How to: handle a sensitive clitoris!

[Ms.Tootsie]

Uuh, I'm SO sensitive down there.

I rarely masturbate, cause it gives me almost nothing. I'm so sensitive, that I have a hard time telling if the sensations I get, which are very small, are a cause of pain or just normal. If I press to hard, it either hurts or it seems like my clit gets numb! It's not like I want to scream, it just feels uncomfortable.

To prevent my clit to feel weird, I have to stroke it so gently, that I almost can't feel a thing, and then, of course, I easily lose koncentration. It seems like the best stimulation actually comes from real intercourse, but still, not nearly enough to get me off!

Anyone who knows this problem?? I'm a bit frustrated as I want to feel the same psysical joy as everyone else when they masturbate or have sex!

 

[M's girl]

Hi Ms Tootsie,

Welcome to Lit. Well, you are most certainly not the only one. I see this is your first post and I don't know if you've been looking around on Lit already. There is lots of information to be found here. Check out the BLANK MANUAL, where all threads are catagorized. Still, you will get response here as well, I'm sure.

Can't say I'm exactly the same as you, but my clit is also very sensitive and direct stimulation does not feel pleasant 95% of the time. But I've learned how to (almost literally ) work around that problem. I think you will also find a lot of useful information on this site: http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm

You need to explore more I think and leave the idea that you need to touch your clit directly. For some it works, for others it doesn't. Every woman is different in how they like to be touched.

 

[SweetErika]

Are you using lube? I've recently discovered silicone lube and love it because it's so slick, silky, and never dries out.

M's girl gave you a great resource and advice. My clit isn't ultra sensitive, but I usually stroke the sides or ridge above (many times in circles to get the sides and ridge) during masturbation, and show my partner similar techniques.

When you masturbate, do you try avoiding your clit, touching other areas, using a variety of techniques, and maybe trying to get as close as possible without triggering the uncomfortable sensations? I think finding out what does work for you through masturbation is the key to enjoying sex alone and with a partner, period, so I'd suggest reading up, getting some good lube, relaxing with a bath or something, reading some stories, and exploring frequently.

As for sex, how about oral with gentle licking around your clit, and perhaps over the hood?

 

[EsteemBuilder]

I agree with what's already posted in here. It sounds like direct stimulation is a bit too intense for you the way you're presently doing it and so it's making it not feel good.

Lube is definitely going to help since you want to avoid friction...which is always a good idea. And don't press right on it of course...the only time you can do that is when you feel it throbbing or when your clitoris is erect and looking forward to some direct contact.

An excellent place to be stimulating until that point is...well...let's pretend you're touching yourself so you can visualize this better since a written description doesn't quite do it justice. This can either be solo or during sex, in fact clitoral stimulation during some wild pumping is mind-blowingly good.

Now reaching down to right at your mound, you'd press your fingers lightly about an inch or so from your actual bud. Some women prefer to rub/grind side to side but I've found circles large or small work wonders for a woman. What you're doing is stimulating the clitoris from it's base. If this were a cock it's like playing close to the balls down at the base of the shaft...it's still stimulating and arousing without being too intense.

Another type of movement is to reach down and spread your first two fingers into a V-shape so that they're splayed just outside your vaginal lips and then stroke your whole hand in slightly-gripping motions as though massaging your outer lips or so that you stroke all the way up like that. Now press your lips together with as much pressure as feels good so that you're sandwiching your clit between your lips & fingers. Maybe rub your fingers back & forth which will make your lips move around in a slippery fashion over your clit. This technique if properly lubed should really get you going.

At worst, it will get you so worked up that you'll be looking forward to lubed direct stimulation but your clitoris will be swollen enough to enjoy the contact. But I think that a little experimenting will work wonders.

Of course there's also things you can ask your lover to do as well.

Hope I've pointed you in the right direction.

 

[hogjack]

At least you're not dealing with a shallow pussy.

Whatever the case, hope that some of the insight provided is useful.

 

[Eilan]

At least you're not dealing with a shallow pussy.

Amen.

 

[EsteemBuilder]

At least you're not dealing with a shallow pussy.

Whatever the case, hope that some of the insight provided is useful.

Yeah I never know quite how to handle that one properly. It has been that way with a couple of relationships so far and I know one of them was probably upset because I'd have to pause and ask her if she was okay.

Life definitely has a sense of humour.

 

[hogjack]

Amen.

This kind of rhetoric is not helping our cause.

We have a cause, right? I'm not sure we'll get a million people to march but if we advertise an X-Box 360 at half-price...maybe!

