extremely turned on at work by....

[bailadora]

I'm curious-- Were a lot of the sexual harassment cases the result of affairs?

Roughly about a third of them were.

I can see that being the case when there's bad feelings-- such as one person expecting more from an affair and not getting it.

This is usually how it goes down. One person wants to end it or isn't getting what they wanted out of it and the other person disagrees. Instead of acting like adults and working it out on their own, someone decides to retaliate by claiming sexual harassment, thus involving the company.

Stupid move on their part because, if it is found they were sexually involved, the company is not going to get into a he said, she said pissing contest. It's much easier to discipline both parties, up to and including termination. While termination is not always the course of action, that doesn't mean there aren't other severe consequences. In some cases, people were demoted and/or transferred with a pay cut. I also know of one woman who was repeatedly passed over for promotion. She eventually left the company. Whether or not she was able to find something close to what she wanted elsewhere, I'm not sure. But I can tell you that when potential employers check references with former employers, one question that is asked is: "Are there any issues we should be aware of?" So this kind of thing definitely has the potential to follow someone from one job to another.

If people would just put on their big girl/boy underwear, deal with it themselves and keep the company out of it, this would be a non-issue. Just seems like it would be common sense, wouldn't it? But then again, as Satin Desire correctly pointed out, common sense doesn't seem to be so common anymore.

 

[satindesire]

You don't have to worry about it if you by any chance had a look at my signature.

I simply set it a rule that I must be happy no matter what happens with few exceptions.

Yes, your happiness at the expense of other people's health and safety is a wonderfully selfish and arrogant way to live. Sorry, but I don't admire someone who puts their own meager satisfaction before the lives of the people that care about them. Getting your dick wet by strange women isn't the key to your happiness, and if you ever grow up out of that high school mentality you'll see that there are few things better in life than truly caring about a woman who loves you.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Yes, your happiness at the expense of other people's health and safety is a wonderfully selfish and arrogant way to live. Sorry, but I don't admire someone who puts their own meager satisfaction before the lives of the people that care about them. Getting your dick wet by strange women isn't the key to your happiness, and if you ever grow up out of that high school mentality you'll see that there are few things better in life than truly caring about a woman who loves you.

Just curious, but what makes you think anyone cares what you think? Are you some kind of fairy princes that we don't know about, or, are you just on the rag? No offense.

 

[thirty]

Yes, your happiness at the expense of other people's health and safety is a wonderfully selfish and arrogant way to live. Sorry, but I don't admire someone who puts their own meager satisfaction before the lives of the people that care about them. Getting your dick wet by strange women isn't the key to your happiness, and if you ever grow up out of that high school mentality you'll see that there are few things better in life than truly caring about a woman who loves you.

Gee, what are you talking about?

You meant you were the woman who loves me? You may look back the previous posts, I just made it clear that it didn't bother me that you liked me or not.

Get to the point if you ever grow up out of that primary school mentality.

 

[thirty]

I'm curious-- Were a lot of the sexual harassment cases the result of affairs? I can see that being the case when theres bad feelings-- such as one person expecting more from an affair and not getting it.

However-- in my experience- sexual harassment charges occur more often among people who have never had any kind of actual sexual contact. Like a friend of mine, who reported a man for making very inappropriate comments, not only to her, but to a lot of other women as well.

Just from my own workplace observation-- I never saw a sexual harassment case between people who have had an actual sexual relationship or affair.

But then, I've never worked in HR so I really don't know how it is and am genuninely interested.

I agree that if it is because of an affair-- then its probably because someone is pissed off and wants to get back at the other one.

But it seems to me, that accusations of sexual harassment brought up AFTER having sex with that person, is kinda like crying over spilled milk. lol. Unless one of them is trying to end it- and the other one is pestering the other for more sex. Then I can see it.

Otherwise, I really do think that most workplace affairs end very quietly. I've seen several that have ended that way. No big fuss and the people worked well together.

I can't agree with you more!

