How to say were going to fast?

[theoneadd2]

How to say where going to fast?

Hi, the holidays are here it’s that time of year where you have to see relatives that you spent the whole year doing your best to avoid like the plague. This is not the case for my boyfriend his sister is the world to him they E-mail each other everyday and talk on the phone every Sunday for hours. She lives in Georgia he lives in New Jersey so you know what his phone bill looks like. After he came out to his family they cut him out of their lives except for his sister. (He has two brothers and his mother is still alive) To make a long story short he was married at seventeen his wife past when he was thirty. A year or so after her death he met a man that help him get over his pain (his words not mine) they were together for a few months. After it ended he continued to see men he is now forty-three to my twenty-three. We’ve been together for a year and six months now and he would like me to meet his sister and her husband he has told her all about me and she has told him to get my ass down there so that we can meet. See this is the first relationship that I’ve been in that lasted longer than two months and I love him more than I thought I could love a man that was not blood to me. (Here it comes) But I don’t know if I’m ready to meet her it fills like a big step to me. I mean what will be next him asking me to move in with him or something like that. I moved out of my parent’s house when I was nineteen because I needed my own space. (I have four brothers and one sister) I enjoy paying my rent on time and all my other bills it makes me fill good about myself. If he and I were to move in together all that would change I would be living in his house. The way things are now is great where together four days out of the week Thursday and Friday at my apartment and Saturday and Sunday at his places. I’ll just get to the point here I fill that if I meet his sister and she likes me it going to open up the relationship floodgates so to speak. Am scared that if this happens and he asks me to move in with him and I say no that he’ll think that he and I are to far apart in this aspect of our lives. And this will drive us apart? I don’t know if I should tell him how I fill or wait and see were he goes with this. Or am I just blowing this way out of proportion?

 

[SweetErika]

I think you should tell him how you feel... that this seems like a big step to you. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but meeting a family member after a year and a half doesn't seem unreasonable. I'm reading this as he loves you and is proud to share your life together with people who are important to him.

Yes, it's a big step, but I don't think it necessarily means he's going to ask you to move in with him. If he does, you can always make the decision not to. Love isn't about rushing or pressure, so I'm sure he would understand if you told him how you felt and that you need more time to explore yourself and make that kind of decision.

So tell him how you feel about meeting his family, and then maybe give it a shot, knowing it doesn't mean living together is mandatory in the future. If your relationship is strong, you'll work through your fears and make big decisions together.

Good luck to you!

 

[dollface007]

I agree with Erika...tell him how you feel. Your fears of losing your much-deserved independence are valid. He is much older than you, probably much more settled in his life, and I get the feeling that the power-differential in your relationship may be a little out of whack. It's nothing that can't be dealt with, though.

Meeting the sister is up to you, but you should know that if you really cannot bring yourself to go through with it, you should really reconsider why you are in a relationship with this man. You've been dating for long enough to meet his family, and it just doesn't seem like an unreasonable request to me.

I have lots of siblings too (i feel for ya!) and we've all brought boyfriends and girlfriends home to meet the family around holidays. I've always been able to tell the ones that really don't want to be there and really don't have a desire to be a part of the family in any way (including guys that I've brought home). They're ultimately the ones that don't stick around.

 

[theoneadd2]

Thanks for your input SweetErika and dollface007. It's not that I don't want to meet her it just that he's making a big deal out of it. I'll talk to him about this I just need to find the words.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for your input SweetErika and dollface007. It's not that I don't want to meet her it just that he's making a big deal out of it. I'll talk to him about this I just need to find the words.

You're welcome. I can imagine it IS a HUGE deal to him...he's been shunned by all but one of his family members. Just relax and take it one step at a time.

 

[smoothdevil]

Trying to be too nice can be deadly at times ... the 20 year gap is a challenge at best ...

I don't see any problem with meeting any of his relatives unless that meeting is tied to some other stipulations ... it should be treated as meeting his family and fillng in some knowledge of him ...

As it appears that your independance is crutial to your well being, he should respect that, but still it should not be held against him if he asks to change that status. If he does, and you say no and he doesn't accept, then I would consider moving on if the independance issue is still your priority.

ahhh ... human beings ... computers are a piece of cake compared to the intricacies of the human mind ... lol

 

[theoneadd2]

Thanks

Hi, I thought you all would like to know how things went. I told him how a feel about going to meet his sisters. Then I told him that I like things the way they are between us that I didn’t want meeting his sister to become anything more than what it is. He then told me that he had no plans on asking me to move in but is something that he would like. But that he knows how much I like living alone for the must part were together four days out of the week. He also said that he just wanted me to meet his sister because he’s met my family and thought it was the right thing to do. So all is good in relationship village. I would just like to thank you guys for your help.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Where going to fast...??


Is that good??



Ravin

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Thanks

Hi, I thought you all would like to know how things went. I told him how a feel about going to meet his sisters. Then I told him that I like things the way they are between us that I didn’t want meeting his sister to become anything more than what it is. He then told me that he had no plans on asking me to move in but is something that he would like. But that he knows how much I like living alone for the must part were together four days out of the week. He also said that he just wanted me to meet his sister because he’s met my family and thought it was the right thing to do. So all is good in relationship village. I would just like to thank you guys for your help.

Great news! Thanks for the update, and have fun on your trip!