How do you feel good about yourself when you hate your own body?

[BrownEyes26]

Hi Kikimosa

I seem to recall that you posted in GilT2's thread about getting over an abusive relationship. A lot of times people who have been in abusive relationships believe what the abuser is telling them, such as they are stupid, ugly, fat etc. Also, being in an abusive relationship can cause depression (no big surprise here).

I would deduce that you are using food to abuse yourself again, because that is what you have learned to do, as you had been abused for such a along time. My professor specializes in eating disorders and she uses a harm reduction model with her clients and tries to get them to think about the bingeing and try to not binge for as long as possible. This breaks the pattern of automatically reacting and bingeing.

It takes a long time to begin to like yourself again. Hopefully you are in therapy. Are there any groups that you can join in your area? Another thing that has helped people that I know learn to like themselves again is to pick one great feature of yours that you love and play it up. You know that you will get compliments and this will probably help with your self esteem.

Take a look at these resources
http://www.geri.net/
http://www.mirror-mirror.org/physex.htm
and try to get some books from the library on the topic.

BE26

 

[kikmosa]

Thanks.........


Its his own site, its also an herb site. As stated above, the "9 major systems* that were listed, are only list the same on herb sites....


MY QUESTION IS......when it comes to vitamins, or homiopathic remidies, do they differnt ways of thinking about things?

They do indeed. I don't know a lot about herbalists. I do know that they treat things differently. For instance, I have high blood preasure. My doctor said "ok, here's a pill to bring it down. Take this every day" He didn't however try to treat the cause of the high preasure, such as the weight and the stress. He merely treated the system. that's they way the deal with a lot of things.
An herbalist would say "ok, you need to bring the weight under control and deal with the stress. This will help you do that and then your bood pressure will come down on it's own." They treat the problem by helping you change what caused it. Then the system goes down by itself.

 

[kikmosa]

Hi Kikimosa

I seem to recall that you posted in GilT2's thread about getting over an abusive relationship. A lot of times people who have been in abusive relationships believe what the abuser is telling them, such as they are stupid, ugly, fat etc. Also, being in an abusive relationship can cause depression (no big surprise here).

I would deduce that you are using food to abuse yourself again, because that is what you have learned to do, as you had been abused for such a along time. My professor specializes in eating disorders and she uses a harm reduction model with her clients and tries to get them to think about the bingeing and try to not binge for as long as possible. This breaks the pattern of automatically reacting and bingeing.

It takes a long time to begin to like yourself again. Hopefully you are in therapy. Are there any groups that you can join in your area? Another thing that has helped people that I know learn to like themselves again is to pick one great feature of yours that you love and play it up. You know that you will get compliments and this will probably help with your self esteem.

Take a look at these resources
http://www.geri.net/
http://www.mirror-mirror.org/physex.htm
and try to get some books from the library on the topic.

BE26

Your right and this patteren did start during my abusive marriage. And yes, it is hard to break. My main problem is I see nothing about myself that I think is a good feature. I have started trying to break certain habits like eating while I'm reading. I have that one broken now. The next one is eating while I'm on the computer. If I can break that one then I will be eating a lot less since I spend most of my day on the computer, lol. This town is so small that there are no groups here. I'm seriously considering the possibility of moving to a different city. That will be hard for me since all of my family is here, even though we don't interact a great deal.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[kikmosa]

You have great legs!!


and look wonderful in purple underware!

Thanks EE. My BIGGEST complaint also shows in that pic. My stomach. It seems that every pound I gain is always there. I seem to carry very little fat anywhere else. Not that I don't it just seems to be very little in comparision to there.

 

[Guest]

 

[kikmosa]

Hi Kikmosa,

If you are hanging onto the extra weight because it was a defense against an abusive ex, then he is still winning, he is still somehow controlling you and your life. Don't let him do this anymore, you are stronger than that, and you deserve better for yourself. Don't let the bastard win. Success is the best revenge.

Work on your well-being, physically and emotionally, and you will discover you are becoming more beautiful everyday. Beauty all starts on the inside, anyway. You are a beautiful person, you just need to let it out, let is show. Don't be afraid of it.

