How to get over someone

[mdc1986]

Ok this is the 1st time ive ever done ne thin like this so please bear with me

Im a 19yr old male, roughly 6 yrs ago i met a girl online. Over the course of years we became very close, and about a year or so ago we admitted to eachother we had fallen in love. Problem was, at the time she was goin out with some1, despite this we were still very close and our feelings were obvious. Recently there were cracks in her relationship and i happened to be goin to her city, we met up and had an absolutly brilliant night that went as both of us wanted it 2 go. I have been feeling for a while now that i need to know for sure, i need to no that me n her would either work or not work. We'd both discussed this many times n both think it would work.

Yesterday i got a call where she told me shes happy with him again n so nothing can happen with me n her right now. It was kinda expected but i feel like its not fair on me that she keeps goin off with him, n its not fair on him that she has such deep feelings for me, shes admitted that if i lived in the same city as her then she wouldnt be with her bf. She is very scared of long distance relationships, she hates the idea of not knowin when we will see eachother.

To make things worse im very shy about asking girls out, and hav stopped myself from having sex as i feel i should hav it with some1 special, to me she is very special n i want 2 b with her but now i feel like thats not gonna happen so what do i do? just go off with some girl at a club??

I cant sit around waitin forever for her to decide what she wants, i no that part myself. Im just really confused as to what i can do, shes been such a big part of my life for so long and having the perfect night when we did meet up (the night ended with a kiss, thats all, if ne 1 was wonderin lol) in both of our eyes just makes it so hard to let go. also i cant help but feel that her bfs an idiot, n somewhere along the line he is going to mess up again. I dont wanna be in a mediocure relationship n then have her tell me we could go out, i dont wanna b unfair to a girl like that.

lol and also just to end this i really do feel like i wanna have sex now, i just no its gonna b meaningless if its not with her so y should i wait? can some1 please help

Thanks for reading this, u'll never no how helpful it was to just write this all out n hopefully have some1 read it.

 

[silverwhisper]

OK, you guys have gotten to know each other pretty well. that's great.

however...

you're awfully young. i think you owe it to yourself to date a little, be in another relationship. you don't describe your romantic history but it doesn't sound like there's been much of one so at the risk of sounding rude, that might be a good thing, to give you a little relationship perspective, so to speak.

you don't mention how old she is either, but if she's anxious about long-distance relationships...well, the fact is that a lot of them don't work out. i really don't think holding that against her is fair.

why are you in different parts of the country? i know you met online and stuff, but what prevents you from changing that now? job, school, something else?

i was gonna try to summarize my thoughts but they're kinda all over the place.

ed

 

[ltnsfr007]

That's easy to overcumm-
Jump on the next one

 

[mdc1986]

erm well im kinda cunfused, wha do u mean by romantic history? and shes roughly the same age. right now im obliged to stay where i am, but in a year or so i was plannin to move 2 her city neway (irrespective of her, i love her city) i just find it a bit short sighted 4 her to say long distance considerin that in a mear year i will b there, then what happens? she dumps her bf 2 b with me? or worse, she doesnt??

if nethin is unclear please ask, i will try n clarify nethin

 

[silverwhisper]

romantic history: meaning, is this your first relationship or have there been others?

ed

 

[mdc1986]

oh right lol i feel kinda dumb now for not gettin it in the 1st place.

Ive had a few gfs, all ending in disaster and horrible sexual experiences. there was 1 that was so strong on her kisses i had 2 litterally pull away from her coz she was horrible! and another jumped on top of me n tryin 2 hav sex with me even tho she knew my very young nephew was in the next room n could walk in at netime. lol oh n i also went out with a psycho who used 2 cut herself when id try 2 leave her, then when i finally did, she became an alcholic n blamed me for it.

