How to turn things in the right direction... (Rant)

[Guest]

Thanks for all your opinions, I sat down and wrote out excatly what's on my mind and am keeping the note put away for a couple of days.

After reading through it, I'm even wondering if it's worth the hassle.

BTW the things that would make sense to include a girl you're seeing are things that most people include their mates in, like, shit I don't know, family gatherings, where other friends are invited... things like that. Granted, he knows I wouldn't go to a lot of the things anyway, because I work all the fucking time, but it would be nice to be included.

Is the "note" for him? I would NOT write him a note. I would just get on with my life.

-X-

 

[lilpriss]

too late for that xcitra, already written and delivered. Besides I can write how I feel alot better than talking about it, because I keep my thoughts more organized and don't get upset.

Besides, at this point if I don't see or hear from him again, it doesn't really make that big of a difference, in a sense he knows what's pushed me away and i wasn't too hateful.

 

[Richard49]

Would a guy please tell me what the deal is with this?

1) I have the same problem with women doing this to me

2) seems like women prefer men like the one you described over a nice guy

 

[lilpriss]

See, richard, they start off nice and turn... it's just wrong. Something I have to add to my required list is this, he msut be emotionally available.

 

[Richard49]

See, richard, they start off nice and turn... it's just wrong. Something I have to add to my required list is this, he msut be emotionally available.

and?

 

[Guest]

too late for that xcitra, already written and delivered. Besides I can write how I feel alot better than talking about it, because I keep my thoughts more organized and don't get upset.

Besides, at this point if I don't see or hear from him again, it doesn't really make that big of a difference, in a sense he knows what's pushed me away and i wasn't too hateful.

Ok. It just seemed like YOU were doing all the work and worry and that no amount of anything had worked up till that point and no reason for you to go further out on a limb.

But good luck to you. Hang in there - whatever happens, I'm sure you'll be just fine!

-X-

 

[lilpriss]

Richard,

And? what? I was agreeing with you. However, my point is this these guys who are jerks, they come off all sweet at first, and then change I for one am not looking for a jerk... so nice guys don't finish last.

 

[Richard49]

Richard,

And? what? I was agreeing with you. However, my point is this these guys who are jerks, they come off all sweet at first, and then change I for one am not looking for a jerk... so nice guys don't finish last.

I hope you can successful make the change in what you are looking for and are willing to accept

Most people, men and women, do not.

I have given up on ever finding what I have come to call
"The White Picket Fence" relationship

 

[lilpriss]

And I have given up settling for less than what I want...

If it's a picket fence relationship, so I'll wait.

 

[Spenser41]

You also could be dealing with a person with lot of baggage in this life. True he could be a jerk and have another woman on the side or just using you for sex. Some men because of past issues and problems just can not get close to people. They do not let go of the past. Same thing with some women. This is why it is really a good idea to not jump into a heavy relationship until you have know the person for a long time. Too many jump into the sexual area too soon without all the other issues being dealt with. I am not saying this is what is the problem, but COULD be the problem.
I have learned from this that it is best to go SLOW. Really slow.
Hope things work out for you.

 

[lilpriss]

Well you have hit a point, there are past issues with him. And I have a feeling lack of experience with relationships except the crappy one.

 

[RoughPlay]

Hi Lilpriss,

Did he ever get back to you after you got some rest ?

What do think is the best way for you to find a suitable man
who wants a white picket fence relationship with you ?

Is there anything you think you can do to sort out the genuinely
nice guys from the jerks and guys with past issues at a very early
stage ?

In addition to "must be emotionally available" what else do you have
on your list ?

 

[Richard49]

Bagage

We all bring bagage to a relationship
The question is
"is it an over night bag or does it take American Van Lines?"

 

[lilpriss]

Hi RP,

Yes he did, and he acted as if everything was all fine. No apology for not calling/being wishy washy.. inconsiderate etc... Not sure what to think of it, to be honest.

