Forum exhaustion

[naxalite0906]

I guess the more people post, the more chance people have to take notice of them and get opinions of that person. I am not saying that anyone here is judgemental, as I love it here and think everyone is very friendly and always willing to help, but its the way people work when they meet someone new. From what I have seen, if someone is new and says hello, there is always a lot of posts by people welcoming that person. Velvet does have a point though, it does seem at the moment is that every topic seems to be covered! lol. This would mean that people may get bored of seeing another thread on a similar theme, but no one should be blamed for starting a thread if they are curious about something.

I have been here a long time. Sure, I say stuff from time to time, but I certainly don't say alot compared to others which is why I would never class myself as an old hand! lol.

It does seem though that a lot of people, including myself, seemed to have lost touch or feeling with the place. My life has gotten busier and net time isn't as much, so that would be one reason for me. Maybe I have exhausted the forum too, who knows. But its weird how it seems to have happened for so many people at the same time.

 

[eastern sun]

I think it's like waves in the ocean.

I was a long-time lurker, and got chased off when I finally got up the courage to post by one of Evil Geoff's rants. I felt really stupid in the opinion of someone I had grown to respect.

But most of the old hands that were around when I first logged on have long since disappeared, been replaced by new old hands, and now the new old hands are disappearing.

As opposed to sites like fetlife or collarme, literotica provides a very gentle access point for people interested in BDSM. It seems like it will forever be populated by newcomers who ask all the same questions, and then turn into experts within a few years.

I miss the old voices. But also enjoy the new voices that are being developed.

 

[WriterDom]

I'm honestly not feeling "it" on any of my forums these days. Not the kink, professional, homeschooling or just friends forums, nope.

BTW, who else other than WD thinks it's all the Atlanta get Litogether's fault? I'd really like to know. It would help me access my own guilt level.

Thanks.

I didn't say it was the fault. It was just an observation. There was a lot of excitement on the board leading up to it. So many people came.

 

[bruisedangel]

I'm still pretty damn new here, and, if any of the other newbies are feeling anything like me, most of the time I feel a bit like an idiot tossing my two cents into a conversation. The 'old-hand' posters seem to have been around for ages, have spent enough time posting and speaking with one another that there's a very close and friendly rapport. There are a ridiculous number of threads (some I've read, some, no) that it's difficult to go through them all to find the answers the one is seeking. Due to some of that, I hate to ask some questions that I have, because I'm sure they've been answered already. However, in defense of newbies, and repeat questions/threads, sometimes it's nice to just get a conversation going, rather than to go back through postings that have been made years ago. It's a way to get a feel for someone on here, start a friendship, a light-hearted debate, information from a new point of view. Meh, I dunno. I may be way off-base. But, I gotta say, I enjoy watching all of you interact with one another. You guys are way intelligent, insightful, and, given the mood on some topics, funny as hell.

 

[DVS]

I do think there are different phases the forum goes through, as well as posters go through phases, too. And when Fetlife came about, I noticed quite a few regulars that seemed disenchanted with Lit jumped ship.

I tried Fetlife, too. I still go over there, but as I've said more than once, I don't like the lay out of the site. They do seem to be changing things around, a bit, but not the things I would like to see changed.

It has become a very large site, so if you are looking for large numbers, you might find what you're looking for over there. But, if you are looking for a more laid back atmosphere, and in some cases more friendly people, I'd stick to this place.

Sure, if you know someone from here and they are also on Fetlife, Fetlife can seem more like home. But that's because you met them over here. Those I meet over there, just seem like aquaintances, not friends.

OK, I can't say that's totally Fetlife's way, because I've met more local people from my city over there. Actually, I don't know if there is anybody from my local area on Lit. I think there was at one time, but I think they've gone to Fetlife, or just gone. So, that's what I mean by Fetlife has the numbers.

Shit, I posted to a thread over there and the response I got seemed like I was posting on the general board, over here. If you don't know, a word to the wise...don't go to the general board here, unless you are equiped for it.