 

[Ms.Tootsie]

Hi Ms Tootsie,

Welcome to Lit. Well, you are most certainly not the only one. I see this is your first post and I don't know if you've been looking around on Lit already. There is lots of information to be found here. Check out the BLANK MANUAL, where all threads are catagorized. Still, you will get response here as well, I'm sure.

Can't say I'm exactly the same as you, but my clit is also very sensitive and direct stimulation does not feel pleasant 95% of the time. But I've learned how to (almost literally ) work around that problem. I think you will also find a lot of useful information on this site: http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm

You need to explore more I think and leave the idea that you need to touch your clit directly. For some it works, for others it doesn't. Every woman is different in how they like to be touched.

Thanks

I've been looking around a bit, but there is too much to read to get it all figured out at once. You have an awful amount of threads containing rules and guidelines, too much for a first-timer. Guess it'll come little by little.

Concerning the lube - well, isn't it the same as the natural lube? The moment my clit and the skin around it gets wet, I can't feel a damn thing, I feel even less than before. That's what so freaking weird - I feel either nothing or pain! When my natural lube arrrives, I might as well stop masturbating, it gets too slippery.

Saying this, I guess I forgot to mention in my first article, that I don't touch my clit directly. I already do touch on the sides - and mostly on the hood. I don't know what happens if I touch it directly, but I'm afraid I might scare the little thing, it's not like it's cooperating even as it is now!

 

[Norajane]

You can also try the shower attachment on your clit - you can adjust for pressure and move the stream around, but it's generally not going to be a 'direct hit' so to speak.

 

[M's girl]

Thanks

I've been looking around a bit, but there is too much to read to get it all figured out at once. You have an awful amount of threads containing rules and guidelines, too much for a first-timer. Guess it'll come little by little.

Rules and guidelines? Hmmmm, I think Lit's not that bad ... And the Blank Manual is simply a catagorized list of current and past threads on all the serious subjects. Don't let it scare you off, but see it as a wonderful resource of fine information you will not find anywhere else.... not like this....

How do they say that in English? It's all trial and error; the finding out how your body works? For some it all goes smoothly, others take a little longer to find out what works for them. As I told you I consider my clit to be quite sensitive too. And while lots of women (and men!) will tell you you probably need more lube, I will say: I don't. Because too much wetness there (with manual stimulation) does not work for ME. This just goes to show once again that everyone is different.

If you are being careful touching your clit already and sort of work your way around it, and it still hurts? I would advice you to maybe talk to your doctor? An uncomfortable feeling....? Okay, but hurt? Hmmm, I'm not sure.

Good luck to you and ask away. Never mind the blank manual if you feel you will be confused or don't know where to start. Just know it's there if you decide you want to look for more info without asking, OK?

Oh, and the BM (and Lit for that matter) are not mine. (Quote: You have an awful amount of threads containing rules and guidelines, too much for a first-timer.) If you were implying that. That would be too much credit where it does not belong! I'm just another member/poster or whatever; one with a few more posts than you at this point, but that's all...

 

[Ms.Tootsie]

Rules and guidelines? Hmmmm, I think Lit's not that bad ... And the Blank Manual is simply a catagorized list of current and past threads on all the serious subjects. Don't let it scare you off, but see it as a wonderful resource of fine information you will not find anywhere else.... not like this....

How do they say that in English? It's all trial and error; the finding out how your body works? For some it all goes smoothly, others take a little longer to find out what works for them. As I told you I consider my clit to be quite sensitive too. And while lots of women (and men!) will tell you you probably need more lube, I will say: I don't. Because too much wetness there (with manual stimulation) does not work for ME. This just goes to show once again that everyone is different.

If you are being careful touching your clit already and sort of work your way around it, and it still hurts? I would advice you to maybe talk to your doctor? An uncomfortable feeling....? Okay, but hurt? Hmmm, I'm not sure.

Good luck to you and ask away. Never mind the blank manual if you feel you will be confused or don't know where to start. Just know it's there if you decide you want to look for more info without asking, OK?

Oh, and the BM (and Lit for that matter) are not mine. (Quote: You have an awful amount of threads containing rules and guidelines, too much for a first-timer.) If you were implying that. That would be too much credit where it does not belong! I'm just another member/poster or whatever; one with a few more posts than you at this point, but that's all...

