Help supporting my love....

[TenPastTwo]

Here's the problem:
My hubby-to-be feels his penis sizes falls short of expectations.

My situation:
Other than him, I have never been with anyone else sexually and was raised in a family where sex was a no-no; the most erotic thing I'd ever experienced was many years ago during middle school sex-ed.

So, when he first dropped his pants my first thought wasn't that of disappointment, but, "Oh, so that's what they actually look like....cool." (Though, I must say I wasn't expecting the foreskin...there wasn't a picture of one of those in sex-ed. I wasn't horrified, like I hear of other girls being. It was fascinating). I looked back at his face and was shocked to find tears in his eyes. All he could manage to say was, "Sorry. I wish I was bigger for you."....Needless to say, there as no sexual hanky-panky. I wrapped him in my arms (he is considerably taller/bigger than me), drew him into the bed, and simply cuddled with him. What was I to say? Well, it came out, "I don't know what you mean..."

Anyway, that happened over a year ago. We are still madly in love and have a healthy sex life, however he still is very uncomfortable with his size. Becuase he's brought it up so many times, I've done a lot of research and learned he is about an inch and a half under the average. So what?? He is an amazing lover. The only one I have ever known, and the only one I desire. And it wasn't sex that caused me to fall in love with him - it was him. I tell him this all the time, but he still has reservation. What can I do? I can't say, "WOW! You have a monster sized cock!" because that would be, I feel, more discouraging than beneficial.

I think that the sexual relationship he was in before we met may have been caused his extreme sense of self-consciousness. He once told me (while we were just friends) that he never wanted to sleep with anyone again because So-and-So rolled over after he climaxed and said, "You're terrible in bed; you know that right?"

Does anyone know of anything I can do that might help him learn to love himself?

 

[TheDivineMsM]

If you sucking his dick dosent help him realize (and your not faking when you cum and he can tell) Then it is his issue. Just as if you were unhappy with your breasts or belly or whatever you would want something done...nothing anyone could tell you would make it better...
Here is the info on the surgury.

http://menshealth.about.com/cs/penishealth/a/penis_enlarge_2.htm

 

[wicked woman]

There is no shortage of threads on the HT forum discussing penis size and that it's who the person the cock is attached to and what they can do with it, much more than the actual number of inches, than count for most people. Let hime read them.

Other than that...I agree. It's his problem. Perhaps counselling might help.

 

[necroerotica]

I think that the sexual relationship he was in before we met may have been caused his extreme sense of self-consciousness. He once told me (while we were just friends) that he never wanted to sleep with anyone again because So-and-So rolled over after he climaxed and said, "You're terrible in bed; you know that right?"

This bit, right here, is a good place to start. Something like that, especially if he had feelings for the woman, hits a man right where it really hurts, and not on a physical level.

My wife, when she argues, argues by trying to hurt you. Now, her previous boyfriend before me met wasn't a very nice guy, but he, well, had a massive cock, and mine is pretty average. Once, when we were having a 'heated debate' about something to do with sex (I'd came too quickly or something), she told me 'So-And-So may have been a bastard, but at least he could make me come'.

She apologised for that later, but I don't believe she's ever realised just how deeply that affected me, and basically tore my sexual confidence and self worth to pieces. I still cringe when I remember it.


What *you* have to do is help repair that damage. You do it as a lover, something no amount of counselling or therapy will be able to do.
You have to assure him, in little bits and (here's the key, because he will know otherwise) *honestly*, that he's a good lover. Praise the things he does right. Be the dominant lover occasionally, take the responsibility out of his hands and make sure he knows you've had a good time.

The tricky part will be doing it naturally and (as I said before, this is vital) honestly. If this is his problem, then his bullshit radar will be hyper sensitive and he'll know that you're just trying to massage his ego. For a man, that's another kick in the teeth.

 

[Mansa Musa]

Tell him that he´s your first, your last and your only love. You´ll have a long life together, so he shouldn´t sweat the details. And if that doesn´t work, there´s always consensual cuckoldry.






















That´s a joke, just a joke. Forgive me?

 

[TheDivineMsM]

Once, when we were having a 'heated debate' about something to do with sex (I'd came too quickly or something), she told me 'So-And-So may have been a bastard, but at least he could make me come'.

You know i hate to quote this again...
But reading that made me feel as if someone just kicked me in my balls!
Fuck thats a tough one...
I am sorry that happened to you...That is a low blow and should never be the "jugular" anyone in a loving relationship says....even when angry
Throwing a cast iron skillet full of hot grease at your head would probably hurt less for a shorter time...

 

[forolio]

Big Like Me

Hey this is a huge challenge to go through life with and although some people may think it is not important it is something to overcome.
However since the penis is only one "small" tool "excuse the pun" it does not stop the experimentation of every body part in satisfying a lover. The thrill of over compensating for other short comings can be a very satisfying event.
I know, I'm told that often.

 

[DrHappy]

We are still madly in love and have a healthy sex life... He is an amazing lover.

The only problem is the one that's in his head. I'd suggest that you be direct about why it's detrimental to obsess on this while reinforcing the fact that he really is an amazing lover and that you have a healthy sex life. Nudge him with a mental carrot and stick. He's stuck in a mental rut and this may entice him to behave more positively.

The Stick: Tell him that his penis size isn't a problem for you, but that his insecurity about penis size could be.
The Carrot: Remind him that he really is an amazing lover and that you have a healthy sex life. Let him know what he does right.

To reinforce your carrot, it might be worth looking up typical complaints that women have about their men, and show him how he is a good lover. It sounds like he is attentive and his performance is good.