Anyway, I got bashed by two women posters who (1) didn't know me from Adam (2) seemed set in their ideas about the thread topic (3) and didn't seem to even care about someone else's thoughts (4) and because I didn't expect what I got, it took me by surprise.

I'm not saying you won't get the same treatment here, but I'd like to think it isn't a potentially regular occurrence.

I've been here a few years and seen quite a few good people come and go. That doesn't mean what's left is just a bunch of crappy people, but I hope Lit isn't trying to be as big as Fetlife. Large is OK but huge...I wouldn't enjoy it the same.

Here, I can start a thread and maybe...just maybe someone will respond that knows something about me. If I did the same thing on Fetlife, I don't think that would be as easy to say.

And we can be nasty to newbies here, too. I don't like how some people will assume someone is a troll and bash them. Sure, if they are assumed to be an unwanted, I really hope they truly are unwanted. I guess I'm just not that good at noticing trolls.

And, if a newbie starts a thread that has already been started (sometimes more than a few times as in the "how did you get started in BDSM?" threads), I don't bash them for it. If someone is always bashed for starting a thread, maybe that's part of the reason people leave. The search engine here isn't the easiest thing to use. Cut people some slack. If a newbie wants to feel like they belong...who am I to burst their bubble?

Although I do always warn people about gracie and her cookies, when I can. I mean, that's just being nice to the new people. A shark by any other name is still a shark.

 

[ownedsubgal]

the forum exhaustion gets to me too, and when it does i'll step back for a while but i would always come back. i feel connected to the regular posters here (even those who take their own periodic sabbaticals), it's like an internet family of sorts.

but what prompts me to step away isn't the repetition of topics...that takes place everywhere on the internet. it's when all the current topics of discussion are fluff or kinky activity-related, and the serious discussions disappear or just aren't popular, because the primary posters are newbies interested in bdsm-ish activities, and not so much D/s relationship dynamics or everyday life issues related to such. that is what interests me most, as a very non-kink or play or "scene" oriented person. now of course, there are those who will say, why not start a topic if you want to have a serious discussion about something. and every once in a while, i do. but i'm not going to do that in the midst of 10 topics about gay anal sex, strap-on play, foot licking, spanking, and "it turns me on to "dom" my gf in the bedroom."

 

[SimonBrooke]

Surely the older hands here have gone through this. You feel that you've debated BDSM from every possible angle and when poor newbies stick their heads over the parapet you just think 'this again? how many damn times have I answered this question or spoken about this subject?'

Well I'm there. I've hit the wall. So to avoid becoming a bitter, jaded, forum bitch I'm going to take a big step back and maybe just lurk for a bit. There'll be no need for search parties, I'll still be around... kinda. I'm not enjoying myself here so much and so I think I definitely need a break.

Still love you guys though.

Velvet, you have been consistently one of the very best people here since I first started paying attention to the BDSM forums. I'm deeply sorry your life isn't great just now. If you need to step back and just ignore us all for a while I fully understand, but drop in now and again to let us know you're OK, yes?

You will be very much missed.

Best wishes and take care of yourself.

 

[Etoile]

I just kind of hang out and post when I feel like it. If certain people, questions, or topics bother me, I just don't respond to them. *shrug*

 

[HisSexyPet]

Velvet has been one of the posters that I will always check to see what she says. I can relate to a lot of it and gain insight into this new lifestyle i have entered. I will miss your posts.

As a newbie I was directed to the library. I went and looked and all i seemed to find was external links. I did check into these and found some great information. I also noticed that the graphics were no longer showing, but didn't realize til recently that they were links to other pages that had the Lit links. This was a great idea and wish it was updated, but the latest links were in 2008. I know the information is still good. And they are a good source, but most of those people no longer post. I feel if I have a question or want to make a comment on an old thread I will just not post and go on. Forums are meant to be interactive, thus it is more conducive to make a new thread to get the opinions and experiences of the people that are currently active.