You hear men all the time saying about a woman, "there's just something about her." She may not even be particularly striking in physical terms. But that "something" is her feeling beautiful.

Your AV mentions a dog, so maybe you can get out and walk the dog? And dance your pretty little butt off! It's not only good for your body, it's good for your soul. And it can make you feel really sexy!

I've sent you a PM.

O.

I did recieve your pm and replied to it.

Yes the weight gain was to keep my ex at bay though it didn't work well. I still get that creepy scared feeling when a guy looks at me and i find myself eating again. I have to break that cycle of fear before I start to be able to change it I guess. That must be my first goal, I can see that now. Thank you.

 

[SlickTony]

I'm seriously considering the possibility of moving to a different city. That will be hard for me since all of my family is here, even though we don't interact a great deal.

What's the nearest decent sized city to your small town? Move there. You don't have to move a thousand miles away from your family like I've done. Just some place where there are groups, a library, a Y, some culture. I could see hesitating to move if your family were a good support group to you, but you indicate they are not, so go ahead and pick up and move. You can still keep in touch with them. Plus, it will get you away from the abusive ex, and out where the dating pool is larger.

And as Emerald pointed out, you do have good legs. I hope you'll continue to come in here and keep us posted on your self-improvement project. Best of luck to you.

 

[BrownEyes26]

Your right and this patteren did start during my abusive marriage. And yes, it is hard to break. My main problem is I see nothing about myself that I think is a good feature. I have started trying to break certain habits like eating while I'm reading. I have that one broken now. The next one is eating while I'm on the computer. If I can break that one then I will be eating a lot less since I spend most of my day on the computer, lol. This town is so small that there are no groups here. I'm seriously considering the possibility of moving to a different city. That will be hard for me since all of my family is here, even though we don't interact a great deal.

It is great that you have started changing your habits, and man are they hard to break!!

It is very hard to move away from your family, I have had to move to go to school. Maybe you can try to start your own group, after you have had some experience in being in one, in your hometown. That can be very empowering.

And EE is right, you have great legs! Another great feature that you have is your resilience and strength.
BE26

 

[BirdsWife]

I have started trying to break certain habits like eating while I'm reading. I have that one broken now. The next one is eating while I'm on the computer. If I can break that one then I will be eating a lot less since I spend most of my day on the computer, lol.

I know that your main issue with overeating isn't really about the food, but I wanted to share a way I found to help break this habit.

Instead of munching on food I would use a cup of ice chips (throw ice cubes in a blender on low speed). They make a satisfying crunchy sound, they do help fill you up if you eat enough of them, and it is a good way to get part of that 8 glasses of water a day you should be drinking.

If you need a little variety you can always used ice cubes made from Crystal Light or some other non-carbonated diet drink.

Good luck to you.

BirdsWife

 

[kikmosa]

I know that your main issue with overeating isn't really about the food, but I wanted to share a way I found to help break this habit.

Instead of munching on food I would use a cup of ice chips (throw ice cubes in a blender on low speed). They make a satisfying crunchy sound, they do help fill you up if you eat enough of them, and it is a good way to get part of that 8 glasses of water a day you should be drinking.

If you need a little variety you can always used ice cubes made from Crystal Light or some other non-carbonated diet drink.

Good luck to you.

BirdsWife

It does sound good and I'll try it. It will have to wait though since at the moment I have no upper teeth left and the bottom ones go monday.

That'a another thing I'm working on. Getting my smile back. I haven't smiled in a way that would show my teeth since the day I tried to protect myself by bitting him. He then removed som of my teeth so that I couldn't. I've been ashamed to smile ever since. That's one thing i want to give myself back. A step towards freeing myself from his grip.

 

[Cakegirl]

There is a park though and I'm trying to get my sister to start going there with me so that I can do some walking. I simply can't make myself go alone. It's too frightening.

Kikmosa, if you like walking, why don't you get a dog? As a teen, I never did much exercise at all, but when we got a dog (adopted a stray that came up to me in the McDonalds car park), I started walking him, and became much healthier as a result. The earlier post about exercise enducing endorphins is true too - you find that you feel so good after exercising (and in my case, from also helping a little canine friend get his exercise) that you start to really look forward to it. And it stops being exercise that you "should" do, and starts to just be one of the things in your life that you do purely for fun and because you want to do it.

