Female Lit authors: How much unsolicited sexual advances have you dealt with as a result of your writing?

[nice90sguy]

..and after over 20 years here, I do have anectodes...

 

[AlexBailey]

All my life I’ve felt out of place among the “locker room talk” kind of guys. Growing up I had uncles and step father types who tried to toughen me up and ‘make a man’ out of me. Just growing my hair long and getting both ears pierced sets me aside as less than a man by other men in my extended family and many in society - and not just other men.

Many guys treat dating like fishing - “just keep throwing your line out there, eventually you’ll get a bite.” In school or other places where big cross sections of people are thrown together I can see over and over where aggressiveness is rewarded with making it past the first introduction.

For aggressive types it’s kind of a sorting process, who is it isn’t worth a further investment of time. On the plus side, that works both ways - they vet themselves from the interest of anyone who doesn’t appreciate aggressiveness, but it’s also amazing how often it works. Some people respond to being pursued, so the aggressive types get some confirmation about their tactics and they don’t give a damn about those it doesn’t work with.

As wrong or offensive as it may be to others it works for them and there is nothing a guy like me can say or do that will influence them.

I raised my three boys with my values, all are very respectful of women and other gender identities. They all present much more typically male than I do and I’ve heard them call out friends who were being “dogs” or “fuck boys” but there are still many parents raising their kids to be that version of “real men”.

I’m sorry that so many aggressive men are the way they are. My only useful suggestion is to take it as them vetting themselves.

 

[stickygirl]

I’m not saying boys will be boys.

Em

Agreed. This is an expression handed down by generations, often by women, to excuse, not boys coming home with muddy shirts, but men acting rapey. I dare say some shitty defense lawyer has used it. (Steubenville)

A year later in 2019, Stella Donnelly released an album, including Boys will be Boys which is worth 4 mins of your life.

Sorry, don't mean to distract from pervs sending PMs

 

[lovecraft68]

Agreed. This is an expression handed down by generations, often by women, to excuse, not boys coming home with muddy shirts, but men acting rapey. I dare say some shitty defense lawyer has used it. (Steubenville)

Was that the case where the four HS football players date raped a girl? And the town was mad at the judge for trying them as adults because it would ruin their chances of being drafted? (which it wouldn't the NFL is a rape and abuse factory)

To me, boys will be boys is fitting for things like school fights and other random stupidity. I said it when my grandson was sent home from school for punching the kid that punched him first. But being used as a defense for toxic behavior including abuse is BS.

 

[stickygirl]

Was that the case where the four HS football players date raped a girl? And the town was mad at the judge for trying them as adults because it would ruin their chances of being drafted? (which it wouldn't the NFL is a rape and abuse factory)

To me, boys will be boys is fitting for things like school fights and other random stupidity. I said it when my grandson was sent home from school for punching the kid that punched him first. But being used as a defense for toxic behavior including abuse is BS.

Drafted?! No - the parents worried they might not get college football scholarships. Two were convicted but not before parents pleaded that boys will be boys. It was sickening.

 

[lovecraft68]

Drafted?! No - the parents worried they might not get college football scholarships. Two were convicted but not before parents pleaded that boys will be boys. It was sickening.

Right college before being drafted, and if I recall one of the ones not convicted did get in, and it blows my mind how two weren't convicted, that was an all or nothing scenario.

 

[Djmac1031]

I believe horny men on a porn site are as capable of controlling themselves as a horny man in real life is.

I think the major issue is that for the longest time, men simply weren't taught to control themselves.

I look back at my generation. Almost every message we were sent glorified "Boys will be Boys."

And don't get me started on other cultural influences, like religion, that reaches many to repress their sexuality until the point it winds up manifesting in negative ways.

I'm happy as a society we're working harder to send the message that aggressive sexual behavior by men is no longer acceptable.

But obviously we still have a long way to go.

 

[lovecraft68]

[No personal attacks or trolling - including creating accounts for this specific purpose. Heated discussions are fine, even welcome. However, personally attacking / kink-shaming a fellow author or reader is not allowed within the Author's Hangout. Threads which devolve into the exchanging of insults will be closed and repeat offenders will be given a timeout, per the AH rules.]

 

[Djmac1031]

One issue being if one female* proves to be open to frat boy stupidity the boys then assume all women are.

There are always those detrimental to their own causes.

You realize you just blamed a woman for the behavior of men, right?

Right?

 

[Tessinwales]

I have had several unwanted requests for cam 2 cam, pics, phone sex etc. But in all honesty it hasn't bothered me. I wrote to express my fondness for the memories and the thrill of the experiences, not for titillation per se. But if some people are taken up by the excitement and get a little carried away, so be it. I am anonymous on here. So I feel no threat.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I see that madonna - whore syndrome is alive and well on Literotica.

