Humiliation?

[Brutal_One]

As a Dom I am not sure I ‘get’ humiliation but from a sub’s point of view if the sub’s need is to feel humiliated maybe in trying to understand the need and meet is is warranted.

But for what I might want to explore with a sub, humiliating her wouldn’t be part of it, ever.

How does this help a sub grow or learn anything.

As a Dom why would I think that using humiliation advances the relationship in any way for either (again maybe unless that’s what the sub wants but that would be worth exploring anyway).

Personally I don’t see a place for it in the D/s space. Even if I consider the S&M side.

It’s like the old joke.

The masochist says to the sadist ‘hurt me’. The sadist replies ‘no’.

Brutal One

 

[seela]

^Not everything has to be a teachable moment or serve some greater purpose. Even within a D/a dynamic it's completely fine to do things just because it's really, really sexy. No other reasons needed. Not to mention that not all D/s dynamics are about nurturing and such.

Humiliation gets my panties real wet and that's the reason why I engage in humiliation play. It might not be an instant gratification kind of play for me, but in the long run it ends up in the plus column more often than not.

 

[phil1955]

I have nothing to add here really but I would like to say that I appreciate all of the people who share information here. A month ago, I would have said BDSM was all about whips and chains. I have come to realize that it is much more and every activity covers a wide spectrum from mild to harsh depending on the participants. My first reaction to humiliation was no way. As I read, I see that what might be humiliating to some is simply fun in the right circumstances, Perhaps even an old dog can learn some new tricks.

 

[Brutal_One]

^Not everything has to be a teachable moment or serve some greater purpose. Even within a D/a dynamic it's completely fine to do things just because it's really, really sexy. No other reasons needed. Not to mention that not all D/s dynamics are about nurturing and such.

Humiliation gets my panties real wet and that's the reason why I engage in humiliation play. It might not be an instant gratification kind of play for me, but in the long run it ends up in the plus column more often than not.

What the sub wants the sub gets - not quite but thanks for the eloquent explanation. One interesting takeaway is that if humiliation is part of a subs need then it could be a reward, give and take so yes I can see buying into that. But where I have experience in live role play (online scenes in chats) if she was a collared slave of mine and we were public sceneing unless it was prearranged I would not want another Dom humiliating her - just because. If the scene however was public with non collared sub - i.e. slave if she wanted humiliation there would probably be others that would oblige.

I have at least one example from memory where I was in that position. She was a collared sub, just not mine. A notable Dom entered and proceeded to take liberties with her. I was far from happy about it. Her Dom would have been furious. I said my piece and it was known that I was close to this sub.

Despite me trying to intervene what was strange in a way is that other subs told me I should have put a stop to it. They were right! But decorum in these rooms means I didn’t want to come across as who the hell is he. The Dom I had words with. In general a decent Dom but maybe as I was in the room he was making a show. For sure understanding the dynamics is pretty damn important.

 

[AnnieLit]

What the sub wants the sub gets - not quite but thanks for the eloquent explanation. One interesting takeaway is that if humiliation is part of a subs need then it could be a reward, give and take so yes I can see buying into that. But where I have experience in live role play (online scenes in chats) if she was a collared slave of mine and we were public sceneing unless it was prearranged I would not want another Dom humiliating her - just because. If the scene however was public with non collared sub - i.e. slave if she wanted humiliation there would probably be others that would oblige.

I have at least one example from memory where I was in that position. She was a collared sub, just not mine. A notable Dom entered and proceeded to take liberties with her. I was far from happy about it. Her Dom would have been furious. I said my piece and it was known that I was close to this sub.

Despite me trying to intervene what was strange in a way is that other subs told me I should have put a stop to it. They were right! But decorum in these rooms means I didn’t want to come across as who the hell is he. The Dom I had words with. In general a decent Dom but maybe as I was in the room he was making a show. For sure understanding the dynamics is pretty damn important.

Just curious -- how does public humiliation in an online chat room works? What is so public about it, if everybody is sitting at home?

 

[seela]

What the sub wants the sub gets - not quite but thanks for the eloquent explanation. One interesting takeaway is that if humiliation is part of a subs need then it could be a reward, give and take so yes I can see buying into that. But where I have experience in live role play (online scenes in chats) if she was a collared slave of mine and we were public sceneing unless it was prearranged I would not want another Dom humiliating her - just because. If the scene however was public with non collared sub - i.e. slave if she wanted humiliation there would probably be others that would oblige.