~Cakegirl

 

[LadyAura]

Kikmosa I have walked a mile in your shoes at least as far as the struggle with self image and weight. Richard49 has some great suggestions for you. About a 18 months ago I started keeping a journal. I wrote out my feelings and realized how disgusted I was with myself. I started to realize that if I didn't start taking care of myself I wouldn't be around to take care of those who need me. I was very over weight and unhealthy. I was also starting to notice that I was losing my balance and falling often. I picked up a great book called What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Premenopause: Balance Your Hormones and Your Life From Thirty To Fifty. It is by John R. Lee, MD, Jesse Hanley, MD, and Virginia Hopkins. I started taking vitamins, cut out sugar, white bread, and have been maintaing a low fat, low calorie diet with a few set backs here and there. I think the biggest change and the most significant change I have made is exercise. I started walking (slowly and painfully). Gradually I have worked myself up to a two mile walk 3-4 times a week. Some people can still run circles around me but at least I'm up and going. It is amazing how much better I feel. Now my goal is to continue and make these changes life long lifestyle changes.
It sounds like you are right on the verge of making some positive changes in your life. Believe in yourself. Take each day as it comes. Try the journal. It really can be spiritually healing. Smile a lot and enjoy those beautiful new pearly whites!

 

[Guest]

Hi Kikmosa,

If you are hanging onto the extra weight because it was a defense against an abusive ex, then he is still winning, he is still somehow controlling you and your life. Don't let him do this anymore, you are stronger than that, and you deserve better for yourself. Don't let the bastard win. Success is the best revenge.

Work on your well-being, physically and emotionally, and you will discover you are becoming more beautiful everyday. Beauty all starts on the inside, anyway. You are a beautiful person, you just need to let it out, let is show. Don't be afraid of it.

You hear men all the time saying about a woman, "there's just something about her." She may not even be particularly striking in physical terms. But that "something" is her feeling beautiful.

She is right. And I hear ( read ) such goodness in you. Believe that you were meant to be happy. Someone loves you , someone out there thinks of you . You just haven't met yet . And as far as the asshole who hurt you .... let him go. Grow to be this even more beautiful person we see you for. Let someone out there love you and grow old with you and share the rest of that wonderful life that encompasses you . Like EE said .... I just know that you're beautiful. You just have to give it a chance to shine through. It takes time sweetheart ... and if you need it , I'll be here for you ,I'm just a PM away.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

How can I make myself feel good about me when I'm so ugly. I'm so far overweight that it's not funny. I'm losing my teeth (having them pulled), I'm pale, out of shape and truly hate the way I look. Yet because of everything I've been through in my marriage, I'm afraid to change the way I am. How do I get past this? It's tearing me apart inside. I want to look good but I'm afraid to. Everytime someone compliments me I find myself going on a eating binge. Then I get mad at me and go on a fast to lose it again. I keep going up and down all the time and I know this isn't good for me but how do I stop it?

hi. Having been through the binge-and-fast cycle, I know what you're going through, both psychologically and physically. First: binge-and-fast is a hybrid of anorexia and bullimia. You NEED to get control of it now, because it only leads to the full blown version of either of those eating disorders.

Secondly. I'm overweight as well. I know the terrible feelings that go along with that. But it is YOUR choice to feel beautiful. No one else can make you feel beautiful unless you feel it in your own heart first.
So you don't like your teeth or your weight. You're pale.

The pale part is the easiest to deal with. Go sun yourself. And if you're afraid to be seen in public, go fake 'n bake.

secondly, you feel out of shape. So start going for walks. Walking will help you to lose weight and condition your body so that you can begin other forms of excercise as you see fit. And your weight will drop with the activity.

About your teeth, I don't know what to tell you.


