Going to break up with a rage monster

[HB1965]

Personally I think it's a little excessive to go off outside in front the neighbors even if he found out he was a lying cheating scum, but then I have a different style of handling things like that.

 

[Homburg]

LOL! You might like me then. Haha

How you doin?

People should starting asking "a/s/l/c?" on chat, and learn what brand of crazy the other person is up front.

Still, you live comparatively close to me, from what I recall. Liking you would violate a space-time continuum thing on Lit, as everyone on here seems to be seperated from the people they like by at least a a freaky long ride, if not a border or two. Time zone at least.

We need a Mid-Atlantic seaboard Litogether.

 

[intothewoods]

Don't be a hater.

 

[lushlucid]

Personally I think it's a little excessive to go off outside in front the neighbors even if he found out he was a lying cheating scum, but then I have a different style of handling things like that.

fuck the neighbours

 

[HB1965]

fuck the neighbours

As I said I have a different style which I think is just as effective

 

[Netzach]

I've been known to create a loud noise or several.

Fortunately even my rather loud-noise-averse midwestern husband doesn't ditch my ass for it every time it happens.

 

[lushlucid]

As I said I have a different style which I think is just as effective

somehow i doubt she was trying to 'be effective'

 

[M's girl]

Personally I think it's a little excessive to go off outside in front the neighbors even if he found out he was a lying cheating scum, but then I have a different style of handling things like that.

My M was no lying cheating scumbag but still his ex screamed and shouted like crazy when she felt like it. No self control. Moreover... no control over him anymore after they split up, which made things worse in that department. It just made her furious and she would snap on a regular basis, even hitting him, which frustrated him like hell because he knew hitting her back was the bad thing to do. Some women are crazy out of control bitches...

 

[HB1965]

somehow i doubt she was trying to 'be effective'

By "effective" I mean in getting the point accross.

 

[Netzach]

This back and forth is based on the assumption that anyone knows anything more than what's presented.

Universally true: takes two to tango.

How MUCH so is anyone's guess.

 

[Luvkitty33]

This back and forth is based on the assumption that anyone knows anything more than what's presented.

Universally true: takes two to tango.

How MUCH so is anyone's guess.

Very true. Looking back at my original comment, I guess the part about finding out about her psycho-crazy qualities now rather than later does make a bit of an assumption. Either way, if WF feels she has a crazy anger side to her, then it is better that they break up, but you're very right......it does take two to tango............almost always.

 

[wayfarm]

First, I'm alive. Yes, I'm okay, and things went well last nite. Based on the advice of her "Therapist" we diagramed/outlined out what happened. I thought it was a good excercise. Since you all seem to want to know what I did wrong, I'm going to present it here. I'm not afraid of feedback.

You'll see her input and mine.

Big thing here, is to realize where I did do wrong in the Sunday attack, and where I could have better handled everything.

No we did not break up, because, I do love her. She is an excellent counter part to me. We are like a Kate and Andy Spade duo. (as in the purse company) I just wish our bedroom activities were more intense.

Give me some time to edit out our real names. My comments are in italic, hers are regular type.

The problem in our relationship is that I am constantly doing all of the service type activities. I like to cook, but our agreement is I cook, she cleans. So, it is a sore spot in our relationship

When she gets mad, she has a mouth of a sailor, and I can't stand it. Generally, I do not swear and find it offensive. Her trigger is my sarcasm, which I'm working on.

Having posted all this, it feels rather self indulgent, and I'm thinking of taking it down. Serves no real purpose me thinks.

 

[wayfarm]

Took it down. The utility of the thread is now gone.

 

[wayfarm]

Took it down. The utility of the thread is now gone.

 

[wayfarm]

Took it down. The utility of the thread is now gone.

 

[Sharon_]

First, I'm alive. Yes, I'm okay, and things went well last nite. Based on the advice of her "Therapist" we diagramed/outlined out what happened. I thought it was a good excercise. Since you all seem to want to know what I did wrong, I'm going to present it here. I'm not afraid of feedback.

Since you asked:

Inequality in giving: When it's by a significant amount, it makes the Giver feel abused. Every time it occurs, it's proof positive that the Giver is worthless in the eyes of the Taker....the effects are cumulative. I don't believe that is necessarily or even usually the intent of the Taker, I just think they're too self-absorbed to notice.

Going outside the relationship (outside of couples therapy, counselors, ministers): trying to get others to take sides or judge a couple's dispute - very bad idea.

Sarcasm - Of course you were trying to p*ss her off, you accomplished what you set out to do. Whether you were using it to try to change her or level the playing field or both is only known to you.

Changing your partner - never gonna happen. ask anyone who has paired with an alcoholic or drug addict.

Drinking & Driving - what was in your head, planning on getting behind the wheel after your third drink? There are innocents on the road who don't deserve to be the victim of your self-indulgence and rescue workers damn tired of cleaning up the gore/trying to piece innocent bodies back together.

Constant bickering relationships: some couples seem to enjoy that, they're obviously getting some kind of payoff out of it. Me? I may be 19 on the inside but got over physically whomping the snot out of irritating boyfriends when I was 19 on the outside, and verbally whomping them not long after - life is too short. If I'm spending a significant amount of time irritated enough with a mate to even /want/ to argue & fight, then the relationship has obviously deteriorated and it's time to go. But that's me, YMMV.

--
You can turn painful situations around through
laughter. If you can find humor in anything - even
poverty - you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

 

[somberReality]

Gah, looked like a day at my house when i was married, but we just didn't see what the other did, good-wise anyway.