I have at least one example from memory where I was in that position. She was a collared sub, just not mine. A notable Dom entered and proceeded to take liberties with her. I was far from happy about it. Her Dom would have been furious. I said my piece and it was known that I was close to this sub.

Despite me trying to intervene what was strange in a way is that other subs told me I should have put a stop to it. They were right! But decorum in these rooms means I didn’t want to come across as who the hell is he. The Dom I had words with. In general a decent Dom but maybe as I was in the room he was making a show. For sure understanding the dynamics is pretty damn important.

You don't have to do humiliation in public for it to still be plenty humiliating. And you don't have to have other people involved in the scene.

And re: you putting a stop to the Dom harassing the sub. There probably was an ignore function and/or a moderator there. The sub could have simply put the Dom on ignore - problem solved a lot faster and easier than whining to you afterwards about how you should have stepped in.

But I don't know. I have zero experience in the online world, maybe the rules of conduct aren't so simple there.

 

[Brutal_One]

Just curious -- how does public humiliation in an online chat room works? What is so public about it, if everybody is sitting at home?

Any number at home can all be signed into the same room where the scene is played versus private scenes in pm.

 

[Brutal_One]

You don't have to do humiliation in public for it to still be plenty humiliating. And you don't have to have other people involved in the scene.

And re: you putting a stop to the Dom harassing the sub. There probably was an ignore function and/or a moderator there. The sub could have simply put the Dom on ignore - problem solved a lot faster and easier than whining to you afterwards about how you should have stepped in.

But I don't know. I have zero experience in the online world, maybe the rules of conduct aren't so simple there.

Yes very - the sub would never put a Dom on ignore. The community of sisters (all subs in other words) act for collective castigation. Which happened in that case. As in r/l you have a reputation and even more so these days online your rep can be shattered in moments.

By far and away the most strict are the Goreans. I love the books but could never as a Dom adhere to such a strict system of rules. If you’re an AD&D fan it’s Lawful Neutral in spades!

 

[AnnieLit]

Any number at home can all be signed into the same room where the scene is played versus private scenes in pm.

I was not asking about the technucal side.

Humiliation or harassment from a random Dom? Unlike in real life, there is an "x" button in the top right corner. Either she chose to role play her humiliation, or she did not, nobody can possibly make her role play something she does not like. In RL with her actual Dom she would not have any choice but to stay. Online? Just disconnect if you don't like it there.

 

[Ropebunny]

I was not asking about the technucal side.

Humiliation or harassment from a random Dom? Unlike in real life, there is an "x" button in the top right corner. Either she chose to role play her humiliation, or she did not, nobody can possibly make her role play something she does not like. In RL with her actual Dom she would not have any choice but to stay. Online? Just disconnect if you don't like it there.

I have to agree with this. And if someone, due to their past experiences isn’t capable of using their agency to remove themselves from an online situation this should be a real life wake up call that they need urgent work on developing boundaries. This isn’t even about humiliation, BDSM or submissiveness - feeling powerless to challenge a situation where consent wasn’t given to play violates SSC and can’t be called ‘play’.

Random shit like this is what gives me the squicks about attempting to join any rl BDSM community...

 

[humiliatemepiggy]

Admitting I am a humiliation slut

When someone is humiliating me, my heart starts beating fast, my adrenaline kicks in and I get rock hard, I have giant orgasms from being humiliated

 

[AnnieLit]

I’ve been pretending to be a women. A fat pig slut of a women, to get humiliated and used. I need to admit this. Sorry to those I mislead. I am still craving humiliation

Not my scene at all, but I would think that if you were getting off on being humiliated as a pretend woman, you might be better off doing the same as an actual man. There are enough bi and bi-curious guys here, look up their personal ads and try talking to them. Most of them are submissives, but you might find one or two dominant ones. If one of them sends you to a store to buy pink panties in your size, it would probably be much more exiting than being talked down as somebody you are not.

 

[ThePhun1]

Doesn't seem to be very popular, that makes me feel like I'm odd for liking it.

Hey we are all just a little different that is what makes us human you dirty little slut if it excites you than go with it I know I enjoy being called her precious dirty slut and being told to do things for her amusement do not feel odd

 

[ChiefH]

My Punishment

My Mistress/Wife uses humiliation as my punishment, and She will do it when around friends or Her family! She doesn't believe in harsh physical punishment as She had an abusive father! That doesn't stop her from an open hand slap on the ass, or couple flicks of her fingers on my balls!