 

[silverwhisper]

so basically you've been w/ unstable women in the past? seriously man, i really think you should consider local alternatives. it isn't much of a relationship if you aren't there for the good times and the bad times.

ed

 

[Jo_Huntz]

On the online/long distance relationship front:
They can and do work out. But only if both parties agree to some ground rules and keep their communication open and honest.

My experience was that 'dated' Wife online for a year and four months before we met in person and during that time I told her to definitely go out, meet people and have fun. I didn't want her to stop living her life because of me. After we met in person though we decided that we did need to be together and six months later I moved 4000 miles to another country to be with her. I was 18. I'm 25 now and we're still together and happy as pigs in shit.

Your situation is more complicated because she has a boyfriend, but you have to respect her decision. If you're moving to her city in a year because you love the city then perhaps you could be friends until then and see how she feels when you get there next year. People leave their partners for other people every day. When she sees that being with you is a definite possibility she might change her mind. She might not though so don't move just for her. Additionally, people can change a lot in a year, you might not want her anymore in a year.

On the whether or not to wait front:
Don't. Go out, meet people and have fun. You might meet someone special, you might not. If you do, excellent you have found someone. If you don't, fine you've got her waiting a year from now.

You shouldn't have sex just for the sake of having sex if you don't want to. Do what you feel comfortable with.

 

[Guest]

 

[mdc1986]

lol i really do have 2 thank every1 for their replys, u guys r basically sayin exactly what i need 2 hear. lol i do think i should make clear that its not like im some lonly guy thats never had a gf or nethin i really dont wanna say a number (its rude 2 say i think) but i guess its just hard lettin go especially when uve found such a deep conection and its really hard 4 me to go out right now coz im a student, ive bin tryin absolutly every thin possible 2 get a job but no1 seems 2 hire me lol, plus my best friend is in a steady relationship n would never come with me 2 meet new ppl n i get really shy goin alone. i suppose another reason y this is hittin me so hard is coz at the mo i hav nothin 2 do so this is all i think about, wow i must sound like im gonna b goin threw depression soon, 2 b honest i wouldnt b supprised if i did. hopefully 1 day i can look back on this n smile!

 

[wicked woman]

lol i really do have 2 thank every1 for their replys, u guys r basically sayin exactly what i need 2 hear. lol i do think i should make clear that its not like im some lonly guy thats never had a gf or nethin i really dont wanna say a number (its rude 2 say i think) but i guess its just hard lettin go especially when uve found such a deep conection and its really hard 4 me to go out right now coz im a student, ive bin tryin absolutly every thin possible 2 get a job but no1 seems 2 hire me lol, plus my best friend is in a steady relationship n would never come with me 2 meet new ppl n i get really shy goin alone. i suppose another reason y this is hittin me so hard is coz at the mo i hav nothin 2 do so this is all i think about, wow i must sound like im gonna b goin threw depression soon, 2 b honest i wouldnt b supprised if i did. hopefully 1 day i can look back on this n smile!

You've got some great advice on your question. May I offer some unsolicited advice? Use proper spelling on Lit. While a number of us don't write stories, it's initially meant to be a site for writers of erotica so a number of Litsters, and the HT crowd in particular, cringe when they see i instead of I, 2 instead of two, no instead of know, b instead of be '...ive bin tryin absolutly every thin possible 2 get a job but no 1 seems to...' instead of ' I've been trying absolutely every thing possible to get a job but no one seems to...' Your writing style gives the impression you aren't very smart...and I doubt that's your intent...and probably not the case.

 

[MR.GGG]

brutally honest ani1?

""coz im a student, ive bin tryin absolutly every thin possible 2 get a job but no1 seems 2 hire me...""

Just a wild guess but your job resume / application forms are probably written like this and that may be FUCKING CLUE WHY NOBODY WANTS YOU TO WORK FOR THEM !!

I get job applications all the time and 80% of them look like your web/geek/mindless/semi-illiterate babble where one has to guess which numerals counts as nouns.

