partners I had in one hand. No worries.

I know it's not something good to have an affair, I do know that, but for me, beautiful women are irresistible, and I know I can only live once, so far, sex is still one of the most enjoyable things for me.

It's funny to me, and maybe most of Chinese, that most of you are okay with it if a man fucks his daughter or mother or he invites another man to fuck his wife, but you are not okay it if a man is going to fuck another woman, even nobody knows it.

 

[thirty]

Romance in the workplace generally isn't a very good idea. Even among single people. It can cause a lot of problems and issues and if things go bad with the relationship... you may still have to work with that person.

Having said that.. I think it happens a lot more then people sometimes realize. Among single and married co-workers. Think about it... a good part of most peoples lives is spent with their co-workers, sometimes in intimate quarters. Attractions and relationships are bound to develop.

I read somewhere-- that women are quickly catching up to men when it comes to affairs-- due to women being in the workplace. When women mostly stayed home raising children and keeping house.. the opportunity was just not there for affairs like it is when going to a workplace. (although there were all the jokes about the 'milkman' and such..)

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that makes it right. I'm just saying that I do think its even more common then statistics might say. I've known of several affairs and relationships in places that I've worked at-- and no one lost their job over it. It can create some uncomfortable moments as people try to figure out how to deal after its all over. And it can be really bad if it was between a boss and a subordinate. If one person had expectations of more-- there can be some pretty nasty shit that hits the fan when all is said and done.

But I have known of more then one workplace affair that weathered the storm with people remaining friends when all was said and done. I just don't think that someone automatically loses their job because of it.

I can see how it may seem that way-- and if someone has worked in HR-- they probably do come across the ones that go really sour. But the ones that just quietly end-- well--- I think theres actually more of those then there are the ones that blow up and cause big problems. JMO.

I've never been unfaithful to a man-- whether a boyfriend, or now my husband of 12 yrs. But I do understand the workplace temptation that can figure in. I've never even wanted to step out on my hubby ever-- until the temptation of a former manager of mine.

Both of us are happily married-- but there was no denying the very primal and sexual attraction that developed and even grew-- over time. We never stepped out of bounds, but I have to say-- if he would have made the offer-- I'm still-- to this day-- not sure how I would have responded. I like to think that I would have taken the high road and walked away. But I'm just not sure....

And yes, you can be happily married and still struggle with an overwhelming attraction to someone else. Anyone who says thats not possible is lying outright or lying to themselves.

The place of business I worked at closed down due to the economy, and we don't work together anymore... but I know that there was extreme danger between us. And i believe he knew it too. We never discussed it, but it was there. (and no, I wasn't imagining it-- I know when a man looks at me with fire in his eyes...)

He was and is such a proper and devoted husband and father and I know he struggled with himself as well.

We both were doing good at keeping it professional, but I will always wonder-- to the end of my days-- what it would have been like with him.

Yet I know-- it is best that we never crossed that line. Once crossed, you can't take it back and risk losing much and hurting the ones you love.

Maybe I'm getting too far off on a tangent here (i'm good at that) but I just wanted to mention some of my outlook.

I really do think it should be avoided-- but I also know how compelling it can be. And I was always someone who really looked down on people who were unfaithful. I had a poor opinion of those who did it--- but to my surprise, I found out that I was very much capable of it.

Fortunately-- no one before or after him has ever sparked my imagination as he did. I've been able to stay true to someone I love very much. But in a corner of mind, I know that I could have done it . And given the opportunity-- very possibly would have done it.

Makes me a pretty bad person doesn't it?

I don't think it makes you a bad woman, it's really common for a married person to be attracted by someone else, who isn't?

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Interesting observation. I've never seen that stud in action in 30 years of employment, but they say things are different in Texas.

I have lived in Texas, Colorado, Washington State and London, and I have never been in a company where someone wasn't fucking somebody. The key is being discreet. If you are discreet, no one cares.