Humor Me

[userid_unknown]

http://aloiram.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/laid.jpg?w=290

 

[userid_unknown]

http://image.funscrape.com/images/p/play_naked-13172.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

 

[Stillstiff]

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

You are so correct.

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

 

[Stillstiff]

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

From the mouth of babes.

 

[userid_unknown]

http://grillingwithrich.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Grilling-Hamburgers.jpg
Scared cows make the best burgers.

 

[dutchrain]

Jesus, Josef and Mary are catching up and while chatting they decide to take a family vacation down on earth for old times' sake.

"Lets go to Egypt," Jesus says.

"Nope, your mom and I saw all of that when we hid from Herodes!" Josef answers. "Lets go to Jerusalem."

"Jerusalem! Are you nuts? I don't have many good memories at my time there! How about Lourdes?"

"Oh yes please, lets go to Lourdes!" Mary almost dances on the cloud, "I've never been there!"

 

[userid_unknown]

http://lolsnaps.com/upload_pic/BrainsAreAwesome-88661.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

http://www.seochat.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/best-google-jokes-01a_zps758f504f.jpg

 

[jameslewis]

A priest is visiting the home of one of his members, an elderly lady. As she is preparing tea in the kitchen, the priest notices she has a glass of water on her organ, with a condom floating on the surface. To the best of his knowledge she had never been married, nor was she involved with anyone romantically. He tried to ignore it, and the questions going around in his mind, but when she returned with the tea he couldn’t stop himself from asking. “I noticed your glass on the organ, and I was curious about it. Why do you have it there?” “Oh” she said, “I found that on one of my morning walks. I’m not sure what it is but the label says: “Put on organ, keep wet, prevents disease”. So I brought it home, followed the directions, and you know – I haven’t been sick all winter.”

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

 

[Mockingjay]

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=57851767

LOL

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

A small boy was sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No, you had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later. "Da-aaaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later.... "Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

 

[userid_unknown]

A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash. As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again. Out of the corner of his eye the manager sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head with its leash. Shocked, the manager runs over and says "Mister is there a problem - is there anything I can help you with?" The blind man calmly replies "No thanks - I'm just looking around."

 

[userid_unknown]

Q. What killed Hitler?

A. He died of shock when he saw his gas bill

 

[lakesailer_mi]

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

Q - How are men are like bagpipes ?
A - You won't get anything unless you blow them first.

Q - What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom ?
A - A pick pocket snatches watches. A peeping Tom watches snatches.

 

[userid_unknown]

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/e1/a5/ef/e1a5ef66e545ef13da814843a827c88e.jpg

 

[Mockingjay]

http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j29/robitusson/348044.gif

 

[Mockingjay]

A dad tell his son "Stop masterbating! if you do it too long you will go blind."
The son replied "Dad, I'm over here."


Three people having sex is a threesome.
Two people doing it is called a twosome.
So why is "handsome" a compliment.


Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied men!
But behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man..!


Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!

 

[wombat9966]

Am 80 year old man goes to the doctor because of a strange discharge coming out of his penis.
Doc takes a look and asks him if he has had sex recently.
"Oh yes me and the missus tried that new Viagra a few days ago, it was wonderful."
"Well go home." the doc says "Your about to cum"

 

[userid_unknown]

http://www.jeremymorgan.com/funny/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/1102-funny-jokes-02.jpg

 

[wombat9966]

http://www.tumblr.com/reblog/59787470922/bcTRlxiq

 

[wombat9966]

http://wanna-joke.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/funny-gif-high-five-kid-wedding.gif