As far as your problem goes - get laid. Nothing like getting over a net affair than jumping in with both feet. This time may I suggest you try a REAL RELATIONSHIP. This "chick" you feel in love with over the net was probably MALE - a middle age, bald, obese, semi-retired homosexual kiddie-diddler.

 

[Mitsouko]

""coz im a student, ive bin tryin absolutly every thin possible 2 get a job but no1 seems 2 hire me...""

Just a wild guess but your job resume / application forms are probably written like this and that may be FUCKING CLUE WHY NOBODY WANTS YOU TO WORK FOR THEM !!

I get job applications all the time and 80% of them look like your web/geek/mindless/semi-illiterate babble where one has to guess which numerals counts as nouns.

As far as your problem goes - get laid. Nothing like getting over a net affair than jumping in with both feet. This time may I suggest you try a REAL RELATIONSHIP. This "chick" you feel in love with over the net was probably MALE - a middle age, bald, obese, semi-retired homosexual kiddie-diddler.

Don't you think he would have noticed that when he was in her city and MET her?

I agree that he needs to use real words and a spelling checker. His posts are a bit painful to read.

How are you doing these days, Mr. G?

 

[phoenix1224]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's annoyed by "cyber speak".

 

[mdc1986]

Ok, yes I would have realised if this girl that I like was a man or not when I went to see her so I guess that blows that little “your some computer geek who can not find some one” remark out of the water. I would also like to add that the reason I tend not to type so eloquently when talking to people online is because I am constantly writing formal scientific reports in which spelling and grammar are very important and although I do not pretend that I am a master of either I do not get too many complaints. As it is essential for me to write in almost perfect English (if I even want people to read my report) it is nice for me to take a break every once in a while and write like I am some uneducated retard. I do however appreciate those “serious” writers that obviously need to USE CAPITAL LETTER IN ORDER TO GET THERE “BRUTAL HONESTY” ACROSS get a little frustrated when I write in internet lingo on literotica. Again I would like to thank everybody for their comments, thinking back I guess I just needed to talk and it was great to do so with what is obviously a very tight knit community which I hope I can become a part of, also I will strive to type well in order to avoid having to defend my English skills. Thanks again!

 

[wicked woman]

Ok, yes I would have realised if this girl that I like was a man or not when I went to see her so I guess that blows that little “your some computer geek who can not find some one” remark out of the water. I would also like to add that the reason I tend not to type so eloquently when talking to people online is because I am constantly writing formal scientific reports in which spelling and grammar are very important and although I do not pretend that I am a master of either I do not get too many complaints. As it is essential for me to write in almost perfect English (if I even want people to read my report) it is nice for me to take a break every once in a while and write like I am some uneducated retard. I do however appreciate those “serious” writers that obviously need to USE CAPITAL LETTER IN ORDER TO GET THERE “BRUTAL HONESTY” ACROSS get a little frustrated when I write in internet lingo on literotica. Again I would like to thank everybody for their comments, thinking back I guess I just needed to talk and it was great to do so with what is obviously a very tight knit community which I hope I can become a part of, also I will strive to type well in order to avoid having to defend my English skills. Thanks again!

There now that was much better.....thank you It's silly I know but, see... you sound much more serious and intelligent now.

Stick around...contribute...I'm sure you'll fit in fine.

 

[Vixandra]

Ok, yes I would have realised if this girl that I like was a man or not when I went to see her so I guess that blows that little “your some computer geek who can not find some one” remark out of the water. I would also like to add that the reason I tend not to type so eloquently when talking to people online is because I am constantly writing formal scientific reports in which spelling and grammar are very important and although I do not pretend that I am a master of either I do not get too many complaints. As it is essential for me to write in almost perfect English (if I even want people to read my report) it is nice for me to take a break every once in a while and write like I am some uneducated retard. I do however appreciate those “serious” writers that obviously need to USE CAPITAL LETTER IN ORDER TO GET THERE “BRUTAL HONESTY” ACROSS get a little frustrated when I write in internet lingo on literotica. Again I would like to thank everybody for their comments, thinking back I guess I just needed to talk and it was great to do so with what is obviously a very tight knit community which I hope I can become a part of, also I will strive to type well in order to avoid having to defend my English skills. Thanks again!