 

[krisl]

the last few days have been pretty uneventful ..... pretty much because i've been trying to avoid seeing her in the office and i've been on the road as well ..LOL

 

[satindesire]

Just curious, but what makes you think anyone cares what you think? Are you some kind of fairy princes that we don't know about, or, are you just on the rag? No offense.

I can name about a dozen people on this forum alone that care about what I think.

I doubt you could do the same.

Gee, what are you talking about?

You meant you were the woman who loves me? You may look back the previous posts, I just made it clear that it didn't bother me that you liked me or not.

Get to the point if you ever grow up out of that primary school mentality.

Your reading comprehension skills are outstanding. Sure, I'm your wife! You didn't know that I made an account here and have been watching your posts? By the way, the divorce papers should be on your desk tomorrow.

Not only do you suck at marriage, but you suck at trolling as well. Who takes an insult in the very same post and recycles it? God, can't you at least be original?!

 

[thirty]

Your reading comprehension skills are outstanding. Sure, I'm your wife! You didn't know that I made an account here and have been watching your posts? By the way, the divorce papers should be on your desk tomorrow.

Not only do you suck at marriage, but you suck at trolling as well. Who takes an insult in the very same post and recycles it? God, can't you at least be original?!

Apparently, your reading comprehension skills are not as outstanding as mine: You said that you and me will be unhappy if both of us are here, I told you that it was impossible since I would be happy no matter what happened, then you talked about something my happiness was in the expensive of someone who loved me...

So, I asked you if you were the woman who loved me.

Stop worring about me, I'm happily married, I have great kids, I have a decent and actually easy job with no so bad pay.
Okay, okay, I still like other beautiful girls if I have chance, but it's none of your business, you have the same options as you offered to me.

Try to be open minded, there are different cultures, different people in this world, a lot of thing might not make same senses for you as it does in China.

I hope that's it, let's forget it and try to enjoy our lives...

 

[satindesire]

Apparently, your reading comprehension skills are not as outstanding as mine: You said that you and me will be unhappy if both of us are here, I told you that it was impossible since I would be happy no matter what happened, then you talked about something my happiness was in the expensive of someone who loved me...

So, I asked you if you were the woman who loved me.

Stop worring about me, I'm happily married, I have great kids, I have a decent and actually easy job with no so bad pay.
Okay, okay, I still like other beautiful girls if I have chance, but it's none of your business, you have the same options as you offered to me.

Try to be open minded, there are different cultures, different people in this world, a lot of thing might not make same senses for you as it does in China.

I hope that's it, let's forget it and try to enjoy our lives...

I'm clearly not worried about you. I'm concerned about the risks you're taking to find a shallow, selfish version of happiness that is really only a paltry temporary satisfaction of neandrathalic lust because you're putting other people at risk. If you were single I wouldn't give a shit who you stick your little dick into. But you're not. If you were only effecting your own body and life with your choices, then it wouldn't matter, but you have a wife who might be fatally effected by your decisions.

I lost my sister to AIDS. She left behind a son and a husband who will FOREVER be negatively impacted by her choices. You don't care enough about your wife or kids to keep your penis to yourself, and when you put your business here in a PUBLIC place, it becomes everyone's business. If you don't want your shitty choices to be judged and commented on by other people, you have two choices. Either stop doing them, or stop talking about them. Only ONE of those choices is a good one and I hope you're smart enough to figure out which one is which.

I'm going to enjoy my life regardless of whether or not you're a terrible person. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to point blank tell you when you're a terrible person.

Openminded and accepting of a man endangering an innocent woman's heart and life by having affairs behind her back are not the same thing. If your kids are so great, don't risk taking their mother away from them FOREVER just because you didn't want to be faithful to her. I doubt they'd look at you like a good father if you gave her something that killed her. Can you imagine trying to explain why mommy got sick and died, or looking down at her coffin at her funeral and knowing that YOU were the reason she was lying there? Can you imagine looking your children in the eyes and telling them that you were the reason why they'll never get another hug or kiss from their mother ever again?