 

[necroerotica]

You know i hate to quote this again...
But reading that made me feel as if someone just kicked me in my balls!
Fuck thats a tough one...
I am sorry that happened to you...That is a low blow and should never be the "jugular" anyone in a loving relationship says....even when angry
Throwing a cast iron skillet full of hot grease at your head would probably hurt less for a shorter time...

Oh that one hurt all right - right down to the core. Which is why I'm hoping that, if that is a problem with TenPastTwo's other half, I could offer some sort of useful advice.

Thinking back on it, I'm not sure if it's something I should have shared, but... the hell with it. What's done is done.

If it helps, good.

 

[mjl2010]

Consistent praise where due is key. Certainly avoid words like Big, Huge, and also Small, Tiny etc. You get the picture. Why us guys are so hung up on the size of our dicks is beyond me.

I'm not bugged about my size as much as some are. I'd say avoid all mention of his size. Instead focus on how he made you feel. Only you know him well enough but maybe, and I mean just maybe if the moment is right you might try something like, "I don't know what so and so thinks is good, but that was amazing." Or something like that.

Except in extremes, for most women size doesn't matter. At least most of them here say that. Us guys think they're all fibbing us to make us feel good, but who knows for sure. If he brings up his size again, just tell him it's more than big enough for you. As for the bitch that told him it was too small, thats all she was, a bitch.

One more suggestion. Make arrangements for a weekend away where sex is the main activity. Do it as a surprise. There's a few places in and around Chicago made specifically for couples called the Sybaris. I'm sure other area's have the same or similar. Private Bungalows with steam rooms, swimming pools, hot tubs, Big Beds and jacuzzi tubs. Completely Private, Very Clean. Perfect for Romance, connecting and lots of love play. Showing him how much YOU desire him will definitely boost his ego. Lots of fun to run naked in one for two days.

MJL

 

[letsgobacktobed]

Anyway, that happened over a year ago. We are still madly in love and have a healthy sex life, however he still is very uncomfortable with his size. Becuase he's brought it up so many times, I've done a lot of research and learned he is about an inch and a half under the average. So what?? He is an amazing lover. The only one I have ever known, and the only one I desire.

Sounds like he's a bit unsure if he's good enough for you. He's probably really in love with you, so he sees you as being perfect (which you of course are )

And it wasn't sex that caused me to fall in love with him - it was him. I tell him this all the time, but he still has reservation. What can I do?

He's a guy he loves you so he wants to be the best and impress you. He wants to be the best for you And we men typical like to compete, and he does that with size (in his mind bigger=better).
I wouldn't tell him that sex didn't make you fall in love with him. I guess it could easily in his mind be heard as "I love you even if the sex isn't great". Pretty much like the devil reads the bible.

I can't say, "WOW! You have a monster sized cock!" because that would be, I feel, more discouraging than beneficial.

So true, don't lie to him because he'll see that! But if you like/love touching his cock do it and show it. Show him, also outside the bed, that you think he's a real man. Just don't try to fake anything

So-and-So rolled over after he climaxed and said, "You're terrible in bed; you know that right?"

That's a really hard to blow to his ego. Had something similar happen to me years ago, and I still remember how it hurt. So he had a bad experience with a mean women, and now you're left with the problems she caused. He sounds very lucky to be with you! Sounds like you're already doing the right things, will probably just take some time for him to understand it's for real

Best of luck

 

[FurryFury]

Sincere, repeated, positive reenforcement is the only thing you can do. The rest is up to him.

 

[subwannabe]

I think it is more pyschological than physical. What is average anyway? I think avearge just means in the middle. That means there are tons of guys with bigger dicks and tons of guys with smaller dicks. HE IS NOT ALONE! There are many places out there where the women go on record as saying it's not about the size and you need to convince him that you are one of those women. I really believe there are lots more women out there who care more about the quality of sex as opposed to how big the guy's dick is. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the guys with the really big dicks would like to trade places with him. I bet the average woman would be scared to death of a huge dick staring her in the face, vagina, or anus. Good luck.

 

[S_D_R_R]

Reverse Psychology?

Read up on anal sex. There's lots of good information about how to do it right and why some can orgasm from it. Info about 4 different spots. The (in-)famous Mr. G's G-spot thread, which mentions the A-spot, might be interesting; remember A is different than G.

Now go for it. Even if you have to exaggerate a bit, make sure that he knows that you really want(ed) it, and that is was very good, and that you want it again.

Give him that knowing smile and ask him how good it was for him.

Then close the deal.

Tell him how the idea of a big penis through your anus scars you. Even better if you could reference a previous lover who wanted to try but you were afraid.

Point out how well matched his size is for you. Make him see just how much an asset his length is going to be!

 

[wellnow]

Everyone has given very good advice. I have and have lived with the same issue that your hubby-to-be has so my advice with have a different focus but anything that works is great and trying all will be great fun in itself.

Personally, I think you might want to just not make a "big deal" out of it and stay away from what might be subconsciously construed as trite.

Your adding spontaneity and variety to your sex life will also take his mind completely off his penis size. Try being the initiator of new sexual experiences such as unplanned wanton sex in unusual places, a trip to the toy store, a weekend sexual retreat maybe even with a tantra class, etc. etc. IMO, that will take any man's mind off penis size and help him build confidence.

Compliments as suggested, never worked for me except to the contrary but as always your mileage may vary

The best of luck, I think your future husband is very luck to have found you.

wellnow

P.S. A last thought, you might even want to share this thread with him. What do others think about that idea?