How do I get him to be Less gentle?

[Lasciel]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and he's amazing. He's gentle, considerate and very sweet lover and the sex is great. The problem is that he's a little Too gentle for my tastes. I like it rough, and I would love to have him tie me up and just use me however he wants but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to bring it up. Any suggestions?

 

[JustForFun911]

Alchohol usually is a great icebreaker.. Taking the lead works well also. Maybe he feels he needs a little more permission before crossing that line. I know a lot of guys that cant go that route with someone they care about or have long term interests with because they think it could be a bad thing. I have met enough women in relationships who miss that from their man that they end up seeking it elsewhere (luckily for me). So if this is important for you make sure to get it taken care of now or you may end up seeing it out later from others. PM me for more details also... Some great stories that are centered around this perfectly...

 

[SweetErika]

Tell him that while your sex life is so fantastic, you really enjoy passionate, rougher ravishment as well. Ask him if he'd be willing to experiment with you. If he is, or asks what you mean, you can give him direction and feedback. In the heat of sex, you could ask him to tie you up, pull your hair, spank you, or whatever floats your boat. If he tries, give him tons of encouragement so he knows he's really pleasing you, and even some guidance (harder, faster, please do XYZ, etc. ).

Having a safeword is always a good idea, and that might make him feel more comfortable about not pushing beyond your limits as well. If he's up for rougher play, I'd suggest putting a safeword into place beforehand.

 

[Lasciel]

Thanks for the advice, he's been asking me if there is anything I would want to try with him so I'll bring all this up

 

[pplwatching]

He's gentle, considerate and very sweet lover and the sex is great. The problem is that he's a little Too gentle for my tastes. I like it rough, and I would love to have him tie me up and just use me however he wants but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to bring it up. Any suggestions?

There are some men, myself included, who have been brought up to be respectful and tender lovers. It's not that we were 'trained' to be lovers at all, but that we learned that a certain degree of tenderness and thoughtful lovemaking conveys respect and fondness for our lover and brings her pleasure.

The idea of being rough; whether it's spanking, hair pulling, or whatever is a foreign concept that takes some getting used to. For me, I always equated physical domination as disrespectful. I wanted to be equals in bed. When I imagined being rough,. I assumed that it was a selfish act ... something not done for a lover but rather to a lover. I was unable to reconcile that with pleasure.

For men who think this way, getting rough with a woman can be a real paradigm shift. We need to hear that not only is it okay, but that it brings our lover to greater heights of pleasure. It just doesn't occur to us that a woman can actually like rough sex. My suggestion is to keep in mind that this could be a completely foreign idea to him, and that he may not 'get it'. Don't say "get rough with me" and then leave him trying to guess what turns you on. After you let him know that you're made of stout stuff, ask for something specific and then encourage him when he caters to that desire. Maybe even exaggerate a little bit to make the point that this really does turn you on, and that he's doing this for you, not to you.

Let him know that you'll tell him if it's too rough, and even then it's all good.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Thanks for the advice, he's been asking me if there is anything I would want to try with him so I'll bring all this up

Maybe he is asking you that because he wants to get a bit rougher but is unsure how to bring it up as well.

 

[Lasciel]

There are some men, myself included, who have been brought up to be respectful and tender lovers. It's not that we were 'trained' to be lovers at all, but that we learned that a certain degree of tenderness and thoughtful lovemaking conveys respect and fondness for our lover and brings her pleasure.

The idea of being rough; whether it's spanking, hair pulling, or whatever is a foreign concept that takes some getting used to. For me, I always equated physical domination as disrespectful. I wanted to be equals in bed. When I imagined being rough,. I assumed that it was a selfish act ... something not done for a lover but rather to a lover. I was unable to reconcile that with pleasure.

For men who think this way, getting rough with a woman can be a real paradigm shift. We need to hear that not only is it okay, but that it brings our lover to greater heights of pleasure. It just doesn't occur to us that a woman can actually like rough sex. My suggestion is to keep in mind that this could be a completely foreign idea to him, and that he may not 'get it'. Don't say "get rough with me" and then leave him trying to guess what turns you on. After you let him know that you're made of stout stuff, ask for something specific and then encourage him when he caters to that desire. Maybe even exaggerate a little bit to make the point that this really does turn you on, and that he's doing this for you, not to you.