STDs that kill don't just happen in third world countries. My sister lived in the USA, in TEXAS. She's only been dead for eight years. Venereal Disease isn't something that went around back in the free-love era of the 70's when hippy kids started discovering that they wouldn't burst into flames if they lost their virginity before getting married. There are more people infected with it TODAY than ever, and more people will be affected TOMORROW. Your chances of catching something goes up EXPONENTIALLY every time you screw another woman behind your wife's back. Yet none of these facts deter you from your "happiness".

It has nothing to do with culture and everything to do with being a decent human being deserving of the love she gives you.

 

[thirty]

Openminded and accepting of a man endangering an innocent woman's heart and life by having affairs behind her back are not the same thing.

It has nothing to do with culture and everything to do with being a decent human being deserving of the love she gives you.

I used to have affairs with few women, if that's why you think less of me, go ahead.

Again, your idea about me Doesn't bother me.

Welcome to China where maybe more than 60% married men have affairs, or 90% if you think having sex with prostitutes counts.
It's not something 'right', it's just human nature.

 

[satindesire]

I used to have affairs with few women, if that's why you think less of me, go ahead.

Again, your idea about me Doesn't bother me.

Welcome to China where maybe more than 60% married men have affairs, or 90% if you think having sex with prostitutes counts.
It's not something 'right', it's just human nature.

If it didn't bother you, you'd blow off my posts without a second thought. Since you're still here defending yourself, you obviously feel SOMETHING about it.

Guilty conscious?

Wake up and smell the soy sauce, pal. Karma's a bitch.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

we crossed paths a few times today and she was definitely not flirting which was good. that kind of eased up my tension some. all this talk about false sexual harassment is a real opener for sure. thanks for all your input.

It is, because the stink of sexual harrassment can and probably will follow you, even if you didn't do it.

You don't want to be tarred with that brush, not in this day and age, where even complimenting someone on their shirt colour can be miscontrued.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You don't have to worry about it if you by any chance had a look at my signature.

I simply set it a rule that I must be happy no matter what happens with few exceptions.

Ok, so you'll be happy if you fuck a married woman, and her husband finds out, comes over and punches you in the face?

Awesome.

 

[krisl]

Ok, so you'll be happy if you fuck a married woman, and her husband finds out, comes over and punches you in the face?

Awesome.

that also crossed my mind as well, that would definitely suck

 

[thirty]

Ok, so you'll be happy if you fuck a married woman, and her husband finds out, comes over and punches you in the face?

Awesome.

Again, no worries, Chinese men care about 'faces' very much, he will try not to let others know.

 

[bailadora]

the last few days have been pretty uneventful ..... pretty much because i've been trying to avoid seeing her in the office and i've been on the road as well ..LOL

Smart move, dude. The thing about office romances/affairs: there's no telling how they're gonna end. Maybe it works out as Firefly has mentioned: amicably and life goes on as usual. OTOH, maybe someone decides they're going to totally fuck over (not in a good way) the other person and alleges sexual harassment.

I know there are some people here who believe I'm a total killjoy, but having worked in the field I did, I've seen enough of these things gone bad to think it's not worth the risk. IMO, it's like playing Russian Roulette with one's career/professional reputation.

 

[subwannabe]

I have attended several workshops or conferences on the subject. Most of what everyone says is accurate but I don't think anyone has mentioned the fact that it is actually sexual harrassment against a third party if they are denied a promotion or a raise, etc if an office relationship benefits one of those involved over that third party. Sleeping your way to the top is actually sexual harrassment over those who should have received those promotions or raises.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

Smart move, dude. The thing about office romances/affairs: there's no telling how they're gonna end. Maybe it works out as Firefly has mentioned: amicably and life goes on as usual. OTOH, maybe someone decides they're going to totally fuck over (not in a good way) the other person and alleges sexual harassment.

I know there are some people here who believe I'm a total killjoy, but having worked in the field I did, I've seen enough of these things gone bad to think it's not worth the risk. IMO, it's like playing Russian Roulette with one's career/professional reputation.