Ha ha

No, I meant "you" like "users of Lit". Boards are somewhat of a society, so that's what the "you" was for.
It always takes time to get the norms straight when you're (I'm) in a new place. If you visit regularly (not you, but, "you" or "I" ) acutally fail to see, how confusing it is, because the changes and everything develope step by step and seems natural.

Well.

It's not like my clit hurts all the time. I remember one time when my then current boyfriend did something with his finger in that area, it suddenly felt right! Like really right! Like it actually DID something, and wasn't just "nice". I acutally felt my body react instantly to his touch. But it ended in a few seconds, and we couldn't get it back afterwards. Typical.

The best stimulation comes when some guy "bumps" with his groin on my butt from behind while I'm on my hands and knees. But it still feels, although nice, too indirect to get me high.

Under oralsex I don't feel anything. I keep saying "Be more gentle!" and then i can't feel anything. Sigh.

It just gets so boring to lie and try to masturbate - or have sex - when I don't react at all... I lose concentration.

 

[M's girl]

It's not like my clit hurts all the time. I remember one time when my then current boyfriend did something with his finger in that area, it suddenly felt right! Like really right! Like it actually DID something, and wasn't just "nice". I acutally felt my body react instantly to his touch. But it ended in a few seconds, and we couldn't get it back afterwards. Typical.

I know what you mean. I'm like that too. The difference between you and me is that I know exactly how to get myself off. So no problem there. But it's hard to explain to someone else because it's not just a trick or so you can learn. What I have found, though, is that the not-touching in between touches is very erotic to me. It's the anticipation or something. Also, if the feeling was right it sort of lingers and a too sudden new touch would spoil the nice feeling or even break it down to the point where my clit would become too sensitive. I'm not even sure if I worded it right here, but I think you sort of know what I mean. Maybe you can try to work with this suggestion?

 

[bmw1080]

Try using lube - ky oil is great and indirect stimulation. If you are with a guy, just tell him outright, treat my clit gently. rather that than the strumming that a lot of guys get into and treating a clit like their penis.

Gentle stimulation up the length of your clit should work.

have an enjoyable time!

 

[Ms.Tootsie]

I know what you mean. I'm like that too. The difference between you and me is that I know exactly how to get myself off. So no problem there. But it's hard to explain to someone else because it's not just a trick or so you can learn. What I have found, though, is that the not-touching in between touches is very erotic to me. It's the anticipation or something. Also, if the feeling was right it sort of lingers and a too sudden new touch would spoil the nice feeling or even break it down to the point where my clit would become too sensitive. I'm not even sure if I worded it right here, but I think you sort of know what I mean. Maybe you can try to work with this suggestion?

I'm not sure i understand..

It lingers?

Im actually thinking that I should try being really gentle, and then cease to touch if it's even close to hurting... In a way, I think that the amount of time Ive spent being to harsh on that part of my body has resulted in it being uncomfortable with touches. So i dont have that "aaar "-feeling when i start, im more afraid it might hurt.

 

[ultimate_cin]

I don't have any problems with my clit being too sensitive when I masturbate - I mostly rub along the sides and that does the job just fine for me...I can have multiple orgasms that way with no problem. But when my boyfriend's fingers wander down below, he tends to touch my clit directly and I can't stand it...it actually hurts. Same thing when he's giving me oral...if he directly sucks on my clit, it hurts and I have to ask him to either be more gentle or to stop doing that altogether and go back to the flicks of the tongue. He's told me that we'll have to figure something out to make my clit less sensitive....and I'm wondering is that possible?

Also...as I said above, when I masturbate, I can come multiple times without any problems....but when my boyfriend is stimulating me, either with his fingers, his tongue, or the vibrator, sometimes I have problems coming again after my initial big orgasm. Is this something that has happened to all of you, or is this something I need to try to work on?

 

[M's girl]

But when my boyfriend's fingers wander down below, he tends to touch my clit directly and I can't stand it...it actually hurts. Same thing when he's giving me oral...if he directly sucks on my clit, it hurts and I have to ask him to either be more gentle or to stop doing that altogether and go back to the flicks of the tongue. He's told me that we'll have to figure something out to make my clit less sensitive....and I'm wondering is that possible?

Maybe he needs to find out what works for you?

Men sometimes seem to forget it's women they are making love to. We are built different; it simply all works differently for us. I have found that there are a lot (!!!!) of men who don't have a clue about this!

What you decribe is true for A LOT of women. Do you think they all need to practice somehow in making their clit less sensible... or could it be that most men simple need to be more in tune with the women they want to make love to and finally admit their manual and oral techniques lack skill...?