 

[eroticspank]

I really feel the main part of humiliation is getting into someone's head. So in my mind, it is the most powerful when it is between people that care for each other and have a strong connection emotionally. Then you take a taboo subject that your partner is interested in, tease him about it and you get a flushed face, goosebumps, and a humiliation reaction.

I had a gf that would give me a pair of her worn panties to wear. I would put them on and get an instant erection. She loved how her underwear turned me on. IF she teased me about it I react with embarrassment and humiliation. I would try not to react, in my mind I knew I was just turned on because of the silk material, she wore them, but she would tease me about wearing them out, wanting to put on more, wearing stockings too, etc. I would react and could not help it. BUT if it was a woman I did not know or did not respect, the words would mean nothing.

ES

 

[lisaharlot]

Such an interesting topic! First I love humiliation play from the right person. If you message me with humiliating or degrading words after reading this you’re not the right person.

As I here’s the thing, when I get called names but that special someone, or exposed, confess things, or do semi-public nudity or submissive acts, I do feel humiliated, I just feel really close to person doing it. It’s really hard to explain.

 

[Goldenfinger]

If it gets you off is it really humiliating? This is something I’ve thought about. I’m in a FLR and in our sex life we do thing some might think is humiliating but it’s just our sex life. I think if you enjoy it some confuse embarrassing with humiliating.

 

[eroticspank]

If it gets you off is it really humiliating? This is something I’ve thought about. I’m in a FLR and in our sex life we do thing some might think is humiliating but it’s just our sex life. I think if you enjoy it some confuse embarrassing with humiliating.

Sure it can be humiliating and get you off. In fact, having a humiliating orgasm can be very intense because of the emotional/physical reaction.

Still, I agree that one might confuse embarrassment with humiliation. They both involve physical reactions and emotional. I feel humiliation can be a step further than just embarrassment. I do know people in FLRs and other relationships that do things in the bedroom that could be seen as humiliation but as you said above, it is just part of their sex life.

I also think there are different levels of humiliation, just like there are different levels of pain. Some people think of pain as crushing a finger with a hammer. Some people think of humiliation in the worse case as well.

ES

 

[Wonderer67]

Had a humiliating morning. My wife dressed me up in a garter/stockings, panties and a skirt today. Took all my zoom meetings today that way wearing a button up shirt and a t shirt so no one would know what I was wearing below the screen.

Made me really turned on to feel the stockings and garter on my skin while I took a meeting with a leadership team and led another large cross functional meeting with another team. No one knew obviously but it was such a turn on to do something so taboo to me.

 

[lanceGibs]

If it gets you off is it really humiliating? This is something I’ve thought about. I’m in a FLR and in our sex life we do thing some might think is humiliating but it’s just our sex life. I think if you enjoy it some confuse embarrassing with humiliating.

Degradation and humilation are cousins
Both can be powerful turn ons in the hands of the right person
Subtle humiliation is the most affecting

 

[Goldenfinger]

Degradation and humilation are cousins
Both can be powerful turn ons in the hands of the right person
Subtle humiliation is the most affecting

I don’t think the pegging or the strap on sucking or her feeding me my cum or sounding is embarrassing or humiliating. But when she takes video of the before mentioned acts the possibility of the embarrassment or humiliation gets me off.

 

[lanceGibs]

I don’t think the pegging or the strap on sucking or her feeding me my cum or the sounding is embarrassing of humiliating. But when she takes video of the before mentioned acts the possibility of the embarrassment or humiliation gets me off.

To me that is neither embarrassing nor humilating,just an aspect of exhibitionalism.

 

[SissySalina]

I don’t think the pegging or the strap on sucking or her feeding me my cum or the sounding is embarrassing of humiliating. But when she takes video of the before mentioned acts the possibility of the embarrassment or humiliation gets me off.

If it is naturally you, how can it be humiliating or embarrassing?
So the thought of being seen by others makes it humiliating or embarrassing but doing it does not.
What if you were put in a display window?

 

[Goldenfinger]

If it is naturally you, how can it be humiliating or embarrassing?
So the thought of being seen by others makes it humiliating or embarrassing but doing it does not.
What if you were put in a display window?

What if you were put in a display window?

I wouldn’t be.

 

[eroticspank]

I think the point is what is humiliating to some is not at all to others. The same can be said for degradation and embarrassment. That is why I think it is so special because it is unique to each couple. It is about getting into someone's head--the old Jedi mind trick. Add that (mind play) kind of play to sex and it can be very powerful.

ES