You just don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about whether it is right or wrong to fuck some guy’s wife. You don’t know anything about this woman, (and apparently neither does Krisl): for all you know, this woman may be in an open-marriage, and it’s perfectly ok with her husband if she has an occasional strange cock.

This is about whether you want to be a slave to fear, or whether you want to be free! You threaten Krisl with being fired from his job if his dick gets hard. If a man has to live in fear of losing his job because of his natural desire to have sex, he should find another job where he is appreciated.

You preach about career and professional reputation? Let me tell you about career and professional reputation: to business, every employee in this country is nothing more than a number on a balance sheet. To business, the only thing that counts is how much money you make for the company. If you make enough money for the company, you can fuck the Virgin Mary on the boss’s desk, and he will hold your pants while you do it.

More than 150 million people go to work every day in this country; millions to those workers will have an affair with someone they work with at some point in their career, and no one cares! More people get fired for being late and personality conflicts, than for fucking a co-worker.

You can cower in fear if you want, but don’t preach your fear to other people. You are worse than a Baptist preacher. You disgust me.

 

[bailadora]

I have attended several workshops or conferences on the subject. Most of what everyone says is accurate but I don't think anyone has mentioned the fact that it is actually sexual harrassment against a third party if they are denied a promotion or a raise, etc if an office relationship benefits one of those involved over that third party. Sleeping your way to the top is actually sexual harrassment over those who should have received those promotions or raises.

It wasn't mentioned specifically, but yes - that falls under the umbrella of hostile work environment.

 

[silverwhisper]

nasty deeds quoth:
you just don’t get it, do you?

no, you don't get it, you drooling monkey.

nasty deeds quoth:
this is about whether you want to be a slave to fear, or whether you want to be free! you threaten krisl with being fired from his job if his dick gets hard. if a man has to live in fear of losing his job because of his natural desire to have sex, he should find another job where he is appreciated.

omg, have you ever got some issues. seriously, stop trying to give advice and try getting some.

nasty deeds quoth:
you preach about career and professional reputation? let me tell you about career and professional reputation: to business, every employee in this country is nothing more than a number on a balance sheet. to business, the only thing that counts is how much money you make for the company. if you make enough money for the company, you can fuck the virgin nary on the boss’s desk, and he will hold your pants while you do it.

and now we know you've never worked a day in corporate america. thank you for playing.

nasty deeds quoth:
you can cower in fear if you want, but don’t preach your fear to other people. you are worse than a baptist preacher. you disgust me.

amazingly, nasty deeds has taken his unique form of hypocrisy to a new level by: 1) claiming to have bailadora on ignore, and 2) by continuing to take this thread off-topic.

kris quoth:
pretty much because i've been trying to avoid seeing her in the office.

good call, dude.

ed

 

[bailadora]

You just don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about whether it is right or wrong to fuck some guy’s wife. You don’t know anything about this woman, (and apparently neither does Krisl): for all you know, this woman may be in an open-marriage, and it’s perfectly ok with her husband if she has an occasional strange cock.

This is about whether you want to be a slave to fear, or whether you want to be free! You threaten Krisl with being fired from his job if his dick gets hard. If a man has to live in fear of losing his job because of his natural desire to have sex, he should find another job where he is appreciated.

You preach about career and professional reputation? Let me tell you about career and professional reputation: to business, every employee in this country is nothing more than a number on a balance sheet. To business, the only thing that counts is how much money you make for the company. If you make enough money for the company, you can fuck the Virgin Mary on the boss’s desk, and he will hold your pants while you do it.

More than 150 million people go to work every day in this country; millions to those workers will have an affair with someone they work with at some point in their career, and no one cares! More people get fired for being late and personality conflicts, than for fucking a co-worker.

You can cower in fear if you want, but don’t preach your fear to other people. You are worse than a Baptist preacher. You disgust me.

No, YOU don't get it. But then, given the unsubstantiated tripe you've been spewing all over this board since your arrival, I didn't expect you to. I'm not exactly enamored with you either Nasty Deeds, and I could give a rat's ass regarding your opinion of me.