 

[M's girl]

I'm not sure i understand..

It lingers?

Im actually thinking that I should try being really gentle, and then cease to touch if it's even close to hurting... In a way, I think that the amount of time Ive spent being to harsh on that part of my body has resulted in it being uncomfortable with touches. So i dont have that "aaar "-feeling when i start, im more afraid it might hurt.

Yes, it lingers..... the feeling, the sensation does. When I touch my clit, or M touches it, the sensation stays for a while. It even feels better when he (or I) removes his fingers, mouth or tongue, rather than a constant stimulation. Of course he has to return but a few seconds can be quite exciting. The anticipation of the next touch and the lingering feeling of the previous one; his warm breath... knowing I will feel his lips or tongue again shortly after. Mmmm.... Of course towards the end, when I'm starting to reach orgasm the stimulation needs to be more uptempo and direct and steady. But if he would start out that way, the sensation is too direct and this spoils everything.

Hope this is somewhat clearer...?

 

[Ms.Tootsie]

Yes, it lingers..... the feeling, the sensation does. When I touch my clit, or M touches it, the sensation stays for a while. It even feels better when he (or I) removes his fingers, mouth or tongue, rather than a constant stimulation. Of course he has to return but a few seconds can be quite exciting. The anticipation of the next touch and the lingering feeling of the previous one; his warm breath... knowing I will feel his lips or tongue again shortly after. Mmmm.... Of course towards the end, when I'm starting to reach orgasm the stimulation needs to be more uptempo and direct and steady. But if he would start out that way, the sensation is too direct and this spoils everything.

Hope this is somewhat clearer...?

I see.

I'm acutally not that much into sex at the time.

Perhaps I have the most sensitive clitoris in the world and therefore have no chance at all at ever reaching orgasm, because I don't respond to oral sex nor stimulation by hand.

Last night I tried to touch myself really gentle - but it still wasn't nice. I can barely touch at all before it feels unpleasant.

I haven't ever had a good relationship to myself or my body, and perhaps that plays a role in this too. But I guess my only chance for ever feeling satisfied is hoping, that I'll feel more self-assured as I get older and the can orgasm without my clit being touched.

Sigh

 

[Elenia26]

I am in the same boat. I have to recommend Hitachi's Magic Wand, if only because it made all the difference for me.

Before I got that, some years ago, I could count the number of genuine orgasms I had on one hand. Now, I can almost always come with it, and have even broken the ice, so to speak, and sometimes come from other stimulation too.

I still can't masturbate myself to orgasm with my fingers and have accepted that it may never happen. It could be worse and I'm grateful that I have what I have, right?

 

[Ms.Tootsie]

I am in the same boat. I have to recommend Hitachi's Magic Wand, if only because it made all the difference for me.

Before I got that, some years ago, I could count the number of genuine orgasms I had on one hand. Now, I can almost always come with it, and have even broken the ice, so to speak, and sometimes come from other stimulation too.

I still can't masturbate myself to orgasm with my fingers and have accepted that it may never happen. It could be worse and I'm grateful that I have what I have, right?

So you use that toy-thing instead? I thought a toy might hurt even more. I really can't figure out HOW and WHERE to touch to make it feel nice, so I wouldn't know where to place a toy either.

You don't use direct stimulation perhaps? If the stimulation moves too far away, I can't feel anything anyway, as it is the clitoris that has to be stimulated (I guess). I have to find some way to get it to work for me.

 

[Norajane]

So you use that toy-thing instead? I thought a toy might hurt even more. I really can't figure out HOW and WHERE to touch to make it feel nice, so I wouldn't know where to place a toy either.

You don't use direct stimulation perhaps? If the stimulation moves too far away, I can't feel anything anyway, as it is the clitoris that has to be stimulated (I guess). I have to find some way to get it to work for me.

At first when she said Magic Wand, I cringed, because the Wand has two settings - earth-shattering, and nuclear apocalypse. However, I can see how it might actually help you quite a bit. It's an honest-to-goodness massager, meaning it has a tennis ball sized head to it, and the strong vibrations work really well on muscles.

With your sensitive situation, you would not want to put this on your clit. But the beauty of the Wand is that you don't have to. Because of the rounded, large shape of the head, you can place it over you lips and the vibrations will reach your clit, but they will be softened by your body. You can also place a towel or something between you and the vibe. I've used it over jeans!

Check out Betty Dodson's website - there's a ton of articles and questions and information on masturbation and how to finally get to orgasm:

http://www.bettydodson.com/vibhowtouse.htm