It took a lot for me to make this post as I have learned to keep my mouth shut on non-fluff topics. But I felt I needed to put forth my findings/concerns for all those newbies that don't get their nerve up to post.

 

[Etoile]

It took a lot for me to make this post as I have learned to keep my mouth shut on non-fluff topics. But I felt I needed to put forth my findings/concerns for all those newbies that don't get their nerve up to post.

I'm sorry you feel this way. IMHO, you should never, never feel afraid to post something. Every contribution to non-fluff discussion is valuable.

 

[eastern sun]

I'm sorry you feel this way. IMHO, you should never, never feel afraid to post something. Every contribution to non-fluff discussion is valuable.

The only problem with never being afraid to post is that it's not a realistic ambition for some of us - for two reasons that I don't think will ever change (nor should they).

1. Some of us are overly concerned about what others think of us.

2. There are a few petty sadists lurking in these waters. And they don't mind making other people uncomfortable.


P.S. edited to express my hope that no one takes offense at my use of the word "petty." I just mean to imply that these are fairly insignificant interactions in the grand scale of sadistic endeavors.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've been here a little more then two years and have found it a little difficult to feel comfortable and welcome.

Once I reached into my soul and found my inner bitch then I felt I fit in much better. (j/k...kinda sorta)

There are some very strong personalities on this forum both dominant and submissive and everywhere inbetween. I wish some were a little more patient with newbies but then again maybe I am like DVS and not that good at spotted trolls. I tend to give newbies the benefit of the doubt. Probably because I consider myself one still.

Velvet enjoy your hiatus, you will be missed.

 

[HisSexyPet]

The only problem with never being afraid to post is that it's not a realistic ambition for some of us - for two reasons that I don't think will ever change (nor should they).

1. Some of us are overly concerned about what others think of us.

2. There are a few petty sadists lurking in these waters. And they don't mind making other people uncomfortable.


P.S. edited to express my hope that no one takes offense at my use of the word "petty." I just mean to imply that these are fairly insignificant interactions in the grand scale of sadistic endeavors.

EasternSun has again put my feeling into better words than i ever could have. Concise and to the point.

 

[Etoile]

The only problem with never being afraid to post is that it's not a realistic ambition for some of us - for two reasons that I don't think will ever change (nor should they).

1. Some of us are overly concerned about what others think of us.

2. There are a few petty sadists lurking in these waters. And they don't mind making other people uncomfortable.


P.S. edited to express my hope that no one takes offense at my use of the word "petty." I just mean to imply that these are fairly insignificant interactions in the grand scale of sadistic endeavors.

Fair enough. I've spent almost 2/3 of my life in some form of online interaction (got online at 7 or 8 and I'm 28 now) and I've learned not to let a lot of stuff get to me. I'm not saying nothing ever bothers me, but it takes a lot to get me upset by something online. For some people this is not a habit and may never be. I had major social difficulties during my formative years, which may have contributed to my current ease of dealing with the variety of people you encounter on the internet.

And quite honestly, I don't think people who play nasty on here are actually sadists...just dumb fucks trying to make themselves feel big online.

 

[JMohegan]

I think it's like waves in the ocean.

I was a long-time lurker, and got chased off when I finally got up the courage to post by one of Evil Geoff's rants. I felt really stupid in the opinion of someone I had grown to respect.

But most of the old hands that were around when I first logged on have long since disappeared, been replaced by new old hands, and now the new old hands are disappearing.

As opposed to sites like fetlife or collarme, literotica provides a very gentle access point for people interested in BDSM. It seems like it will forever be populated by newcomers who ask all the same questions, and then turn into experts within a few years.

I miss the old voices. But also enjoy the new voices that are being developed.

The only problem with never being afraid to post is that it's not a realistic ambition for some of us - for two reasons that I don't think will ever change (nor should they).

1. Some of us are overly concerned about what others think of us.

2. There are a few petty sadists lurking in these waters. And they don't mind making other people uncomfortable.


P.S. edited to express my hope that no one takes offense at my use of the word "petty." I just mean to imply that these are fairly insignificant interactions in the grand scale of sadistic endeavors.