This is sooo much easier to read then your earlier offerings.
Webspeak doesn't bother me but it does make it difficult to understand one's point, at least for me.

As to the girl issue- find a local girl or group of friends or whatever to hang out with. Sometimes 'net relationships work out wonderfully. Other times they're horrible things that die a gory death in one's heart.
Sounds like you've found the later.

You're young- enjoy life. Don't tie yourself to some woman that would rather string you along then risk something for love. Cliche' I know but true.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I'm 20, your 19 and I am going to tell you its not worth it. Your really not in love with the girl but rather the idea of being with her. At this age, you shouldn't be making moves to be with someone who you have never been with. It throws up so many red flags. I was going to make the same mistake but finally talked myself out of it.

Don't worry about the shyness either. I'm shy, hell before the girl I had now, I never had a girlfriend. We are 8 months into our realtionship and I have found the one I want to be with for life. Your a young guy, don't hurt yourself when its not needed. She won't leave her current boyfriend, whose to say (and this happened to me) that if you get together long distance she doesn't find someone and leave you. I know my girlfriend hates being apart and wants physical contact and you will find mostly everyone wants that and after awhile the talking online and on the phone just doesn't do anymore.

Its hard, but I suggest start to limit your conversations with her. Make reasons to not talk to her, like your working or something. Don't cut her off cold turkey, but slowly. I don't like it when young guys rush to the internet and try and find love. No offence to the older people, but that is something I'd see a 30-40 year old doing, not a 19 year old who still has so much ahead of him.

 

[mdc1986]

Wow, I can honestly say I never expected so many replies. I mean I’m not saying that this is the most popular discussion or anything, but it is something that means a lot to me and it is great to have so many people take an interest. I have just gone out now job hunting (for the billionth time!) and had coffee with a girl and got her fone number (ok so maybe I shouldn’t really call it job hunting seeing as though I basically just did that and came home). I guess it is pretty easy to meet people, I’m not going to act on the girl right now though as it’s not fair on her and I’m not really ready. I’m sure people are getting annoyed with me now especially seeing as though I seem to end every post with a thank you but it’s not an act, I am really grateful! Thanks everybody!!

 

[Ravin the Poet]

No, dude wrong. Act on her. But not in the way you may be thinking. Your not suppose to fall in love with her and totally drop the other girl. But at least make a friendship if you can. Call her, ask her for coffee or something else. Just try and get to know her more and be her friend. Can never have to many friends. If something happens, with you two, great. If it doesn't, no harm, your still up a friend.

 

[mdc1986]

Ok I have another post (everybody groan); I’ve just got a job! Lol it’s all kicking off today! Ok so it’s nothing special, but I really do feel like things are actually happening. Oh and raven you might be right, I think I will stay in contact with her at least. I’m so happy now; finally I have something to occupy me!!

 

[Eilan]

Ok I have another post (everybody groan); I’ve just got a job! Lol it’s all kicking off today! Ok so it’s nothing special, but I really do feel like things are actually happening. Oh and raven you might be right, I think I will stay in contact with her at least. I’m so happy now; finally I have something to occupy me!!

Congratulations on the job!

 

[Ravin the Poet]

First of its RAV-I-N no e.

Second off, your best to keep in contact. Why close a door for a girl long distance. You ever hear of the networking thing? You honestly don't know, that girl could get you into something amazing, being a relationship with her or a friend, maybe your dream job, or something else you want.

Don't ever close doors, leave them always open.

 

[mdc1986]

Sorry ravin, I didn't mean to misspell your name... I’ll pay more attention next time.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Just joking with yah. Everyone misspells it. Just a little attempt a humor.