General Board folks you'd like to see here

[FungiUg]

Proselite.

It's a little word that means, roughly, "we are having so much fun, we want EVERYONE to do this too!" Or alternatively, "we are utterly miserable, and so no one else should have fun either."

Humans do it. A lot. Ever heard someone telling another about the great movie they just saw, and how the other person should go see it too?

But let's face it... different people are wired differently. We don't all get out jollies the same way.

So when it comes to BDSM, those that are interested and open minded enough to face the fear factor (and there certainly is one) will gravitate here of their own accord. We don't need to drag them in, kicking and screaming. Of course we WANT to, but that's a whole 'nother story!

Those that aren't interested in BDSM -- well, I don't believe in forcing things on people. So while I understand our urge to proselitize, I generally refrain.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Stop being so fucking agreeable.

Bitch.

(How was that? )

 

[DVS]

Stop being so fucking agreeable.

Speaking of fucking...I noitced the "anal whore" on your AV.


EDITED to add...yes, I know that isn't you. Mine isn't me, either.

 

[Cheyenne]

Because most of our society doesn't come to Lit, they find BDSM an alien concept?

No. I never implied cause and effect. Your logic is flawed.

 

[Cheyenne]

I see nothing particularly odd or wrong with anyone deciding they want/don't want BDSM in their lives.

But I always find it odd when someone spends a lot of time here asking all sorts of questions and explaining why they don't see themselves doing specific things BDSM....because what it really says, I think, is that they ARE interested, they DO want to do it...but just haven't the courage to jump off the dock and into the water.

KillerMuffin used to do it all the time...she's as kinky as my phone cord, I'd bet on it.

MissT spent ages here loudly saying she was a sub but talking constantly about Doms....what to say/not say to them, etc....because she was really a D who hadn't taken the plunge.

Chey's a Domme in housewife's clothing.

So let's make her feel welcome.

I'm looking forward to being right about this as well....I think the pics will be a hoot.

I stopped in because my name was mentioned early in the thread. Otherwise I'd have never seen it as I don't read the threads here on the bdsm forum.

And I've never owned housewife's clothing in my life. I've never been a housewife- wouldn't have a clue what to do there any more than I would in bdsm.

 

[FungiUg]

And I've never owned housewife's clothing in my life. I've never been a housewife- wouldn't have a clue what to do there any more than I would in bdsm.

From my own understanding of the "housewife" concept, I think you would run around wearing a pinafore, stockings and high heels, baking cookies and getting fucked while bent over the kitchen sink. Does that help?

 

[Cheyenne]

From my own understanding of the "housewife" concept, I think you would run around wearing a pinafore, stockings and high heels, baking cookies and getting fucked while bent over the kitchen sink. Does that help?

Could be. Still isn't me though.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

No. I never implied cause and effect. Your logic is flawed.

Not my logic ... asking questions of the intent behind your quoted statement highlighted in blue.

 

[Cheyenne]

Not my logic ... asking questions of the intent behind your quoted statement highlighted in blue.

What was in blue:

"It isn't even close to the norm for our society so it IS an alien concept to most of us."


To me, that stands on its own as a fact. No intent needed to be explained.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[AngelicAssassin]

What was in blue:

"It isn't even close to the norm for our society so it IS an alien concept to most of us."


To me, that stands on its own as a fact. No intent needed to be explained.

Just making sure i understood you correctly.

Based on your view, i stand by my original agreement with Pink Orchid's example disputing the alienness of

• enjoying the dishing out of pain.
  Why does a stadium of ~ 100,000 fans go wild when a home team college or NFL defenseman crushes the opposing quarterback in the backfield?
• accepting pain in the pursuit of a goal they deem worthy.
  Why will the citizens of the US feel smug/superior when Lance Armstrong conquers the Tour d'France for the sixth consecutive year? Why does Bobby Julich receive encouragement for his decision? Why hasn't the UN called for a halt to organized torture in the form of a bike race from hell. It's not like the media doesn't call a spade, a spade.
• the concept of a switch.Two men, or women, stand in a square pummelling each other for a prescribed time, or until one can't continue. Each takes and dishes out pain. Why do promoters of a professional championship boxing match make oodles of cash? Why does most of the money made outside the intimates come from pay for view?
• recognition of a personal favorite tenet of this lifestyle ... control.
  - Mike Tyson literally destroys opponents by knockout in the first minute of the first round of 12 to 15 round boxing matches on his march to become the undisputed heavyweight boxing champion of the world. He takes hits, accepts pain, then dishes out a blow that drives another human into unconsciousness. Why does the crowd go insane? Why do sports announcers laud him as one of the greatest fighters of all time?
  - He gets into a few out of the ring street fights with idiots that should have known better, but gets slapped on the wrist.
  - Lets BaaBwa and Robin Givens set him up on prime time television, and all of a sudden he's a timebomb waiting to explode in most of America's mind.
  - Thinks with the little head and doesn't follow the basic premise of consensual "no really means no" sex. Goes to jail, rightfully so, for rape.
  - Loses his cool in the ring with Evander Holyfield during a reasonably respectable comeback, gets DQ'd, and almost thrown out of the sport.

i opine the situational awareness of most of society to the BDSM world and all of its trappings would drastically improve if most of society pulled their head out of their hindquarters to take a breath of fresh air.

