How’s your married sex life?

[Somethingdifferent74]

Me 48 her almost 53
21 yrs
0 times altho she has a better sex life than I

 

[Mtnmike]

I wonder whether she realizes how unfair it is for you. (My husband never did!)

She knows, like I mentioned before says not her problem, just take care of myself if I needed it that bad. Masturbation gets old real fast, I want the touch of a woman.

 

[Strixaluco]

Discussed it till blue in the face to no avail, she says it's my problem not hers. She will not even talk about anymore. Sorry he cheated on you, my first wife did with multiple men, so understand where you're coming from.

Saying it's only your problem isn't fair at all, unless she thinks it's ok for you to get your enjoyment elsewhere - which most don't. My first husband actually suggested I could get a lover to solve a similar problem, but I want it all in one package.

I would be crushed if my late husband has been the love of my life, but he wasn't. Still something I must deal with in my head, of course. And he COULD have tried to solve it with me. I wanted to, dammit.

 

[Mtnmike]

Even though I’m told I’m an attractive man, I don‘t think that plays a role in finding someone my age. I think most women our age have experienced the same menopausal loss of libido. Look at the numbers of men who frequent gay and bisexual dating sites, it’s epidemic.

Yes I have noticed that too.

 

[Strixaluco]

Even though I’m told I’m an attractive man, I don‘t think that plays a role in finding someone my age. I think most women our age have experienced the same menopausal loss of libido. Look at the numbers of men who frequent gay and bisexual dating sites, it’s epidemic.

I am middle-aged, and I have remarkably many older men after me... Maybe something to do with that.

But not all women experience the loss. And some would be ok of just their dry pussy problem would be solved.

I have experienced low libido myself, due to meds. But i had a good partner then, and I could still enjoy the closeness while having sex, though I couldn't really orgasm. No loss of frequency then!

 

[Mtnmike]

Saying it's only your problem isn't fair at all, unless she thinks it's ok for you to get your enjoyment elsewhere - which most don't. My first husband actually suggested I could get a lover to solve a similar problem, but I want it all in one package.

I would be crushed if my late husband has been the love of my life, but he wasn't. Still something I must deal with in my head, of course. And he COULD have tried to solve it with me. I wanted to, dammit.

The first wife was my soul mate & it crushed me. Took year's to get past it.

 

[Mtnmike]

Saying it's only your problem isn't fair at all, unless she thinks it's ok for you to get your enjoyment elsewhere - which most don't. My first husband actually suggested I could get a lover to solve a similar problem, but I want it all in one package.

I would be crushed if my late husband has been the love of my life, but he wasn't. Still something I must deal with in my head, of course. And he COULD have tried to solve it with me. I wanted to, dammit.

She said that several times but when I started looking she isn't remember ever saying that, yeah right. Fortunately I had her write in down, sign & date it, she never mentions it again lol.

 

[Strixaluco]

She said that several times but when I started looking she isn't remember ever saying that, yeah right. Fortunately I had her write in down, sign & date it, she never mentions it again lol.

That was clever of you. It's not a promise one should make lightly, and "not remembering" isn't fair play either.

 

[Strixaluco]

The first wife was my soul mate & it crushed me. Took year's to get past it.

So sorry to hear that!

 

[Windman1]

I am middle-aged, and I have remarkably many older men after me... Maybe something to do with that.

But not all women experience the loss. And some would be ok of just their dry pussy problem would be solved.

I have experienced low libido myself, due to meds. But i had a good partner then, and I could still enjoy the closeness while having sex, though I couldn't really orgasm. No loss of frequency then!

I have been sensitive to the loss of natural lubrication with her and we used lube and I took my time with her. Lots of closeness and cuddling with her. And even that she just tolerates it. I’m naturally a physical touch kind of guy, I’ll hold her hand, initiate hugs and that kind of thing. Again she tolerates it but rarely initiates it. It just seems over the years her need and out look on the physical aspect of our marriage has completely changed.
At this point as long as she didn't know about it I think she would be happy to not know I was getting it someplace else.

 

[Strixaluco]

I have been sensitive to the loss of natural lubrication with her and we used lube and I took my time with her. Lots of closeness and cuddling with her. And even that she just tolerates it. I’m naturally a physical touch kind of guy, I’ll hold her hand, initiate hugs and that kind of thing. Again she tolerates it but rarely initiates it. It just seems over the years her need and out look on the physical aspect of our marriage has completely changed.
At this point as long as she didn't know about it I think she would be happy to not know I was getting it someplace else.

Oh I didn't mean it would be because of that in your case (how could I, I don't know that much about you) - but in general, there are many cases where those are big reasons and if that was taken into account, there would be less men complaining about a sexless marriage.

 

[Windman1]

Oh I didn't mean it would be because of that in your case (how could I, I don't know that much about you) - but in general, there are many cases where those are big reasons and if that was taken into account, there would be less men complaining about a sexless marriage.