ES, the search function is working today, so I found the interaction with Geoff you mentioned. (The God/extramarital/addiction one, right?)

I read that as a sincere, succinct, thoughtful, intelligent response to your question. I honestly don't think he was trying to hurt you; I think he was trying to help you address the problem at hand. True, there was no coddling or attempt to soften/water down the message, but it was a serious topic, yes?

I don't see that as a sadist thing at all, and I'm wondering if perhaps your discomfort with it could be a male/female issue. Men tend to be much more direct in addressing problems, and less inclined to give half-answers, meandering answers, or responses clouded with a lot of poor-you-isms.

 

[eastern sun]

EasternSun has again put my feeling into better words than i ever could have. Concise and to the point.

Thank you, though I'm not sure I deserve it.

Like Etoile, I recommend that you post in spite of your fears. I can't tell you how many times I had full-out stress reactions with tingly skin and racing heartbeat and defensive thoughts when I read people's responses to my posts here.

I found it helpful to wait until the initial reaction subsided before responding myself. It often gave me time to find the words to express myself more clearly. And sometimes, when I went back and reread the response that had frightened me so much, it didn't say what I thought it had said. And I was really glad that I hadn't put my foot in my mouth by jumping to conclusions.

 

[eastern sun]

ES, the search function is working today, so I found the interaction with Geoff you mentioned. (The God/extramarital/addiction one, right?)

I read that as a sincere, succinct, thoughtful, intelligent response to your question. I honestly don't think he was trying to hurt you; I think he was trying to help you address the problem at hand. True, there was no coddling or attempt to soften/water down the message, but it was a serious topic, yes?

I don't see that as a sadist thing at all, and I'm wondering if perhaps your discomfort with it could be a male/female issue. Men tend to be much more direct in addressing problems, and less inclined to give half-answers, meandering answers, or responses clouded with a lot of poor-you-isms.

You're right. I thought Geoff was totally correct, and was simply embarrassed by my inability and/or unwillingness to accept responsibility for my half of the relationship at that time. It made me feel like I'd missed a fundamental point and needed to go back to the drawing board.

And I didn't actually mean to imply that Geoff in that interaction was one of those "petty sadists." I'm referring more to the huge number of relatively callous and insensitive remarks that are routinely made in this forum (from both sides of the power exchange ).

There was a time a number of years ago when I found myself laughing at myself for being upset by something someone said. I thought, "what do I think I'm going to find when I put myself in the company of people who like to play with pain?"

 

[FurryFury]

When I first came to this forum I was scared and unsure. Right from the beginning a male poster here who was well regarded by most seemed to hate and attack me.

I felt hurt but also determined not to buckle to this person's baseless attacks. I wondered if he were in fact hateful to older women or newbies in general.

I continued to post. I was polite. Eventually he and I even became sort of friends.

Recently on another forum, a male there began attacking every thing I posted. He didn't like my taste in movies, books or politics. He hated that I wouldn't debate or argue HIS way and therefore attempted to brand me a coward.

This person may also own the site. He accused me of having no meaningful opinions or connections there. IMO, he showed himself to be an insecure bully.

Did I leave the site? No. He can ban me if he wishes perhaps. I will not be run off due to one or more assholes on a particular site.

As it happens I have a number of people at that site that I enjoy.

I had to stop accepting his PM's because reading them made me want to lash back at him. People like that LOVE it if you lash back. They HATE being ignored. There is no iggy function there but his PM's sit in my box untouched and I know it's killing him.

Frankly, even though his attacks hurt at the time I no longer care or respect what he thinks because he has shown himself to be an uncaring ass.

Just when I thought he would never lay off, he has gotten more quiet at least against me. Now I actively support others he goes after when it occurs. I hadn't noticed he did that prior to his trying to make me his whipping boy.