I have no advice for this.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[wayfarm]

Since you asked:

Inequality in giving: When it's by a significant amount, it makes the Giver feel abused. Every time it occurs, it's proof positive that the Giver is worthless in the eyes of the Taker....the effects are cumulative. I don't believe that is necessarily or even usually the intent of the Taker, I just think they're too self-absorbed to notice.

Going outside the relationship (outside of couples therapy, counselors, ministers): trying to get others to take sides or judge a couple's dispute - very bad idea.

Sarcasm - Of course you were trying to p*ss her off, you accomplished what you set out to do. Whether you were using it to try to change her or level the playing field or both is only known to you.

Changing your partner - never gonna happen. ask anyone who has paired with an alcoholic or drug addict.

Drinking & Driving - what was in your head, planning on getting behind the wheel after your third drink? There are innocents on the road who don't deserve to be the victim of your self-indulgence and rescue workers damn tired of cleaning up the gore/trying to piece innocent bodies back together.

Constant bickering relationships: some couples seem to enjoy that, they're obviously getting some kind of payoff out of it. Me? I may be 19 on the inside but got over physically whomping the snot out of irritating boyfriends when I was 19 on the outside, and verbally whomping them not long after - life is too short. If I'm spending a significant amount of time irritated enough with a mate to even /want/ to argue & fight, then the relationship has obviously deteriorated and it's time to go. But that's me, YMMV.

Let me address the MOST important part of your post.

No I would not have driven the car. My car was in the garage, and hers on the street, so it would have been her driving. I may be a self indulgent prick, a killer, never.

I will not go outside of our relationship. I'm monogamous to my mate. I have quickly made some cool friends on this board. I have not asked any of them for cyber.

As for posting this info. I do feel it is border line acceptable. However, I have learned some valuable insight from some of the contributors here. Our thinking is known only to use. Having others see it from the outside in helps me. I am open to realizing what my mistakes are and correcting them. I wouldn't expose myself to this kind of input unless I wanted to keep this relationship going.

after I had done the dishes, I did give a sarcastic response. Dishes don't get done bythemselves, and food left in a pot doesn't cook itself. That was a sarcastic remark. We have had a long running disucssion about shared responsibilities and not wanting personal servitude in our relationship.

The last comment I made in anger and quite calmly stated was a reply to her comment she didn't feel safe. It was, "how can you feel safe with me cooking and cleaning for you." That was expressed calmly, but I was pissed about the lack of effort she makes domestically.

I dont' seek to be a dominate in our routine life. I just want an equal.

During sex, a whole nother story. Now if she could just bring that furry into bed.

WF

 

[somberReality]

You keep referring to her not being "all that" in the bedroom. Maybe this is a sign that things aren't going well??

 

[Noor]

two questions:

does she know about this thread?


why did you do the dishes again? and since you choose to do them, why were you annoyed about your own choice?

 

[wayfarm]

I have probably read over the outline a good two dozen times, and I'm pulling out new info.

First and foremost, I love this woman. The idea of having a sex life that doesn't match up to my own ideal is not a deal breaker. I am however seeing that I can't share personal info like this, and talk about our bedroom life. Its cheap, and inappropriate. While this community lives in the nondescript computer land, some of you are getting to know me personally.
Just seems wrong to share this stuff.

The reason I do share it, is because as a male, I'm oblivious to some of the interpersonal aspects of how we disagree, and I truly want to learn.

As I have recalled things and details, we have been on the phone at least 2 hours today communicating and talking through the outline. We'll see what happens in the future. I hope my future is with her. I hope.

 

[wayfarm]

two questions:

does she know about this thread?


why did you do the dishes again? and since you choose to do them, why were you annoyed about your own choice?

No she doesn't. She has her therapist, and I have my aninimoty and you guys.

The second question is really easy. She has a job that requires constant work through the 7 days of the week. We have a work space set up so that she can get busy while at my house. However, she, like I require a uncluttered space in order to concentrate. So, I went into a repeat mode of doing what I always do. The ants where I live have been quite bad, and food that is left out attracts them to no end. What I had cooked was quite an ant treasure.

If somehow people think this argument is about me not wanting to do anything you have it wrong. Food is a gift, and I have learned in the last three years that I enjoy cooking, and pleasing people with good food.

I did the dishes because once I saw that she was working I truly did want to support her need to concentrate. I just ended up getting annoyed during the process.

The end of this incident was not pleasing. You'll note that I talk about being calm and not rasing my voice on the couch. She was absolutely livid, loud and offensive. So, for the most part our solutions are a mix of sharing responsibilty domestically, me not using sarcasm, and her calming down.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Noor]

I don't know if this will help. Over the years, I have learned that once you do something, thats it, you choose to do it and you do not have any right to be annoyed. Its also showing disrespect for the other person in implying that they had no intention of doing what they said without giving them a chance to do it.

I understand ants, but usually dishes soaking under water do not attract them. If you were concerned about food that was not put away, then you need to discuss that with her. Even if you decide you can't handle it and do the dishes, you need to tell her. This deciding to help her out without her knowledge and consent and then getting mad at her because you did does not make no sense. Up here in Lutherland that would be considered a passive aggressive action looking for a fight or an equally passive aggressive response.

As far as in the bedroom, I wonder about a few things:

communication skills- does she know what you like, do you really know what she likes? Are you asking for things she really doesn't like or can't do. Like the people who don't understand that their lover having TMD/TMJ could seriously effect their bj willingness and ability? Or those who have been tied up and held against their will in real life might not be able to handle bondage?

As have you tried Mr. G's g spot thing? Speaking for myself, if my lover is giving me mind blowing orgasms, I am much more likely make sure he gets them too. Also the closer and happier I am in the relationship in general, the better the sex.