Let him know that you'll tell him if it's too rough, and even then it's all good.

There have been a couple occasions where he's gotten dominant and rougher and he keeps telling me that he's pretty much open to anything. Plus since I live alone and don't have to worry about what people see I do have a pair of handcuffs and a pair of ankle cuffs that are within reach of my bed and relatively visible. . .

But we did talk about it a little and I guess we'll see what happens when I see him next

 

[SweetErika]

There have been a couple occasions where he's gotten dominant and rougher and he keeps telling me that he's pretty much open to anything. Plus since I live alone and don't have to worry about what people see I do have a pair of handcuffs and a pair of ankle cuffs that are within reach of my bed and relatively visible. . .

But we did talk about it a little and I guess we'll see what happens when I see him next

If he's been in your bed, I'm guessing he's seen those and that's why he's asking if there's anything else you want to try. He's probably been wondering why you haven't brought out your restraints with him.

Talk about it for sure, but my bet is that it won't come as a surprise to him.

 

[fgarvb1]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and he's amazing. He's gentle, considerate and very sweet lover and the sex is great. The problem is that he's a little Too gentle for my tastes. I like it rough, and I would love to have him tie me up and just use me however he wants but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to bring it up. Any suggestions?

Well, plain English works with me.

I'm told that sometimes I'm to gentle.

mention it before hand or in the middle of sex.

"Tie me up and just use me " try this and add "Like a two dollar whore."

"Fuck me as hard as you can, I love it! And don't worry you are not going to hurt me"

Buy some bondage gear and ask him to test drive it.

All of the above has worked with me at one time or the other.

 

[compliant]

Advice

Roleplay can break the barriers,
Its previously worked for me & can be enjoyable fun. I had some old summer dresses to throw out. I held one up to my partner at the time & playfully suggested,
"Fancy ripping & tearing this off me before i throw it out ?"

 

[bob53]

One lady I used to be involved with REALLY liked it rough. Especially on her nipples and it was almost a requirement for her to be able to come. When she was close she wanted it even rougher - To squeeze them even harder. So hard that if I would be squeezing a finger it would cause anyone serious pain but she loved it on her nipples. Took me a little bit to wrap my head around it but it was just a part of her wiring.
All it took was a bit of feedback on her part verbally (and otherwise) along my being open to apply to force she craved.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

pplwatching What he said although that may not be the case. I would recommend getting you to take you in the doggie position. Then at some point ask him to spank your bottom, butt, or ass. Do not surprise him with your choice of words. If you talk bout your bottom use that word and dont jump to another word.

If his forst spank is too gentle moan "So good. Again a little harder please." Keep encouraging him. Make sure you cum or at least fake it. Yeah, I said fake it. I do not know a single guy who does not take pride in making a girl cum. So fake it if you have to. Afterward as you cuddle tell him how excited he made you as he took you and spanked you. Stroke his ego. Listen to his reaction. If it is positive tell him the idea of him pulling your hair while taking you suddenly came to you and really turned you on. Be a little bashful and shy when you tell him so you can retreat if necessary.

The next time if he is loving and gentle again enjoy what you got. Mention some time how hot it was for you the time he smacked your ass and how hard you came when he did.

All of this depends on how he reacts to what you want. Should he jump right in enjoy the ride and help him along. A slow learner needs lots of training and encouragement. Some, quite frankly, will never get there.

Be willing to accept the consequences if he can't get into what you want and need.

I hope this is helpful.

Mike

 

[bad_dave]

Be a bit rougher with him, when my current relationship was new I was unsure of boundaries but one day she was very rough (biting, scratching, hair pulling etc) and that let me know what she wanted. Theses days we just say what we want but at the start it can be difficult.

 

[DarkFantasyRose]

I'm a big fan of just telling him what you want but that's why I used to be a Mistress lol! For a more subtle approach I would take him into ann summers (or something similar) or go on their site and sit with him and show him different play things and see how he reacts. Most men who are gentle have a rough side they would love to unleash but they are scared of scaring you if that makes sense?

Another good way is watching porn together or reading stories on here and slowly work your way to the kind of thing you are interested in. Who knows, he might have something he wants to try with you but has been too shy to tell you

xxxx