As for finding the suitable man, I believe that when the time is right it will happen. At this point, I'm working on myself... may be selfish, but no one else is taking care of me... so, if I don't do it all will go to hell in a handbasket.

Sorting the nice from the evil and early on... well that is a tough one, because everyone is on good behavior at first. Although there can be a few telltale signs, such as how he treats others, how sensitive he is to what I need/want, and another is how children react to him... and him to them. I don't have kids, but you can tell a lot from a person by how they interact with kids.

Now the list... well he has to be interesting and interested. Kind, patient, steady, creative, intelligent, funny, and open minded.I also want someone with similar values and strong faith. And I'd like someone who's a little taller. I haven't got any preconcieved ideas of looks, because those fade over time anyhow... unless you're Sean Connery. However, I don't want someone who looks like he sleeps in the gutter with a gnome for a mother and a hobbit for a dad.
I may wait for a long time.

 

[RoughPlay]

Hi Lilpriss,

> Not sure what to think of it, to be honest.

I believe this is a tactic that quite a few men use. Just ignore
all the woman's concerns and carry on as if nothing has happened.
I believe quite a few women give in to this tactic and doubt
themselves rather than the man, particularly women with low self
esteem.

I normally argue the men's case in these threads and think men should
be forgiven up to a point but this guy is just taking the piss. I think
you should dump him.

Did he respond positively to anything in your note ?

Have you dumped him ?

Working on yourself is always a good idea but a degree of looking might
help too. Have you ever looked at :-
http://personals.yahoo.com
http://love.msn.com/personals

I think your ways of judging character early on all sound good.
Something else I would do is ask direct questions from early on
about what sort of relationship they want. How much time and
commitment they want and how much they are willing to give.
Say what you want out of a relationship and ask them what they
think about it. Etc, etc. Don't assume anything always ask directly.

True they may lie but their responses may still reveal their true
character and desires sooner rather than later. I couldn't ask such
questions face to face but I could with emails. Its so easy to be open
and honest in emails.

I think your list sounds reasonable but is fairly demanding.

Hey, what do you have against my parents.

 

[lilpriss]

RP,

He didn't respond to the note at all except to say he's read it.

And you can not dump what you do not have.

I have actually posted a personal ad in the past on yahoo. It's pretty effective. I've met a few people from that. I was actually thinking about placing another... just to get the dating stirred back up.

You are right about writing back and forth to someone, it's really effective. You can get more information that way, and I express myself a whole lot better on paper.

In fact I may go and post an ad right now!

 

[BrownEyes26]

Re: Bagage

We all bring bagage to a relationship
The question is
"is it an over night bag or does it take American Van Lines?"

LOL Good question

 

[RoughPlay]

Lilpriss,

> He didn't respond to the note at all except to say he's read it.
This guy is unbelievable.

> And you can not dump what you do not have.
Okay, have you permanently stopped providing him 'benefits' ?

> In fact I may go and post an ad right now
I think you should. Doing something positive like this would definitely
raise my spirits and give me something to look forward to.

 

[Nicole]

One small piece of advice ... it's up to you if you'd like to use it or not.

Stop looking for Mr. Right, Look for Mr. Right now.

Your not being selfish in taking time just for you, but don't always look at the guy you're with as being Mr. Right, just enjoy while you've got him.

The guy you were with is just a prick, loose him now before he becomes more than baggage, no more notes, tell him to his face not to bother coming back or calling because he isn't worth your time.

Good Luck.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[RoughPlay]

Hello PinkOrchid

If you did find Mr. Right for a serious, committed relationship
would you end what you have with your combination of friends or would
you want to retain them in addition to Mr. Right ?

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[RoughPlay]

Good question.

Good answer.

 

[lilpriss]

Mr Right now, I like the sounds of that.

or maybe I should start doing what seems to be typical for this area and just become an opportunistic bitch, only out for what he (whoever he may be) can do for me. They seeem to have an influx of masochistic men surrounding them.