 

[Cheyenne]

Just making sure i understood you correctly.

I doubt most people would connect such events with bdsm and personal pain, etc. in their sexual lives.

If you ask about their sex lives, I still say bdsm is the minority and the concept would be alien to most people.

 

[WriterDom]

I doubt most people would connect such events with bdsm and personal pain, etc. in their sexual lives.

If you ask about their sex lives, I still say bdsm is the minority and the concept would be alien to most people.

I think you'd be surprised at how many people who at least experiment with things like bondage, power exchange, and spanking.

 

[D's mariposa]

But a lot of the people experimenting are still uncomfortable with it. They go o great lengths to tell us that it's just an experiment, or it doesn't mean anything. I know one couple that's happily been experimenting with bondage in bed for several years. But don't tell them that they're bdsm-ing, they'd freak. I'm thinking, if they've been tying one another up for years and getting off on it, but still telling everyone that they're 'experimenting' they're kinkier then they want to be.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I doubt most people would connect such events with bdsm and personal pain, etc. in their sexual lives.

If you ask about their sex lives, I still say bdsm is the minority and the concept would be alien to most people.

Thus my hope that most people would remove their heads from their hindquarters for failing to connect the dots. Pre-pubescent children don't understand why inching their way up a pole gives them a giddy feeling either, but at least they have innocence as an excuse.

i heartily agree most would not claim BDSM in the sex life, but the concept ain't alien. A guy, no matter how milquetoast, still gets a little harder when he sees the wince of pain from a broken hymen. A woman, no matter how well broken in by herself or someone else prior to coitus, still feels pain, whether physical or emotional, at the loss of innocence.

 

[DVS]

But a lot of the people experimenting are still uncomfortable with it. They go o great lengths to tell us that it's just an experiment, or it doesn't mean anything. I know one couple that's happily been experimenting with bondage in bed for several years. But don't tell them that they're bdsm-ing, they'd freak. I'm thinking, if they've been tying one another up for years and getting off on it, but still telling everyone that they're 'experimenting' they're kinkier then they want to be.

I have a friend. She's in her early 40s. She's come to me for spanking, light bondage, mental torment, etc. I've noticed her reactions to some things, and have told her she is kinkier than she thinks she is. That troubled her, because she then thought she was weird, a pervert.

I told her I'm a pervert, and what's wrong with being a pervert? It isn't actually a correct defining word, only a word given by the so-called vanilla sexuals, to make them seem normal.

Actually, a pervert is only someone in tune with their sexual self to the point they can open up and experiment with their fantasies.

Now is where it gets involved. She has only been "kinky" with me but she has a boyfriend. She didn't know how to open up to him with her newfound fun.

I suggested she just tell him she had an idea she wanted to experiment with and that she might like to be spanked on occasion.

Personally, I don't know of any man who would not want to fulfill his girlfriend's wishes in the bedroom. Sure, I guess there are some out there, but you never know unless you ask, right?

If she had never asked, she would never know, and could she actually live her life with this boyfriend without ever knowing?

She asked him and he was at least open to giving it a try. They had success the first time. He found he enjoyed it, too. Eventually, she liked telling him she had been bad, and he liked telling her she should expect a spanking when they got home.

It escalated...He thought he would like to see what getting a spanking was like. She was more than willing to accommodate him, because he had done that for her. They both liked it.

She said she has found she likes to be dominant. At first, she didn't think that was possible. How could she like being spanked AND also like doing the spanking, too? I told her about switches and that it was special to be able to enjoy both roles.

Now, they know they are both somewhat of a switch, the only problem they have is deciding who's gonna be spanking who.

She said she would rather let him be "the man of the house" but she does like to take him over her knee every so often.

OK, it gets even more involved now. He has told her he wanted to be made to wear women's panties and spanked for it. He has had feelings like this, but never had the guts to mention it to anyone, before.

She told me she thinks that's a bit weird, but she still kind of likes the idea, too. She said he looks "cute" in her panties. I told her to go with the flow, if she really likes this guy. There is nothing unusual in sex, as long as both partners enjoy it.