Em

 

[Kelliezgirl]

One issue being if one female* proves to be open to frat boy stupidity the boys then assume all women are.

There are always those detrimental to their own causes.

Kind of sexist to think you get to decide what women's causes are, and what women should be allowed to enjoy.
Maybe back off the white knighting, we can take care of ourselves.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I think the major issue is that for the longest time, men simply weren't taught to control themselves.

I look back at my generation. Almost every message we were sent glorified "Boys will be Boys."

And don't get me started on other cultural influences, like religion, that reaches many to repress their sexuality until the point it winds up manifesting in negative ways.

I'm happy as a society we're working harder to send the message that aggressive sexual behavior by men is no longer acceptable.

But obviously we still have a long way to go.

When is this magical time when men didn't have to control themselves?
Do you realize what the world would be like if men actually didn't control themselves?
We're talking some serious Mad Max stuff going on.

Part of the problem is how do we define "aggressive"?
What one women sees as an "aggressive unwanted advance" is behavior that is perfectly acceptable to another.

 

[StillStunned]

One issue being if one female* proves to be open to frat boy stupidity the boys then assume all women are.

Only those boys who don't learn to think, who don't learn that one person's response isn't true for everyone.

 

[stickygirl]

Part of the problem is how do we define "aggressive"?
What one women sees as an "aggressive unwanted advance" is behavior that is perfectly acceptable to another.

Until it happens to them

 

[Djmac1031]

When is this magical time when men didn't have to control themselves?
Do you realize what the world would be like if men actually didn't control themselves?
We're talking some serious Mad Max stuff going on.

A little confused by this. When did I ever allude to some "magical time when men didn't have to control themselves?"

 

[stickygirl]

When is this magical time when men didn't have to control themselves?
Do you realize what the world would be like if men actually didn't control themselves?
We're talking some serious Mad Max stuff going on.

Part of the problem is how do we define "aggressive"?
What one women sees as an "aggressive unwanted advance" is behavior that is perfectly acceptable to another.

It's not simply a matter of bad actors doing bad stuff, but the overwhelming silence from men and women who judge by not speaking up. If there's anything to be learned from history, it's that biting your tongue or using expressions like 'boys will be boys' is complicit to the crime.

 

[TadOverdon]

I've only had a few awkward messages, maybe because of the pen name. But nothing graphic or gross. I just get PMs consisting of "Is that you in your avatar? You're pretty!" Which is kind of a sweetly naive come-on in an "I'll bet no one has thought of this before" way.

(Not me in my avatar)

 

[MillieDynamite]

But girl, it suits you!

I've only had a few awkward messages, maybe because of the pen name. But nothing graphic or gross. I just get PMs consisting of "Is that you in your avatar? You're pretty!" Which is kind of a sweetly naive come-on in an "I'll bet no one has thought of this before" way.

(Not me in my avatar)

 

[Bramblethorn]

Drafted?! No - the parents worried they might not get college football scholarships. Two were convicted but not before parents pleaded that boys will be boys. It was sickening.

I think you might be interpreting "drafted" in the military service sense, and I think LC is using it in the "sports recruitment" sense.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm not even a woman and I've gotten messages from people - both on this site and on reddit - thinking I'm a woman and requesting nudes or trying to talk dirty with me. Which is pretty strange, considering Boi is literally in my username and I write smut that's pretty clearly written by a man.

FWIW, "boi" with that spelling is used with a lot of different meanings, and one of those meanings is slang for a boyish-looking lesbian.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

A little confused by this. When did I ever allude to some "magical time when men didn't have to control themselves?"

When you said, "I think the major issue is that for the longest time, men simply weren't taught to control themselves.".

That's nonsense.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

It's not simply a matter of bad actors doing bad stuff, but the overwhelming silence from men and women who judge by not speaking up. If there's anything to be learned from history, it's that biting your tongue or using expressions like 'boys will be boys' is complicit to the crime.

We've taken a completely innocuous phrase like "Boys will be boys" and twisted it into something to fit an agenda.

The phrase never meant there was no accountability, it meant that we used to understand that boys and girls develop differently.
Two boys can get into a fight at recess and be friends on the walk home. Because that's how they are wired. Girls aren't like that.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Until it happens to them

I guess I'm just not so fragile I can't handle telling a guy no.

 

[alohadave]

We've taken a completely innocuous phrase like "Boys will be boys" and twisted it into something to fit an agenda.

The phrase never meant there was no accountability, it meant that we used to understand that boys and girls develop differently.
Two boys can get into a fight at recess and be friends on the walk home. Because that's how they are wired. Girls aren't like that.

It's often used to excuse the behavior of grown men. Has nothing to do with development or how how the genders are 'wired'. It's socialized behavior that favors boys and men doing things that people turn a blind eye to.