This not about morality but about the way companies are going to react if sexual harassment charges are filed. It's precisely BECAUSE companies care only about the bottom line that I think people should seriously consider the possible ramifications of this sort of thing.

That being: if the romance/affair goes sideways and charges are filed, you have just cost the company a BUNDLE in lawyers fees. And unless you are raking in the mighty big bucks, the amount of money the average Joe or Jane brings in for a company doesn't even BEGIN to compensate the firm. Given that, there is a very HIGH chance your ass will be terminated and you will NOT get unemployment benefits. And if you have a reputation for costing the company money, the chances of you getting hired elsewhere fall significantly.

As to finding a job in the US where a man might be "appreciated" and not under the jurisdiction of the EEOC - the only options are companies with less than 15 employees. Otherwise, EVERYONE who works in the US is subject to the same statutes. Whether you agree with it or not, is irrelevant.

There is no guarantee that an office romance/affair will end badly. Then again, there's no guarantee it won't. What it all comes down to is calculated risk.

For someone who's top priority in life is to get his/her rocks off, I'm quite sure the battle cry would be one of "damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead". *shrugs* Your life, your decision and rock on with your bad self. It's no skin off my ass.

Those who value other priorities such as being able to pay the bills, keeping their medical benefits, and maintaining their professional reputations will mostly likely decide the risk isn't worth it. After all, there are plenty of other places to hookup.

In summary - I don't really care if you agree with me or not, Nasty Deeds. I'm simply relaying what I've seen happen as a result of some of these relationships gone wrong, which given the field I was in, was plenty. In the end, it's up to each person who reads this to decide what he or she wants to do.

 

[culloden]

You just don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about whether it is right or wrong to fuck some guy’s wife. You don’t know anything about this woman, (and apparently neither does Krisl): for all you know, this woman may be in an open-marriage, and it’s perfectly ok with her husband if she has an occasional strange cock.

This is about whether you want to be a slave to fear, or whether you want to be free! You threaten Krisl with being fired from his job if his dick gets hard. If a man has to live in fear of losing his job because of his natural desire to have sex, he should find another job where he is appreciated.

You preach about career and professional reputation? Let me tell you about career and professional reputation: to business, every employee in this country is nothing more than a number on a balance sheet. To business, the only thing that counts is how much money you make for the company. If you make enough money for the company, you can fuck the Virgin Mary on the boss’s desk, and he will hold your pants while you do it.

More than 150 million people go to work every day in this country; millions to those workers will have an affair with someone they work with at some point in their career, and no one cares! More people get fired for being late and personality conflicts, than for fucking a co-worker.

You can cower in fear if you want, but don’t preach your fear to other people. You are worse than a Baptist preacher. You disgust me.

Dude, Bailadora never made the morality of adultery an issue. You're the one who brought that up, like you had a chip on your shoulder you were just begging for an excuse to play.

And of all the posters to pick a fight with, why would you pick a fight with the one person who has HR expertise, as well as a longstanding reputation as one of the most reasonable posters here?

Sure, maybe it's not done this way in other places, and maybe our culture should be different. Or not. But that's not the reality.

 

[coastal-boy]

. You disgust me.

Then my job is complete. An ass is disgusted by me.

 

[bailadora]

And of all the posters to pick a fight with, why would you pick a fight with the one person who has HR expertise, as well as a longstanding reputation as one of the most reasonable posters here?

'Cause I'm a cock-blocking, bible-thumping, angry, middle-aged woman who life has passed by and my only mission in life is to throw a wet blanket on everyone else's fun?

Clearly I have no idea of what I'm talking about. After all, Nasty Deeds is the self proclaimed expert on employer/employee as well as mother/son relationships, psychology and who knows what else. The fact that he's been asked, yet is unwilling to supply reputable, credible documentation/evidence to substantiate his claims is completely beside the point. Don't you realize we should be grateful for anything he deigns to dole out to us peons?

 

[Eilan]

'Cause I'm a cock-blocking, bible-thumping, angry, middle-aged woman who life has passed by and my only mission in life is to throw a wet blanket on everyone else's fun?

Well, now that you mention it. . .