They now get along pretty well, but she told me she got a little out of hand when using a hairbrush on his ass, one night. She got into it too much, a little more than he did.

I told her that can happen when experimenting with new things, and you should think up a safe word or some sort of sign you can both use to say "slow down" or "too much".

She likes me to cuff her hands behind her back, when I spank her. She would like to find a way to ask her boyfriend to do that for her, but again, she thinks it's too kinky.

I told her there is a trust that develops between two people. After that trust is there, there should be nothing you can't ask your partner. If the trust is strong enough, he shouldn't feel it is too kinky, but just another way to share something with you that makes you happy.

This is now an ongoing thing, with this couple. They are finding, little by little, that they are "kinky" (another word to express an "abnormal" sexual inclination), and slowly understanding the feelings this opens up.

The stigma of these abnormal sexual feelings has been the wall they've lived with for their whole adult lives. Only after meeting, and with the strength of one to attempt to break that wall have they found a new way to share themselves with each other.

If the stigma hadn't been there, people would be more free with their thoughts on experimenting. And, what if she had never opened up to him with her need to be spanked?

Would they both continue their lives as vanilla lovers, leaving their fantasies deep within their heads, not wanting to be seen as "kinky" to their lover? Probably so, and I think that's sad.

Sure, kinky sex isn't for everybody, and that's fine. But, because it is seen as abnormal, there are a fair amount of people who are not experimenting because they don't want to be seen as abnormal, or perverts.

 

[Cheyenne]

A woman, no matter how well broken in by herself or someone else prior to coitus, still feels pain, whether physical or emotional, at the loss of innocence.

Sorry, I felt no pain. Only joy.

Sure, kinky sex isn't for everybody, and that's fine. But, because it is seen as abnormal, there are a fair amount of people who are not experimenting because they don't want to be seen as abnormal, or perverts.

Yup, abnormal or alien, whatever you want to call it.

But a lot of the people experimenting are still uncomfortable with it. They go o great lengths to tell us that it's just an experiment, or it doesn't mean anything. I know one couple that's happily been experimenting with bondage in bed for several years. But don't tell them that they're bdsm-ing, they'd freak. I'm thinking, if they've been tying one another up for years and getting off on it, but still telling everyone that they're 'experimenting' they're kinkier then they want to be.

And that goes back to the original discussion about people needing bdsm, but not necessarily wanting it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Sorry, I felt no pain. Only joy.

Then you'd be in the minority, and welcome to the dark side ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

 

[Cheyenne]

Then you'd be in the minority, and welcome to the dark side ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/2cool2.gif

Huh? I felt no pain because there WAS none. I never did understand all the virgins who complained about pain and blood. I had neither. I would not have been as happy if I there WAS blood and pain involved.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[WriterDom]

What was in blue:

"It isn't even close to the norm for our society so it IS an alien concept to most of us."


To me, that stands on its own as a fact. No intent needed to be explained.

Would you say the same thing about anal sex? Which is illegal in many states.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Uh, what was the question again?

Cheyenne, are you trying to understand why people like this? Or something else? I tried to explain some thing I figured out about it in a previous post, coming into this as someone who felt like something was missing and didn't know what it was about vanilla sex that just never seemed to get me where I wanted to feel.

The pain part you can think of as extreme sensation, and compare to things like hickies, if you happen to have tried that, as, I think, most people have.

For bondage or some kinds of dominance, you can even just start with thinking about how it feels to be on the top or bottom when you have sex. (Presumably you don't always have sex facing side-to-side.) And whether it adds anything to the experience besides a different view. For instance, do you enjoy the feeling of someone heavier than you on top of you?

How much do you like to control your sexual experience, and how much do you like it controlled by the other person? Do either of those have any sexual relevance to you? What kind of playing do you like to do?

As to things like whether or not you need or want certain forms of sex, I can safely say that there are plenty of sexual things I'd have a hard time doing without. For instance, deep kissing. My husband has a short tongue and for a while had a deviated septum so he couldn't kiss deeply and breathe. Needless to say, it wasn't something we did a lot. Well, he got the deviated septum fixed. That was only part of the reason, but until he did, I used to Dream about deep kisses in my sleep. Would you call that an addiction, a craving, a kink?

 

[Cheyenne]

Would you say the same thing about anal sex? Which is illegal in many states.

What does illegal have to do with the discussion?

And no, I wouldn't. I'm guessing anal is more mainstream so therefore not as "alien" of a concept to people. Notice I didn't say it WAS mainstream, just MORE mainstream.

 

[Cheyenne]

Uh, what was the question again?

Cheyenne, are you trying to understand why people like this?

No. I never asked that question, I don't believe.