My MAIN point here, aside from all I said... find something about yourself that you love. From your av, it looks like you have nice legs and large breasts. Maybe start dressing to accentuate those things... you'll start hearing some great feedback, and I know for the first while it'll be hard to hear it... but you'll eventually become more accustomed to positive feedback, and then yuo just have to start believing people when they compliment you.

Confidence is an illusion, in some ways. It was an ex of mine who gave me confidence. He complimented me on my ass every time he saw me, and eventually, I started to love my ass... and then he picked another part of me to compliment, and eventually I started loving that, too, and so on.

You hear something enough, you begin to believe it. And I know the bad stuff is easier to believe, but sometimes you need to go on leaps of faith and believe those who've given you a compliment.

Best of luck.

 

[lilpriss]

I know what you mean about the small town. I also live in a tiny little town, we don't have a walmart or any other type of chain type businesses. We don't even have a beauty salon... there is a decent sized town about 15 mins from here, but I completely understand where you're coming from. It IS easy to neglest yourself in a small town, who the heck do you have to impress anyhow, right? Well I can answer that, you need to impress yourself. I am constantly battling with my weight... it's very frustrating. But I try to stay up beat and active, b/c other wise I can't deal.

I invested in Direct TV b/c even thought I really don't watch all that much tv, I can get the excersize programs on the health network or espn, record them and do them at my leisure...

Dancing is great fun, and when you're alone you don't have to be inhibited at all, no one's watching anyway. It also can make you feel sexier than you can imagine.

There are some excellent suggestions on here, another that I could suggest is this, limit your sitting in front of the computer time... and replace like 30 mins of it with something as simple as walking out to the mailbox or around the yard or just down the street. The fresh air will invigorate you and help clear your mind.

I feel for you, I'm glad to hear that the abusive is an EX. That's a step in the right direction. Anytime you need to talk, you cna send a pm.

 

[SlickTony]

NO BEAUTY SALON?????!!!!!???!?

I also live in a tiny little town, we don't have a walmart or any other type of chain type businesses. We don't even have a beauty salon...

Jesus God, lilpriss, where do you live anyway? I thought my MIL's hometown of Columbia, LA was a dink town but even the even dinker towns through which I had to drive in order to reach Columbia (which, BTW, is the parish seat) had at least an establishment kutely named Kut'N'Kurl or Klip'N'Kurl or Kurl Up & Dye, usually established in a singlewide.

I can only think of one place where I've been (in America, anyway) that fits the parameters of the kind of place you seem to be talking about, and that was the hamlet close to Poverty Point, LA where my daughter spent some time on an archaeological field scholarship. As I remember, it had a general store, a firehouse, and a town hall, all corner-to-corner in the middle. It had one payphone, and in the evening there was a line going around the block of the students calling out (this was in the days before cell phones were ubiquitous).

Let me say that it eases my mind immensely to meet someone from a very small community like that who has the erudition to be on line, and in a place like this, because quite frankly--and I pray that you won't be offended--since I was raised in the suburbs of a major city, I sort of assumed that anyone who was content to stay in a venue like that must be one of the Children of the Corn. Sometimes being wrong is a good thing.

 

[kikmosa]

Ok, a bit of an update. I made myself say yes when a friend called and asked me to go with her and her kid to a fleamarket today. We left very early and spent almost 4 hours walking over this place. Really huge. I managed to go the whole time without a panic attack and even managed not to share in her funnel cake. I stuck to my diet the whole time I was there even though we were surrounded by food most of the time. We walked a bit slow but I managed to go the whole time with only sitting down once. It doesn't sound like much when it's written down but it's a good start for me.

Best and scariest part is a guy winked at me. I almost lost it then but managed to hold on and smiled a bit at him. Thought I was going to pass out after he passed. But I did it, I really went out and did it. I'm tired but I feel so good about it. I spent part of the rest of the day at her house and then my fathers. It's been such a good day and a long time since I could say that.

One small step forward.

 

[Guest]

 

[MystiqDrgn]

Way to GO! Congrats on your wonderful day. ~M~

 

[Guest]

Yay!!

Good for you!! Keep going , we know you can do it!!

 

[SlickTony]

Way to go, Kikmosa! We knew you could do it!

 

[PinkOrchid]