Gabby Hayes ... My Dream Man
- Thread starter cookiejar
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Harmless Pig
Literotica Guru
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- Sep 15, 2002
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cookiejar said:
I never thought I'd say this, but, I wish I was Gabby!
Like I always say..."Just cause there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there ain't fire in the chimney...."
I love the hair & the expression in this one...
http://www.junglered.com/hpics/gabby1.gif
I love the hair & the expression in this one...
http://www.junglered.com/hpics/gabby1.gif
Vaudeville performer and Western movie actor, George "Gabby" Hayes was a legendary spinner of tall yarns. This transcript of Gabby's Uncle Snowball Hays is one of his very best.
Gabby's Uncle Snowball Hays
Brrrr! Listen to that storm blow out there buckaroos. I wonder if that snow will ever stop fallin'. Shore glad I'm sittin' here inside my cabin with a warm fire back of me. Of course, I know you young'ns jes can't wait for it to stop, so you can get out there and get to sled ridin' and skiin' and throwin' snowballs and buildin' snowmen. Yep, I reckon that's real fun.
You know, whenever I'm out after a snowstorm and see a bunch of young'ns buildin' snowmen, kinda reminds me of an old uncle of mine -- Snowball Hayes he was know'd as. There was a man who know'd more about buildin' things with snow than anybody in the whole United States, and Texas! They wasn't anything he couldn't build with snow. Why, he learned them there Eskimos to build them Iglooys, made snowbells that could be heared, oh 50 - 60 miles away, and they looked jes like flowers. But, when it comes to buildin' snowmen, I reckon he built the greatest snowmen the world had ever know'd. Looked jes like they could walk and talk to ya'. Yes sir-ree bob.
One time he was way up there in Minnesoty and he decided he was goin' to build his self a snowman, and this un'd be bigger than any one he'd ever done.
Well, he worked for three years, seven days, eleven nights, two minutes and forty-eight seconds jes gittin' the snow together. Fact of the matter is, he used up all the snow in whole state of Minnesoty. When he got all through, his snowman stood, oh, maybe four-, five-hundred feet high. Couldn't see the top of his head on a cloudy day. Each leg was fifty or sixty feet tall. Naturally, folks come from all over the countryside to see it. And, you wouldn't believe this, but that snowman looked so real that folks used to talk to it and waited for it to talk back to them.
One day a couple of young'ns come by and started makin' snowballs right in front of my uncle's snowman. Well sir, that snowman took one look at what was goin' on and he started a runnin'. He took outta there like a scared jackrabbit. He run jest as fast as his legs u'd carry him. Fact is, he run all the way from Minnesoty to the Gulf of Mexico. Naturally, as he run South, it got warmer. And, the warmer it got, the smaller he got, 'cause he started meltin' and leavin' a trail of water behind him. And, by the time he stopped runnin' he'd plum disappeared.
But, I'll be a ring-tailed hypotenuse if that trail of water he left behind ain't there to this very day. Folks calls it the Mississippi River. Yes sir-ree bob.
Gabby's Uncle Snowball Hays
Brrrr! Listen to that storm blow out there buckaroos. I wonder if that snow will ever stop fallin'. Shore glad I'm sittin' here inside my cabin with a warm fire back of me. Of course, I know you young'ns jes can't wait for it to stop, so you can get out there and get to sled ridin' and skiin' and throwin' snowballs and buildin' snowmen. Yep, I reckon that's real fun.
You know, whenever I'm out after a snowstorm and see a bunch of young'ns buildin' snowmen, kinda reminds me of an old uncle of mine -- Snowball Hayes he was know'd as. There was a man who know'd more about buildin' things with snow than anybody in the whole United States, and Texas! They wasn't anything he couldn't build with snow. Why, he learned them there Eskimos to build them Iglooys, made snowbells that could be heared, oh 50 - 60 miles away, and they looked jes like flowers. But, when it comes to buildin' snowmen, I reckon he built the greatest snowmen the world had ever know'd. Looked jes like they could walk and talk to ya'. Yes sir-ree bob.
One time he was way up there in Minnesoty and he decided he was goin' to build his self a snowman, and this un'd be bigger than any one he'd ever done.
Well, he worked for three years, seven days, eleven nights, two minutes and forty-eight seconds jes gittin' the snow together. Fact of the matter is, he used up all the snow in whole state of Minnesoty. When he got all through, his snowman stood, oh, maybe four-, five-hundred feet high. Couldn't see the top of his head on a cloudy day. Each leg was fifty or sixty feet tall. Naturally, folks come from all over the countryside to see it. And, you wouldn't believe this, but that snowman looked so real that folks used to talk to it and waited for it to talk back to them.
One day a couple of young'ns come by and started makin' snowballs right in front of my uncle's snowman. Well sir, that snowman took one look at what was goin' on and he started a runnin'. He took outta there like a scared jackrabbit. He run jest as fast as his legs u'd carry him. Fact is, he run all the way from Minnesoty to the Gulf of Mexico. Naturally, as he run South, it got warmer. And, the warmer it got, the smaller he got, 'cause he started meltin' and leavin' a trail of water behind him. And, by the time he stopped runnin' he'd plum disappeared.
But, I'll be a ring-tailed hypotenuse if that trail of water he left behind ain't there to this very day. Folks calls it the Mississippi River. Yes sir-ree bob.
STUDDOG
Irish Eyes Are Shining
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cookiejar said:Can you say..."iffun' and "goldurned?"
Hey cookie....heres a dude test you might want Gabby to take...I did and I was -632....geeeeeeez no damn wonder I can't find a woman....none like sports bars and what the hell is a panty liner.......lol
Add It Up: Relationship Guide
For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows..0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets..-1
You leave the toilet seat up..-5
You leave the toilet lid down..-10 after the lights are out..-30
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings..+5
But return with beer ..-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night ...0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something..+5
You pummel it with a six iron..+10
It's her father..-10
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party..0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy..-2
Named Tiffany..-4
Tiffany is a dancer..-6
Tiffany has implants..-8
Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner..0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1
Okay, it is a sports bar..-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..-10
A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal ..-5
And the pal is happily married ..-4
Or frighteningly single ..-7
And he drives a Mustang..-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ..-15
A Night Out:
You take her to a movie..+2
You take her to a movie she likes..+4
You take her to a movie you hate..+6
You take her to a movie you like..-2
It's called Death Cop 3..-3
Which features cyborgs having sex..-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans .........-15
Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly..-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ..-30
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too"...-800
The Big Question:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" ..-5
You hesitate in responding..-10
You reply, "Where?"..-35
Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression ..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV..+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep..-20
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