I get it. In our case it boils down to where each of our needs lie. She needs my income and companionship. And thats not a one way street, she provides some of the same things. But in over 40 years of marriage there have been lots of changes and shift in dynamics, this is just one thats tough on me.

 

[Mtnmike]

I have been sensitive to the loss of natural lubrication with her and we used lube and I took my time with her. Lots of closeness and cuddling with her. And even that she just tolerates it. I’m naturally a physical touch kind of guy, I’ll hold her hand, initiate hugs and that kind of thing. Again she tolerates it but rarely initiates it. It just seems over the years her need and out look on the physical aspect of our marriage has completely changed.
At this point as long as she didn't know about it I think she would be happy to not know I was getting it someplace else.

My wife is the same & has said the same.

 

[Mtnmike]

So sorry to hear that!

Thank You

 

[Mtnmike]

I get it. In our case it boils down to where each of our needs lie. She needs my income and companionship. And thats not a one way street, she provides some of the same things. But in over 40 years of marriage there have been lots of changes and shift in dynamics, this is just one thats tough on me.

I hear you, I'm in the same boat. Unless someone has been through it, they don't understand, least as been my experience. Not to sound mean but it's nice to have people here that know & understand, Thanks to all.

 

[Windman1]

I hear you, I'm in the same boat. Unless someone has been through it, they don't understand, least as been my experience. Not to sound mean but it's nice to have people here that know & understand, Thanks to all.

It would be easy for someone to cast judgment for me looking outside of my marriage for sex without knowing what got me here. It’s certainly not the way I want it. However, if I’m going to have any sex life at all she simply has not given me another option.
It is nice to have people around who get it. Thanks for Listening.

 

[Kradder]

Sorry you are widowed. But I wont hope for that. I do love her, it’s really the only part of our marriage that doesn't work anymore. The hope is for an alternative, but there just aren’t women lining up to have sex with a man in his early 60’s.

I also thought about that. I can get alternatives, but they want relationships. I would hate to do the fling and cheating thing and do that to her as she very good to me and my kids, and has been very good for me. It is probably the most stable proper partnership I ever had and I had a lot of women. It would really shatter her if I had a fling. On the whole, she is definitely a keeper.

I tried the talking thing and that I have needs etc. It ends up in a bit of vanilla sex which fades after a couple of times. A man can't really get turned on when you know your partner only does it as a duty and doesnt want to. It makes you feel like you are using her.

I thought it was the menopause thing on her 40s, but from what her mother said she never had interest in men. Some people justs have low libido and you have to weigh up whether to walk or if she is worth keeping because everything else makes up for it.

It is a tough choice, and the urge and temptation are always there.

The alternatives likely wont want sex either and will just do it to get a man.

 

[Peaker44Redeux]

Me 56 her 55, married 30 years, once a week if I’m lucky. Not enough sundays in a week!!

 

[CuriousMind68]

I'm 54, she'll be 59. Married for almost 31 years. Menopause stole my wifes sex drive and all interest in intimacy. It's been over 2 years since we last had sex.

I've always been bicurious and those feelings are surfacing more of late.

 

[Peaker44Redeux]

After 1 year, there's still some hope. At 2 years the realization sets in, that chapter is closed. At 3 years the desire is strong to have some physical touch. For many guys, the love and faithfulness is still strong and the desire for physical touch doesn't override the commitment of not pursuing that physical touch from women. My bicurious side came out several years before the last call chapter ended but the intensity of the needs weren't as strong as now. Trust yourself. It can work out.

Not completely sexless yet, but pretty vanilla.

 

[CuriousMind68]

After 1 year, there's still some hope. At 2 years the realization sets in, that chapter is closed. At 3 years the desire is strong to have some physical touch. For many guys, the love and faithfulness is still strong and the desire for physical touch doesn't override the commitment of not pursuing that physical touch from women. My bicurious side came out several years before the last call chapter ended but the intensity of the needs weren't as strong as now. Trust yourself. It can work out.

I have no desire to cheat with another woman. I want intimacy with a man in same situation so we could give each other what we miss so much at home.

 

[Peaker44Redeux]

I have to say it's not a bad solution. My preferences are observed and boundaries established. My masturbation buddies are usually those in a similar situation and everyone wins. Connecting with other men who are respectful and like-minded isn't necessarily easy but it keeps me saner than jerking alone and yearning for human interaction

Sounds fantastic!!

 

[MikeLucas]

Been offline for a bit and this thread exploded. Thanks for all the participation and activity. I do t have the time to personally respond to you all but thanks again. I’ve enjoyed reading your replies.

 

[Strixaluco]

Been offline for a bit and this thread exploded. Thanks for all the participation and activity. I do t have the time to personally respond to you all but thanks again. I’ve enjoyed reading your replies.

I doubt anyone even expects you to respond to everyone.

 

[Wishingbox]

We’re both mid 30s
Married almost 13
Sex maybe 3 times a month when things are good less if she’s in a funk.