All this to say, forums can be rough at times. You can fade away or you can fight in very many ways for your rights to do as you please. My way is to fight in a very low key, nice way.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i've mostly moved to fetlife. i find when i get bored i can go find another group. There are quite a few people over there who do the whole primal thing as well as the ageplay thing and they have rant groups which can be fun. i've made several friends and since i post mostly in the same groups the regular posters know where i'm coming from when i post.

i'll always have a soft spot for Lit though. i learned so much here just reading and then months later when i got brave enough to start posting i began really finding myself and defining what i wanted.

i am going to admit something though. When i bumped my Why i don't like nice guys thread to let everyone know i did in fact find a nice Daddy and have been with him for over a year no one said anything. Now i know i'm terrible telling other people congratulations and all that because i always figure they couldn't care less what i think so i know i'm the reason i don't often get it back but it was still a let down. One person replied that i didn't know anything about relationships and that was the only response i really got. i wrote that during a very dark period and i go back to it sometimes to remember and see how far i've come.

i'll probably always check in with Lit. i like to read eastern_sun's thread and then sometimes when i come over here to read that thread i see others and get involved in discussion again but i do find it hard to be fully myself here and i'm not sure why.

i've largely gotten over the anxiety of forum posting about any topic. i mind less if the people of the internet think i'm stupid or crazy than i used to... i mind less if it makes me uncomfortable. i think i've just learned to put up the anxiety. i know i'll live. The interaction and information is worth it. i love studying the way people think and interact, especially when its anonymous.

So you're all probably going to have to keep putting up with my erratic attendance and rather anarchist D/s point of view.

 

[MisterSir]

I don't post much about things of substance already because I never have anything constructive to add, but I've just realised you people are the only ones I can tell my problems to. And I'm horribly aware nobody really cares. I'm not sure there's anything more depressing about being me than that.

 

[HisSexyPet]

I don't post much about things of substance already because I never have anything constructive to add, but I've just realised you people are the only ones I can tell my problems to. And I'm horribly aware nobody really cares. I'm not sure there's anything more depressing about being me than that.

But we do care!!

 

[graceanne]

But its weird how it seems to have happened for so many people at the same time.

While I don't consider myself an 'old hand', I've noticed this as a trend. We get a LOT of newbies. About 10% of them stay, then a short while later we lose about 10% of our group. Some of the 10 are old hands, and some are of the newbies that stayed. Then we have a conversation about why the forum is dead/boring and where everyone went. . . and a bit later we get a whole bunch of newbies and the cycle starts again.

Although I do always warn people about gracie and her cookies, when I can. I mean, that's just being nice to the new people. A shark by any other name is still a shark.

I'm stuck between 'moi?' and 'you flatterer!' as a response so I thought I'd post both.

BTW - I want to state that there are NO COOKIES in this forum. I guarantee it.

I just kind of hang out and post when I feel like it. If certain people, questions, or topics bother me, I just don't respond to them. *shrug*

That's it for me. Someone said that lit's like an internet family, and that sums it up for me and is probably why I keep hanging out even when I'm not feeling like posting anything constructive. But I have been here long enough to notice I go through cycles myself of having something constructive to say, and not even going to the 'talk' area cause I'm not interested.

And quite honestly, I don't think people who play nasty on here are actually sadists...just dumb fucks trying to make themselves feel big online.

LOL

ETA: People need to remember that more than half the people who post in forums are not who/what they say they are. Ever heard that song 'i'm so much better online'?

 

[graceanne]

This was a great idea and wish it was updated, but the latest links were in 2008.

We need a new librarian. Rebbecca was our old one, but as you probably know from her post, she's not posting much anymore and has a lot going on.

Oh, and if the reason we haven't gotten a new one is cause someone's worried about pissing me off, or hurting my feelings, I don't care. We just need a new one.

 

[WriterDom]

We need a new librarian. Rebbecca was our old one, but as you probably know from her post, she's not posting much anymore and has a lot going on.

I thought you were one now?

 

[graceanne]

I thought you were one now?

Not as far as I know.